I followed the road and turned into the gate. Jimmy jumped out and opened the gate and motioned for me to drive through. I pulled forward and watched Jimmy close the gate and jump back in the truck. "Keep going, Brecks. We're almost there. Not too much further." Jimmy rubbed his hands together and giggled. I put the truck in park and turned in my seat to face him. He looked concerned. "Wait. What are you doing? This isn't the surprise. I didn't bring you all the way here to park behind a privacy gate. The best part is just ahead." He said pointing out the window.
"Where are we going?" I asked. I was a little suspicious of how he was acting. He was fidgeting in his seat. He couldn't stop bouncing up and down. I was starting to think that maybe he... No. I'm not going to jump to conclusions. He hasn't even talked about marriage with me. There's no way. Jimmy bit his lip and shook his head.
"Nu uh. Nope. You're not getting this out of me." I lowered my head. "Ugh. You know I hate surprises James." I grumbled and played with the middle button on the button up I was wearing. "I know you do, but trust me. You'll love this surprise. I promise, honey. Just.. keep driving." He reached up and grabbed my hand as I unbuttoned and re-buttoned the shirt over and over again. I stopped and looked up at him smiling. "Please. For me." He took his hand and ran his fingers down the right side of my face. I nodded and turned, putting the car in drive and continuing down the road until I saw nothing but sand and water in front of us.
"Your destination is on your right." I heard the GPS say as I parked in a spot and stopped the truck. Jimmy jumped out and walked around to the driver's side, opening the door and holding out his hand. I grabbed it and jumped down. I looked around. "The beach? Why are we at the beach?" I pulled down my shorts and my shirt so I was covered up a little more. Jimmy opened the tailgate and pulled out a blanket and bottle of Moscato with two glasses.
"You don't remember?" He shut the tail gate and draped the blanket over his shoulder. He put the bottle in the crook of his left arm and criss crossed the glasses in his fingers. He reached out for me with his right hand. I intertwined my fingers with his and we began walking down the concrete path towards the brilliant white sand. "I guess I don't." I replied as we made it to the sand. Jimmy spread the blanket out and set the bottle and glasses down. He clapped his hands together, getting the sand off them, then he stretched his arm out towards me as if to shake my hand.
"Hey, I'm Jimmy. Jimmy Fallon. I'm 39... er.. well 41 now.. I'm from Saugerties, New York. I like long walks on the beach and my occupation is dork on television." I laughed at him and he pushed his hand towards me again. I looked down confused. He did it again so I reached down and shook his hand. "I'm sorry, J. I'm still completely lost over here." Jimmy just shook his head and put his lips between his fingers. He glanced up at me and gave me his crooked grin. "Seriously? You really don't remember? Gosh, I swear, you have the long term memory of a piss ant. The night I met you. I took you to the house to go get clothes for myself. Right before we left for the hotel you tried to convince me to let you get a cab and go home by yourself, that I wasn't responsible for a stranger. So I introduced myself to you using that line. You shook my hand and said "Breckyn. Breckyn Jones. I'm from the Middle of Nowhere, Missouri. I'm 30 and I've never been on a beach..."
Jimmy stopped and spun around. He ran up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders and moved me in a circle as well. "Well, I figured it was about time for you cross that off your bucket list.. or well at least be able to cross it off some list. You're at the beach!! That's the ocean!!!" he pointed to the blue water. I looked out at the ocean and took it in. I didn't say anything. I just stared. Jimmy looked out with me and then looked towards me. "Was this a good thing or a bad thing? You're not saying anything. I just figured since you've nev.." I cut him off and pulled him in for a hug. "This is amazing, Jimmy. Simply amazing. I love it and I love you for doing this for me. I've never been to any ocean. I guess I can cross the Pacific off my list." I said as I turned and wrapped my arms around his waist. Jimmy cleared his throat and chuckled as he sat down, pulling me down with him onto the blanket. He continued laughing to himself, trying to cover his mouth with his hand.
"What? What's so funny?" Jimmy turned towards me and kissed my forehead. "Atlantic. It's the Atlantic Ocean. Shouldn't you know that? You're a history major. You mold young minds." I slapped him on the knee and leaned back, resting on my arms, watching the tide roll in and out of the beach. "I'm not a geography major, you ass. Either way, thank you for bringing me here. Its so relaxing and peaceful. No one else is here, which is weird, to be honest, but I'm glad. Its beautiful, gorgeous, and simply breathtaking."
Jimmy leaned over and laid his head on my lap as he laid sideways on the blanket. He pulled his sunglasses off his button up and put them on. He wiggled his body to where the crook of his neck sat perfectly on my thigh. I looked down at him and started absentmindedly playing with his soft brown hair. I ran my fingers through it and fluffed it up on top. His hair was getting really long. I loved it. He intertwined his fingers and set them on his stomach. "Well. I brought you to the place that most reminded me of you, so I'm glad you described it like that. You are beautiful, gorgeous, and simply breathtaking. You are relaxing and peaceful. That's how I feel when I am with you and its my personal goal to make you feel that way now and every moment I'm with you, in every way possible." He reached up and grabbed my neck, running his fingers through my loose ringlets at the bottom of my neck. He lightly pulled down and I caved in. I pulled my head down and kissed his bottom lip with my top. I could feel his bangs touching my neck. It tickled as it grazed across my skin. Usually, upside down kisses are sloppy and I don't prefer them but we still seemed to fit perfectly together.
Jimmy let his fingers roam through my hair as I closed my eyes and lost myself in his light kisses on my jawline and neck. I ran my hands down his chest and towards the bottom of his shirt when he laughed against my neck. "I'm sorry." He said when I sat up and looked down at him, flipping my hair up and out of my face. "Your hair was tickling my chest and then you ran your fingers down my skin. It just tickled. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break that kiss. Come back down here." He said as his voice and his eyes fell two shades darker.
"Is that what you brought me to the beach for? To get me alone for a hot makeout sesh? We can do that at home. Not that I don't love kissing you, I just want to enjoy this." I said laying back on the blanket and closing my eyes, listening to the sea gulls chirping and the waves lapping on the shore. I felt Jimmy nod as he lightly ran his fingers over my legs. "That sounds perfect."
We laid on the blanket for about ten minutes or so, just enjoying our surroundings. I could hear some rumbling in the distance. I ran my hand into his shirt and ran my fingers up and down his chest. I played with the little hair that was left on his chest after the scar tissue took over. I felt his chest rise and fall slowly over and over again. I paced my breathing to match his and just as I was about to be lulled to sleep, Jimmy's voice kicked me out of my day dream.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked softly. "Hmm. What you mean?" I tried to play it off so I wouldn't have to answer. "You're quiet and I've heard you sigh quite a bit. I know when you're thinking about something. I don't have to be looking at you to know what you're feeling. Are you thinking about last night?" I sighed and sat up. He followed suit and sat up, crossing his legs Indian style in front of him. "You are, aren't you? Look... I'm sorry. I know that's a lame apology right now but I don't quite have the words I want to say to you figured out yet. I've been trying to find a way to apologize to you all morning."
"I've got to tell you the truth. You really had me going last night." I was fiddling with the hem of my shorts and brushing some of the sand off my thighs. Jimmy sighed and grabbed my hand off my shorts and pulled it to his chest, intertwining his fingers with mine. "I'm.. I'm sorry. I really just... I dont know. I felt like telling you the truth the way I wanted wasnt working .You refused to believe it. So I went about it the only way I knew how, turn the tables on you. It really did hurt me that you were so quick to accept that I would leave you though. Especially after having Thomas."
"I'm sorry, I know. It was.. Pathetic really. I think it's just since I had Thomas, my emotions are on high alert. They're like a sixth sense, or all five senses together, hyperactive. Everything I do is for Thomas now. My mind slipped away from him for one second and it ballooned into something out of my control. I reverted back to my old ways and I hate myself for that. You spent so long helping me climb out of that dark hole and I just cast all that work aside at the drop of a hat." Jimmy cocked his head sideways. He rubbed his lips. Just then, a sound of thunder rumbled a little closer. I looked up, it was getting a little darker over us. The sky had completely clouded up. Jimmy looked up with me and took off his sunglasses. He stared at the sky for a moment before looking back to me. "I understand the Thomas part. I get that. I feel the same, but what do you mean about all your senses coming together and being hyperactive. Can you explain that so I can understand it better?"
I shrugged. "I guess I can try." Jimmy nodded at me and rubbed the small of my back. "Yes, please. Try." I closed my eyes and thought about how to explain it in a way that Jimmy would understand. I took a minute or two before carefully choosing my words. "Close your eyes." I said. Jimmy smiled and complied, lightly closing his eyes. I leaned into him and took a deep breath in. I could still the maple syrup from breakfast. He smelled like coffee and the spearmint from the piece of gum in his mouth. I leaned into his ear, letting my hair brush his neck. I watched as goosebumps took over his body. I sighed before explaining. "I smell the fear I have when I even entertain the idea of you leaving me. I can see the grief that would overcome me if I had to live without you. The grief would look like a dark and empty house that was no longer inviting. There would be no pictures on the wall, no music in the background .I wouldnt be able to bring myself to laugh at anything because if I never heard your breathy laugh following it, my heart wouldnt be able to take it.I can hear the love I have for you in the way my heartbeats so loudly when you speak to me that I am positive that one of these days you will mistake it for a knock on the door. I feel your voice when youre in the other room talking to me. It cuts right through me. I can taste how you make me feel. It.. tastes like coffee and mint. It tastes like the lingering kiss that is left on my lips long after you leave for work in the mornings. Its in the way I walk, the way I talk, how I dress, its in everything I do."
Jimmy let a breathy sound escaped his throat. "Oof." He said quietly before opening his eyes. I shook my head. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. It probably made no sense. Just... forget I said that. Ignore me." I went to turn and stand up off the blanket when Jimmy grabbed my face on both sides and pulled me towards him. "That made perfect sense. I feel the exact same way about you, Brecks. My senses do the hyperactive thing too with you. It's not stupid and I will never forget the words you just said to me for as long as I live. I just wish I would have been the one to say that to you. That was amazing. I can't come up with something as eloquent as what you just said but I can show you how I feel." Jimmy leaned in for a kiss when there was a loud crack in the sky above us. The sky broke open and we were in the middle of a downpour in the blink of an eye. I looked up into the sky. It was lightning and raining like crazy. We were already soaked.
"Shit! Go to the truck, Brecks! I'll grab all this stuff and be there in a second. Go get dry." He said, helping me to my feet. I ran towards the truck a few steps before turning back. "Are you sure? I'll help you!" Jimmy threw the blanket into his arms and grabbed the wine bottle and glasses. "Go! I'm right behind you!" I turn and ran towards the truck as the headlights flashed, unlocking to let me in. I flung the door open and jumped in. I watched as Jimmy slipped on the sidewalk. He caught himself with the blanket hand and hopped up quickly, running up towards the truck and jumping in.
"Well.... That's one way to experience the beach." He said as he shook the water from his hair. I covered myself with my hands to try and shield myself from the onslaught of rainwater. "Jeez, J, you're like a wet dog. The slightest bit of being wet and you're over there shaking yourself dry. Here, use the towel to dry off." He stuck the blanket in his hair and started drying it. "Oh come on, you've seen Gary do it. You think she's adorable. Am I not adorable?" He asked with his eyes closed, still running the blanket through his hair. The blanket really wasn't doing anything for him. He was soaked to the bone as was I.
"Oh, you're adorable." Jimmy smiled as he tossed the blanket into the back seat. He picked up the bottle of wine and glasses. "Well, at least we can still drink this." He said holding the glasses up. He opened the truck door and went to pop the cork when I reached over and grabbed his hand. "Actually... while I appreciate the gesture and the romance of drinking wine with you during a torrential downpour on the beach, I just don't feel comfortable drinking. For a few reasons: A. One of us has to drive back home and I don't condone drinking and driving. B. I would have to pump and dump and while I love Moscato, I love Thomas more and would really love to be able to nurse him myself. Lastly, I wouldn't want to pressure you into drinking. You've done great so far and I think we could still have a romantic day without the alcohol. But I really appreciate the gesture."
Jimmy slowly put the bottle down and gave me a knowing smirk. "You know, a big part of me knew that you would say that. I was prepared for such an occasion as any amazing boyfriend would be. Here, hold these?" He handed me the wine glasses and jumped out the still open door and into the storm. I leaned forward and watched as he reached into the back of the truck and replace the bottle of wine. He climbed on the tire and jumped into the bed, crouching in front of a small cooler. I watched him sift through the ice, pulling up a large green bottle and tossing it up, flipping it in the air and catching it. He jumped over the side of the truck and jumped back in. "Here you go, milady. Sparkling Apple Cider."
"Wow, I'm impressed. You really thought of everything." Jimmy grinned as he stuck out his tongue, taking the tab off the top of the twist off cap. He popped the top and reached for the glasses in my hand. "I'm sorry we cant share these on the actual beach. I actually noticed the clouds earlier." He pointed out the windshield with a glass as he went back to pouring the cider for us. "I was really hoping that the weather would hold out until we were done here. I really wanted you to fully experience the beach and the ocean." He finished pouring and handed me a glass.
"Oh, well I did experience it, honey. Besides, there are plenty other opportunities for us to experience the beach. This isn't too far from the Hamptons house so we can come back soon. I do appreciate the thought though, you big mush." I lightly punched his arm and he feigned pain. "I'm not a mush, Brecks." I gave him my best "really?" look. "Oh okay, fine, I'm a mush, but I just wanted to share this moment with you. You only get to go to the beach and the ocean for the first time once in your life. The weather kind of ruined that for us." I looked at my glass for a second and then put it down in the cup holder, making sure it wouldn't spill. "What if we didn't let it ruin it for us?" He coyly smiled at me as he shook his cider around like he would a red wine, letting it air out. "What do you mean? Can't really enjoy the beach in the middle of a microburst or whatever this is." He focused on his cider spinning around the glass.
"I don't see why not. We've never let a little rain stop us before, James." I said as I quickly opened my door and jumped out, running out to the beach. The rain was blinding as it fell down around me but it wasn't too cold or too hard, it felt perfect. I jogged backwards as I saw Jimmy put his glass down and shoot out of the truck. "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" He yelled towards me as tried to shield himself from the deluge of the rain. "You cant just run out in the middle of a thunderstorm on the beach! Its raining cats and dogs right now, not to mention the lightning! You could get hurt or worse! GET BACK IN THE TRUCK BRECKS!" He hollered at me. "No. I wont. I love the rain and so do you! Why should we let a little water ruin our plans?" Jimmy shook his head and tossed his hands up in the air. "This isn't just a little water, Breckyn! This is an insane storm. You've got to be careful! You could get sick or worse!"
I pointed at him. "Oh James, I am tired of being careful all the time. Aren't you tired of living our life like we're walking around on egg shells? Cause I am. I am so tired of worrying and being extra cautious. That's no way to go through life. I'm tired of waiting for something bad to happen or waiting for my bad luck to catch up to me. I say, why not make our own luck? Come on out, here, babe. The water's just fine." Jimmy stared at me for a moment and looked down at himself. His clothing was basically useless at this point, his shirt and jeans plastered to his body. I couldn't hear anything over the thunder and the rain around me but just by the shaking of his head I could tell he was laughing. He lightly shut the truck door and walked towards me in the rain. "You're crazy, you know that?" he whispered, the rain falling down his face, sending little sprays out with every word he spoke. I spun around in the rain in front of him and I couldn't keep from letting the happy giggles slide past my mouth. "Oh, but being crazy is the best part of life." I stopped spinning in front of him as he grabbed my elbow, steadying me. I let my hand catch myself on his chest. "It's kind of the point to life, isn't it?"
Jimmy looked as if he was going to respond. He even slightly opened his mouth but then he shut it and looked down at the ground. I watched him carefully as he rubbed his lips, stooping to run his fingers in the wet sand. He picked up a clump and balled it in between his hands. I crossed my arms and watched as he slowly stood up and tossed it from one hand to the other before looking at me with his tongue in between his teeth. I cocked my head to the side. "Wha-" I got out before Jimmy tossed the sandball at me... sending clumps flying around me and a sticky clay mess down my front.
"Oooh... you did it now." I said bending down and picking up sand as Jimmy took off running down the beach, laughing his ass off the whole time. I slipped off my flip flops and took off after him. "Get back here you little shit!" I said as I threw it at him, hitting him directly in the back of the head. I immediately stopped in my tracks and so did he. He scrunched his shoulders up and ducked his head, bringing his hand to the back of his head where the sand hit him. "Oh shit." I said, covering my mouth with my hand. Jimmy slowly turned around and faced me rubbing the back of his head. I put my hands up.
"Baby..." I said as he slowly walked towards me. "Now.... You were running, I didn't mean to hit you in the head.." He just let an ornery look come over his face as he bit his lip and continue sauntering towards me. "Babe... James... the look on your face is making me nervous." I said as I backed away from me. Jimmy smiled and took off running towards me. I turned on my heel and went to run but it was too late. He was already to me. He picked me up and put me over his shoulder. "Ahhhh! PUT ME DOWN JIMMY!" I yelled as he draped me over. I grabbed his belt loops and smacked his back and ass but nothing was working. "Oh no, Brecks. You were right, being crazy is the point to life. Let's get real crazy." He said, laughing as I tickled him, trying to get him to breakdown and let me go. Suddenly, the sand disappeared from underneath my head and was replaced by the foamy sea water. "James. What are you doing? Are we in the ocean?! What are you doing with me?" I asked looking around frantically.
"You wanted to experience the ocean, we're soaked to the bone anyways." He lifted me up and over his head, slowly putting me down in the cold water. I sucked a deep breath in. It was freezing. He sat down next to me as the waves crashed over us. "You are now sitting in the Atlantic Ocean. How does it feel?" I crossed my arms over my chest and let a cold chill out. "Honestly?" I said as I looked around. Jimmy was leaning back on his hands with his legs crossed in front of him, letting the waves crash in and out on his waistline. "No, lie to me." Sarcasm was like breathing to him, I swear. "Wet and cold, so cold, but never more exhilarating in my life." Jimmy sighed and closed his eyes, pulling me in close to him. "You wanna know my favorite thing? It's the best part of being in the ocean."
"More than ever." I said, laying my head against his chest. "Lie back." He said as he went to take us down. "Are YOU crazy? We could drown or get pulled out to sea." I said, not budging from my sitting position. Jimmy lightly shook my shoulders. "Will you calm down? Dad was in the Navy. I have grown up around water my whole life. We aren't going to drown or get pulled out to sea when we are still on the beach, Brecks. Just... trust me, huh? Lie back with me or you're gonna miss out on the best part." I took in an apprehensive breath. He's never steered me wrong before. I nodded as he laid us both back on the sand. I sat there for a second when I put my hands up. All I felt was the rain falling on us. "What exactly are we doing? All I'm experiencing is laying on wet, mushy sand." Jimmy held a finger to his lips. "Shhh. Just wait for it. Give it a second." I waited a second longer, nothing. "I'm wai.." I started to say when I felt a wave crash over us, bringing the cold water around my body, flowing up my body, sending an exhilarating sensation through my body. "OH MY GOSH!!! AHHH!" I took a deep breath in. Jimmy started laughing until he could breathe. My favorite sound in the world. The feeling only lasted a moment before the water ebbed back into ocean, leaving us once again on the sand.
Jimmy stopped laughing and sat up, pulling me up with him. "Worth it?" he asked as he stood up, holding out his hand to help me up. I grabbed it and stood up, trying to wipe the sand off the back of my legs but with the rain and my wet hands, it was impossible. I just gave up and wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him a huge kiss. "I guess so." He chuckled when I pulled back. I nodded and let out a full body shiver. Jimmy rubbed his hands up and down my arm. "Its pretty cold out here. Lets get in the truck and warm up. We can drink our cider and enjoy the rain without getting pneumonia. Whaddya say?"
I nodded as he put his arm around me and walked towards the truck. Halfway back, he bent down and picked up my flip flops before continuing to the truck. "You know, I almost didn't catch you back there? You're a pretty fast runner." I rubbed my hands up and down his chest. His shirt was plastered to his body and his skin was frigid. "4 years state track. 100 meter dash." He looked down at me, opening the passenger door, helping me in. "Really?" he said as if he were shocked. "Yup. I got third two years in a row, won it my senior year. No big deal. I would have beat you but the wet sand snagged me up. Plus, I just had a baby, haven't really worked out in a while." I said as I pat my baby fat. "Can't tell that you haven't been hitting the gym, you look as stunning as ever. Watch your legs." He said as he softly closed the door. I watched the rain bounce off the hood of the truck as he made his way around, jumping in the drivers side, turning the ignition on.
"Are you still cold? I can switch the heated seats on for just a little bit." He said reaching back and grabbing two towels out of the back seat. I shook my head. "I'm fine, actually, it was just the ocean water that was freezing cold. The rain is actually perfect." I grabbed a towel from his hand and started drying my hair. Jimmy did the same before tossing his in the back. He looked down at our glasses and handed mine to me. "Oh well, here, let's toast." He held up his glass and I held mine up too. "To..." he squinted his eyes as if he were deep in thought. "Hmmm.. to...." I held my glass up higher. "To becoming parents to a beautiful baby boy." Jimmy looked into my eyes and gave me his best crooked grin. "Yes, to Thomas Fallon, the most handsome man to enter the Fallon clad yet. Also, to the woman who made it all possible." He gestured towards me with his glass. I bowed my head towards him. "To the man who helped make it all possible, without you there would be no Thomas nor would I be here right now." Jimmy touched his chest with his free hand and pouted out his bottom lip. "Awww." He said softly. I looked around. I couldn't see out the windows from the monsoon that was occurring around us. I smiled to myself as I turned to meet his gorgeous golden brown gaze again. "To unexpected rainy days." Jimmy looked down and smirked. "To falling for each other." He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose before leaning back. "Some more literal than others, of course." I playfully slapped his knee and scoffed. "To no longer believing in bad luck." Jimmy said to me. "To only believing in fate." I said quietly before adding "How about we sum this up and say to happy, beautiful accidents."
Jimmy nodded and clinked his glass. "I will definitely drink to that." We both drank our cider before Jimmy spoke up. "I love you, Breckyn Nicholle Jones." I leaned forward and came to a rest against his forehead closing my eyes. "I love you James Thomas Fallon. Much more than anyone has ever loved another." Jimmy shook his head. "Oh, I don't know about that, Brecks." I felt his lips meet mine. I could taste the sweet cider on his lips as I melted into his arms. I let the glass in my hand drop to the floorboard with a clatter. I heard a clinking of crystal as Jimmy followed suit, bringing both his hands up my side and tangling in my hair as his thumbs caressed my cheeks, pulling my deeper into the kiss. I felt his hands on the back of my neck as he continued to deepen the kiss, moving forward until I was laying flat across the seat of the truck. I lost myself in the moment, only hearing the soft moans escape from our mouths intermixed with shaky exhalations along with the pounding of rain on the tin roof and the soft rumbles of thunder overhead.
****
I must be going crazy. I swear I hear my heart beating louder than normal. I was losing myself in her body, in her scent, in her kiss but I could hear my heart knocking, I swear. Just then the knocking got louder. Breckyn stopped kissing me and her eyes bugged out. "Jimmy." She whispered, her lips still against mine. "Yeah, babe... say my name.." Breckyn pushed me off. "No. Jimmy. There's a cop." I lifted myself off her body and held myself up in the push up position, looking up out the passenger window before Breckyn pushed me off of her. The cop had his flashlight tapping against the window. We both sat up and regained our composure before I reached over and rolled down the window. I cleared my throat.
"Hello, officer. Is there a problem?" I asked politely, offering a friendly smile. The officer looked from me to Breckyn. Breckyn was making her hair look presentable and fixing her shirt. The cop glared at me and pointed around him. "We are closing down the beach. This cell is getting worse and there is a possibility of damaging winds and hail. I would suggest that you two get home before that happens. Button up your shirt while you're at it son. You're in public." He tipped his hat at Breckyn. "Ma'am." Breckyn gave a sheepish wave and he turned towards me. "You really should be getting home. It's going to get bad." I cleared my throat and thanked him. He walked away and into his cruiser while I rolled the window up. I looked over to Breckyn and bit my lip. We stared at each other for a moment before bursting into sidesplitting laughter. "That is the first time I've ever gotten caught making out with a girl and I'm 41!" I said in between gasps for breaths.
"We're parents! I cant believe we just got caught being out past curfew and necking!" Breckyn said, holding her chest as she laughed. God she was gorgeous. After the laughter died down, I brushed her hair out of her eyes. "We really should get going. I don't want to get stuck on the beach." I put the truck in reverse and turned to look out the back window. Breckyn gave me a look. "Twice. I Wouldn't want to get stuck on the beach twice." She smiled. "That's what I thought. Let's go home James." She wrapped her arms around my body and I kissed her head. "Yes, Ma'am." I said as I pulled out.
We had been driving for about 20 minutes when Breckyn turned the radio up louder. "Oooh. I love this song!" She said as the guitar riff slowly started. She cleared her throat and I looked to her because I thought she was going to speak to me but instead this gorgeous raspy voice escaped from her. I was floored as she kept her eyes on the rain falling around us and leaned her head against the passenger window, tracing the rain drops cascading down the window with her finger tips as she sang.
I thought I told you, he'd be home soon
Couldn't help myself
Youre too good to be true
I fall short each time
Everytime he aint here
You and your charm creep closer, closer and near
Like a fool for fire I fall
With my pride and all
Like a bomb before explosion
Ticking by your call
Youre the wiser one, disguised from greed
Im just a child who belongs on her knees
But I found a boy who I love more than I ever did you before
So stand beside the river I cried and let yourself down
Look how you want me now that I don't need you
So you thought that I would crumble to my knees at the first "I love you"
Crawling back to me
To whisper "Will you leave your man" Cause you swear that this time you can
Stand by me
I wont stand by you
Cause I found a boy who I love more than I ever did you before
So stand beside the river I cried and let yourself down
Look how you want me now that I don't need you
I aint yours for no taking
You must be mistaken
I could never look into your eyes and settle for wrong and ignore the right
When I found a boy who loves me more than you ever did me before
So stand beside the river you'll cry and let yourself down
Look how you want me now that I don't need you
Breckyn finished singing and sighed. I watched her for a moment, just stunned. Was there anything this woman couldn't do? I should not have gotten as worked up as I did with that song. Breckyn was softly grinning when she turned towards me but her smile faded quickly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I got lost in that song. I just love it. It reminds me of us. I hope it wasn't too horrible or loud. I'm not the best singer. I can tell by the look on your face." I realized my mouth was hanging open slightly. I quickly closed it and swallow. "No, Brecks, that was.... I'm..." I tried to find the words to describe the beauty that was her singing and how it made me feel but I couldn't. "I'm absolutely speechless and you of all people should know that doesn't happen very often. If ever. It was amazing and beautiful but those words pale in comparison to how it truly was."
Breckyn looked somewhat pleased with herself. "Well, thank you." She said impishly. "Can I ask you a question though?" She nodded. "Of course." I turned to face the road as I turned into our neighborhood. "Why the break up song? You said you love that song and it reminds you of us. Isnt that kind of.. I don't know.. ominous?" Breckyn cleared her throat. "I don't think of it as a break up song, I guess. In my head, you are the boy who I love more than I ever did anyone else before. You're the boy I found. Its.. well... its him that is the bad part."
I turned into the driveway and parked the truck next to one of the guest houses. I nodded. "Well, in that case, I love that song as well. You sounded absolutely extraordinary singing it." I switched the truck off and walked around to her side of the truck. "What are we doing? We're not parking at the main house?" Breckyn asked as she jumped out. I grabbed her hand and led her into the second guest house that was rarely used. In fact, it hadn't been used since Breckyn lived here when we first got together.
"No, because we are staying here tonight. We're getting a night to ourselves." Breckyn stopped dead in her tracks. "What? What do you mean we are getting a night to ourselves? What about Thomas? He needs fed and bathed." I turned back around and put my hands on her shoulder. "Honey, I took care of it. Drew offered to stay and watch Thomas and Mom and Dad came down too. They are all staying and taking care of him. They have plenty of diapers, formula, and outfits and he will be spoiled and well taken care of. We have nothing to worry about. I explained to them that we haven't had a day or night to ourselves since I before I got shot and they understood." Breckyn's eyes darted from the guest house to the main house and back again. "Breathe, baby. Before you say anything, I already have the nanny cam set up on the tv in there so we can watch it if you need to, plus every room has a monitor set up in it so you can hear him. Okay? If anything happens we are merely feet away from the house and can be there as fast as possible. Just... please.. do this with me. Be with me in the moment and enjoy each other presence before he gets bigger and we're really not going to have time for each other."
She looked back at the house one more time before turning back and I could see the worry lines deepen on her face. "You promise me that if anything happens?" I pulled her close. "We will get up and go over to the house. I promise." I felt her relax just the tiniest bit into my body and I breathed a little easier. "Is that a yes?" She mumbled into my chest. "Uh huh." I beamed as I pulled her out of her favorite spot on my chest as I walked her up to the house. I took my key and unlocked the door. Before opening it, I turned to her. "Close your eyes." I whispered. She did as I asked and I swept her up into my arms, carrying her over the threshold. "Isn't that bad luck if you do that when you aren't married?" she asked. I snickered. "What did we say about making our own luck? We don't believe in bad luck anymore."
"That's true." I set her down in front of me. "Are your eyes still shut?" I said as I put my hands over her eyes. "No, but I cant see past your wonky fingers anyways." She pulled at them. "Come on, Jimmy. Let me see." I looked around the room. Justin and Drew did a great job. "Okay, you can look." I whispered into her ear before releasing her so she could see. I slowly brought my hands down and stood beside her as she opened her eyes and gasped.
"Oh my goodness, Jimmy." She said softly, bringing her hand to her mouth and letting a tear or two fall. "Its beautiful." She walked forward and the candlelight enveloped her and silhouetted her body in a warm, inviting light. The entire house was filled with candles ranging in size from tea lights to big votives. There had to have been at least 200 hundred candles lit scattered around the house. There were pink rose petals sprinkled on the floor. One trail leading to the bathroom and one leading to the bedroom.
"How did you?" she started, turning to face me. I didn't answer. I just shook my head and cusped her head in my hands, pulling her into soft gentle kisses, trailing from her lips to her neck. I couldn't help it. I have been holding this in all day. No, actually, I've been holding this in for months and tonight I was going to do something about it. I melted into her body, walking forward and into the bedroom as she quickly started unbuttoning my shirt. I kicked the door open and candlelight washed over us as the bedroom door opened. I let our lips part and I moved down her neck, kissing her collarbone as she let her moans escape her mouth. I sat her down on the bed and began unbuttoning her clothes.
"Lets get these wet clothes off you." I whispered in her ear as my fingers worked down her shirt. Breckyn threw her head back as I kissed her neck. "Jimmy." She whispered. "Hmmm" I countered working my lips down to her chest. She reached up, for what I thought was my shirt but instead she pulled back. "Jimmy. I feel horrible but I can't do this." I stood back, my shirt halfway unbuttoned and ran my head through my hair and down my partially opened shirt on my chest."What... you don't want to?" I asked. She took a deep swallow. "No. I do. God... I do... so bad, I justcan't. Its not fair to you to do anything if I cant do that." I nodded and licked my lips. They tasted like cider. "Oh, well I know that. Don't worry about that. I think I found a way around that. It will be a little... unconventional to say the least, but I promise you. I'll make it worth it."
Breckyn bit her lip and looked around her. "You sure this is... okay? We can't have sex. I don't want you to be teased. I don't want you to feel worse. I know you have waited a long time and I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want you.." I stopped her and walked up and knelt in front of her. "Breckyn, I could never be disappointed in you. It's not possible. I don't feel teased. I wont feel any pain and theres no way you will make me feel bad and yes, I have waited what feels like forever but if you aren't ready, if you don't want to do this, then just say the word and I will blow out all of these candles and we can go to sleep. I will be just as happy sleeping next to you than I will be to sleep with you. Both of those actions are equally intimate and pleasing to me. Simple as that. If you are scared or you aren't ready.."
This time Breckyn interrupted me. "No. No I'm not scared.. not anymore. You haven't disappointed me since this day began. In all honestly, you've never disappointed me even though I know you think you have, you haven't. Your mind is incredibly brilliant and never in my life would I have imagined that I would ever end up in a place like this, in a atmosphere like this, or with a man like you. I've never been treated the way you treat me and I could never make you feel the way you make me feel but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. I'm not exactly sure of what you have in mind, but if you're willing to try, then I'm in too." She said as she reached up, unbuttoning my last two buttons and taking the material in her hands, slowly slipping it off my shoulders and down my arms until it fell to the floor. "Are you sure?" I whispered as she leaned forward, kissing my adams apple, leaving a light nibble.
"I've never been more sure in my life." She whispered into my ear. That's all I needed to hear. I swooped her up and wrapped her legs around my torso, walking over to the other side of the bed. I sat down and Breckyn lifted her arms. I grabbed my shirt she had on at the bottom and lifted it over her head and tossed it to the side. I watched as the candle light illuminated her body. "Beautiful." I murmured as she straddled me. I stood up again, holding her in my right arm as I turned around and sat her on the bed, standing back up, placing her legs on my left shoulder. I let my fingertips graze her legs as I taunted my way down to her shorts, unbuttoning them and sliding them and slowly back up towards her feet, sliding them off and tossing them behind me. I kissed my way down her legs and crawled on the bed above her. I mimicked the move I did in the shower the night before. I put my hands palm down above her skin to wear it was just centimeters above her skin. I grazed her as I slowly made my way to her bra. I allowed myself to slip my index fingers under each strap, letting them fall to her elbows while I lifted her, undoing the hook with one quick motion.
Her body was still wet from the rainstorm. I stood back up and took her body in. The candle light washed over her face, the flames dancing in her ever darkening eyes. I watched as she shimmied into a comfortable spot on the bed. I walked over to the side of the bed and undid my belt, shimmied out of my jeans and boxers, kicking them to the side. I climbed onto the bed and laid over her. She had her eyes closed. I leaned forward to kiss her neck and watched as water droplets fell onto her face from my hair. I smiled, leaning down to lightly kiss them off her face. I kissed both eyelids, the tip of her nose and hovered over her lips. "Are you ready?" I whispered, letting my lips brush hers.
"Oh god, you haven't started yet?" She said breathlessly into my ear. I growled. "I haven't even started yet." I looked down at her body underneath me. Water continued to drip from my hair onto her body. "Whatever you're doing feels amazing." She moaned and bit my ear. "Ahh. I'm not doing anything yet, baby." I moaned as she sucked on my earlobe. "Mmmm. Must be the rain." I looked up into her eyes, they were now the darkest shade of blue-green I have seen on her yet. I stood up and grabbed my shirt and stood above her. I took the shirt in both my hands and ringed it out over her, letting the rainwater fall onto her body.
She arched her back and gripped at the sheets, balling them into her hands and letting whimpers escape from her throat. I discarded the shirt and returned to my position over her. Just hearing her whimper was about to do me in. I found a raindrop on her jawline and lightly blew it down her neck and onto her collarbone where it collected with several others to form a puddle.
"Hmmmm. James." The way she drew out my name drove my wild. I laughed and continued send out little puffs of cold air, sending the water traveling down her chest, falling over her breast and down to her navel. Goose bumps traveled down her body as she squirmed underneath me. She put her hands on my back and lightly scratched. I let my hair brush against her skin as I slowly worked my way down. She arched her back and let out a loud breathy moan. "Oh god. This feels so good." As she arched, the water fell off her body and onto the bed. I moved lower and moved her legs so I would fit between her. I lifted my hand to hover over her when a stray rose petal fell onto her stomach. I watched it as it danced around her body. Hmmm. I thought to myself. I puffed out a short burst of air and watched it land on her chest. Breckyn giggled.
I picked up a handful and tossed them up in the air, watching them spread across her body. I took my fingertips and danced down her legs and up her body. I picked one petal and grabbed it between my teeth. I moved up to her face and let it touch her lips before moving down her body again. I went excruciatingly slow, letting the petal barely touch her skin, tracing both breasts and nipples. I dropped it on her stomach and blew it down to her weak spot. By this time, Breckyn was squirming and moving uncontrollably under me. I could tell she was close by the sounds escaping her mouth. I smiled and gave one last smile before giving one last blow, blowing it over her pelvis and onto the bed. "J... I'm so close." She gasped as she gripped the sheets and balled them up underneath her.
I got up off the bed and pulled her to the end, kneeling in front of her. The rose petal was still hovering near her between her thighs. I decided not to move it for a moment, just using my tongue to wiggle it up and down. I wasn't touching her but she was reacting as if I were. "Holy.. sh.." was all she could get out before I blew it out of the way. I picked up her legs and put them over my shoulders. I longed to taste her, to really take her in but I would settle for this.
I ran my fingers up and down her legs, softly. I let soft kisses trail from one ankle, down her calf, up her inner thighs and placed small kisses in between, pausing to breathe slowly then traveled up her other leg mimicking what I had done on the other. "James, don't tease me. Please. I'm aching for you."I stood up, grabbing a lone rose that was left on the end stand before returning to my knees in front of the bed. Finally I leaned forward, getting with a centimeter or two of her. I placed my hands on her lower stomach, holding her in place. I was close myself just thinking about what I was about to do. I longed to be with her. I longed to feel her, to be connected again but for now, this would have to do. I slowly brought the rose up and guided it up and down her, softly. Letting it touch her skin. She arched and let out a hiss of air again. "Oh my god." She said as I continued the action, going a little faster across her weak spot. I softly blew and with the mixture of the cold air and the petals against her sensitive skin, soon the moans were coming faster and louder. She tried to squirm out from under my arms but I wouldn't let her. I held her in place as I went faster and faster. "Oh my god, baby! James... I'm gon... I'm gonna..." She let out a breathless moan as she shuddered under my arms and collapsed against the bed. I continued to blow until the shuddering subsided, smiling to myself as I stood up and laid on the bed next to her. She was breathing heavily and couldn't catch her breath. She looked over at me with one arm over her eyes as she started laughing. "How did you do that without even touching me?"
"I'm not sure, but I'm ready to try that again whenever you are." I said leaning over her and kissing her body up and down. Breckyn sat up and flipped me onto my back. "I'm ready to try, but now its your turn. I get to see if I can accomplish the same result." I was close enough earlier just doing what I did. I was about to lose it now. Breckyn kissed my neck and left small bites on my collarbone, my absolute weakness. She let her hair dance down my torso as she worked her love bites and kisses down my abs and to my pelvis. She ran her nails down my side just hard enough for it to sting but feel so good at the same time. She brought her finger tip up to me and took me into her hand for one brief second, stroking once up and down before jumping off the bed.
"Jesus." I let out of the back of my throat, closing my eyes. I felt a blinding hot pain on my chest and opened them to find Breckyn straddling me with a large votive candle in her hand. "AHHH" I breathed in quickly, letting a hiss of air escape my lips as she poured the wax onto my chest. It hurt but it was a intoxicating pain. I bit my lip as she continued tipping the candle into a pattern on my chest. I looked down and saw a heart. She slowly moved down my body, letting the wax pool on my pelvis right above me as she stopped pouring the wax right before she got to the point of no return. "Brecks, I cant take it anymore. Please." Breckyn giggled as she blew out the candle, tossing it behind her.
She blew on the hot wax, making it harden all over my body. The feeling of her cool breath against the scorching hot wax blew my mind. "Ohhhh my god..." I said as I felt my stomach muscles tighten from the sensation of her blowing against them. I felt a wave a pleasure roll through my body when she suddenly stood up. I was so close, she can't walk away now and leave me like this. I couldn't take much more. "Br..." I got out before the room went dark. I felt silk against my eyes tighten around the back of my head. "So you cant see what I'm doing." I reached up and felt the tie around my eyes. I was blindfolded with my own tie.
I felt a textured item dancing around my body. It felt like the same material as the ties I wear for the show. She grazed it down my stomach, my muscles again tightening and down my pelvis before I felt the texture wrap around me. "Oh fu..." I got out before the material began working circles around me, up and down. I felt wave after wave of electricity and pleasure wash over me. "Bre.. I'm go... I'm..." I gasped as I felt my toes curl and my body tense. I gripped at the bed and let go myself, letting the pleasure crash against me much like the waves this afternoon. I felt the material slide off of me and a sudden weight relax next to me. "Oh.... My... god.." I said once I had regained the ability to form a coherent sentence. Breckyn laughed next to me and started stroking my chest. "Worth the wait?" She asked. I brought the tie down and looked at her. "Definitely worth the wait."
I laid there for a moment or two before pulling Breckyn to my chest. She sighed as she took her index finger and traced my scar. "You know, I think this is starting to grow on me. I don't even think I remember what you look like without it. I kind of love it. It makes you look tougher, plus, it reminds me that you were willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for Thomas and I." I brought my hand up to hers and looked down. "I hate it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am glad that I did it so you wouldn't have to experience that pain, I just... I think I look horrible with it. I feel like im disfigured and disgusting." I said softly. Breckyn nodded. "I feel the exact same way about mine. I don't know how you can look at me and call me beautiful when I'm riddled with daily reminders of why I shouldn't be. I look like Edward Scissorhands."
I sat up and traced her scars with my fingers, leaving soft kisses along each of them. "I love these. They make you who you are and you are beautiful. It's a daily reminder of just how strong and amazing you are. I wouldn't change them or take them away. They give you character and they make you beautiful." Breckyn scoffed. "Agree to disagree? Theres things I love about myself and things I would change. I'm sure if you were given the chance, you would change at least one thing about me too." She said, shaking her head. That gave me an idea. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I opened the third drawer down and reached in for an old make up bag that Nancy had left her after we divorced. I quickly grabbed three different shades of lipstick and walked back in the room.
"How about we take that chance now?" I said returning to my spot on the bed. Breckyn gave me a curious look. "What do you mean?" I held up lipstick and smiled. "What? Are you going to give me a makeover, Jimmy? Cause I got to say, I'm not really in the playing dress up mood." She laughed at herself before I shook my head. "No. You're gonna give ME a makeover." I handed her a pink lipstick. "This one is everything you love about me. Just take the lipstick and whatever you love about me, outline or color with this." I handed over a red lipstick. "This is everything you love about YOU. You outline or color what you love about yourself with this." And then I handed her a mauve color. "This one is the kicker. This is everything you would change about ME. Whatever you want, just outline in mauve." I held up the tie she used to blindfold me. "I'm gonna blindfold myself so I cant see what you are doing. Just go whenever you are ready." I took the tie and secured it over my eyes and laid back. I heard Breckyn take off the lid of a lipstick but I didn't feel anything for a moment. "Jesus, this shit is cold." She said after a few moments. She must be marking what she loves about herself.
After a minute or two I felt a cold substance spread down my chest. "Ahh." I said jumping at the temperature change. "I told you this shit is cold." She said, laughing slightly. I started giggling as I felt her marking my torso. "Stop moving, you're gonna ruin my masterpiece." She said softly. I straightened up and put on my serious face. "Sorry, continue." I said. I felt the lipstick on my lips and then across all my fingers and palms. She marked a few more times on my chest and then wrote across my forehead.
I heard the replacement of caps and Breckyn cleared her throat. "Okay, your turn." She said slapping my belly. "OOOH!" I let out, lifting the tie off my eyes. "Oh no, this was just for me to see what you love and would change about me. Mine is easy for you. I love everything and would change nothing. So, I'll save some time and say that now." I stood up and blew out the candles around the room, turning on the light. "So, now you know what you love about yourself and I know what you love about me."
Breckyn pouted. "You cheated. You told me we were going to make each other over. Instead you suckered me into admitting I love myself and you still get to see what I love about you. Not fair." I smiled and walked towards the bathroom. "I said we were going to give ME a makeover. Not you besides, I already told you, I would change nothing about you and I love everything about you."
"But you never marked what you love about yourself." She called after me. I turned on the shower to clean the lipstick and wax off my body. I leaned back in the doorway in front of her. "Whatever you love about me, I love too." She shook her head and scoffed. "You're such a cheater!!" She hollered as I went under the water.
Breckyn had left a heart on my chest, she traced my scars and wrote Thomas and Winnie over my heart. I smiled as I looked down and saw my abs outlined as well as the words loving boyfriend and father written on my palms. I washed the lipstick off my body and my lips. I smiled to myself as I watched all the pink wash down the drain. She really did love me. I looked around my body for any mauve to see if she would change anything about me. I was pleasantly surprised to find none. "And she calls me the cheater." I mumbled as I reached to turn off the water. That's when I saw it.
A line of mauve on my finger. "Hmmm." I said looking at it. Something she wanted to change. Why would she put a line on my finger? I thought to myself. I shook my head as I opened the shower door and wrapped a towel around me. I walked out into the bedroom and found Breckyn snoring peacefully. I smiled to myself as I walked over to the dresser and grabbed my phone. I turned on the nanny cam and saw Thomas sleeping peacefully in his crib as well. I beamed as I watched his chest rise and fall for a moment before switching feeds. Mom and Dad were passed out cold in the living room. Drew and Justin were asleep on the couch and loveseat. All was right in my world.
I looked back at Breckyn snoring and drooling on my pillow. God, I love her. I dried my hair off and tossed the towel into the bathroom before getting under the covers with Breckyn. I lightly moved her over and she wrapped her arms around me. "I love you, J" she said sleepily. "I love you, Brecks." I said leaning down and kissing her head. I reached over to turn off the bedside lamp when I saw it again. The mauve line. Suddenly I realized what finger it was on. My ring finger. On my left hand. I searched my other hand, up my arm. Nothing. I pulled the blanket back and checked my entire body again. Nothing. That was the only mauve mark on my body.
The only thing Breckyn wanted to change? My ring finger. I looked down at her sleeping peacefully as tears filled my eyes. She really does love me. And now I knew that she wants to marry me. I let a tear fall down my cheek as I stood up and walked back over to the dresser as I picked my phone back up. I dialed the first number in my recent contacts.
"What's up, J? Are you and Brecks okay?" Drew answered groggily after the third ring. I walked into the hallway and starting blowing out candles so I could get to sleep. "Yeah, no we are fine. Perfect actually." I said, walking around the room, putting out the flames.
"Well, what's up, Jimmy?" She said. I could tell I woke her. I wasn't going to take long with this conversation. "Listen, I've thought long and hard. And I think I'm ready." I said as I walked over to the last two candles.
"What do you mean, Jimmy?" She said, sounding confused. I smiled as I walked back to the bedroom. "Remember that plan I told you about when you caught me? When you threatened to kick my ass? The plan we came up with about.. 7 months ago?"
"The ring? Marriage stuff?" She asked, yawning.
"Yeah, that. Well... I think its time we put that plan into action. Now." Drew gasped on the other end of the phone as I hung up and turned the light off, returning to bed with Breckyn.