I swear, for the life of me, EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!
Apart from that, hi! Thanks for still reading haha
Next update is in 4-5 days cause I'm so slow in writing these days. But I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.
You'll know why.
Enjoy <3
13
The whole living room has never been surrounded with this kind of laughter! They were going to make my 18th birthday as memorable as possible, and nothing screams 'party' with friends like a solid, juicy game of truth or dare; courtesy of Kennedy Horowitz. Of course, it wouldn't be a game initiated by Ken if no alcohol was involved. It started off as PG-13, until the questions got... a bit more interesting.
"Ian!" Jane beams excitedly, jumping from her seat. To be fair, she's kind of tipsy already. "Truth or dare." She grins, leaning on the backrest.
He says casually, "Lets go with Truth, Jane."
"Yes! I waited all night to ask this!" Jane sounds a lot more intrigued than any of us. "Is it true you and Savannah had a fling in sophomore year?"
"IAN!" Kennedy slaps his chest, looking shocked.
I forgot that was a big rumour then.
"Savannah?" Jacky pipes in confusedly, "The cheerleader Savannah? The one who drives Dom crazy in rehearsals— Ian you can do a lot better."
We laugh because she sounded the most surprised. Kennedy, on the other hand, looks at Ian like she's daring him to admit it. Ian just laughs, shrugging his shoulder.
"It's true. I don't know what I was thinking." He says, laughing it off. "I was trying to make Ken jealous, and Savannah was right there."
"You could have chosen someone better than Savannah!" Kennedy bellows in complete disbelief, ignoring the fact that that was just a ploy. "I'm just really shocked." She leans back with her mouth still hanging open.
"Don't try to distract us, Ken. It's your turn." Jacky reminds her, laughing. oh right. Jacky is asking her question. "Truth or dare."
Kennedy scoffs, twirling her hand in the air dramatically. "Dare, duh. I'm daring like that." She tilts her shoulder up sassily, making me roll her eyes.
Jacky scoffs, having that 'you'll regret that' expression plastered on pretty well. "I dare you..." she pauses momentarily, a smirk slowly forming on her face. "Post an embarrassing picture on Instagram."
The confidence on Kennedy's face is wiped off, but I was excited! All her pictures on social media are chosen meticulously, not to mention ridiculously staged, so this far out of her comfort zone! She takes her phone out hesitantly, and I got up so fast to snatch her phone from her.
"God! I've been waiting for this!" I beam, unlocking her phone. "I know exactly what to put up."
I hear Kennedy complain, but Ian holds her back, laughing and reminding her she's a good sport over and over again. I scroll through her camera roll, Jacky peering over my shoulder. I find the one at the bowling alley.
"That is perfect!" Jacky beams, laughing at the picture.
She tried to stop the shoes from falling from the shelves, but all the shoes came crashing down and her reaction made her face look distorted. I post the picture on her Instagram before throwing her phone back to her.
"You're both menaces." She grumbles, smirking at Jacky and I.
Jacky then says, "Hey, if you want to get more likes than Charlotte, you better start putting up quality content."
Kennedy frowns, glancing at her phone, "One where I look like a complete idiot?"
Jacky nods confidently, "People on instagram love unfiltered pictures."
Kennedy looks surprised, but I can tell she's convinced by Jacky's tactic.
"Okay. You're the expert." She gives in, convinced.
She looks at me in disbelief and I smile innocently at her before I turn to Jane. Jane is more excited than I thought.
I didn't get a word out before she yells, "Truth!"
I know exactly what to ask her. And I thank god for the aid of alcohol for this question! "Did you really have sex with Charlie in the shower room Last year?"
Ian chokes on his beer, and Kennedy cackles when the beer drips down Ian's shirt.
If my question is shocking, Jane's "Yeah, that is true" is equally as shocking! And I mean my jaw is on the floor, so is Jacky's! "It is what it is, you guys." She says indifferently, taking another swig of beer.
Everyone then turns to Jacky who's smiling innocently at Ian because she knows it's Ian who's asking her this time. "Lets go with dare." She nods, saying it calmly.
Surprisingly, Ian picks up the permanent marker on the table. My eyes widen because the last time that marker was held, Kennedy got a dick drawn on her forehead... that's still there.
"I dare you to pick someone to draw anything on your body. Anyone, and anything."
Jacky rolls her eyes, a smile on her face when Kennedy snatches the marker before she can. "I want revenge!" Kennedy chimes in, making us all laugh.
"Whatever, Go crazy." She says, laughing.
"I want to see you with a unibrow." Kennedy beams, grinning. My grin went up to my ear as I watch Kennedy connecting Jacky's eyebrows together.
I hear Jacky make a snarky comment. Something like, "You're such a beauty guru."
Kennedy grins proudly. "I think I did amazing." She beams proudly, closing the pen cap, turning Jacky to face me. I can't help but laugh as she walks over to sit beside me.
"It's bad." Is the first thing she says.
"No, it's hilarious." I counter. She just smiles before leaning back on the couch.
"A dick on the face would be too aggressive." Kennedy claims, plopping on the seat beside Ian.
"The only dick I'll ever have near my face." She says, rolling her eyes. I laugh but it was cut short when I realise it's my turn, and who is asking.
"Oh shit." I grumbled, seeing the sneaky grin on Kennedy's face. "Dare."
The moment Kennedy smirks, I regret ever saying that. Kennedy gets up and picks up acupcake from the table. She walks over and puts the cupcake on the arm rest beside Jacky. My brow raised from confusion, so I glanced at Ken to figure out what she's planning.
"My dare is fairly simple..." the way she said that doesn't sound like it's very simple. "I dare you to have Jacky lick frosting off your neck."
"Oh."
We both say at the same time but the differences in the tones are clear. Jacky sounded amused, while I was more... stunned into silence. I feel like I'm exploring a lot of unfamiliar territories with Jacky, and it's both exciting and terrifying.
"Why?" I ask Kennedy timidly.
Kennedy chuckles, shrugging her shoulders. "I just got the idea when she kissed frosting off your lips." My face turns red and Jacky's lips hasn't even touched my neck yet. "Lets turn it up a little."
Jacky tilts her hand, taking the cupcake in her hand. "Diving in the deep end." I hear her mutter. She looks at me and for a moment, smiling in a gentle way. "Look, it's just a dare. I'm not doing it if it makes you uncomfortable."
It's not that I don't want to do it, I'm just very nervous. The most I've done with someone is a kiss that didn't even last 10 seconds! So to have Jacky's lips on my neck—
She notices my hand shaking and I desperately try to hide it. But the way she said it... I want to know how that feels.
I shake my head and take the cupcake from her. I smear some frosting on my neck, a new and really weird feeling. I expected her lips on my neck the moment I close my eyes, but she kisses me on the lips first.
"Just relax." She whispers.
Will I like it? Duh, Kim, of course you will.
When her lips touch my jaw, I gasp. I close my eyes and turn my face away, hiding it behind Jacky's hair. My whole body responds in a way I didn't understand. I quiver as her soft lips graze, and leave trails of fire on my skin; so delicate but so tantalising. My brain tries to comprehend this unfamiliar sensation.
This is what people feel when they crave for someone.
My breathing accelerates, and my heart has never beat this fast, but it finished too soon. When I don't feel Jacky's lips anymore, I catch a proper breath. My cheeks flush red and I lean back, hoping I can get away with with it.
"I prefer doing that in private, but whatever satisfies your fantasies, you crazy people." I hear Jacky say in humour, laughing a little.
I hear the others laugh too and they say something but it was a bit of a blur. My senses are still... overwhelmed. I flinch slightly when she turns to me. "You okay?" She asks.
I nod timidly, sinking into the sofa. "Carry on," My voice cracks before covering my face with a pillow. "I'm gonna need a minute."
I hear her and the others laugh a little. I block out the conversation around me to steady my too excited heart.
God, I didn't want her to stop but—
She definitely heard my ragged breathing! There's no way she didn't so is she just pretending she didn't?
That was my most intimate contact with someone, and just thinking about it makes my face heat up. Peeking over the pillow, Jacky looks completely fine but, man, those lips can do wonders.
When I peek over the pillow, I catch her wipe some left over frosting from her lips. She turns to me, laughing as she gently takes the pillow away from my grasp. "Come back to the party, Kim. You just missed Ian's and Kennedy's truths." She says.
I sit up, bringing my knees to my chest. Jacky laughs as she throws her arm over my shoulder. I let out a sigh and let myself lean on her. She briefs me on Ian's and Kennedy's turn, how Ian admitted having a crush on the principal in junior year, and Kennedy admitting to dating Clarence for a while.
That I already know. She got an earful from me when she told me.
Now it's Jane's turn, and Ian is asking. I can hardly concentrate. It's only been a couple minutes since Jacky's mouth was on my neck, and I still haven't recovered.
"Have you ever kissed a girl?" Ian asks randomly and, honestly, I'm curious too. I look at Jane who's smiling nervously, shaking her head.
"Why are you so curious Ian?" Jane asks in a teasing manner, batting her eyelashes playfully.
Jane seems all innocent and sweet because she's one of the smallest girls in our year, but she's so far from that! Like she sneaks out of her house, she's down for all the crazy shit Ken suggests that I don't want to do, completely fought teachers to get her ideas pushed through, and god I don't even want to start with all the sexual things she openly tells us about. She just knows how to balance herself well, doing right things at the right time. She's not even hiding it. People just don't assume with her.
Jane rolls her eyes, laughing sarcastically. "What the fuck, of course I have!"
My jaw drops and my reaction shows I'm the most surprised. "Really?"
I'm silent for a long time thats why they were surprised when I actually spoke. Jane nods without hesitation, confirming.
Jacky backs it up by asking, "How was it?"
Jane snickers, lulling her head in my direction. "That's how I knew it straight." She shudders visibly.
Surprisingly, Jacky counters. Her tone's alluring, "Maybe she wasn't a great kisser."
I quickly glance at her to see her smirking proudly. I know she's kidding but, damn, that tone she used drives me crazy. And she said that like she knows she's a great kisser, cause she damn well is.
"Can you say who she is?" Kennedy coaxes, playfully kicking Jane on the couch.
Jane just rolls her eyes, pushing Kennedy's leg away. "A random girl in Clarence's party. It was a stupid dare. I don't even know if she lived in the state." She scoffs, waving off the topic.
"That's interesting." I muttered, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe we can make you and Kennedy kiss in the next round. That would be golden."
"Don't play around, Kim." Kennedy says, flipping her hair dramatically. "I might do it."
"Right!" Jane beams, clapping her hands delightedly, ignoring Ken's comment. I laugh, seeing Kennedy roll her eyes at the rejection. "Your turn, Jacky."
Oh god, she's planning something. "Truth." Jacky answers casually.
Jane points at Ian then slowly to Kennedy then to me with a crazy look in her eye. "I was always curious about this." She giggles, making me think she's had too much alcohol! "How many people have you slept with?"
If my jaw was on the floor early, it's now down to the core of the fucking earth! Even Kennedy looks taken back at how specific Jane's question is with a matching follow up.
"Did you say you're always curious?" I ask Jane to clarify, eyeing her confusedly.
"Aren't you?" She counters. Jane is too drunk to realise what she just asked.
"You say 'people' like I've slept with an entire village." Jacky laughs dismally, leaning against her arm. She tenses so visibly from the question but she playing it cool. "But for the sake of the game, I'd say about 3."
"Oh that's it?" Jane says out loud, and I honestly felt more embarrassed for her! "Like... both?"
I groan, physically slapping my head from the secondhand embarrassment. Jacky's expression is so vacant too that I'm worried Jane has struck a nerve, and she's trying to cover it up.
"Oh, no. I never slept with a boy," She shudders visibly, making me a smile a bit. "I knew I was gay since I was little girl. I was never sexually attracted to men— no offence, Ian."
Ian laughs coolly, waving it off.
"So you've never kissed a boy before?" Jane follows up, and I'm starting to think this is an interrogation now.
I love Jane but I just want her to shut up!
"Oh, loads. I messed around a bit in some parties ," She admits and it's my turn to look surprised. "But I'm usually too drunk to comprehend what I'm doing so..."
"Are you done, Jane?" Kennedy pipes, her tone dismissive and annoyed. She wants this inquisition to end as much as I do.
"No, I just read models sleep with a lot of people."
Jacky's eyes widen in shock this time when she hears that, and Kennedy slaps her arm to scold her.
I groan, pounding my palm heavily on my forehead. I was confused where that came from until I see bottle after bottle lined up in front of Jane. This is why we never get Jane drunk; she is so invasive when she's drunk!
"You need to stop believing everything you read on E! News, Jane!" I hear Kennedy hiss frustratedly at her. I don't blame her.
Luckily, Jacky plays it off cool. She just laughs it off, but the shock is still clear on her face. "They like to talk shit." She clarifies but it's no use saying that now.
Jane's face is already red from the alcohol, but this a different red. It comes from embarrassment. I think she finally realised what she asked, and the embarrassment hit her hard.
"Shit, Jacky..." She grumbles, slapping her own face multiple times. I mean... she should, right? "Sorry. That was a dumb question."
Jacky laughs, shaking her head. "It's okay." Doesn't sound like she's okay. She then turns to me with a smile that makes my heart ache a bit. She looks worried and sad. "Truth or dare, Kim." She whispers.
"Are you asking me my question?" I ask hesitantly. She nods calmly, her eyes never leaving mine. I sigh and give in, "Truth."
She pauses and i can feel a serious tension between us. She clasps my hand in hers, and I hold on tight. I notice this deep sadness in her eyes when she kisses my palm. Oh god, it makes my chest hurt seeing her like this.
"Did that turn you off? Finding out how many girls I slept with?" her voice is so small that I think I'm the only one who can hear it.
I frown at her question. Why would she think that? She's crazy if she thinks I'm changing my mind about her because of how many people she's been with!
"Absolutely not." I tell her. There's a flush of relief on her face. She lets out a breath I didn't even notice she was holding in. "You're crazy for even thinking that."
"She's crazy for you. That's a real thing." Kennedy sings, but I frown cause it sounded more like a howl. But I am thankful because that one diffused the tension. Jacky laughs, covering her face with her hand. "Better get rid of these before your parents see them."
i turn to Kennedy and nod. She grabs the bottles and Ian follows in stride behind her. "Should we help?" I joke, jumping off the couch.
I hold my hand out. Jacky laughs as she takes it. "Ummm Jacky." I turn around and see Jane groaning. She rubs her face in a frustrated manner. "I'm sorry i even asked that. It was so so so stupid & offensive— god, just slap me. I deserve it."
"You do." I mutter but Jacky shoots me a look to let it pass. If I were her, I would.
Jacky puts her hand on Jane's shoulder and squeezes it lightly. Jane sounds really bothered, but I think that lessened when she sees Jacky's calm reaction.
"Hey, it's cool," She then turns to me with a small smile. "I'm not ashamed of it, but I get that not a lot of people are cool with it. That's okay too."
Jane stares blankly at Jacky, confused like this is an unusual thing. I frown, snapping my finger in front of her face. She flinches and shakes her head back to earth. "Wow, you really don't care what people think of you." She mutters.
That's when Jacky laughs sardonically, and nervously tries to flatten her hair in the back even if it looks fine. "I wouldn't say that's accurate but I'm working on it." I smile at her, remembering what she captioned for her post.
I nod, smiling at her. "Let them." I say, making Jacky laugh a little.
"Oh, so that's what your post meant!" Jane beams, her jaw dropping in surprise. "That's mysterious & brave."
"Whoever gets offended, that's on them," Jacky says, "It gets exhausting trying to please people."
"I think you've taken a big step." I assure her. Jane smiles too like she's entranced, nodding in agreement. "You both have." I point between them.
Once everything is cool, and Jane feels guilt-free for asking what she did, she answers to the demanding shouts of Kennedy from the kitchen. She groans frustratedly stomping her feet to the kitchen.
"I'm coming! Damn it!" She yells.
I laugh, and sometimes I ask myself how I became friends with those two in the first place. They're both insane, sometimes annoying but I love them, as you do with your closest friends.
Kennedy throws away most of the trash. We were sceptical about the bottles because they were blatantly beer bottles, and my parents would murder me if they found out I've been drinking. Luckily, Ian says he can drop it off a recycling centre on his way home near his house right after he drops Kennedy. He tells us he had to go home because of the some club stuff he needed to prioritise for tomorrow, and so does Jane.
Times like these I forget she's the president of our organisation, and Ian is the debate team captain.
What a strange group we are: a debate captain, two photographers and a former athlete, a wannabe biker girl with the best grades of all of us combined excluding Ian, and a gorgeous wise model from New York City. That makes us sound like we're the Breakfast Club.
I guess this isn't your average high school clique.
Ian drove off with the other two, but Jacky chose to stay. I'm more than thrilled she did. As fun as it was having the other three, I always love being alone with her.
I went to the upstairs bathroom and when I went back to the stairwell, i see Jacky leaning against the bannister, typing away on her phone. She doesn't notice me, but I don't think I was able to appreciate properly how physically perfect Jacky is. I mean, of course, the runway was one but I was more overwhelmed above everything else.
Now that she's just standing there, I see her completely. Shes not skinny, but she has a lean, breathtaking, statuesque body. You can tell she exercises one way or the other. Another thing about Jacky I find really fascinating is she can definitely wear skin-right clothes if she wanted to. She has the body and the looks to pull it off, but I rarely see her do that. She's always in loose cropped t-shirts with straight-cut jeans, or oversized tops with skinny jeans. If I tried wearing what she's wearing, I would look like a dork, but she looks hot.
"Are you done staring at me, Kim?"
Her voice made me jump. I was forced to step out from the hallway and face my guilty actions of ogling at her. She hides her phone in her pocket as she slowly comes up the stairs.
"You can't blame me." I tell her. I can tell I surprised her, but she laughs it off.
Until she says, "We're even then: I look at you all the time when you're not looking."
My mouth falls open slightly in disbelief. "No you haven't." I deny, trying not to laugh. "What is there to look at?"
"Everything about you, Kim." She says softly, making my cheeks blush. She pushes my hair off my shoulder. "i can go into detail, but we'd be here all night."
I laugh, shaking my head. "I never notice." I murmured.
"Babe, that's the point." She laughs whole heartedly. Her smile reaches her eyes when she cups my face and she gently kisses my forehead. "Also, before I forget."
She drops her hand and pulls something out of her back pocket. I lean back against the bannister, watching her curiously. She pulls out a small pouch. Untying the strings, she tips the pouch and out comes a little silver chain. Attached to the silver chain is a tiny tear-drop shaped vial. I look closer and see a little star inside with a little golden crescent moon.
It's beautiful and dainty.
"It won't be as valuable as your grandmother's necklace," she says, trying to unravel the chain. Once she has, she takes my hand and puts the necklace in my palm. "But it will remind you of the stars in your eyes I see all the time. I hope they never dim."
"Jacky, I— th-this is..." my tongue tangles in such surprise. I don't know what to say. I'm so overwhelmed that I can't say anything apart from letting my mouth hand open. "Can you put it on?" I ask in a whisper, putting the necklace in her hand.
She nods and I turn my back to her. I pull my hair up so it will be easier. I don't think I remember ever having something else on my neck apart from my grandmami's pendant. It's always been special, and I kept it on for years because she's so close to my heart. And Jacky's present just brought another reminder of her. It's the loveliest thing anyone has ever done for me.
I drop my hair once the necklace is on. I went a step up, confusing Jacky slightly. "Thank you." I say, looking right in her eyes. "This is beautiful, honestly."
Slowly, I lean down to kiss her briefly. "Happy birthday, Kimmy." I giggle at the sound of her calling me 'Kimmy'. Even my nickname sounds beautiful coming from her.
I pull away and grab her hand abruptly. If we're making out, we're not making out on the staircase. I lead her to my room, which admittedly is embarrassing. I haven't cleaned up in a week and my things are just everywhere. I flip the light switch on, and my room comes into full view.
"Okay, bad idea." I mutter and Jacky looks at me. "My room is filthy."
My bed right in the middle of the room and it's messy. I forgot to put the t-short I wore earlier back in the closet so now it's just rolling above the covers. Not to mention my closet being the messiest of it all, and my desk having all those scattered notebooks, textbooks, pens and such. I frown because I swear my laptop was there just a few hours ago.
"I don't mind." She mutters. She drops my hand and walks up to my desk. I follow her and I watch as she picks up an old picture frame. I don't have to guess what it is, I know what it is.
"You really do have your grandmother's eyes." She points out, squinting hard at the image.
In the frame holds an old picture of me and my grandparents. I was around 2 at the time and the picture was taken in the driveway just before their flight back to California. My grandad carried me in his arms and my grandmother was smiling so brightly. She was holding my hand, trying to get me to look at the camera but I had a big frown on my face.
"Your grandmother looked like the sweetest." She says, carefully putting the frame back on the desk.
I nod, smiling sadly. My hand flew to my chest where the little 'c' pendant is. "I always celebrated my birthdays with them. They always made this day feel so special," I tell her, "It was never the same when they passed away."
I take a few calculated steps back. I drop myself on my bed. Every year is a constant reminder that both of them are gone. Especially on this day.
Jacky shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm sorry it had to be that way for so long." She walks up to me and sits beside me. "It's hard to get back in rhythm when you lose someone so close to you, but we have to."
"Is that how you feel about your mom?" I ask cautiously but her words sounded like they came from her heart; where pain usually hides.
"All the time," She whispers, her voice breaking. "I bet that's how you feel about your grandmother. She sounded like someone who is really special to you."
"I just lost her so soon. I was in denial for a really long time. It hit me 2 years after she died that she will never be there for the milestones in my life; my graduation, my wedding— all those things will happen and she will never see them."
Frustratedly, I wipe away a tear that rolled down my face. The day I realised that, I broke down and it was so out of nowhere that I terrified my parents to the core. I guess the pain of that reality wore off in time, but it's always there. And it hits me from time to time in subtler ways.
"It was so long ago." I dismiss, shaking my head. "I should be over it."
She sighs, pulling me close to her. "It doesn't matter how long ago it was. One day you're okay," She whispers, gently laying her hand on top of mine. "In some, it hits you all over again and that void just feels so deep again. And there's nothing wrong with that."
I nod, lightly leaning my head on her shoulder. I look at the picture of grandmami on my desk when she was younger. She was always so warm and welcoming towards anyone. Mom is too, I guess, but not as warm as her mother. I imagine if I were to introduce Jacky to my family, and those two were still alive, they would have loved her.
"Grandmami would have loved you." I say out of the blue, catching her by surprise.
"You think so?" She asks, "Maybe she would have thought of me as your really clingy friend."
I laugh at her comment, making me shake my head. "I think she will know right away you are more than my friend. That woman can read me like an open book," I assure her, "She would have loved your sarcasm and your humour. She loved beautiful people, and would have gushed over you. She would also grill my mom if ever she comes off... homophobic. I don't know if I can say the same for my father."
Jacky scoffs, shaking her head as if she knew that was coming. "Yeah, that's expected," She says, "Dads want their daughters to date proper Ivy League boys, not girls like me."
"Can I ask you something?" I let it out. I hear Jacky whisper a 'go ahead'. That was my go signal. With my voice quivering nervously, I ask, "The girls you've... been with... Did you date them or was it just like one time things?"
My face was so warm. Ever since Jane asked her that question, I tried to forget about it. The number wasn't a big deal for me, it's just the... situation, if you know what I'm trying to say. I had to get it out of the way so I can sleep tonight. When she turns to me I notice the blatant display of amusement, but also the red tinge of discomfort on her cheeks.
"Honestly?" She asks and it took me a moment to actually nod. Am I even ready to find out? "I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm in a relationship with them. I don't do quick and dirty, that's very shallow for me, but I don't judge anyone who does it that way."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was even holding. Knowing that, that our feelings on sex are on the same page; how she sees it as a special act as opposed to acting on it for pure lust... I didn't know if I could like her even more, but listening to her say that made my feelings for her so much stronger.
I like this girl a lot, but love is too strong a word to describe how I feel... even if deep down my feelings are heading there.
All that crap "you'll know when you know" I hear in movies about love sounded like bullshit to me, until I found myself in the same shoes as those people.
"You havent let go of what Jane asked, have you?" I notice the worry in her tone, but I assure her whatever she's thinking is wrong.
"I didn't say what I said earlier because Ken, Jane and Ian were listening," I assure her, "That was for you to know I won't judge for anything. That's only a small part of who you are, and I like you for who you are."
"I like you too, and I believe you." She says gently, nodding her head. "Since you asked, I think it's fair if I ask what you thought when you found out."
"That it's a bit intimidating."
I clap a hand over my mouth, feeling my whole face turn bright red. I didn't even mean to say that out loud, it just slipped. I really am a newbie in dating and relationships: a virgin in all aspects. I have never gotten far with anyone, and I can't even hide that properly.
And Jacky, she's trying really hard not to smile at me. "Why is that intimidating?" She tries to sound serious but I know her face has broken into a smile by now.
"Because I've never... slept... with someone." I didn't think it was possible for my face to heat up some more.
We're really having this conversation now?!
"Okay, Kim, I need you to look at me." Hesitantly, I turn my head slowly. My eyes flick in her direction. Seeing she's so close is so tempting. I just want to kiss her right now.
I've been brought up by my grandmami who always reminded me sex is a sacred act, and that it must only be done with someone you truly love. I grew up with that mindset, which made me a bit of an odd one out when people in school talk about their sexual experiences. It got bent over the years, but it revolves around that idea. Call my beliefs old-fashioned but, like Jacky, I don't spurn anyone who doesn't follow my belief as long as they don't do that with me too.
And one fear I have in dating is if that person you date manipulates you into hooking up, then leaving you after they get their way. I don't want to feel like a used napkin when that's the trend in our generation.
But when Jacky starts speaking, my thoughts settle calmly.
"I respect you, Kim, in every possible way," she whispers, looking straight in my eyes so intensely I could melt. "And I won't pressure you into doing anything you're not ready for. That's not why I want to be with you anyway."
How did I get so lucky that my first girlfriend has such a pure heart? I get flustered thinking about it. How?!
"How are you real?" I whispered in disbeliefs. She laughs shyly like she doesn't believe it herself.
Her intentions with anyone have always been clean. I can see it in her eyes; there's no malice or ulterior motives. She's with someone because she wants to be with them. And I think that's very rare, and beautiful in this day and age.
But I think that was taken advantage of, just like every beautiful thing in this world.
My hand goes up to her face, my finger gently brushing her soft pink lips. I hear her gasp, and her lips quiver under my touch. How did I get this lucky? I thought to myself.
"We'll take it slow," Her words sound like a proper promise, and it's making my heart flutter. "Your first time should always be special. And... if you never want to do it, we don't have to. You can always talk to me if you change your mind."
She kisses my finger, and my smile widens. "Okay." I say, holding on to her promise. My eyes travelled down to her lips and I feel myself gravitating to close the gap between us. "I do want to make out with you."
"I love the honesty," I touch her face gently when she laughs. "And we can definitely do that."