The sunlight shining through the bedroom window caused me to wake. I rolled over and out of Jimmy's arm as it fell to the bed behind me. I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck and the rumble from his snoring was enough to make me want to draw the blinds and go back to sleep. If it weren't for the overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom, I would have. I stood up and picked up the top sheet off the floor where Jimmy left it, then wrapped it around me so I would be covered.
I walked into the bathroom and did my business. Before I left I caught a red streak in the corner of my eye. I focused my attention to the mirror. I smiled to myself as I read the words "I love you" scrawled out on the mirror in Jimmy's handwriting. My smiled turned to a gasp when my eyes focused past the lipstick and onto my own reflection. I forgot that I was still covered in the red lipstick from the night before but that isn't what shocked me. Where there was red the night before, there was also pink lipstick intermingled with it.
I looked down and took the sheet off from around my body. There was a pink heart on my chest. All of my scars, every single one of them, were now outlined in pink. Across my abdominal scars and stretch marks was "Thomas" with a little heart next to it. "Winnie" was written over my heart. "Brecks + J" was written across my rib cage. I had pink on my neck as well as my lips. My legs and feet were painted pink. I looked up into the mirror and noticed a third color on my body. There amongst the pink and red were two mauve marks.
Jimmy had drawn mauve glasses around my eyes and the word "confidence" written on my forehead. I stood there for a moment trying to understand what it all meant. I was flattered by all the pink intermingled with the red on my body. It showed me that he really truly loved me but last night he told me he wouldn't change anything about me. Now there were two distinct mauve marks. What did they mean? I wondered to myself as I wrapped myself back up, sitting on the bed and staring at Jimmy.
He was lying on his back now, the sunlight falling on his torso and into his face. He had taken his left arm and draped it over his eyes to shield from the sunlight. He was covered in red and pink splotches all over his body from lying tangled up with each other last night. My marks had rubbed off on him in places I don't remember marking him but seeing the smudges now, I fell in love with those parts too. He had taken the sheets and kicked it off to where it was barely covering himself. The sheet rested just below his v line, tented in the middle over him and wrapped around one leg and he had one leg out. He must have gotten in bed right after his shower without bothering to get dressed, that or he got hot in the middle of the night. He was snoring and a rose petal that was stuck to his lips moved up and down with every breath. He had candle wax in his hair and rose petals clung to his body. The sheets were basically ruined, with pink, red, and mauve splattered all around it from us tossing around in our sleep.
I moved my index finger up and down his ribs, making him squirm and moan in his sleep. He started giggling and took his hand and waved me off, the mauve lipstick still in his left hand. I noticed that the line was still on his hand so I quickly took my thumb and licked it, taking it to his finger to wipe the color off before he noticed it. I grabbed the lipstick from him and put it on the end table. I turned back and full on tickled him until he woke up. "Okay! Okay! I'm up! If you keep tickling me I'm gonna piss the bed, Brecks!" His sleepy voice filled the room between his giggles. " He rolled over and faced me. "Oh wow, looks like someone made you their personal magna-doodle in the middle of the night." He said trying not to laugh at me. I took my sheet off and smack him over the torso with it. "Well, what the hell was that for?" he said, rubbing his stomach as the skin turned red where the sheets struck him. "You know what! I thought you said you didn't have anything to draw on me? You loved everything about me and didn't want to change anything about me? I wake up looking like a kindergartners personal finger pant!"
I picked up a pillow and went to hit him with it when he jumped up and covered himself with the sheet. He held up his hand. "Wait! Wait! I'm seriously going to piss myself if I don't go now, so timeout? Please?" I motioned towards the bathroom with the pillow. Jimmy smiled as he dropped the sheet and sped to the bathroom. He walked over to the mirror on his way out and checked his body. "Wow, I guess we tossed and turned last night, huh? I'm covered in lipstick." He rubbed both cheeks. "Remind me to shave later. Also, I'm gonna need help getting this wax out of my hair." He picked at the wax at his hairline before turning towards me. He waved his hands towards himself. "Alright let's go, time in." I reared back and smacked him with the pillow. He laughed as I reared back and hit him again, sending feathers flying. "You told me I was cheating for not writing on you and I was watching you sleep this morning because I heard Thomas crying on the monitor." He looked at me and paused when I felt my eyes widen. "Don't worry, Mom and Drew took care of it. He's fine. I just checked on him on the camera when you went to the bathroom. Anyways, I couldn't get back to sleep and I saw your red marks so.. I decided to finish it. You're covered in pink, though, so why are you hitting me?" he asked grabbing the pillow and putting it behind his back.
"It's not the pink I have a problem with, Jimmy. Its these." I said tracing the glasses with my finger. "And this. What are these supposed to mean?" I said pointing to the word written on my forehead. "Also, you spelled confidence wrong. I couldn't tell from your horrid handwriting and the fact that it's back asswards in the mirror, but I'm pretty sure there isn't an a in confidence." Jimmy pushed back my bangs and looked at it. "Huh. Guess I did spell it wrong. Wow, turns out I'm not perfect. Hmmm. I don't know if I can process that this early in the morning." He said turning and walking to the dresser and grabbing a dark purple pair of boxer briefs and slipping them on. "Also, "back asswards"? Is that some Midwest Missouri slang or something?" He quipped turning towards me and jumping onto the dresser and sitting down, wiggling his finger towards me to come to him. I walked forward. "First, of all, it's a very popular saying. Its funny because back asswards is ass backwards. You're not the only funny person in this relationship. Also, don't ignore the question. What are these lovely purple marks for?" I looked down at his ring finger and saw no traces from the night before. "I didn't give YOU any mauve marks." I lied. I felt bad saying that but if he didn't notice, I wasn't going to tell him.
Jimmy caught my glance and looked down at his hand. He let his gaze linger for just a moment before furrowing his eyebrows and looking back at me. God, I hope he didn't notice where I was looking. He pointed over to the end table. "Can you hand me that lipstick?" I looked back behind me where I had sat the mauve. I turned back and shook my head. "Oh, come on, Brecks. Just trust me. Please?" I sighed and walked over, shuffling in my sheet there and back. I handed him the stick but gave him a warning look. "I swear, any extra mauve marks and what happened last night? Will be the last time." Jimmy took the cap off with his teeth and pulled my forehead to him. "Duly Noted." He mumbled with the cap in his mouth. He held my shoulder with one hand and licked the thumb on his other, sticking the wet mess on my forehead and then pulling the sheet off me to dry it. He looked up and down my body after pulling it off. "Whoops. You're naked." He said crumpling the sheet up and throwing it in the corner. He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows before putting the mauve to my forehead. He stuck out his tongue and then held my head back when he finished. "There. Its fixed. It says "confidence." No A." He spit the cap out of his mouth and caught it, sticking it back on the lipstick and tossing it behind him onto the dresser. "Also, I know I said that there is nothing I wanted to change about you but then I thought about it. I thought about the way you speak about yourself and to yourself. I see the way you look at yourself in the mirror. The "confidence" is just that. You need to be more confident in yourself. You are such a stunning and wonderful person. You need to have more self worth, babe. You're worth it. Act like it."
He jumped down and grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. He grabbed a black hand towel and ran it under the water. He rung out the towel and turned towards me. "Look at me." He said lightly. I did as I was told and he cleaned off my forehead. "And these," He said as he took the towel and wiped off the glasses. "The glasses are because I wish you could see yourself how I, and I'm sure the rest of the world, sees you. Because, and I mean this with all the love in my heart, you are blind if you can't see how simply exquisite you are." He took the towel away from my face and took his thumb and rubbed it down my face. "There. All clean." He tossed the towel into a hamper and turned on the shower. "Now, for the rest of it, you'll have to get in the shower. There's no way a hand towel will get all of that off." He chuckled as he got the water a perfect temperature. I grabbed his hand and grabbed his neck, looking him straight in the eye, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Ooh. Well, hello there." He said looking into my eyes, putting his forehead on mine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I won't magically get better over night but I promise you I will try." Jimmy started swaying back and forth with me. "Hmmm. I'll be around to help. Whenever you get down about yourself, I will just pinch you." I nodded and kissed his lips before turning to get in the shower. "Okay, but just so you know, I'm stubborn and I don't listen very well, so it might take a while. I'm just like that." I went to close the door when I felt a pinch on my ass.
I turned around and Jimmy had his arms crossed. "OUCH! Jimmy!!" I said, rubbing the spot he just pinched. He shook his head. "That was soft compared to how hard I can do it. Next time it's gonna be the real thing." I winked and wiggled my eyebrows. "Is that a promise?" I said leaning towards him for a kiss. Jimmy leaned back. "No, we are not turning this into a reward. I mean it, Breckyn." I nodded. I wasn't going to fight it. "Okay." I said softly. Finally, Jimmy unfolded his arms and grabbed my face, giving me a quick kiss and walking towards the water. I watched as he stuck his wrist under the water like I have seen him do with Thomas's formula bottle when I can't nurse. He hissed. "Ouch. Motherfucker." He said quietly. He quickly adjusted the water and put it back under. He nodded and held out his hand. "Here you go, luv." He said in his best cockney accent. Wow. I hadn't heard that since we first got together.
"Are you gonna get in with me?" I asked as he helped me in the shower. He went to speak whenI heard his phone start ringing in the other room as I got in the shower. "Oh, it's the telly. 'Alf a mo', deary." He held up a finger as he still used his British accent as he ran into the other room. "Well, ello, ello." He answered the phone on the third ring. I laughed at him as I cleaned all the lipstick off me. I heard him clear his throat real fast. "Oh, hey, Nance. What's up? Is Winnie okay?" I leaned my head out of the shower to listen. Winnie had been fighting a cold for the last couple of days so I was a little worried she had gotten worse. I wiped the soap from my eyes as I heard Jimmy laugh. Winnie must be fine. "Oh, yep. I think I saw that the other night when I was cleaning her room. It's not a problem. I know she cant sleep without it. I'm sure you had a fun night last night. You at the house or the apartment?" I heard a response on the phone and Winnie laughing on the phone as Jimmy started slipping on shorts. "Okay, give me about thirty and I'll be there. Alright, see you in a bit."
I was leaning out the door when Jimmy came in, looking down and zipping up his Khaki shorts. He threw a green v neck over his head and looked up. "Brecks? Oh, nevermind. You probably heard. That was Nancy. Winnie left her baby doll here and she can't sleep without it. I guess she was up all night long last night and gave Nance a real hard time. Nancy asked if it was okay if I could bring the baby to Win. I told her I would. Is that okay?" he asked, pulling his shirt down.
"Of course, Win really cant sleep without it and I know what its like to not have much sleep nowadays so by all means, go. Give Nancy some relief. I'll stay here and clean up and go spend some time with the little man. I missed him." Jimmy nodded and smiled, walking over to the bathroom mirror and opening it, pulling out his deodorant and putting some on. "Awesome. I'm gonna grab her baby and then I'll be there and back in no time. I love you so much." He came over and kissed me on the lips.
"I love you too, J." He watched me for a moment before I waved him off. "Go! There's a very important little girl waiting on her doll and her Daddy!" Jimmy nodded and walked out grabbing his keys and wallet. "I'll be back soon! I love you!" He hollered as he walked towards the door. "I love you too!!" I yelled back right before he closed it. I ran my hair under the water and smiled when I heard Jimmy honk as he drove by the window. I'm really lucky, I thought to myself as I let the hot water wash all the lipstick away.
****
"Oh thank goodness you are here. Winnie has been asking for Daddy and Baby for the last three hours. I called you at hour two after tearing the entire house apart looking for the baby and putting two and two together that Daddy and Baby meant it was at your house. I'll be glad when she can tell us exactly what she means." I laughed as she let me in the house. I made it two steps in when I heard the little footsteps running towards me. "Daddy!" She squealed as she ran clumsily towards me.
"Winnie Rose!!" I squealed back, crouching down and holding out my arms for her to run into. She jumped and grabbed me around my neck. I scooped her up and hugged her. "Oh, I missed you baby girl." I held the back of her head with my hand and rocked her. She leaned back and gave me a wet kiss. "Baby?" She asked with her hands out to her side like she was asking a question. I looked up. "Oh I don't know did I bring the baby?" We looked around as I held it behind her back so she couldn't see. "Baby?" she asked again looking behind my back. Finally, I brought the doll from behind her back. "Baby!! Yay!!!" she said as she grabbed it from me. I kissed her cheek. "I love you, pretty girl." I said as I set her down. "Love You!" she screamed as she ran back to her room.
"Well, glad to see she's happy to see her father." I said as I straightened my shirt from her hugging on it. Nancy smiled and breathed a little easier. "Oh, stop it. You know she loves you and misses you when you're not around. She's such a daddy's girl, its not even funny. I get a little jealous sometimes. But, I'm just glad she has her baby now. So we can both sleep tonight. I haven't lost that much sleep since her first week home. Do you remember that?" she asked as she watched Winnie walk from her room to the playroom. I watched Winnie as well in admiration, remembering when she was small enough to fit in my hands easily. Now she was a walking, talking, running beautiful little girl. I chuckled.
"Remember? I'm reliving it every night now. Although Thomas isnt as peaceful of a sleeper as Winnie was. I mean, sometimes he is out like a light but that first night home? He screamed and screamed for about an hour or two. I thought Breckyn was going to want to take him back to the hospital and exchange him, but we made it. I had to.." I started when Nancy turned towards me. "Rap to him? Yeah, I know. We watched the show yesterday morning. I liked your Thank You Notes. They were cute! You also did pretty good at History of Rap. The dancing was a bit much but you did great." She said as she grabbed my arm. She turned my arm. "You have something on your arm, Jim." She licked her thumb and wiped it. "Is... is this lipstick?" she asked, her face confused as she laughed.
"Yes. It is." She went to say something but I stuck my hands up. "Annd, before you start asking 21 questions like I know you like to do, yes, its from Breckyn and let's just leave it at that. Trust me, it's a long story and quite frankly I don't think you want to hear it and I don't want to tell it. So, I'm just going to change the subject because this does bring up something that I wanted to talk to you about." I said, pointing to the couch. "Is it okay if we sit down?" I said walking over to the couch.
"Well, yes, sure. Do we need to be sitting down for this?" She asked nervously. I just pointed to the couch and motioned for her to sit. "Oh God, what do you have to say? Is it Winnie? Is it the show? Do you have to move? I mean, what else can you possibly surprise me with? You've already told me about Breckyn and Thomas. What else could you be needing to talk about?" She was talking a mile a minute. I kind of snickered to myself and put my hand on hers on her knee. "Nance. You're rambling. You're gonna hyperventilate. Just take a deep breath in." She slowed down and took a breath. "And let it out..." I said as she slowly let it out and nodded. "Better?" I asked. She turned and faced me. "Yes. Thank you. Sorry about that. I just.."
"Get worried. Yeah, I know. I was with you for 7 years. I haven't forgotten." I chuckled. Nancy nodded and patted my hand that was on hers and put it back on my leg. "You know you can tell me anything, Jim. Just say what you need to say. I'm probably the easiest ex wife to get along with on the planet. There's nothing you should be worried about." She reached up and picked at my bangs. "Is this candle wax?" she said as she held it on her finger tip. I just looked at her and she put her hand up and nodded. "You're right. I don't want to know. Continue." She said as she leaned back in the couch and crossed her legs.
"Well, I... jeez. I don't know how to tell you this." I looked down at my palms. They were sweaty. I wiped them on my shorts and cleared my throat. I started bouncing my legs up and down when Nancy reached over and put her hand on my knee. "Okay, what's going on? You're so fidgety. You're bouncing your legs. You've never done that before. That's new." I nodded and bit my lip. "Oh, uh, yeah. That's a.... that's a Breckyn thing." I said as I stopped bouncing my leg, crossing one over the other. I sat there trying to think of the words to say to Nancy but I couldn't. "Jim, seriously, what's going on? I haven't seen you like this in quite a long time." She looked at me for a moment and then started laughing. "What? Are you proposing to Breckyn or something?"
Nancy kept laughing and looking at the ground. When I didn't say anything she looked up and saw my face. I was stone cold serious and just a tad bit nervous. She immediately stopped laughing. "Oh. You areproposing. I was just joking, really, but... " She paused and looked around the room. "I don't know, Jim. I don't think I'm the person you need to be discussing this with. I mean, what about Mom and ....." she stopped halfway though. "What about your mom and dad? Breckyn's parents? Shouldn't you talk to them?" she asked, finally looking me in my eyes.
"I already talked to Mom and Dad about it. I also already asked John and Karen for permission to marry her months ago. The only person left... is you." I said looking down at my shorts, lightly kicking my leg up and down. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep from doing that for too long. Nancy lightly laughed as she saw my leg bouncing again. "Why me?" She asked softly, as if she were apprehensive about my answer. "Why not you?" I asked her adamantly. "You're Winnie's mother. You have a say in who is in our daughters life or not. You are a part of that choice. You get to help decide that. You're one of my best friends. Your opinion matters to me and I trust you. I need you to tell me that this is okay. I need you to be okay with this and tell me that I am doing the right thing or I wont do it. Its as simple that, Nance."
Nancy put her hand back on my knee and gave it a good pat. "Jim. First, thank you for including me and making sure I was okay with this. It's very nice of you and quite honestly, I'm not sure anyone else in our situation would have done the same. Second, if I didn't think any of this was okay I would have made my opinion known long ago. I would have said something that first night you introduced us to each other. She's really great. As much as the ex wife hates to say it, she's great. She's fantastic. She's amazing. She's extraordinary with Winnie and Thomas. Also, if I'm being completely honest with you? I get nervous every time I talk to her that she is going to hate me or be rude but she's never anything other than pleasant. She's so understanding of our situation and I couldn't be more thankful for that. She makes me want to be a better person. Is that sad?"
Nancy didn't even pause to let me answer before continuing. "I don't care if it is sad. It's the truth. She makes me want to be a better person. She is everything I couldn't be for you and I couldn't be happier for that. That's the whole reason we didn't work out. I couldn't give you what you truly deserved. I knew it. You knew it. But Breckyn? She's everything you ever wanted, needed, and deserved all in one special woman. You deserve her more than you think you do, more than you could possible imagine. I hope I can find a love like yours one day, Jimmy. I mean it. Every time we talk to her or about her. Hell, anytime anyone says her name, you smile from ear to ear." I shook my head and bit my lip. "Really? Breckyn."
I scoffed when she said her name but she was right. I couldn't fight it. I felt myself smile from ear to ear. I was beaming. I could tell. "See. I told you. Just like that. That smile makes my heart happy and I know it makes yours happy as well. You love her, she loves you. You just had a beautiful son together. Who, looks just like you by the way. Breckyn already told me that you think he looks like her, and he does a little but that boy is a spitting image of you. He is gonna be a little heartbreaker. Just like his daddy. You guys are at your love limit right now with Thomas and everything. It's the perfect time to propose. Quite honestly, I've seen this coming for a while now and I'm a little shocked you didn't do it earlier. Winnie is going to be so excited! You know that? So, I guess yes. Long story long, I am perfectly okay with it. In fact, if you don't do it, I will."
With that joke, all the tension was gone in the room. I let out a sigh of relief and rubbed my face with my hands. "You don't know how much that means to me, Nance. I mean it, you really don't know. You'll have no idea. You are so good with this. You are so understanding. I don't know how I could ever repay you." Nancy just blew me off. "Oh come on, you know if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same thing." I nodded. "Yes, that's true. I would have to hurt someone if they ever hurt you or Winnie." Nancy smiled and patted the side of my face. "Oh how cute. I would do the same for you, though. I've been taking this new kickboxing class by the way, so I'm ready. But, I know that Breckyn would never do that to you. She couldn't hurt a fly."
I scoffed. "HA! You apparently haven't seen her mad. She has a hot head when she gets mad. In fact, when she was pregnant, she threatened to beat this cashiers ass for saying she was a one night stand to me and that's it." I shook my head just remembering that day. Drew threatening me if I hurt Breckyn and me sharing the ring with her. Breckyn and I fighting. John giving me permission to marry Breckyn. That seems so long ago. "Oh God." Nancy said, letting out a huff of air. "I can only imagine what that was like. Actually, I don't have to imagine. I've gotten quite a bit of hate when we were together. Still do sometimes, actually. Good for her, though. I would have done the same. If I had been there I would have had her back."
"Ah, she can handle her own. Breckyn... well.. she's had to fight though of lot of stuff in her life. She's tough to say the least. Drew had to physically drag her out of that store. Although, I think I scared that cashier more than she did though." I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at that memory. I can still see that girls face. Nancy smacked my arm. "You went after the cashier?! Did anyone get that on tape or anything?! Gosh, sometimes you're an idiot you know that?" Was she scolding me? Gosh, she's such a mom.
"I didn't go after her. I just... I politely told her that she should talk to her customers like that. I might have said that if I had been there with her I would have let Breckyn beat her ass a little longer before pulling her away. No big deal. I was professional about it. You should have seen that girls face though. It was pretty hilarious. She did not expect ME to be walking through those doors. But, no, no tape or anything. At least if they did nothing came of it. It was months ago. I think we had just found out that Thomas was a boy." Nancy nodded and seemed to relax. Winnie came running into the room.
"Mommy! Look at the baby!" She came in with her doll. She had changed the baby's clothes. Nancy smiled. "Well, your baby looks so handsome, Winnie bear. Can you tell Daddy your baby's name?" She nodded and mumbled something. I turned her to me. "What was that honey?" She was beaming as she said it again. "Thomas." My mouth fell open and I put my hand in front of it. "Wha... Did she just..." I just looked from Winnie to Nancy a few times before I held my arms up. "YAY! Baby girl, that is soooooo good. When did you learn to say that?" Winnie ran into my arms and I bounced her on my lap. My vision blurred when I realized I was tearing up. I wiped my eyes and looked at Nancy. "When did she learn to say his name?" I asked quietly, my lip still quivering. Nancy just wiped a tear off my cheek and smiled. "I've been working with her on it for a month or two. Breckyn told me what you were naming him when you were in the hospital. She just started saying it clearly the other day. I'm surprised she hasn't said it around you yet. She says it all the time here."
I kissed the top of Winnie's head, letting a tear fall on her scalp. "I cant wait til you say that in front of Brecks, Win. She's gonna be so happy!" I looked to Nancy. "Thank you. I love it and so will Breckyn. You're so awesome." Nancy just rubbed my back. "Why, yes I am, but its not a big deal." I shot her a look. "You know it IS a big deal but thank you." Winnie started to wiggle out of my arms so I let her down and pulled her shirt down to cover her belly before she ran off, squealing. "Gosh, she's shot up like a weed or maybe its because Thomas is so tiny compared to her. She's just seems more grown up. I love it and I hate it at the same time, Nance. When did our little girl get so big?"
Nancy watched me watch Winnie playing and smiled. "I'm not sure. Somewhere between bringing her home and her becoming a big sister.. she's grew up on us. I wish she would stop, I'll tell you that much. You know she's gonna be two next month. Isn't that crazy?" I shook my head in disbelief. "I know, it seems like only yesterday we were bringing her home, just us two kids, with no clue on how to raise a kid. Look at us now. Winnie is shooting up like a weed, walking and talking like crazy and I have a son."
"You know, Jim, I think for two kids who had no idea what they were doing? I think we did pretty good." I sighed and leaned back in the couch, putting my head on the back and looking up at the ceiling. Just then I felt someone jump in my lap. "OOOOF!" I said, sitting up and watching as Winnie covered me in kisses. "I love you, Daddy." I hugged her tight and tried to regain the air that Winnie knocked out of my lungs. "I love you too, Winnie." I rubbed her long blonde hair and patted her back. "I think we did good too." I said, kissing Winnie's head and lightly humming.
"So, do you have a plan? When are you going to do it?? How are you going to do it? I promise I can keep a secret. No one thinks to ask the ex-wife anyways. But, just promise me one thing, huh? Get ahold of yourself before you do it. She doesn't need to think you're having a stroke." She playfully punched me in my arm and I shook my head.
"You know, you get nervous ONE time and stumble over your words and you'll never live it down. I was proposing. I was allowed to respond like that. If you must know, yes, I have a plan... kind of. A little one. Okay, no not really. I don't have it planned out per se, but I know an outline of what I want to do. I got to talk to everyone about it." I thought about it for a second as I felt Winnie tug on my hair and giggle. "Ouch. Actually, do you want to help? If it's weird, I get it... but.. I'm going to need all the help I can get." I said sighing.
"No. It's fine. I would actually love to help. What's your plan?" She asked as she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. "Beer?" She asked as she opened the fridge. I was incredibly nervous but for the first time, I didn't think I needed anything like that to cut the edge off. "No, I've actually tried to quit the stuff but I would love a water if you have it." Nancy tossed me a water from the kitchen and shut the door, falling into her recliner across from me. "So, spill your plans, Fallon." She said as she opened her beer and took a drink.
****
I looked over at the clock. 5:37 in the morning. I haven't been able to sleep all week and last night was especially bad. I had been tossing and turning all night, trying to not wake Breckyn, which was almost a damn near impossible feat. I had to physically bite my lip as hard as I could to keep from shaking the bed by rubbing my legs together from being nervous. At 2 in the morning I had finally given up on the fake snoring whenever Breckyn would toss and turn and at 3 I had given up altogether and gotten out of bed.
I had packed both our bags for the weekend. I was as quiet as I could be while taking the bags down to Breckyn's car. I would be driving the car to the studio today that way Breckyn could use the truck. When I came back in, I forced myself to eat a tiny breakfast of a few pieces of wheat toast and some Greek yogurt. I had to make myself choke it down, I was nervous, the last thing I want to do was eat. However, I knew if I didn't eat something I would be in bad shape by the end of this day. I had about thirty minutes before Gloria would be here to take Thomas for the better part of the day.
I walked into the nursery and looked down at him sleeping. I rested my arms on the side of his crib and laid my head against my forearms, staring down at him in admiration. "You're so handsome, Thomas. I love you so much, I hope you know that." I reached down and rubbed his chubby cheek with my pinky. He fluttered his eyes open and looked up at me, stretching. "Hey, big guy! Good morning! I hope you slept well. Your daddy did not. He's got a big day ahead of him." I reached down and picked him up, putting him in my arms. I wiped the sleep from his eyes and walked into the living room with him. "Let's watch the show, huh?" I sat down on the couch and turned last night's show on from the DVR. Thomas watched the screen for a moment before falling back to sleep.
"Glad to see I entertain you, son." I laughed to myself when I saw headlights pull into the drive. Gloria must be here. I paused the show and carefully stood up, trying to not jar Thomas too much. I walked to the front door and opened it as Gloria hopped out of her car and jogged towards me out of the rain. "Sorry, Sis. I didn't realize it was raining or I would have met you out here with clothes on. Let me grab Thomas's car seat from the truck and grab his bag for you then you should be good to go. I'm gonna grab a shirt. I'll be right back." I handed Thomas to Gloria before walking back in the house. "Please do. No one wants to see that shit, Jim."
"Obviously someone did or you wouldn't be holding a nephew right now." I said walking into the bedroom and grabbing a shirt off the floor. I walked over and kissed Breckyn on the forehead, putting the hair behind her ear before lightly shutting the door behind me. "Luckily, she's out like a light. I haven't slept a wink, I've been so nervous." I said in passing to Gloria as I grabbed my keys and unlocked the truck. I jogged out in the mist and grabbed the seat and Thomas's bag and put them in Gloria's car.
"Alright you're all set. Thomas has two changes of clothes besides what he is wearing now. There are plenty of diapers, formula, anything you could ever need in that bag I swear. If you absolutely need something else, I have pretty much anything he would ever need packed in MY bag and it will be in Breck's car so just text me or something. It really depends on where I'll be." Gloria put her hand on my shoulder. "Jimmy. Calm down. I have my own children. I know what I'm doing. I have plenty of clothes and baby items for Mr. Thomas if he needs it. Just take a deep breath. You'll be fine. You look like hammered dog shit, James." She said, putting Thomas in his car seat and buckling him in.
"You know, for a fashion columnist, you sure do know how to make a person feel good about themselves. You're just such a kind and loving person." I said punching her in the arm lightly. "Oh fuck you, you love me." Gloria said, shoving me back. "I swear, if my son's first words are any form of a curse word, I am blaming you or Drew. You will take full blame for that. Not me." Gloria nodded as if in agreement. "Hey. Thank you for doing this for us. I appreciate it, more than you know." I pulled her in for a hug and she pat my back. "Oh come on, Jimmy. You'll do great. I should go though. I gotta get back before the kiddos wake up. I love you. Good luck, little brother." She kissed me on my cheek and started her car.
"Goodbye, little man! I'll see you later on! I love you buddy." I said to Thomas, kissing his head and closing the door. I tapped the hood twice and she drove off. I waved as she drove off, watching her car disappear down the road before heading back into the house
I lightly shut the door and walked over to the couch, picking up the remote and turning the television off. I stripped off my clothes and hopped in the shower real fast. I went over every single detail I had planned in my head. I had spent all week planning everything out. I made sure every detail was perfect and would work out just like I had planned. Of course, if there was one thing I knew for sure, I know that my plans almost never go to plan. I was prepared for that as well. I had a plan b and even a plan c ready to be implemented at a moments notice. Hopefully I wouldn't need them but you never know.
I let the water run cold and finally got out of the shower about thirty minutes later. I walked into the bedroom and grabbed my solid black dress shirt and ripped jeans. I slipped the jeans on and quickly buttoned up my dress shirt, rolling the sleeves up and putting on a silver watch. I would need to have the time handy for me today. I grabbed my black Italian dress shoes, a pair of black slacks, and a blue tie and threw them in my garment bag to take with me. I walked into my office and grabbed a blue stock card and put it in my typewriter.
Good morning Beautiful! Before you start to worry, Thomas is with his Aunt. Who I am sure is teaching him things we will never live down. He is in good hands.
You're gonna be so impressed. I have a plan. Me?! I have a plan. I have left clues all over the place for you. They will be coming to you in several ways.This is clue number one. I set out some clothes for you to wear. Hop in the shower and get gussied up luv! Grab some breakfast and relax but then make your way to me!
If Thomas or Winnie ever ask you when and where you were when you fell for me, this would be the place you'd say.
Love
Jimmy Fallon.
P.S- If the clothes or the clues don't point you in the right direction, turn the card over.
I took the card out and signed it before turning it over and scribbling a note. I grabbed a single pink rose and set the card along with rose on the night stand next to wear Breckyn was sleeping. I walked over to the closet and set out her nice dress jeans, her black v- neck tshirt and her green cardigan on the dresser next to the bed. I looked once more around the room to make sure I had everything I needed. Once I double and triple checked everything, I grabbed Breckyns keys off the dresser, walked over and kissed her lightly on the lips and then walked out the bedroom door.
I headed out the front door towards the car. Before I took off, I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. I was shaking and sweating already and the hard part hadn't even started yet. I started the engine and let it warm up before leaving. While I waited, I opened my bag and triple checked all the contents. There was only one thing left to pack before heading out. I smiled as I reached into my jeans pocket, pulling out a small navy box. I held it open and inspected the ring for a moment before snapping the lid shut and tossing it in with my dress slacks, shoes and tie. Now, I was ready.