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"i don't get you." it had been the first thing george said that day.
sand in his shoes, his throat burned of cherry flavored cigarettes, and his blonde hair hadn't been cut in months. his skin, a milky color, was painted ever so carefully with goosebumps. george couldn't tell if it was the cold or james that caused them. even with a blanket wrapped around his skin, he would still shiver. again, not knowing who or what the reason was.
james thought his comment was impetuous, words that hit george's brain only minutes before they were let out. after all, james unfairly concluded one day, george never thought such things through. george just did things, did them because he wanted.
oh, but james couldn't have been more wrong. george overthought more than anyone. george's mind would overthink everything- looks, tones, glances. all of the listed would keep him up till sunrise, holding him by the throat and forbidding he close his eyes to rest. things like that, george would never tell james.
and maybe that's why their relationship had ended to soon.
george was too scared to say no, to oppose james. if james was happy, george wouldn't have to worry about losing him. yes would always be his answer because james loved the word.
yes, we can get pizza instead of sandwiches. and james' face would lit up like his cigarettes.
yes, we can watch the office instead of friends. even though george hated the office and preferred friends.
yes, you can spend the night. despite george wanting to be alone.
yes, yes, yes, because way too many people had said no to james.
and every time george said yes, james would grow sick of hearing it.
james loved george, maybe not how he should've, but losing him would destroy him. he was his only friend, only one he trusted anyway.
only friend there.
george was easy to talk to, an easy love interest, an easy way of feeling less lonely. he was there, james was bound to fall in love with him. he bought and made him gifts, he never said no, and he never judged him.
and still, james didn't fully love him.
all he wanted, this was james' flaw, was for him to say no. for george to oppose something, anything, that came from james' mouth.
no, i don't want sandwiches. they could always keep thinking of other options.
no, i don't want to go down to the cliffs today, it's far too cold. but george would say nothing, simply pack a bag and meet james at the cliffs.
no, i don't want to smoke a cigarette. george hated cherry flavored things, james knew that.
"what don't you get?" james was on his third cigarette. he and george sat on the edge, watching the ships out at sea.
