penelope
penelope led the way to her own apartment which was only a twenty minute walk from the club.
"so you and charlotte live together?" john questioned making conversation.
"oh no, we're actually in the midst of persuading her parents to let her move in with me but the apartment is just mine for now," penelope answered.
"aren't you like, a little young to live on your own?" john chuckled awkwardly, not wanting to overstep.
"well, i suppose i am, but i don't exactly have anywhere else to live," she laughed half-heartedly, john kept silent not wanting to pressure her for details of something she didn't feel comfortable talking to him about.
she continued, feeling at ease, "my mum died a few years back, and she left me the apartment to move into as soon as i'd finished my exams at school. i moved in with my uncle benedict when she died, he owns the book shop, and she knew i wouldn't be able to live with him for long. he's a bit - moody" she reminisced on her and her mother's giggles about how grumpy uncle benedict was.
"i'm sorry about your mum," johns heart ached for her.
"it's not as hard as it was before to talk about her. you have the same eyes as her, you know?"
he furrowed his eyebrows prompting penelope to elaborate.
"you have the same look, like you're," she paused for a moment trying to find the words she needed, "lost."
he looked down to his feet kicking rocks that he passed.
penelope quickly retracted her statement saying, "i mean, but they're just eyes right? it's just an observation."
"my god you are something else aren't you?" john half-smiled.
penelope frowned not understanding.
"i guess i am a bit lost. my mum, she died too. almost a year ago actually," he cleared this throat fearing the state of vulnerability he was in.
"john, you don't have to talk about this. i didn't mean to pressure you into saying anything" penelope interrupted,
"penelope, it's okay," she nodded slowly.
"she taught me everything i know now about music. she was incredible, i mean she was by no means a perfect mother but, she was still incredible." john fought back his sub conscience which was screaming at him for opening up to this girl he'd only just started getting to know.
"when she died i lost it, myself i mean. i guess you could say i'm still trying to find my way back but - all in good time - as paul would say," he smiled, "paul's been great these past few months, helping me find my way back again, but he's soft, he thinks everything one day will just be better. but you have to work towards that, and i'm close to making it, to being just okay. but i feel like i'm stationary, stuck not knowing how to move forwards. i feel like i can talk about her for days and days but at the end of it i just feel numb. and i'm scared of the person i am when i'm numb."
penelope stayed silent, wondering why this boy was spilling his heart to a girl he barely knew. but her heart broke for him.
"i've never questioned it before. i don't even think i knew i was stuck until i saw everyone around me laughing and having fun - i just couldn't feel it anymore."
they turned a corner to stand right in front of her apartment building she turned to step in front of him.
"this is me," she looked up to meet johns eyes avoiding her gaze.
"john, i - ehm - i want you to know that i know better than anyone else how you're feeling, i do. and as soft as paul's advice is, he's right." she inhaled and carried on.
"life isn't going to stop, just because you're stuck. it's gonna pass you by at lightning speed and you can't let it get so out of reach you're unable to catch up. and this might not be the most comforting piece of advice i could give you, but - i've only just found my way back. just barely." she offered a weak smile, pushing her nerves aside she lightly pulled one of his hands into her own squeezing it comfortingly.
he stared at their hands together, "will i see you again?" he questioned quietly.
"you know where i live and where i work, so i'll let you decide," she smiled wanting desperately for him to find her again, she leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek, making his eyes finally look down onto her.
"i had a good time tonight john, be careful getting home." she let go of his hand and let herself into the building. her lips still tingling from the feel of his skin.