play song whenever
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told by george
alex slowly rose from the bed, the sheets clinging onto his bruised hips. i could hear him slowly walk away from the bed as the music softly played all around our dark bedroom. i stayed still, waiting for the door to shut, but it never did. i knew what he wanted from me, i knew what he wanted to start. i knew i shouldn't have followed him out into the balcony, but i did.
one second i was lying under our sheets, trying to wrap my head around what was happening. the next, my feet carried me to my distant boyfriend. the moonlight lit up our flat, the sliding door wide open. he knew i'd follow him.
"i can't keep doin' this, george."
i understood. "i deserve to be with someone who isn't ashamed of me."
"it's not you."
"you know what i mean." his skin was brimming with goosebumps. "i don't want to do this anymore."
"i know."
"then?" it came out as a choke.
"then leave."
he turned to face me, his blue eyes falling to the hard floor as he nodded. "okay."
"m'sorry." i said to him. "but you knew what you were gettin' yourself into, alex. i told you that i wasn't ready to come out, i told you."
he nodded once again. "i-i know."
"i will miss you."
he looked up, tears streaming down his beautiful face. he somehow managed to smile, causing him to look twice as radiant. "i'll miss you too."
we both stepped closer to each other. i was hesitant to take him into my arms but after a second he placed himself there. his cold skin met my warm one and i finally realized how different we were.
"one day you'll find someone who is willin' to wait." whispered alex. "it's a shame that i can't be that person."
i breathed in his scent, pressing my nose further into his skin. i felt him shivered against me. "si je reste, vous séjour." if i stay, you stay.
a sad smile spread onto my face as he finished off the saying. "mais si vous y allez, je vais." but if you go, i will.
his lips met mine, leaving a salty taste against them. his hands traveled into my hair as he backed me up against the door. his tender, cold hand pushed up my shirt, spreading a plethora of goosebumps that caused me to jerk up. his tongue made its way past my lips, causing me to, then, melt against him. it was the first and last time alex would ever take control.
and it was because he had had enough.
"no one will ever love you like i loved you." he sucked lightly on my jaw leaving me breathless. "et j'espère que vous fait peur." and i hope you're afraid.
"i am." i whimpered as he stuck his hand in my boxers. "but you can't wait."
i could feel his smile against my neck. "m'tired of waitin'. life goes on, i can't jus' put my life on hold for you."
his thumb slid repeatedly over my head. "i kn-know." i mumbled, a small gasp escaping my mouth.
"tu me fais me détester." you make me hate myself.
before i came all over his hand, he stopped all movement. i whined, feeling myself pulse around him. he grinned, pulling away. he took my hand and pulled me towards the wall. he bent me over the edge, pulling both my hands behind my back. he pressed up against me, his mouth now next to my ear.
"tell me somethin' new."
"je ne sais pas quoi dire." i don't know what to say.
"you never do." his pained voice replied. "an' you never will."
his head fell next to mine as he slowly entered me. my lips parted immediately as he pushed himself further in. "je suis désolé." was all i could let out. i'm sorry.
as soon as he pressed against that soft spot, i let out a gentle moan. my back arched a bit as he tangled his free hand in my hair. i bit my lip as my eyes met the city lights. they judged us, they called us sinners.
"bien sûr, vous êtes." of course, you are.
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sorry for any mistakes