(WANG DAO)
I don't actually know what to make of my parents expressions when they summoned me in our estate home. Baba looked resigned to his fate while Father is looking convinced that he needs to talk to me except he is not sure he likes to talk to me.
That sort of thing. I know it's confusing but like my Baba, I think I will just resign myself to my fate.
They summoned me on the study room and adviced Hua to miss this one. Father said Hua doesn't need to witness them "talking" to me. Hua is more than glad to give us privacy.
"Are you going to blister his ears?"
"Wang Hua...that's...yes,"
Father gave up lying to Hua that fast.
Well, before the lecture began, Father made true of his threat to make me strip down to my underpants to inspect my body. And glare at me along the way as he surveyed the healed wounds, and some scarring, on my body.
"Lie to me again about important things like this and I will see to it that you will never hold a sword again."
As threat goes...that's pretty scary so I made a promise not to lie about having a match with Baba again.
But I know that that was not the only issue as after getting my promise, Father still looked troubled.
"What is going on?" I asked my parents. I took this leave from my duty of guarding Crown Prince Han because my Baba requested it directly from the Emperor. Whatever they want to talk about must be more important than Father ordering me to strip so he can examine me, for them to pull me out of my duty.
My job, it's quite enjoyable than I first expected it. Prince Han is an engaging boy, full of life and with just enough curiosity to try studying for a couple of hours a day. The Crown Prince has a flock of tutor on his beck and call to help him with his studies while his physical training, he takes from me and Captain Ching.
He is quite studious if he wants to and focus is not that hard for Prince Han as well. All in all, he has a making of a decent ruler.
But I think that is not the issue for today.
My parents looked at each other and Baba nodded to Father. Father turned to me, "I...ah...just want to confirm what your Baba told me while we were travelling. He said you are no longer inexperienced..."
I frowned. "No longer inexperienced in what?"
Baba cleared his throat while Father squirmed a little at his chair. They are both clearly uncomfortable.
"In sexual context...? Did I say that right?" Father asked Baba immediately after letting those words loose. He is clearly regretting the term he used.
"I don't know," Baba said before eyeing me. "Dao ah, I told your father that you are no longer a virgin."
"Oh that..." I chuckled. "Is that all you want to talk about?"
Father frowned at me. "Is that all...? You think this is a small matter?"
I shrugged, "Yes. Why? Is this suppose to be a big thing?"
I had my first taste of "sexual context" as my Father lovingly put it last year. At fifteen, I felt it was time for me to learn some carnal knowledge. I've read about mating from explicitly detailed books that my friends and I usually smuggled inside the Lecture Halls, so I thought it's about time that I practiced what I studied from those erotic reading materials.
I asked my Baba to help me and my friends with introduction to Madam Dei, a woman of the world who owns a famous brothel close to the market place. The good madam taught us a lot and let us enjoy the company of her "girls" as she called them when in actuality, they are experienced courtesans paid to give pleasure to their customers.
I learned quite a lot that night. It is an "experience" indeed.
But I still don't see what all the fuss is about.
"Why didn't you tell me about it?" Father asked, in all serious tone. "Your Baba said that you promised him that you will inform me about that...experience you had."
I looked at my Baba. "Did I promise that?"
Baba glowered at me. "You did."
"Oh...then maybe I forgot. The thing with Hua and Prince Jin happened and I think I lost that promise along the way. I am truly sorry, Father. Baba..." I humbly apologized. My manners and words all proper and polite.
Father had a pained look on his face. "He is like that "boy", Captain. Annoying me to no end. Bringing me close to my death." He mumbled tiredly to Baba.
"Dayu ah," Baba touched Father's arm in a consoling fashion. "It will be alright." My sire added.
Father flinched like Baba whipped him. "What will be alright? That boy..." Father put both of his palms on his face.
I am finding his behavior strange. "What is going on? Who is "that boy" you are talking about?" I asked my parents.
"No one..." Baba replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"None of your concern," Father visibly took a deep calming breath. "Forget about that boy. Forget that we mentioned him..."
Well, that's not confusing at all. Forgetting "that boy" is easy because I don't know him in the first place. But I am now wondering who "that boy" is because my parents both looked rattled about him.
"Well, I am sorry if the promise I made to inform Father about my introduction to carnal experience has been lost. But I don't truly see why it will be such a big deal. Sex is not all that much, anyways." I said with a shrug. I really don't understand what's to be concern about it.
Both my parents looked at me intently. "You didn't find it enjoyable?" Father asked.
"I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot. I just don't see what the fuss is all about it. It's just sex..." I said.
Father turned sharply at Baba. "What have you done to our son?" He asked angrily to my sire.
Baba shook his head frantically. "I don't know. I just helped him that night. He came back looking well with a bit more knowledge in him. I don't know what is wrong with him..."
"He said it's just sex. No! It was never just sex!" Father adamantly said.
"Dayu ah..." Baba sighed.
Father gestured at me. "Why is he like that? Talking so casually about this? He is acting differently towards sex, different from us..."
"It's because you love each other," I chimed in to their serious discussion. I smiled at my parents who both turned their eyes on me. "You love each other, that's why sex has a deeper meaning to you both. I don't love the ladies I lay down with, Father."
Baba nodded, "Ah...you are right."
Father gave us confuse looks, "What are you two talking about?"
Baba gave Father a patient look, "Dayu ah, it's really different if you are having sex with people you have no feelings with at all."
"Except lust. Or desire because they look good," I added to what Baba said. Baba nodded at me. "You are right. You can desire someone even if you don't love them..."
Father eyed me intently. "So you are telling me that you don't love the women you had sex with? How many women have you had sexual intercourse with anyways?"
"Yes," I replied easy enough. "And a gentleman never share those kind of things, Father."
Father sighed and turned to Baba, "And you know this because...you experienced it too. Lying down with people you don't love."
Baba grew quiet for a moment, thinking of how to reply to that. I took a discreet one step away from my parents. In case my Baba answered that question incorrectly and things, well...go from bad to really bad for him.
Baba put his hands on Father's shoulder. "Dayu ah...you know that I was experienced in bed when we first made love. Right?"
"Oh...of course." Father nodded almost absentmindedly.
"Well...I got my experience by lying down with people that I don't specifically love. Not in the way I love you..." Baba made that clear.
"I see...of course..." Father nodded like it all finally made sense to him now. "And when you met me?"
"Well, you know I never made love to another person again after meeting you. Even with the twins' mother, it's not the same with how I touched or kissed you." Baba explained before wincing at me. "No offense to your mother, son. She was a wonderful woman but when we got to bed together, we know we are fulfilling duties instead of experiencing real passion."
I nodded, "None taken..." I won't feel offended to know that Baba never loved our mother. Not like how he loved Father. How can I feel offended for her when I know to myself that I love Father more than I love my mother.
Father sighed. "And so what? What will you do, Wang Dao? Sleep around and continue lying down in bed with people you don't love?"
Those questions surprised me. "What do you want me to do?"
Father looked at Baba first before answering. "Your sister is getting married...what about you?"
I frowned in confusion. "What about me?"
Father gave me tired look, "Dao ah, what is your plan for your future?"
Future? I shrugged. "Be a general like Baba. Take care of you when you both get old. Hua will live away from us with his Prince. Wang Estate will be mine and I know you both will retire here. So I plan to take care of both of you..." I feel proud with that plan.
But Baba and Father both shook their heads at me. "I don't need you to take care of me." Baba said in a grim tone.
"I feel the same. If and when your Baba and I get old...we don't want to burden you. Son...what about having family of your own? Getting married? You don't have any plan for that?" Father asked.
My frown deepened. "No...I don't think I have any plan on that..."
"Wang Dao," Baba turned deadly serious this time. "What are you doing? You are not planning anything for your future?"
"I have plans for my future. It's just getting married is not in my vision right now..." I said carefully. "Baba, Father...I am only sixteen." I reminded them of that fact gently.
My parents looked at each other.
Baba nodded. "You got a point. Dayu ah, our son is still young to think of shackling himself to another person. Maybe we should ask him again after ten more years?"
Father nodded, "I see. I understand that. But at least answer this...if you will plan to live with someone...it will be with a girl?"
I shrugged, "Yes. Sure. Maybe...I don't know..."
Baba winced at me when we both saw a stormy look appeared on my Father's eyes. "Dao...a clearer answer please."
I sighed. "I am not sure. Honestly, I don't know..."
"Why don't you know? Are you...also attracted to men?" Father asked then his eyes turned kind. "You can tell us, you know we won't judge you."
I know that. That's never a worry for me. I smiled. "I am not sure. Truly. I like having sex with the ladies but I am not closing any doors in the possibility of maybe also having a male lover. I am sure curious enough to try someday. Or maybe not. But like I said...I am not sure. I don't know what will happen in the future. Nobody does. Have you met someone who can see what will happen in the future? No, right?" I eyed my parents who suddenly gave me wide eyed looks.
"Yes!" Father almost shouted that. "No person like that exist! What?!"
"Absolutely!" Baba nodded in agreement. "That will be impossible. No one...can...okay..."
I smiled at the replies I got from my parents. "There, we don't know what will happen in the future. No one can see what will happen in the future. Planning is good but sometimes, we just have to let fate do its work. It works fine with the two of you, right? So I am not worrying. I am fine, Father...Baba. No need to worry about me."
Both my parents nodded even though there are doubts in their eyes.
I bowed to them. "If we are done here, I will go out to meet my friends. Speaking of having sex...I should take advantage of my free time tonight. Nice talking to you both." I gave my parents a playful wink and a salute before leaving the study room.
I'm not sure if that talk was constructive and helpful or if I managed to clear an issue for my parents but I think we all have things to think about.
For now...I am young and should enjoy my life.
........................
(DAYU)
Captain Wang and I both sighed tiredly when our son left the study room. Dao firmly closed the door when he got out.
My lover patted my shoulder, "It will be alright." He said even though there is uncertainty on his tone that I perfectly share with hin.
"He is doomed," I said. "Our son is doomed. He will not win against AhRan."
Just thinking of that sarcastic, prickly and defensive boy with a huge advantage of seeing the future against my son...Dao will stand no chance against AhRan.
"He will have a fight in his hand, that's for sure but...don't dismiss our son yet, Dayu ah." Captain Wang defended Dao.
We looked at each other. And both sighed again.
Our dumb son is doomed. The clueless boy.