Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Lov...

By anakinpadmeforlife

173K 8.8K 1.5K

Pride and Prejudice from the eyes of Mr. Darcy. Love, affection, pain, and tons and tons of angst. More

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Epilogue

Chapter 39

1.9K 113 6
By anakinpadmeforlife

Comments and votes, please :)

On Saturday Darcy paused before knocking on the door to the Gardiner's house in Cheapside. Mr Edward Gardiner had given his address to him that long-ago summer's day when they had gone fishing at Darcy's estate in Derbyshire. Taking a beep breath, Darcy thought over what he was to say to Mr Gardiner.

It was a week since he had visited Wickham and Lydia. The reason for the delay in finding the fugitives and the visit to the Gardiners was that his negotiations with Wickham had for some time been going nowhere. When Wickham had found out that he and Lydia were to be married, he had ranted and raved that there was no way he would spend the rest of his life attached to her and swore that he would leave as soon as possible. After listening to this tirade for some ten minutes, Darcy had calmly announced that it would be in Wickham's best interests if he married Lydia, for Darcy was still willing to assist Wickham.

Negotiations then began. It was agreed that all of Wickham's debts would be paid - a sum of more than a thousand pounds. It was the only thing they had agreed on, for when the subject of Wickham's future was brought up, one could not agree with the other.

Wickham, of course, had wanted more than Darcy was willing to give. He had expressed his desire for a small estate of 'no more than three thousand a year' in order to become a member of the landed gentry with no cost to himself in comparison to Bingley's family who had worked hard to gain their present position. It was implied that Darcy would give Wickham land from his own large estate of Pemberley. Darcy had steadfastly refused to comply, and Wickham had steadfastly refused to back down.

They had met again the next day and the day after that. After the third meeting, Wickham had grudgingly relented to set his sights a bit lower. Entering a trade was discussed and each of Darcy's suggestions discarded. Wickham had no intention of studying the law, becoming a merchant, practising medicine or any other trade. The Church was out of the question; Darcy would not allow a man of Wickham's morality to set a spiritual example for any parish.

The only feasible alternatives left was a career in one of the military disciplines, the Navy or the Army. Wickham wanted to go into the Navy, the more prestigious of the two as England commanded the greatest naval forces in the world but was impossible because of his age. Therefore, it was to be the Army regulars instead of the militia. As soon as they had agreed upon it, Darcy had written to Colonel Fitzwilliam, informing him of the basic facts that he believed was needed and requesting for some arrangement. His reply was helpful, though the writer had no doubt written it in a state of great curiosity, Darcy inferred from the general tone of his cousin's letter. Colonel Fitzwilliam said that it was possible to get an ensigncy in General _______'s regiment in Newcastle.

Wickham had been duly informed of this new arrangement, and after some characteristic grumbling, it was agreed on as pleasing to both parties.

All this had taken up to that Saturday morning. Over the grueling week, Darcy had frequently asked himself just why he was taking so much trouble to assist the man he hated. He told himself that it was his fault, of not informing others of Wickham's bad character and so preventing situations like this. Sometimes he just wanted to forget the whole affair and pretend it was no business of his - he frequently returned to his townhouse in London late in the night, tired and frustrated and ready to give up. But whenever such thoughts entered his mind, he remembered Elizabeth, upset and distraught with tears in her eyes after she had received news of Lydia's elopement. One thought of her and he was again determined to see the matter through to the end; not for Lydia's, certainly not for Wickham but for Elizabeth. And though he knew he would never see her again, at least he knew that he could ensure her happiness.

Darcy had come straight from Wickham and Lydia's lodgings to Cheapside in search of the Gardiners. As the affair involved the Bennets, he needed to inform a member of their family. Mr Bennet he did not know well enough in order to talk comfortably with him and no doubt the sentiment would have been equal.

Besides, he did not want Elizabeth to know out his involvement.

He had tried to visit Mr Gardiner yesterday but the servant had told him that he was talking to Mr Bennet, who would be leaving the next morning. Darcy left quickly without giving his name, only saying that a gentleman had called on business.

Now it was Saturday, Mr Bennet had hopefully left and he hoped that Mr Gardiner was in.

Darcy knocked on the door and it was opened by the servant. He asked to see Mr Gardiner.

"Yes sir, would you please wait here?" she said, gesturing to the drawing room. Darcy agreed and stood, hat in hand while the servant went to fetch Mr Gardiner.

When he appeared, he looked harried and tired, but the man's astonishment on seeing his visitor was evident.

"Mr Darcy, this is a pleasant surprise," said he. "What brings you here?"

"Good day, Mr Gardiner. I am here because I had located your niece, as well as Mr Wickham."

"You have?" At this, Mr Gardiner brightened up. "That is wonderful news! My brother and I have tried to but with no success. And how is Lydia?" he asked concerned.

Darcy grimaced slightly and sat. Mr Gardiner followed suit.

"She is well but also unmarried."

Mr Gardiner shook his head. "It is as Elizabeth feared then. What else?"

Darcy plunged into a description of how he had found Lydia and Wickham and of their current position. He told him of the arrangements he had taken the liberty of arranging and how all that was needed was Mr Gardiner's approval.

Mr Gardiner thought for a while, then said, "My I ask about the cost of all of this, his debts commission and such?"

Darcy expressionlessly named a figure that rendered Mr Gardiner speechless for a few moments. Before Mr Gardiner could speak another word, Darcy quickly added, "At the present it is only an estimate, though I expect it to rise rather than fall. I shall bear the cost of it all, there is no need to worry about that."

"Mr. Darcy, I cannot let you do that."

Darcy had expected such resistance and was determined not to give in. He changed the topic of conversation and asked where Mrs Gardiner and the children were.

"They are due to arrive back today. Madeline and the children have been at Longbourn this past week, for my brother's family was in great need of support after hearing about Lydia's elopement. Mr Bennet left this morning to return to his family." He paused. "Was it you who called yesterday?"

"Yes, it was."

"Why did you not see Mr Bennet? Surely he ought to know about this as well."

Darcy coughed. "I hope you will forgive me, sir, if I say that I felt that Mr Bennet was not a person whom I could so properly consult as you. In fact, I hope that you will comply with my wish and not inform any of his family of my involvement in this matter."

Mr Gardiner was surprised. "May I ask as to why you wish to remain anonymous?"

Darcy thought. He did not know any solid reason, only that he did not want Elizabeth to know about it. He did not want her to feel that she was indebted to him; he had done it out of love for her and that was all.

But he could say that to Elizabeth's uncle. He blushed slightly and said, "Forgive me if I choose not to answer that question."

Mr Gardiner nodded but gave the younger man a questioning look. Darcy looked back and smiled almost imperceptibly. Somehow, he was sure Mr Gardiner understood most of the meaning behind the smile.

He rose out of his chair. "I believe you are to be welcoming your family home soon. I would not wish to intrude upon it with matters of business. I will come again tomorrow."

Mr Gardiner offered him some refreshment before he left but Darcy declined. They shook hands and parted.

_____________________________________

True to his word, Darcy visited the Gardiners again on Saturday, this time late in the evening when he hoped the children were in bed. He found Mr and Mrs Gardiner waiting for him. Mrs Gardiner greeted him warmly. She told him that her husband had related to her all that had passed in yesterday's meeting and so removing the need to repeat it all.

The main problems to be discussed, was how much was going to be settled on Wickham and Lydia and who was going to pay for it. When Darcy left them later that evening an amount had been decided but neither were willing to let the other bear the cost of such a large amount. They agreed to meet again on Monday and hopefully it would be settled.

The next evening found Mr Gardiner no more willing to relinquish the burden than before. But Darcy was obstinate. Every protest from Mr and Mrs Gardiner only made him more determined.

"I must be allowed to insist on this," said he, facing the Gardiners. "The fault is mine and so must the remedy be. It was through my mistake and pride, my reserve that Mr Wickham's character has not been made known to the world. Had I not thought it . . . beneath me to lay my private actions open to the world his character would have been exposed and this elopement could never have taken place."

"Mr. Gardiner, I believe you take too much upon yourself," said Mr. Gardiner. But Darcy sensed that his resolve was weakening.

"I must insist on this sir. I assure you in this matter argument is fruitless." He got up and extended his hand. "The responsibility is mine - I must have it, sir."

Mr Gardiner looked at his wife. Something passed between them that Darcy could not decipher. Whatever it was, Mr Gardiner sighed and accepted Darcy's hand and shook it.

Darcy held it for a moment then returned to his seat.

"But I understood, sir, that you did not wish to be acknowledged in this venture," said Mrs Gardiner. "We must tell Mr Bennet of this, but we cannot without some explanation."

Darcy smiled. "Then simply tell him that it was Mr Gardiner who arranged it all."

Mr Gardiner shook his head. "Come now, Mr Darcy, you know that I will not allow that to happen. I, take all the credit for your assistance? We must give credit where it is due."

"No, I am perfectly willing to anonymous. Mr Gardiner, I insist that you take the credit for this. I do not wish to be thanked for this. When you write to Mr Bennet, please do not tell him about my involvement."

Mr Gardiner sighed. "If you insist, there is no point in arguing the matter any more."

"Thank you. The wedding is to be on Monday, and I have given you the location of Mr Wickham's lodgings. I myself have been away for too long, so I shall return to Pemberley. I abandoned my friends and family after returning for only four days."

"So you will not be here for the wedding?"

"I shall return before Monday and attend the ceremony, as well as overseeing the final financial arrangements."

Mr Gardiner nodded. "So if it is all settled, then nothing remains but to write to Mr Bennet and wait for Monday."

"Exactly."

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