john
john continued walking out of the bar even after hearing penelopes voice call out to him.
he felt angry, but he felt hurt more than that.
hurt that his best friend would just drop it on him like that.
with no warning.
all for a girl.
he understood stu loved astrid but why couldn't she move here?
john was being selfish but he didn't care. everyone seemed to walk out of his life and it didn't stop just because john had started to become happy in himself and his life.
he walked straight to penelopes car waiting for her to catch up with him.
she held johns jacket in one arm - as she'd picked it up on the way out and her other hand was balled up by her side. she opened her mouth to talk but john cut her off.
"we're not gonna talk about it pen, let's just go," he said it a little harsher than he intended making penelopes face fall slightly. he'd never spoke to her like it before, it may of seemed harmless on the surface and an in the moment situation, but it hurt penelope.
she didn't like his comment and she didn't care one bit about what he'd actually said. she knew if he didn't talk about it, he'd become angrier just building it up like before they were together.
"yeah we are gonna talk about it, and you're not going to talk to me like that when we do it," she threw his jacket to him, "get in the car."
john hadn't expected her to of reacted like that to him. usually everyone would be too scared to say anything to him, to make him talk, nobody cared enough. it made johns heart jump slightly but he didn't do anything.
he walked around to the passenger side and got in. penelope started the car but leaned over into the backseat to pick up a sweater she dropped there a while ago and pulled it over her head before pulling off the car park in silence. as she began driving properly she said, "there's a map in the glovebox, in an hour or two i'll need you to tell me how to get to the motel, it's already circled and whatever."
john just nodded in response.
his hands were in tight fists on his lap and his leg bounced up and down. he looked straight out of the window with a million thoughts running through his brain.
all of those thoughts however, came to a halt as he felt a warm feeling on his leg. he looked down to see penelopes small hand resting on top of his leg just above his knee to calm him down.
she gave him a side glance before taking a breath and retracting her hand not feeling like it was enough to comfort him. john instantly missed her touch but he was far too absorbed in his feelings to say anything about it.
"you need to talk to me john. i'm here for you, don't start hiding from me now."
john sighed looking back out the window, "i've been best friends with stu for so long, he's basically a brother, and he's leaving just because he wants to be with her."
"he loves her john, it's what love is. it's sacrifice and its beginnings. he's starting a life with her."
"well why couldn't they start it here?" he snapped back.
penelope didn't say anything about how he was speaking to her because she found it clear that he was just getting worked up over the situation.
"everyone does it pen," he carried on after a small silence, "they all leave. no one comes back, they either get bored or they find something better."
"but stu isn't bored and he hasn't found anything better. he's just found something new, he's found a future."
her words made a sense to john, easing the anger but increasing his hurt feelings.
"you'll see him again, he hasn't even left yet, there's still time johnny. he probably needs you more than ever, he's about to move to a whole new country and leave everything he knows behind."
john didn't reply, just nodded slowly.
another silence overtook them.
for a few minutes john evaluated his thoughts beginning to understand stu and his decision more.
he thought about if that were penelope.
he thought if him and penelope had been in a relationship under the same circumstances as stu and astrid he would probably do the same.
he tilted his head to observe her as she drove.
she'd rolled her window down a bit so her wispy bits of hair were flying all over her head. her face held no expression but john could tell her brain was on overdrive.
that's when he realised how selfish he'd been. not even asking her about the phone call with her father.
"did you get in touch with caleb?"
penelope shifted in her seat, clearing her throat she said, "yeah."
"what did he say?"
"i haven't told him anything yet, we're meeting him tomorrow at a cafe. he uh, he thinks i'm sabrina's sister."
"why did you lie?" he asked softly.
"because john, i'm not going to tell a man i don't know that i'm his daughter over a telephone call. it's ridiculous. this whole situations fucking ridiculous," she spoke back sharply.
john felt the tension arise in her posture, the way she'd spoken to him made him realise how scared she was for the next day. and also the way it made him feel made him feel a pang of guilt in the chest as that's how he'd been talking to her.
he moved closer to her in his seat putting a hand on her thigh and gently squeezing it reassuringly. she relaxed under his gesture.
placing one hand on top of his and keeping one on the steering wheel she carried on much softer this time, "it's just scary. i uh, i'm really glad you're going to be with me."
"anything. i'm sorry for snapping at you earlier."
"me too," she rubbed her thumb up and down the back of johns hand, "i'm not going to leave you john. i could never get bored of you, and as for something new coming along, that's just out of the picture. if anything it'll be you getting fed up with my emotional instability," she chuckled.
john rolled his eyes, "you say that as if i'm emotionally stable myself."
she stopped at traffic lights turning to him, she had a small smile on her lips. she leaned forward quickly pecking him and turning back to the steering wheel.
•
the next hour went by mostly in silence or with the odd comment on the scenery. the drive to wales was around three and a half hours and they were barely halfway there when penelope began getting tired.
john had dozed off for the last forty minutes of the journey making her feel bored as well.
she pulled over as they came onto some more deserted roads. the time on her watch read eleven twenty seven. she decided to stretch her legs and have a cigarette before carrying on.
she quietly stepped out the car and shut the door as silently as possible. she pulled a cigarette out but realised she didn't have any matches to light it.
"fuck." she whispered.
she slowly climbed back into her car and crawled across the seat to look in the glovebox but there weren't any in there either.
johns soft snores slowly disappeared as he felt her presence leaning over him.
"pen what are you doing?" he asked croakily.
she jumped back hitting her head on the ceiling of the car, "oh shit."
she held the back of her head in pain as she started laughing, "fuck that really hurt," tears formed in her eyes from the laughter mixed with embarrassment.
johns eyes glinted with amusement as he sat up straighter from his slouched position, "are you alright?"
penelope laughter died down as she replied, "yeah i just wanted to light my cigarette but i couldn't find any matches."
john lifted his bottom off the seat feeling in his back pocket and pulling out a matchbox.
"here," he said passing it to her.
she sighed happily at the sight.
"how come you pulled over for a cig?" he asked, she'd normally just smoke and drive.
"i was getting a bit tired so i thought the fresh air might wake me up a bit," she replied lighting her cigarette and passing john the matchbox and her cigarette packet. he followed suit lighting one shortly behind her. she turned behind her shutting the door so they were sat inside the car with the windows down instead, "and i didn't want to wake you up so i thought standing outside might be better."
"you should've woke me sooner, i can drive now, you rest for a while yeah?" john asked.
"are you sure?"
"course, you've been driving for ages," penelope rolled her eyes,
"i have not."
"well it's decided i'm driving, but let's just stay here for a bit," he said, penelope nodded bringing her legs from underneath her kneeling position and sat properly on the seats.
her shoulder brushed against johns, his leg would graze hers every so often making goosebumps arise on her skin.
they smoked in silence, penelope finishing her cigarette before john.
she threw the butt out the window before rolling it up and leaning her head on the back of her seat. she closed her eyes tapping her fingers on her stomach where they rested.
john finished his just after her and threw his butt out rolling his window up too.
he scooted closer to penelope and copied her actions. he leant his head next to hers closing his eyes.
soon enough john started to shift and he turned to look at penelope. he knew that she was awake from her breathing, "come on pen, move over i'll start driving now," he said quietly.
penelopes eyes fluttered open as she looked at john, "okay," she mumbled.
he turned around and opened the door so he could move round to the drivers side but as he was half out penelope pulled his arm and he almost tumbled straight on top of her.
before he could question her, her lips were pressed against his. john didn't have time to respond as it was over as quickly as it started.
he stared at her as her droopy eyes searched his.
the only thing john had noticed from the encounter was how cold her skin was.
"you're freezing," he stated stroking his fingers down her cheek.
"i'm fine," she replied pulling her sweater sleeves over her fingers. he looked down onto her body realising that only her top half was covered up and her legs were still exposed to the dropping temperatures.
"do you have any blankets or anything?" he asked.
"there might be some in the boot," she replied.
john got out the car and ran around to the boot. he opened it and pulled out their bags to see if there were any underneath. which there were.
john grabbed it and walked around to the drivers side getting back in the car. he opened the blanket up covering penelopes legs and leaving his hand on her thigh. she moved across the bench seat and lay her head on his shoulder as he started the car up.
it was a precious moment. no words were shared between the pair, just this small ounce of affection and it was all they needed.
john whispered a quiet "i love you," shortly before hearing her breathing become heavy and and her body become relaxed as she fell into a sleep.