There is no doubt Chicago is one of the United States' most beautiful cities. The architecture is amazing, the art and culture in the city is always alive and it's home to one of the country's most iconic sculpture, open for everyone's viewing pleasure. It's no doubt Jacky wants to see it. For someone who's new in the state, it's one of those things you shouldn't go home without seeing.
She asked me if I ever tried being a tourist in my own city, and the answer is a plain no. Sure, I drove around he city plenty of times. Usually, it's on the weekends when mom needs to get to a gallery early before opening and I drive her. Sometimes it's picking up something from my dad's office, or waiting for mom to finish work late at night.
On those nights I'm usually just walking around in Millennium Park. It's always been just there, and something new happens everyday in this part of the city. Nothing stays the same. One night there's a giant cinema in the open field, the next night there's a stand-up comedy taking place. Plus, it's a big enough city where you don't encounter the same faces within 3 days.
Tonight, there's a band playing some old acoustic music. Every person of every age surround the makeshift stage, the sweet mellow sound echo through the walls of the massive skyscrapers surrounding the park. They contain the sound so it fills the whole open space.
I love this place. Of all of Chicago, this is my favourite place.
Jacky and I walk around the park, her hands in her jacket, her chin towards the sky as she looks around her. The atmosphere is very calm, almost romantic. We pass by a few pairs, either holding hands or walking hip to hip. It's hard not to just take Jacky's hand and walk beside her as close as I can, but that could be off-putting and could turn this painfully awkward.
But I still wonder how that would feel; my fingers intertwining with hers.
"This place is beautiful." She says, turning to me for a brief moment. Her brows furrow in confusion, spinning so she's walking backwards to face me entirely. "Did you say that this was your favourite place in the city?"
I nod, a smile creeping on my face as I revisit the memories. "It is," I admit to her. She nods her head, curiosity is spread all over Jacky's face, waiting for me to continue.
"Why?" She asks.
"My grandparents used to take me here. Usually my grandmother." I answer her. "They visited all the time from California to look after me because my parents were so busy." Jacky walks beside me closer this time. I try not to be too conscious of our proximity. "I was their only granddaughter— only grandchild, actually. Most of my childhood they looked after me until my grandad passed away, and my grandmother followed him shortly. Died in her sleep. Mom said her grief from losing grandad was too much for her to handle."
"That's crazy," She says, chuckling trying to diffuse the tension. We reach the platform of the Bean. Jacky sits on the steps and I follow promptly. "I didn't know you were so close to your grandparents."
Unconsciously, my fingers flew to the pendant on my chest. I trace with my finger the elegant curve of the letter 'C', a small memorabilia from my grandmother.
"I haven't seen a married couple love each other as much as my grandparents loved each other." I mutter unconsciously. "They had so little but were so lucky in so many ways." Saying that, I can almost picture out my grandparents' face how I remembered it. I always wished they could have lived longer, but what could I have done?
"That's beautiful." I hear Jacky say. It was her voice that snapped me out.
"Man.. I don't know where this is coming from," I muttered, my face turning bright red. "What do you think?"
"I mean, now I know you're a romantic, talking about love so longingly." Her eyes twinkle as she said that, and that's complimented with her smile. "I think that's a beautiful quality in a person."
Feeling brave, I push my camera out of the way and moved closer to her. She doesn't move, thank god! "You know, you haven't told me anything about you... other than you're from New York." I say but careful not to hurt her feelings, or make it awkward. I'd be dead, trying to get out of an awkward situation with Jacky.
She pulls her legs to her chest, her laughter sounding more nervous now. "Well, I didn't really have a pretty childhood. Or a story to match yours." She says sadly, picking at her well-groomed nails. Actually, some of her polish has chipped off. She's probably been picking at it for a time now.
"It doesn't have to." I tell her, and I hope she knows that I mean it. "I just want to hear your story."
She shakes her head, crossing her arms. "No, it's not that," she lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not used to... this—" she gestures between us. "Opening up and talking— I want to, Kim but... I don't know, maybe I just never had the reason to."
This is the first one I see Jacky so vulnerable. As curious as I am, I don't want to hurt her just because of my selfish curiosity. If she trusts me enough, she will, but we're not there yet, I feel.
"It's okay." I tell her. "We dont have to talk about, Jacky. It's just a shame we don't know each other that well."
"Well I don't... want it... to be." She mutters hesitantly, resting her chin on her knee. When I don't answer, she lets out a sigh and shifts her positioning. "Let me try again. Why don't you ask me what you want to know." She laughs at my confused expression before she grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. "You tell me about yourself, I'll do the same. Since you started by telling me about your grandparents, you can ask me anything."
"Really?" I ask her, the amusement very present in my voice. She lets out a little laugh and nods without hesitation.
"But you have to be very specific." There are so many things I want to ask her, but my mind is completely frozen!
But I guess, for now, this is one I've been wondering more often than I should. "Why did you move to Old Town?"
The way she reacted, how shocked she was, is expected if you're someone who's not used to opening up. She masks it with a smile, but i already saw what her true emotions are. "That's a big question, Kim," She tells me. She shakes her head, taking a deep breath, "Thats what happens when you have no reason to stay there anymore."
That just deepened my question even more. "But you grew up in New York, didn't you?"
Jacky smiles without showing her teeth, almost a guilty smile. She shakes her head and ran a hand through her hair, leaning back on the steps. "I didn't." She says. My eyes widen, but she just nods. "Is that so hard to believe?" She smiles in amusement, but I'm at loss for words.
"You're just so...." I trail off, not entirely sure how to finish that. "Urban." I muttered.
"Urban?" She repeats, giving me a curious look. "I mean, yeah, I kind of grew up in New York, but I was born in Idaho. But you..." She trails off, smiling. "Always been an Old Town girl, or should I prepare myself for a surprise?"
I laugh, even slightly wishing I have anything interesting to say in that regard. "Im from Old Town, born and raised." I say. "Sometimes in the city, but mostly Old Town." She laughs, shaking her head.
"That's sweet. I expected you to say you secretly lived in the Fiji for some reason." She jokes, making me smile. All the tension I felt earlier is gone now. This is the best thing about Jacky; she's so easy to talk to once you get comfortable.
"What did you use to do in New York? You said you were homeschooled." I ask her.
"A lot, Kim." She says, giggling. " I keep myself busy because that place can get lonely." Her eyes light up, and her smile widens on her face. A genuine one. "I used to work all week in New York. It wasn't fun but, you know."
I smile at her, nodding my head. "So what did you do on your day offs?"
She smiles, looking at me with such wonder. "I sang." I didn't expect that. "There is this small cafe in Brooklyn. I used to sneak out of my apartment to Be there. A lot of people gather every night to share their music or poetry, and it's so genuine because anyone who's looking for some comfort in the city usually finds it there." She tells me, and I can't help but smile at her story.
"What about you?" I ask her, smiling. "Did you find something there?"
"I did," She says with so much awe. But it as short-lived, because the light in her smiles goes away. That's when she turns to me, almost apologetically. Then I felt her finger stroking my arm gently. "But it was too good to be true."
My breath hitches; she's holding me, and she's not breaking eye contact too. That's all just too much for my heart. "Im sorry." I say.
She smiles briefly, almost like a thank you. "Not your fault." She says, carefully brushing the hair out of my eyes.
Our stares linger for a moment, my eyes taking in every inch of her face, her perfect features and her stunning eyes. The moment was broken when she turns away, whirling to the giant sculpture behind us.
"So this is what the Bean looks like up close." She says, getting on her feet.
As much as I wanted that moment to last longer, I can't help but still smile from the awe in her voice. "Yeah, a giant metal Bean." I say, my hands already fiddling to get my lens cap off. Jacky notices and chuckles, pointing at me. I laugh, rolling my eyes at her. "Stop. You look perfect up there." I said the words without realising it.
i pulled the camera up to my face to cover my own embarrassment. I clicked the shutter button and got the perfect moment when she's just looking at me indifferently. "Come on, Jacky, you can do better than that." I yell, making her laugh one more time.
I wish I can always make her laugh like that.
~
"There's got to be something you always wanted to do, Kim." I turned to Jacky just as she was about stuff her mouth with a large chunk of pizza. I can't help but smile because that's the most normal I've ever seen her.
This girl is so unreal, I sometimes need to pinch myself to remind me this isn't just a fantasy.
We bought pizza from a local pizza place, and then we just found our way to the riverside walk. The breeze from here is a lot colder compared to in the park. Jacky is sitting on a bench while I'm leaning on the railings. Behind me is, probably, the freezing river. From where I stand, I can hear the sloshing of the water as the small waves crash onto one another. It's very soothing.
"Is it crazy I want to go to New York for college?" My question made her stop what she's doing. "Do you think it's a dream too big for a small-Town girl?" I ask but maybe it's not really a question directed for Jacky. Somehow, I wanted someone to hear it without getting shat or laughed at for being scared of my own future.
She shakes her head, wiping her hands on a napkin. "Depends on your drive," She tells me with an assuring smile. "But why New York? Why not stay in Chicago?"
. A wisp of wind passes, blowing Jacky's hair out of her face. "I got an invitation for a scholarship at the New York Film Academy, but so did every talented photographer in the United States, but its worth a shot?"
She grins, nodding. What's that mean? She picks up her trash and drops it in a bin before walking up to me. She leans on the rail, her arm propped on the cold metal with her body facing me. "Prestigious offer." She says.
"It's only just my dream school." I say nonchalantly but, in fact, what I feel is the complete opposite. "I don't know where else to go for college."
Jacky nods, assuring me in whatever way she can. "Go for it, then." She says, smiling at me. "The City That Never Sleeps; where dreamers flock and make their dreams come true."
"It's a beautiful city..." I say, but Jacky only lets out a chuckle.
"I'm not going to fault you for saying that because it is," She says and her smile falters a bit. "Behind all that beauty, it's also a little lonely."
"You talk a lot like Mae, you know." I say with a smile.
"Meaning?" She asks with a hint of amusement.
"Perceptive." I tell her. I don't think she's aware of that because she gives me this look of surprise. "Anyway, Who knows if I'll even get in."
She frowns, a curious frown. "Don't say that." She answers. "If anyone can do it, it's you."
She really knows how to charm. "Are you happy that you left?" I ask her. She cocks her head, looking vacantly at the water.
"Sure. A bit."
"There must be something you miss about New York." I start.
"What I miss about New York?" She repeats, almost pondering at her own thoughts. "Okay, it has to be the city lights." her gaze softens into a dream-like state. "I once traveled from Brooklyn to the Empire State specifically for that reason." And just like that, she snaps out of it and just shrugs her shoulders. "What about you?"
"Me?" I piped in confusedly. "I've never been to New York—"
She laughs, her sweet laughter fills the air between us. "No, I mean," She begins. "If you left Chicago tonight, what will you miss most about it?"
Without even thinking about it, my gaze turns to the massive tower that stretches up to the sky. It's the tallest building in the city, and a few of my childhood memories were made there. Jacky follows my gaze and gives me a confused look once she figured out what I was looking at.
"It's the Empire State of Chicago." I explained, "the best of the city is up in the Skydeck, but I think it's closed now. Plus, it's just a great place to think."
"it's huge!" Jacky exclaims. Even with the buildings surround it, from where we stand, you can still see the last few floors of the building. I chuckled and started walking towards it. "Kim! No!" She calls out but she was already laughing and I can hear her footsteps behind me.
It was closely a 10-minute walk from the riverside. It is one intimidating building, honestly. Especially now at night when the lights are all off from the main entrance. The moment we approached the main entrance, and Jacky realised I wasn't going to stop, she abruptly grabs my hand and starts tugging me away from the building.
"No, no, no. We're going to get in trouble, Kim!" She panics, pulling me away from the steps. I laugh, coming down the steps and stopping in front of her.
"How are you so sure?" I ask her. "Trust me, okay?" She gives me a worried glance but she follows me meekly as We went up the steps one more time, no resistance this time.
We walk through the turning doors, Jacky's hand clasping mine tighter with every second we are in the tower. Anyone who's working here are all home now, only a few others left. The receptionist looks up from her desk. I wasn't surprised when I could feel Jacky trying to pull me away from the desk, but the receptionist just smiled when she sees me and puts down the phone.
"I really think we should turn around." Jacky whispers in my ear but I turned around and smiled at her, much to her confusion.
"Come on. Putting yourself in scary situations help make life a bit more exciting." She raised her eyebrows at me in disbelief after I used her own words. "You said that, and this isn't any different. I promise, Layla is very friendly." Now she looks even more confused.
"Very friendly?" She retorts in disbelief.
"It's so good to see you again, Kim!" Layla beams, leaning over the desk. Her gaze turns from me then to Jacky, then back to me. "I don't really see you coming here with anyone but your mom, so this is different."
"She's from New York," I pull her beside me. Jacky shoots me a curious gaze. "Can we go up to the 90th floor? I just wanted to show her the view."
"Oh!" Layla ruffles through her drawers and hands us visitor's passes without a lot of fuss. Jacky looks at me with complete disbelief at what just happened. "You know where to go." She says with a bright smile.
"Thanks, Layla. We won't be long." I lead Jacky to the elevators. Once we were out of sight, she flips the card in front of me with an amused grin. "I told you to trust me." I say teasingly, shrugging my shoulders.
"You know the receptionist?" She asks, amusement coating her every word. I flash her a grin before turning away and pushing the 'up' button on the keypad. "Should I be surprised or worried?"
"You should be excited."
When the elevator doors open, the two of us step inside. The elevator shoot up, passing one floor after the other. Normally, it would take forever to get up to the 90th floor, but when it's just the two of us, and it's not stopping at every floor, it's a lot more convenient.
The 90th floor is something I'm more familiar with. It's the main office of the gallery my mom is based at in Old Town, and I'm usually here when I was younger. I didn't go in to the offices, but I would always dilly-dally in the lobby because it's very vast, and there's a massive window that stretches from end to end and ceiling to the floor. Who needs a proper Skydeck?
When we reached the floor, I walked over to the curtains and pushed them apart, giving us just enough opening to view the city's skyline. The lobby is dark, only a single fluorescent light brightening the room. When the curtains part, the moonlight softly illuminated the room and the twinkiling lights of the buildings come in full-view. I hear Jacky gasp and not long, she's standing beside me.
"Wow," her voice full of awe, "This is amazing."
"A great place to think." I say, shoving the keycard in my back pocket.
I let myself get drowned in the silence, taking in every inch of it. Mom doesn't know but when she's out and busy in the gallery, or when dad is not home, I'm usually up here. Layla never minded. Its a better view than my bedroom, at least.
I point to the direction of Old Town before turning to Jacky. "That's where we live. That's the riverside walk where we just came from, and over there is Millennium Park." I turn to her to see a wide smile on her face, like a child on Christmas. "The Bean doesn't look very special from up here."
"How did you earn the privilege to come here any time you want?" She asks me without taking her eyes off the view.
"My mom works here, sort of." I shrug. "This is the main office of a chain of galleries around the state, and she's usually here before she organises an exhibit. It's one heck of an office, if you ask me."
"Your mom is a curator?" She asks, I nod without hesitation. After that, I just hear her scoff, no more words. She lets out a sigh, titling her head slightly towards me. "You know the bracelet that got stuck in my dress earlier?" I turn to face her but my eyes just went down to find her fiddling with the bracelet I salvaged a few hours ago. I nod. "It's the only thing I have left from my mom... that's why it's kind of a big deal that I didn't want it ruined."
The way she said it knocked the wind out of me. She frowns as shes visibly trying to steady her breath. Its always hard to watch someone recall their painful memories, and Jacky isn't an exception. This is the first time she ever mentioned a parent to me, now that I realise it. She's trying so hard to keep herself together, which is the hardest thing you can do.
She has so many secrets, this girl.
That's what makes her so different to anyone I've met in Old Town. A lot of people in my hometown are very one dimensional; very open and generous with intel about their life. They're very 'what you see is what you get' people, but not Jacky.
That's what makes her so interesting.
"I needed to tell someone, and you're the only person I'm comfortable telling." She says, turning to face me completely.
Does she mean no one else knows about her mom— screw that, I don't even know myself.
Where are her parents anyway?
Her eyes wander to me. Once I look at Jacky, I don't think I ever want to turn away. There's something so remarkable about her, something extraordinary.
My breath hitches when her fingers brush the hair out of my face. "You have really beautiful eyes." I draw in a breath. "But you've been hurt, haven't you."
It wasn't a question, it was more of a statement. And that statement only reminds me of one person that I wish I could completely block out for the rest of my life. But what I'm asking for is impossible because I see her prancing around the hallway 5 days a week. My jaw tenses at the thought of her, what she's done to me and why I let myself give her that much power to hurt me.
"We've all been hurt at some point." Was all I could say. I grasp her hand and gently brush my thumb on her knuckles. The bracelet I saved earlier is glistening under this light. Now I know that it means so much to her. "There's always pain; getting over a death of someone you love, living with isolation... then there's heartbreak."
I didn't regret putting that out because, frankly, Jacky is starting to become the person I'm not afraid to share that with. There's no judgement or shame in the way she looks at my vulnerability. She might not admit it to me now, but it's because she understands pain so much herself, whatever type of pain that might be.
Her next gesture send my body in shock. Well, not really but it felt like that! She tips my chin up, forcing me to look her in the eye. I'm met with bright, extraordinary green eyes. Nothing I've ever seen before. What she saw in mine, I'm starting to see in hers too; pain. So much of it.
"Are we still doing that game? The truth-for-truth where I share something, and you do the same?" She asks. For a moment, I hesitated because if she asks me anything related to Charlotte, I don't think I can give her a straight answer. But I still agreed to it. "Let me start this time. Why is Charlotte always giving you a hard time? I mean, she's Charlotte, she's naturally like that, but... she treats you horribly."
Ah, I should have not agreed.
I don't know how I can look Jacky in the eye and tell her I was once in love with her childhood friend! Oh, but she knows. If she doesn't, she at least has a feeling.
"I don't know," But I do know. Was all I can get myself to say. "Maybe she feels like I deserve it, because I don't kiss the ground she walks on. Why?"
Jacky scoffs and I catch her rolling her eyes. "You don't deserve it." She says. With my hand still in hers, she tugs me closer to her. She spins me around so I'm leaning on the back of the sofa. As unsteady my heart is right now, as confused as my brain is, I don't want to leave this moment; it's only Jacky and myself, no one else. And this might never happen again! "You really don't."
I shrugged, trying to show her how unbothered I am. Truth is what she did still stings, but someone else is making grin like an idiot right now, she doesn't even know it. And I'd rather focus on the good thing right now, and that's Jacky.
"I don't have anything to ask you in return." I tell her, shaking my head.
She shrugs, not really bothered. "You can always ask me when you do." She says, smiling.
I chuckle, turning to face her. "You're surprisingly really easy to talk to, Jacky." I admit.
"Not really." She says, laughing when I raised my eyebrow at her doubtfully. "It might just be you, you know."
Author's Note:
So, yeah, these chapters were pre-written for months, hence the super quick updates xD
Currently, I'm editing the next chapter (so that will go up soon too), and I'm also writing chapter 10!
I'm having the time of my life writing this story, and this hasn't been the case since The Football Coach 😅
I really hope you're enjoying this so far ☺️