Sometimes, you feel so much that you end up feeling nothing at all. Reading the message over and over, a responding message, made her feel nothing but absolutely numb.
Marley was so glad for it. Bursting into tears would be the worst possible reaction. She needed to have enough backbone to bring him his phone and walk right out instead of showing him how much she was breaking inside. She knew the second she was truly alone, she'd think this through over and over in her head, trying to find the signs and cursing herself when she did. She'd cry and she'd hate herself and him even more, for everything she ever said and did to let him in. To give someone who is notorious for hooking up with girls and not giving half a damn about any of them — her heart.
Aiden is cheating. And she knew why.
Marley's footsteps slammed down the stairs with so much more force and dramatics then she needed express. Her eyes were burning but not with tears, with anger and betrayal that raced through her blood, heart pumping loud and fast through her veins. She watched heads turn to look at her, one by one and begin to probably sense her aura of fury and scorn. The voices and conversation stopped. Jason was the first one to look up, his brown eyes widening into saucers but she had tunnel vision on the guy crouching beside one of the couches and cursing under his breath. He didn't even look up.
"I can't see underneath this-"
Marley tossed it right at him and he spun around to catch it at the speed of light, on pure instinct with his years of football. She didn't throw it hard, and knew he'd catch it, because she wasn't ever going to be physical with her anger for him. It didn't matter anyway. He wouldn't care.
"Thank-"
"No need to hide it anymore, Aiden. No need to come up with time and place, baby. She gives you more than I do. So I should be thanking her, right?"
She watched his expression change, but before she could understand what emotion it was becoming she turned on her heel and headed for the door with her arms crossed over her chest.
The room had gone pin drop silent, but Marley didn't see anyone or anything right now. The world had stopped making sense.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Marley. Stop walking."
She continued to head for the doors, hearing his booming footsteps rapidly closing in on her. Marley was in no rush, she wouldn't be able to outrun him anyway. Even metaphorically.
"Stop it. Just start explaining-" he grabbed her forearm gently, trying to spin her around but she yanked it away.
Her hazel eyes fiercely glaring into the blue ones which were her favourite ones to look into. She cursed herself for that still being true.
"Get away from me," she snapped, her tone icy and unforgiving.
Marley has never spoken that terrible before, but all bets were off right now. There were no lines of what was unacceptable between them anymore, clearly.
She turned back on her heel and slammed the screen door open with the palm of her right hand, body vibrating with restless fury. At herself, and at him.
Marley fell in love with a heartbreaker, and now it was time for the karma of that choice to come back and bite her.
"You cheated on her?!" Marley heard the shout of her best friend in the background, but was too far gone to even think about it for another minute.
"What the fuck? No! Marley!"
She heard the door open again, and wasn't surprised that Aiden was following her. He never leaves her alone, when she's overwhelmed with him or upset, he never gives her a chance to breathe. He reached for her shoulder this time, and she did turn around but simply to lock eyes and say with the coldest, flattest voice possible.
"Do. Not. Touch. Me."
"What the fuck even is this?" He burst, throwing his hands up, "Storming downstairs, throwing my phone at me? Where in the world is my Marley?"
My Marley. How could he even say that with a straight face, after he cheated on her with another girl? How can he call her his, when he was never hers? "I'm not your Marley anymore," she said harshly. "Aiden we are done."
She heard his shocked inhale even steps away, and it brought on some sick satisfaction that he was feeling a semblance of the stinging that she was beginning to feel throbbing to break through the numbness. Marley is not vindictive, or violent, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She is selfless and always puts others' needs before her own.
But all of that, everything she is doesn't exist right now. All she is, is a hurt teenage girl working through her first heartbreak. Honestly, she wishes she could've handled this better. This behaviour is ugly of her.
"Wow. I never expected this from you."
Marley's storming steps halted brutally, the gravel skidding beneath her converse. The most hypocritical words in the world had a way of triggering her.
She spun around with her eyebrows raised, her arms still crossed to hide her trembling hands, "Excuse me?"
Aiden's blue eyes were narrowed as if she was the one in the wrong here. ""I never expected you to be petty, or small, or spend three minutes reading my fucking messages, not even taking a second to give me the benefit of the doubt before treating me like this."
"You want to play the respect game?" Marley shrieked. "You're dating me, you tell me you love me, you make promises to me, meanwhile you're breaking every single one of them by having sex with another girl behind my back. I won't apologize for being angry. I won't apologize for what you did to us. You're a stupid kid in every sense of the word, and I should've known better than to ever trust you."
Marley spun around and stormed away, again. Ready to go to her room, close the door, and throw everything around until she was satisfied.
She's a virgin with no plans not to be anytime soon, and Aiden is the biggest player on the planet. She should've known that he wouldn't stay loyal if she wasn't giving him any. Stupid, stupid Marley.
"I'm not having sex with anyone. I'm not touching, or talking to, or speaking with, or so much as looking at, anyone else but you. We spend almost all our time together. You know my password to my phone and you know I delete any incoming messages from girls who have my number. I tell anyone with ears that you're my girlfriend. But now all I feel is ashamed."
Marley stopped for the second time, blinking rapidly. No. You're not the bad guy here, Marley, don't let him turn you into one. You kept your promises, you were loyal and loving and honest. He was the one who hurt you.
You're not the bad guy.
But she stayed rooted to the ground, thoughts swarming behind her eyes but none of them she was able to translate. She didn't turn around. It was quiet for a minute. Aiden's harsh exhales could be heard from where she was standing.
"An hour ago: hey Aiden. It's Penny from back home. I miss you baby. Thirty minutes ago: I noticed you have a girlfriend, but I'm still open to a hookup on the DL...Ten minutes ago: ...Obviously. Anytime and anyplace works for me baby ❤️😍. All unanswered. All unopened. I haven't been on my phone in two hours."
Marley's face lost all its colour in a heartbeat, everything tipping sideways. This can't be true. Aiden is cheating, and that is that. She's not the insecure, neurotic girlfriend who doesn't trust him and give him a chance to explain himself. Marley would never disrespect Aiden's character this way otherwise. He's cheating.
He's cheating, Marley. After all, why wouldn't he?
"You're lying." she choked out.
"So quick to lose all of your faith in me. I-I just...to be accused of cheating when I fucking love you and I do everything I can every day to prove it and take care of you and make you happy — it hurts, spitfire." His voice broke.
Spitfire. Despite everything she said, despite the fact that they were in the middle of an argument and she verbally punched him in the face, Aiden still uses a term of endearment to address her. As if it's instinct. As if he doesn't have a single bad intention in any cell of his body. As if he's the nicest person in the world to her.
Because he is. Because Aiden Matthews would never cheat on her.
Marley spun around to face Aiden, her stomach sinking in guilty dread. Her boyfriend was standing about four strides away from her with an unreadable expression, jaw tight, eyes guarded.
"Aiden," her voice shook. "I-I didn't mean...no...no you wouldn't. I didn't mean to...I never was snooping or...I never would think that-" She cut herself off, her eyes blurring with tears watching him take long strides to reach her.
She waited for the warmth of his arms, for his soothing words and his forgiveness and his comfort.
What really happened was much, much worse, but exactly what she deserved.
Aiden reached a hand out to cup her cheek, but the touch was platonic and stiff. Her whole body was frozen as tears slipped down her cheeks and soaked his hand.
His expression was still unreadable as he brushed them away with his thumb, eyes locking onto hers, "If its an emergency, call me. If you have a bad night, don't hesitate to come to me. But otherwise, I want space right now. Talk soon, Marley."
"Aiden," she sobbed grabbing onto his hand and squeezing it desperately.
His other reached for his grey hat, slipping it off her head and he might as well have stabbed her in the heart instead.
It'd hurt less.
His warm hand fell over the one gripping him tightly, knuckles white. She trembled and choked as he slowly peeled her fingers off, not breaking their eye contact once as he separated them. His eyes were empty.
Nothing could match the guilt and sorrow and ache that Marley felt right now, hurting the most important person in her life. Who, even after she treated him like dirt, took care of her anyway.
"I'll find someone to replace me on decorating duty. But you need to let me go, Marley."
"I-I-" she let out a broken cry, knowing she was being so damn selfish for crying. She did this. She did this to him, she did this to them. Marley had a perfectly good thing that she somehow managed to find and keep, and she ruined it, "I am so, so so sorry, Aiden. I'm so sorry."
His eyes scanned over her face and the action was so sweet and soft and sad it sent another shot of unbearable pain up her spine, "I know."
He took a couple steps away before he was turning his back to her. She felt her knees wobble and threaten to give out at the action of him walking away.
Seven years ago, she sat on a rock at her elementary school, unbeknownst to the rapidly gaining distance between her mother and her brother. At the betrayal, at how they left her alone.
But this time was different because she was seeing it, it was right in front of her in all it's brutal, cold, terrible glory.
"Sucks, doesn't it?" He asked over his shoulder, his voice cracking for the first time before it was even again, "When someone you love loses faith in you."
-
Losing Aiden was like losing a limb. Marley was desperately hoping, feeling it was there, every time she looked. But every time, it wasn't. Instead was Aiden's empty eyes, the moment she pressed her back against the wall and crossed the point of no return, eyes searching to a reason he would leave her.
Marley told herself over and over that she was secure in their relationship. But that was so, so far from the truth.
All she felt when she read the message was relief. The idea that she could leave him before he left her. Like her mother, like her brother. She was in front of it, she could control it and be the one to give up.
But Aiden loves her. He's always, always loved her. And she ruined it. At some point, she'll ruin everything. Everyone will leave her alone.
"I can't believe I-I did-did-Bryan," she sobbed, quaking and shaking, curled up in a ball in her blankets, "I messed up. He's nothing like-"
"Your family. Like your father. Like what you're used to."
Marley was in the closet, triggered and upset. She had the phone against her pillow and her ear against her phone, which gave her full freedom to tug at the outrageously long sleeves of Aiden's black drawstring hoodie as if she could disappear inside of it. It smelled so strongly like him and love and devotion that it served to make her feel equally as comforted as she was more upset.
Aiden Matthews was done. He had given up on her. The best thing she's ever had is gone.
"My past is no excuse. My family is no excuse. It will never be an excuse for being a terrible person," she cried, her eyes burning red and aching with tears.
She hugged herself tightly, feeling so empty and cold and cut open.
"You're not a terrible person," Bryan sighed. "Far from it, Marley. You just didn't trust him. You never trusted him, and you need to understand that."
Her lower lip bled as she bit down on it harshly, nails digging into her calves, "Yes-Yes I did. I-I trusted him."
"You two spend every day together. You have the same friends. I know you, I know that beyond this camp, Marley, you never would've given him a chance. This five minute walk between where he is and where you are is your safety net. You're surrounded by wilderness in all directions. There's curfew and practically fences around the property. The only reason you never entertained the possibility of Aiden leaving is because you know he'd have nowhere to go."
Bryan was right. And that was the most insulting judge of Aiden's character.
He's done everything right. It should've been enough.
"He left me," she stuttered beyond tears, "He left me and he has everywhere to go. I ruined it. I always ruin it."
"Marley..." he sighed quietly, his voice breaking at the pain of someone she knows he considers his own daughter, "it's time to tell him the truth. It's time for him to know what your weaknesses are."
"He does-doe-doesn't want to se-see me. He said to stay away. He said that he needs space. He doesn't want me anymore."
"That doesn't matter now. Even if he wants space, he doesn't deserve to be ignorant to what was behind the way you hurt him. He deserves to know. Even if his reaction isn't what you want, do it because you love him. Don't leave him thinking that you believe that low of him, that the girl he loves has no faith in him."
When the bathroom doorknob turned, Marley's heart jumped in her throat, "I have to go," she rushed out, before she was hanging up.
It's him. It's him. He's here to talk to her and say that he can't be away from her. That he forgives her. It's Aiden.
She took a deep breath and sat up, wiping her soaked face and nose with the sleeve of his hoodie, shoving open the closet door with a trembling hand. She watched the figure enter the room.
Gabby.
Another stab to the heart. He wants space. Not her. Not anymore.
Her eyes welled up again when her best friend entered the room, blonde hair up in a bun and green eyes tired and empathetic.
"Marley I broug-"
"He left me. He left me. He left me," she blubbered like the pathetic girl that she is, sad and pathetic, "He left me and they're always going to leave me. Nobody is ever going to stay, Gabby," she cried.
"I'm not going anywhere."
She jumped up so fast at the sound of his deep voice, his broad, muscular frame entering the bathroom and knocking the wind clean from her lungs. I'm not going anywhere. Her legs weak and wobbly, she would've face planted on the ground if Aiden hadn't shot out to grab her by the underarms, catching her. Grounding her.
"I'm so sorry. Whatever you want, Aiden. I'll give. Just don't leave me. Please don't leave me. I'm begging-"
She was cut off by his lips pressing against hers. Once. Twice. Thrice. And then a fourth time. Warmth spread to every single inch of her being as he connected their foreheads.
"I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere. I promise you, spitfire."
Marley circled her fingers around his black shirt, determined to force him to live up to it. She'd never let him peel her fingers off again. She moved so she could bury her face into his toned shoulder.
Why is he here? Why is he even here?
"Ai-aid-"
"Shhh," he soothed softly, circling his arms around her body like a cocoon, "Come to bed, baby. I'm going to hold you, okay? Come on."
She cried harder, feeling him jostle them and bring her away from the bathroom. Marley only loosened her iron hold when she felt she was being lowered into her bed. Her hazel eyes were misty and red as she heard the sound of his shoes hitting the floor as he kicked them off. She still had a hold of his shirt, but he didn't separate them enough for her to need to reach.
He slid onto her bed and while she dove for his body he threw the covers over the both of them. When his warm, muscular arms circled around her, she felt her shakes and her panic attack begin to lessen. Not disappear. But lessen.
"Marley," Gabby spoke from the end of the bed, and she felt it dip as her best friend sat down, "nobody is leaving you. Not Aiden. Not me. Ever. You are enough. You're so much more than enough."
"No," she sobbed, gasping and choking into Aiden's shirt, her voice muffled, "I mess it up. I messed it all up, Aiden. I'm so sorry."
He rubbed his hand up and down her back, "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize I shouldn't have walked away from you like that," he whispered. "That's a mistake I'll never make again. Whatever happens, we work it out together. I don't want you to think I will ever give up on us, or that I would leave you the second things get hard."
"But you had every reason to leave me. I snooped on your phone and that's private. I'm so awful. I'm the worst ever girlfriend."
"No you're not, Marley, and you don't have to apologize for going through my phone. I don't have anything to hide, so I don't care what you see or do with it," he reasoned softly, kissing the top of her head. "Plus, those messages, they weren't fair to you. I'm changing my number. The only person I want inviting me to go somewhere and hook up is you."
Even in her darkest moments, Aiden can make her laugh. Genuinely, honestly laugh. She felt her tears begin to retreat as both their bodies rumbled with chuckles. This is his power, it's almost magic.
"Aiden Matthews!" she choked out as a weak imitation of her signature shriek, smacking his arm.
He stopped running his hands through her hair to grab her hand and she tilted her head up to watch him kiss every single finger. His lips were turned up into a smile as his blue eyes locked on hers. Not empty anymore.
Marley's begun to realize that before she met Aiden, she was spending her days waiting for something. It was him. She'd been waiting for him.
"I love you," she breathed.
She jolted when she heard the door click shut. They were alone again, Gabby had waited until she knew her best friend was okay before leaving. Marley truly doesn't know what she did to deserve these two incredible people.
Her eyes locked back on Aiden's again and they were all over her face with a tenderness that brought her back from her emotional storm, "That was a very lonely hour and a half. I love you too."
She sniffled, wiping her nose with her right sleeve as she blinked up at him. "I'm the most sorry I ever doubted that."
"It's okay. Really," he replied earnestly, and there was no deceit behind his eyes. "To see where you were coming from just took imagining it was me that saw that message on your phone. We're both new at this whole, relationship thing," Marley smiled a little when he did. "So I might've reacted the same way. I might have doubted you, too. Well, that, and there'd probably be an ambulance at camp by now to pick up the very sorry other guy."
Marley let out a sniffly giggle. "The one pro of dating Marley Hoover — there will never be competitors for someone like me."
He dug his hand in her wavy hair and used his grip to bring their mouths together in a fierce, drugging kiss that Marley could feel the burn of down to her toes. "First off all, there are only ever countless incredible, amazing pros of dating Marley Hoover," he began throatily, tilting her jaw, pressing gentle kisses towards her ear. She gripped his shirt, shimmying closer to his heat. His neck kisses are heavenly — all she can ever do is let her eyes flutter shut in absolute bliss. "Secondly, there will always be competitors for a girlfriend as perfect as you. Good thing I'm very competitive," he smirked into her skin, before parting his lips and sucking on a sweet spot beneath her jaw. "And known for my winning streaks."
Marley struggled to breathe, to think, to get the words out she needed to say as she squirmed in his hold. "N-no competition," she gasped out, "There is only you."
He lifted his head, pressing his forehead to hers, his darkened blue eyes searching her face. His lips upturned in a happy smile. "Ditto." Marley's fingers latched around his hair, and she became more aware of his body heat half on top of her, their legs tangled together beneath the covers. Breathless, she blushed brightly when he ran his thumb along the side of her neck, lowering it down her torso beneath the covers. When his hand closed around her thigh, she gasped as he hoisted it over his hip in one sharp movement, a first in their new relationship. But in the heat of this moment, Marley was not afraid or uncomfortable with the action. Instead, her body hummed as the sparking current spread beneath her skin, and she couldn't help but tighten her leg around him. She couldn't imagine fitting this perfect, exact way with anyone else, with any other body.
She and Aiden, they belong together so absolutely in this moment she couldn't doubt his words, she couldn't doubt him despite the little insecurities that poked the back of her mind: telling her he could do better, telling her there are plenty of more beautiful girls who will always want him and he may realize that one day, too. But with with him so close, with his eyes boring into hers with so much love it took her breath away, she couldn't find it in herself to want to think about the future anymore. She just wanted to take advantage of what she had now, to hold onto it for all it was worth.
Because Marley is a teenager in love, and it is so much more beautiful than she ever could've read, than she ever could've seen, than she ever could've imagined.
"This okay?" Her boyfriend asked against her mouth as he released her thigh, his eyes guarded with caution and worry while her silence stretched out over a long minute. Their heavy breathing filled the quiet between them, as Marley nodded rapidly, struggling to get closer to him.
He smiled a little, leaning away when their noses brushed again. "Want to just lay with me now?" He tucked her hair behind her ear, offering her an out like he always does.
But Marley knows a lot of things and one of them right now, is that she doesn't want to just lay with him. She wants to kiss the life out of the man she loves, the man who stood by her when she doubted him, who never gave up on her even in the moments she did to him. Her eyes lowered to his chest, face flushing in embarrassment at her next mumbled word. "N-no."
"No?" He peppered kisses down the side of her face, and Marley sighed in contentment, her mouth gravitating towards his instinctively. "What would you like to do then?" He teased gruffly, his lips pressing to the corner of her mouth. Marley squeezed his hair tighter, inhaling a deep breath of his dizzying, wonderful scent wrapped around her like a cocoon. "Play a game of Scrabble?"
"Sh-shut up." He laughed into their kiss at her lame comeback, but his laughter brutally cut off into a soft groan when her other leg instinctively circled his waist, too. Marley froze at a sound that almost seemed pained, wondering if she'd done something wrong, but didn't get the chance to wonder about that any more when he bit down on her lower lip, and she jolted at the sting. He slid his tongue along the ache, and her mouth parted for him instinctively, earning another one of those sounds from him. She concluded that it must mean enjoyment, tugging on his hair as their kiss deepened.
Since their first, Marley can safely say her skills have improved exponentially. They have a rhythm now, a way they kiss that is in complete synch. They know each other well enough now to be matched in that way. Which, is definitely dangerous for Marley's heart health. She was sure it was about to break through her ribs as he tilted his head and explored her mouth, his arms bent to support his weight on either side of her head.
When she began to gasp for much-needed oxygen, still squeezing his hair tightly in her fists, Aiden's eager lips trailed down the side of her neck. He used one hand to unclasp hers from his head, sliding it along his shoulder, resting it against his upper back. A silent message to do some exploring of her own, a wordless encouragement for more. Marley wasn't sure where the bravery came from, but it surged through her fingertips as she began to pursue new territory in their relationship.
So far, she has never touched anywhere below Aiden's shoulders — as much as he has definitely hinted in multiple ways that he wants her to. Now, though, she was eager to touch everywhere on a chest she's been drooling over for so long.
Her boyfriend's chest, that only belongs to her.
It's amazing what finally trusting someone can do. It's incredible the confidence she feels now that she's truly safe with him. Bryan was right, she never trusted him. But Aiden coming here, promising to never leave and holding her even when he was upset. When he needed space, still demanding she call him if she needs him, it was a true show of his unwavering loyalty.
He kissed below her ear, his breaths heavy like her own, "My Marley," he groaned softly, nipping her earlobe. "It gets better every damn time with you."
She tested her comfortability by slowly moving her hands over his shoulders and above his pecs, but no nervousness or fear came. His lips froze from where they were now pressed against the side of her neck.
"Aiden," she breathed out evenly, "Do you remember in the arcade, when you said if you want my shirt off of me, just say the word?"
His head lifted, blue eyes widening to saucers. She leaned forward to speak against his lips.
"Well, the word."
***