Natalie
New Years Eve was today and felt like complete shit. The way that Christmas ended that night was tragic and all dirt got aired out in the snow. I could tell that Aubrey felt kinda stuck in the middle, didn't know whether to choose sides or not. It bugged me that we had her in that position, so I took a step back from talking to her.
I found myself on Instagram waiting for the subs being thrown my way but surprisingly noting has happened yet. I'm thinking that maybe Ronnie might take the high role from this situation but then again I'll be expecting to much. To be honest, this is the outcome I expected, I would've reacted the same way, I think. Unlike Julian, I wasn't quick to defend my actions because I don't think there's a right way to explain how trifling the whole thing sounds.
Wrapped in the covers, momma came into the room, closing the door behind her. She sat next to me on the bed, taking the remote to pause the tv. Turning towards me, she stuffed another pickle dill chip in her mouth, groaning in satisfaction. "You can't keep moping around here honey, it's New Years go out with your friends or something. Your brother already left so you can hangout with the coolest mom ever"
I laughed, playfully hitting her with a pillow. "All my close friendships are questionable at the moment and most of my teammates already have plans anyways"
"Why are they questionable" she asked leaning back into the bed. "It wasn't over something stupid right?"
"Your grown so you might think this whole ideal is pointless" I replied honestly, basically telling her to prepare for the bullshit in advance. Momma rolled her eyes, switching around to lay on her stomach. "I swear y'all act like parents haven't already experienced it or something similar, probably worst"
Sighing, I explained the whole truth from the beginning, the tutoring, to the spending time on the regular, my feelings towards it all. Momma sat there on the bed, speechless, slowly putting a chip in her mouth. She sat up a little, distraught. "I've always known that Ronnie girl had a few loose screws, that bitch is obsessed with him" she concluded. "Seriously though, yes you liking him was kinda messed up but it was intentional"
"Feelings are something you can't push away, you can avoid them but they eventually come back up. The situation is messy but shit happens, it sucks that you've might've lost a friendship but don't dwell on it to bad." I listened to her as she rubbed my back for comfort. "If that little bitch wanna fight just beat her ass, it's not your fault Julian was never into her"
"Ma" I whined.
She shrugged. "I'm just saying, the hell that little girl gone do to me. I'll say the shit to her face next time I see her"
My mom and I spent most of the evening together, watching movies and catching up. She listened to the drama filled high school stories that took place on a daily. It's refreshing to have such a long conversation and actually connect on another level with her.
The doorbell rung, momma got up from the bed, going downstairs to open it. Pausing the movie, I occupied myself with the phone, waiting for her to finally come back. After awhile, I peeked over the banister seeing her at the door having a whole conversation, nodding her head every five seconds. "Natalie put on some shoes and come here"
"Ummmm okay" I replied awkwardly , doing as told. I put on my gray ugg boots and one of my gray glitter hoodies to match. Going downstairs, I stood next to my mom, peeking my head to see who's at the door. "What are you doing here" I asked slightly bumping my mom out the way to get a better view, I opened the door wider. "After everything I just told you, your gonna let him take me out" I questioned mom in a unbelievable tone.
Momma nudged me, pushing me out the door. "Have her home by a reasonable time, nothing over two a.m." she granted, kissing me on the cheek and pushing me out the door. Rolling me eyes, I stood on the doorstep while I let them finish the conversation.
Julian turned to face me with a blank expression. "You gone stand in the cold or get in the car" instead of responding, I hopped in the passenger seat in silence. Watching him get in the car, he kept his eyes trained on me, burning a whole in the side of my face. I tired hard to keep my eyes forward and succeed with focusing on the moving leaves in front of me. Clearing his throat, he reached his hand over to my thigh. "We not leaving until you say something"
"Ion know where we going anyways so it wouldn't do me any different" I sassed knowing that I struck a nerve. He slammed his hands on the steering wheel, locking the car doors. I finally met his gaze, seeing his jaws clench in irritation. Those innocent eyes got lower by the minute. "Natalie don't fucking play with me. I don't know what happened to you but you not finna treat me like shit." In the mist of the lecture, my ears tuned out just watching his mouth move. I was more focused on how he pulled the collar of my shirt to him and had his hand around my neck.
The grip wasn't tight but it was enough to catch my attention. He head leaned down to my ear as he whispered. "We gone talk like adults and you gon' stop acting like a damn kid" he paused, moving back a bit to look me in the eyes. "You wanna talk now"
"Yes" I responded earning a smirk from him. "You a little freak freak, looking all seductive and shit" he said letting go of my neck. Playfully pushing his shoulder, I blushed shyly , shaking my head.
"Freak isn't in my vocabulary" I said as he waved me off. "For real though, we can talk now"
He took a deep breath, getting his thoughts together. "Why have you've been dodging me" he questioned.
Avoiding eye contact, I thought back the tons of calls and text message that were hard to ignore. In reality I didn't know how to feel, I thought after this he wouldn't want anything to do with me because the secret is out, we were caught. Having his number in my phone felt sort of guilty. "I felt awkward and guilty for how thing came out. That y'all is something I should've had with her one on one but instead we got exposed. It made us look terrible and her look stupid in front of everyone, it ruined a long-term friendship over some temporary feelings."
"Answer me this, if the feelings are temporary then why do you still like me and vice versa. These feelings have been on for a while now, you can't keep fighting them off." He ranted. "You cared more about the friendship then she ever did"
"What you mean"
He huffed in annoyance. "You were always worried about her feelings but she would always find a way to throw you under the bus behind your back" Julian paused. "She's been jealous of you and it shows clearly. A real friend ain't gon' trip over little shit like saying hey"
Instead of responding , I let the information soak in. I had a thing for caring more than others, it was nature. That was one trait you could call a blessing and a curse, over thinking the simple things in life. If the shoe was on the other foot, Ronnie probably would've did way more damage without a care in the world, wouldn't even feel any remorse.
"So what now, it still doesn't make the situation any better" I said mentally planning out how this could work. Either way the rumors would be endless once school started back up.
Julian shrugged his shoulders in a sluggish manner. The look on his face seemed careless, there wasn't a doubt or worry on his mind right now. He seemed more mellow about the situation in general but that's naturally how men are anyways, for some odd reason. He leaned against the driver's seat, pulled out the driveways towards wherever he planned on taking me.
The dark blue sky lit up from all the shiny stars, and moon shining its gray sparkly color. I wrapped my jacket tightly around me, trying to make myself feel the extra heat. Looking around, I wrecked my brain thinking of every possible place he could be taking me at this time of night. In thirty minutes it would officially be New Years, and I didn't see us going in the direction of any firework shows. "Where are you taking me" I questioned earning a irritated sigh from him.
Never responding, he continued to drive and that annoyed the hell outta me. "That's why your head look lopsided", that comment didn't even get a reaction outta him. "Is this your silent way of trynna kill me or send me off to some random ass people from across the country" I exclaimed using a worse case scenario, that was a little over dramatic but he was being a little to secretive for my liking especially at this time of night.
"Calm down" he said pulling onto a mini waterfall type set up. It was beautiful but dangerous at the same time, couldn't decided wether to be happy or sad. "It's dope isn't it" Julian nodded, answering his own question. Getting out the car, he opened the trunk, taking out two bottles of apple cider and a some other stuff in a mini basket. Passing me the black and white checkered blanket, I laid it across the soft grass, watching him take out the goodies.
Smiling, he took out a personal sized chocolate cake, enough for the two of us. Deeper down in the basket were chocolate covered strawberry, white chocolate pretzels, many things that could perk up this night even more. I volunteered to take out the two glasses as he popped the bottle open, pouring in the white grape. "I'm loving the gesture" I said out the blue , scooting closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing the side of my forehead.
"Anything to keep a smile on your face"
That sentence alone was enough to make my heart melt. Most guys would be so concerned about the materialistic things not realizing that a nice date or outing would do me good. I'm not the type to ask for much, just love, affection, and honesty. Knowing Julian he probably put a lot of thought into putting this whole ordeal together in the first place, for that I was even more thankful because I'm the most pickiest person alive (eating wise).
People always love questioning if I'm truly black because I just can't eat some types of food. I've never been a true fan of cabbage, pork chops, squash, to me it's all straight trash but most are in love with the weirdness.
Looking down at my phone, I smiled showing him the lock screen. "10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1" I took a pause as we fully faced each other. "HAPPY NEW YEAR" I smiled looking into his eyes as he leaned in, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me in closer to him. My legs snakes around his waist, lifting me up into his lap while our lips came in contact.