Chapter Twenty
Hester House, September 3rd 2002
The lingering scent of lavender is what Amara focused on as she sat in the grand music room of Hester House, waiting for Andrew to return from work. They had moved in just a week ago, leaving the little apartment in London.
It was too small they had realized, could never hold all their thoughts and personalities, especially when the baby came.
The baby, a boy Amara thought, was due in a week. Amara didn’t know why she thought it was a boy, maybe because Sonia had one, but with each kick she wondered if a boy with Andrew’s light features and outlook on life would be in her arms soon.
She knew he wanted a girl, though she wasn’t sure why – girls were hard. Even so, the nursery was painted in a cool calming green, silver accents on everything.
“It looks too nice.” Sonia had laughed. “Poor Max’s room was a depressing sight when he came.”
Max was overjoyed, but a little confused, about his cousin. At four he loved pretty much everything; he was a quiet, thoughtful kid. Amara had a feeling her child would not be nearly as peaceful.
“Here we are!” Sonia said in a sing-song voice, entering the music room holding two cups of tea. A sudden cold had taken the country, and sweaters were hastily pulled out of storage and blankets thrown over beds.
“Thanks.” Amara accepted the tea thankfully, holding it in her hands, trying to warm herself. She was always cold she found, even in the height of summer.
“Could I ask you something, Sonia? As – well, as sisters? I would ask my own, but neither of them have children.”
Sonia tucked her feet beneath her, exactly as Hazel always had, and nodded. “Of course.” She glanced across the room at Max. “You okay, honey?”
Max gave his mother a fleeting look with his dark eyes; entranced by the large book on plants Winston had got for him. Rachelle had said that once he started to read better she would show him what each one was called so he could read it himself with more ease.
“Yeah Mamma.”
“Okay, we’ll have lunch in an hour.” She turned her attention back to Amara. “Is something bothering you?”
“I – well, I don’t even know any more.” Her hands rested atop her swollen stomach, tracing circles over and over. “You know I had a plan, a very set plan – one that didn’t include children for a long time.”
Sonia nodded. “I remember.”
“You know this was an accident, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question.
“I thought so. Andrew was insistent though.” She admitted, sipping her tea.
“I wasn’t off the pill, was hoping I could stay on at least until summer. I wanted –” she looked guiltily over at her sister in law. “I was hoping to stall Andrew for at least a year. Am I a horrible person for doing so, when this makes him so happy?”
“Not at all!” Sonia put her tea to the side and took Amara’s hands, lowering her voice. “You know I never wanted children myself, at least you want them.”
“That’s what I’m wondering – how did you do it?”
Chuckling, Sonia looked over at her son; engrossed in his book and the sweetest little boy alive.
“Do it? I have no idea. I spent months dreading the birth, having to give up my life and my dreams – and then I held him.” She smiled dreamily, staring out the window. “You know they say a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she’s pregnant, but a man becomes a father when he holds his child for the first time – it was the opposite for Charlie and I, and I think for you and Andrew, too.”
“I’m just so afraid I won’t be able to do it.” Stressed Amara “I still have so much I want to do, to see – I love my baby, but I don’t know if I can be a mother yet.”
“Just wait until you hold that baby in your arms, feel its breathing, skin against yours.”
“But what if that doesn’t happen?”
“It will.” Sonia promised. “You can’t deny a love like that.”
It was an hour later when the three sat down to lunch Amara told Sonia about the ribbon of pain that had been tightening around her stomach since the day before.
“How far apart?” Sonia’s spoon clattered to the table as she searched for some parchment.
“About ten minutes, give or take?” Amara winced, and Max watched his Aunt curiously.
“Is my cousin coming?” he asked, standing up on his chair.
“Max, don’t stand on your chair please.” Said Sonia, scribbling a note and rolling it up. “Your cousin is coming, so it’s time to go to Uncle Winston’s until Daddy comes home.”
“What’re you doing?”
“I’m staying with Auntie Amara,” she explained. “She’s having her baby.”
Amara gave Sonia a stricken look. “Now?”
“Now.” Sonia beamed “Will you be okay for a few minutes? I’m going to take Max to Winston and owl that letter.”
Amara nodded, trying to contain her fear. The moment she was alone she stared hard down at her stomach, wincing as a particularly painful contraction hit her.
“Okay, listen up.” She whispered. “I’m not ready, but you obviously are. I promise to try and be a good mother if you make this quick.”
A kick was delivered, but a soft, gentle one.
“I’m taking that as a yes.” She said. “I can’t wait to meet you.”
A hush had fallen over Hester House when the first wail of Amara and Andrew’s child broke through the air. The baby had been born silent, eyes wide open – watching everything as it came.
Only an hour old, the baby lay in it’s fathers loving arms. Beside Andrew Amara slept, one hand resting on his thigh. Sitting atop the covers, Andrew gazed down into the face of his child.
“Hey little girl,” he whispered, so choked up the words barely made it out. “Welcome to your home.”
The baby yawned in response, her dark blue eyes watching her father with interest.
“You look so much like her,” he said. “My Mamma. She would have loved you, so much. My Ella.” Twirling pale curls around his finger, Andrew knew the older she got the more heartbreaking it would be to look at her. “My Hazel Nevine, Ella, Ella, Ella.” The more he said her name the more it suited her, the inquisitive look, large, blinking eyes.
Andrew knew Hazel would have been proud, and with her first granddaughter in his arms, he hoped Amara was as happy as she had made him. He finally felt complete.
“Night night, Ella.” He said softly, pressing a kiss to her soft forehead as she drifted off to sleep. “Mamma loves you, Dadda loves you. Grandma loves you, Ella.”
A/N: Andrew has his little girl, his Hazel, his Ella!
Question: What do you think of a) Amara's talk with Sonia? and b) Ella! Little Hazel Nevine! What do you think she'll be like, her personality, her looks - do you like her name? Ella, short for Hazel? I love it.
I've been waiting and waiting to share Ella with you; I know as I develope her and we watch her grow, as we have been watching Max, that you will all love her just as much. Please comment with your thoughts everyone, it just warms my heart!
Rose<3
P.S I'm in Banff for a family Canadian Thanksgiving, at a really nice hotel doing really lovely stuff with my aunts and uncles and cousins! I'm writing a lot, too.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian followers!