Bad Luck or Fate?

Chapter 78

"Jimmy? Are you up here?" I slowly opened my eyes as I heard the attic door creak open from down the stairs. I wiped a slight drool from my chin and sat up straighter on the little loveseat that I had apparently dozed off on while I was up here contemplating my next move. "Honey?" I heard Breckyn's sleep laced voice getting closer as she walked up the steps towards me and as unrealistic as it may seem, a hopeful pang ignited in my heart at the sound of "Honey" leaving her lips. I peered over my shoulder and almost smiled as I saw her messy bun start bouncing up and down before her head appeared. She looked concerned and exhausted. "There you are." I watched her hand slide along the wood of the sliding doors as she walked over towards me. She gave me a once over and stood in front of me, several feet back. She was still wearing her red sox shirt but she had changed into a pair of my gym shorts. It was either progress or she got hot in the middle of the night but either way, I was glad to see them hugging her delicate frame once more. "How did you know I was up here?" I asked softly, letting my gaze fall to floor, reluctantly waiting her answer. Suddenly, I saw her pink toenails come into my sight as she knelt down in front of me. "The attic room is your version of my shower. It's where you go to think." She stooped down so she could look at me. "Plus, I felt the side of your bed get lighter in the middle of the night and these stairs creak when you walk up them so it was kind of a dead giveaway. As if I needed more clues, the note on the dresser would have led me here regardless." She held up the post-it note and waved it in front of my face.

"You were awake when I got out and came up here?" I asked curiously. I could have sworn that she was sleeping when I wrote that note. She shrugged and dropped her head slightly but still maintained her eye contact with me. "I always wake up when you get out of the bed. I can't sleep unless I feel you next to me. Spent the last two hours counting the sparkles on the ceiling from the spackle. If you squint really hard it almost looks like stars in the sky." I leaned forward against my knees and messed with the frayed bottom of the loveseat. "I'm actually a little surprised that you even came up here. I figured I would be getting the silent treatment for quite sometime." I admitted as I pulled on a string and it started unraveling up the arm of the chair. "I was debating on it to be honest." I nodded as I kept pulling at the string. It was beginning to go up the cushion as Breckyn put her hand on mine. "Will you leave it alone before you unravel the entire couch?" I dropped the string and looked up at her as I sat back in the chair. "I sat in bed for a while and listening to you pace back and forth, arguing to yourself. After a while though, you went silent and I couldn't hear you pacing anymore. I got a little worried after an hour or so of silence and the bed had gotten cold, so here I am." She got up and leaned against the vanity on the wall across from me.

"So you are still mad?" I asked apprehensively. I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from her. She sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking down at the floor as she crossed one foot in front of the other. "No. I'm not mad. I was but I'm past that now. I'm just...." She let her hands fall onto the counter as she gripped the ledge she was leaning against. She looked up at me and answered. "Disappointed." I threw my hand through my hair and then slapped the arm of the chair. "That's even worse! I can handle you being angry at me for this. I can handle you yelling at me, calling me an idiot and part of me can even handle the silent treatment but I can't handle you being disappointed in me. Disappointed is like I failed you or something when none of this is under any of my control. I would rather you yell at me, break something, call me names, but disappointment.." Suddenly Breckyn stood in front of me and pulled my hands out of my hair. I hadn't even realized I was pulling on my hair until she did that. "Jimmy. Stop." I looked at my hands and saw a few strands of hair on my fingertips. "Look at me. I'm not disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in the situation we're in right now. Why do we have to go through this? I mean, haven't we been through enough? Finding each other in New York, falling for each other, media scandals, stabbings, shootings, fights? I mean, we've been through more in almost two years than most couple go through in a lifetime. We're in a good place now. We have a beautiful son, you have a beautiful daughter. We both have a wonderful family and support system. The show is doing well and we are finally in a good place. We're getting married. This is supposed to be our time. Its our turn to have things go our way. Or at least I thought it was."