You know when you are a little kid, and you believed in fairy tales, but eventually you grow up. One day, you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. But the thing is, its hard to let go of the fairytale entirely because almost everyone has the smallest bit of hope, or faith, that one day they will open your eyes and it will have come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you really don't expect it. It like one day you realize that the fairytale is slightly different than your dreams. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. The knight in shining armor, might not be as shiny as your imagined. The armor might not exist. And its not so important that it ends up being happily ever after, so much as it matters that your happy right now. But, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And every once in a while, someone may even take your breath away.
I never thought I could find that, not after what happened to me. But that's what was happening right this second. I found myself looking across the table at Jimmy who was telling jokes with my father. They were trading bits back and forth. Jimmy was laughing so hard that he had to do that thing he does where he catches his breath. God, I love that sound. Jake was chiming in as well. My dad was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. I was grinning from ear to ear. Jimmy copped a quick glance at me and winked. I winked back. I got up from the table with my plate, and Jimmy and my father stood up when I got up from the table.
"Well, Jimmy, I'm impressed. I thought I was the last gentleman in existence around here." I heard my father say as I walked into the kitchen.
"No sir, I was taught that when a woman leaves the table, you stand and watch her walk away." Jimmy said.
"Well, Jimmy, you must have good parents."
"Oh, I have the best parents." Jimmy gushed.
"I must say Breckyn, I was worried when he came walking into this house. I mean, a celebrity, under my roof. However, this kind man has quickly changed my mind. He is such a gentleman, and down to earth, and he's not too bad on the eyes, either." I heard my mother say from behind me. She set her dishes in the sink and then turned around to face the dining room. The boys were still cutting up a storm in there. Jimmy was rolling with laughter. My dad was wiping tears from his eyes and my brother couldn't stop clapping. I leaned against the sink.
"You really like him? You think he is good for me? Or do you think I'm making a huge mistake momma?" I asked as I watched Jimmy do his best impressions. My dad would shout out names, Jimmy would impersonate them flawlessly. He looked up at me after doing his best James Cagney impression. He smiled at me. His smile was beaming.
"Well, Breckyn. I would be lying if I didn't say I was worried about you. But, I'm your mother. I will always worry about you. But yes, I do like him. I think he is down to earth, which is rare for people of his stature. I think he is kind and gentle. He seems like such a happy and nice person. I think it's a complete change from what you are used to. I do think it is risky for you to date someone who is constantly in the eyes of the world. You will be held under a microscope and scrutinized, but I also see the way he looks at you from across the room. Your father looks at me the same way." she put her hand on mine and smiled.
"They really are hitting it off together arent they?" I said as my father got up from the table and Jimmy and Jake followed. "Yes, they are. You might want to get in there before your dad or brother steals him for themselves."
The rest of the night was a blur. Jimmy and my dad had played some songs on their guitars. Listening to Jimmy and my dad singing together was amazing. I didn't even know my dad could sing like that. The truth is, watching Jimmy do anything with my father was breathtaking. My dad has never gotten along with any of my boyfriends, especially not Mike. He would usually just sit in his recliner and watch tv whenever I had had Mike over. He would ignore him and drink a beer. He wouldn't get up or try to make conversation. But with Jimmy, he was different. He was excited to share things with him, he sparked up several conversations himself, and even took Jimmy into his office to look at his music collection and all his guitars. I guess Jimmy just brings out the best in people.
It was when I was watching Jimmy do the dishes with my mother than I knew that I was going to fall deeper into this than I was prepared to go. Jimmy was washing the dishes and my mother was rinsing the dishes and putting them away. Jimmy was asking questions about me and how I grew up and my mother gladly gave him every single detail.
"So, Breckyn actually sat on the roof for 45 minutes? Why didn't she just admit she was caught?" Jimmy said as he was washing a pan. He handed it to my mother who put it under the faucet.
"Well, you see, Breckyn is a very stubborn girl. She was determined to find her own way into the house without having to admit that she did anything wrong." my mother laughed as she put the pan up.
"Oh, I know how stubborn she can be Mrs. Jones. I believe it." Jimmy said. "You can call me Karen, Jimmy." Wow, my mom never lets anyone call her Karen. Jimmy smiled at her and continued to wash the dishes. After the dishes were done, he went into Jake's room and played some Call of Duty. I sat in Jake's recliner and watched.
"SON OF A BITCH! You are too good at this game!" Jimmy yelled at the screen. Jake kept killing Jimmy every time Jimmy thought he found a good hiding spot. "You bet your ass I am, Fallon." Jake said. Jimmy had his eyebrows furrowed and his tongue sticking out. He doesn't take losing well, and I could tell he was getting frustrated.
"Language, boys." I heard my mom say from the front room. "Oh, Karen, they are just having fun," I heard my father say, he was chuckling. "I don't care, that doesn't mean they have to speak like a bunch of heathens, now does it John?"
"Sorry, Karen, we'll clean it up." Jimmy yelled out as he took a shot at Jake. 'Hahaha Got you!! Finally!"
The boys played for about 20 more minutes until I yawned. "You getting tired, babe?" Jimmy said, turning off his controller. Babe. Hmm. I could get used to that. "Yeah, moving and getting ambushed really took it out of me. I'm gonna head to bed."
"Well, Jake, that's my cue to follow. Golf tomorrow though right?" Jimmy said, standing up and stretching. The way he stretched, his shirt came up. I could see his happy tail.
"Yep. Prepare to get your ass kicked, Jimmy." Jimmy laughed and gave Jake a high five. "See ya tomorrow my man." Jimmy followed me into my room and laid on the bed.
"You're going golfing tomorrow?" I asked, walking to my closet and pulling out an old t shirt. Jimmy sat up on the edge of the bed and grabbed his bag off my chair. "Yeah, your dad and Jake want to hit the links. Your dad said he had a set of clubs for me to use. Is that okay? Or do you have plans?" he asked as he pulled out some gym shorts. He took off his plaid shirt and pants, standing in his red boxers. He reached back into his bag and pulled out some black boxers.
"No, I don't have any plans. Probably just going to go to the house and finishing sheetrock in the kitchen with Drew. Who, by the way, I will kill for not telling me that you were coming here. Speaking of which, weren't you supposed to have Winnie this weekend?" I asked as I pulled out my shorts from a drawer.
"Yeah, I was supposed to get Win this weekend, but I called Nancy and explained. She understood. I'm getting Winnie back when I get back to the city. Speaking of which, you will need to come with me. She wants to meet you before I take Winnie home. And don't kill Drew, I made her keep it a surprise, honey. And really, some things are too important to wait. So I came to you." He dropped his boxers. I turned around to ask him about Nancy and he turned at the same time.
Holy hello.. My mouth dropped. I had kind of seen it before now, and I felt it earlier but, wow. Jimmy was.. Well endowed, to say the least. Ok lets be honest, he was packing some heat. I stood there for a second, in awe. Jimmy looked up at me. "Oh, I'm sorry. Are we not okay with that? I just figured, you know, earlier. Sorry." He quickly put his other boxers on.
"No no no no. It's... wow. Never apologize for that." I blushed. "Oh come on, you're just saying that." He blushed too. He put on his gym shorts. God he looked amazing. His ab muscles were ripped and he had a happy trail. He pulled his shorts to just below his hip line, and I could see his V line, you know, the line right above a guys legs that cut from his hip down to his.. Well.. His package.
"I'm REALLY not." I said. "Anyways, so Nancy knows about us?" I asked, wanting desperately to change the subject. "Oh yes, she does. I told her that night you called me to ask me to make a decision. I actually was going to tell you before you went off on me, but that's neither here nor there. She actually approves of you so far. She just wants to meet you. It'll be fine, I promise. She wont bite you." he said as he walked up to me. "Do you need help changing still?"
I nodded. Jimmy took my shirt and shorts out of my hand and put them on the bed. He turned back around and took my shirt off gently. "It's just intimidating, meeting the ex-wife, already. I don't want to make it awkward between you guys." I slipped out of my pants and Jimmy pulled them down the rest of the way. "Breck, she knows how I feel about you. I told her. It wont be awkward. She just wants to meet you, she really just wants to know who is going to be around Winnie. I did the same thing to her boyfriend." He said nonchalantly. "She has a boyfriend? Really? Nevermind. That's none of my business." Jimmy slipped my t shirt on and laughed. "Yeah, she does. He's actually pretty great. He's good with Winnie too, so that's awesome." Jimmy helped me put my shorts on and then sat me on the bed. He went to my bag and grabbed my dressings for my arm and medicine.
He unwrapped my arm and looked at my stitches. "These are new." he said, looking at me, concerned. "Oh yeah, I kinda fell outside when I stormed out of the house because of that TMZ clip." Jimmy was putting medicine on it as he looked up at me. "I am so sorry about that, Breckyn. You got to know I don't think that about you right? You know how I feel about you by now I hope?" Jimmy blew on the medicine so it wouldn't hurt as bad.
"Actually, I don't. You never said." I said. Jimmy wrapped my arm and kissed it. Then he sat me on the edge of the bed and kneeled down in front of me on both knees. "What about what you said to me tonight? Are we just going to keep ignoring that? You said you love me, Breckyn."
I sighed. "It's a figure of speech, Jimmy. I said I love you for it. I didn't mean I actually love you. Not yet anyways. I didn't mean it like you think I did. Its too early for that. We just got together. I mean, I know this is crazy circumstances and everything is happening so fast, but I promise you I don't love you. Im not in love with you. Not.... Not right now anyways. That's just not how I feel. Its too soon. So don't freak out on me for saying it. I didn't mean it." I said.
The truth is, I don't know what I think. I have never felt like this. Do I love him? Am I in love? I cant be. Its too soon. Its too fast. Its too risky.
He looked up at me and grabbed my hands that were shaking. What was happening to me?
"Im a whisper away from changing everything, but is it safe to say such dangerous things? Your hands are trembling, and I'm weak in the knees. Its times like these when silence means everything more than anything. Im here to tell you, take your time. Get to know me. Trust me. Let me in to your world Breckyn. You wont regret that. I promise. Lets not rush this. Take your time Breck. Fall when youre ready, babe. Let our kiss count the moments, and I'll set the pace. Love isn't a race, there's no finish line. I love the chase but don't leave me behind. We're both gambling here, but I'm playing for keeps. Patience means everything, right now. If you want to fall, fall into me. I'll be right here, waiting."
I looked down at the floor, letting the first tear fall.
"Breck? Whats wrong? Did I upset you?" he stood up and picked me up into a hug. "I'm just trying to tell you, you don't have to be worried. Not with me. Take your time and get to know the real me. Im going to show you how a man treats a woman. You wont have to worry about being abused or used. No one will hurt you, not as long as I'm around."
I sniffled into his chest. "I just don't know how I got so lucky. I don't deserve you."
Jimmy pulled me back and tucked a hair behind my ear. "You're right, you deserve better, but I'm willing to stick around until you realize what a big idiot I am, if you'll let me."
I smiled and nodded. "Lets sit down and relax, shall we?" Jimmy jumped back in the bed and sat up in bed. "Go ahead, put it in." he said. "Put what in?" I asked.
"Fever Pitch, Duh. You cant sleep without it on." he said laughing. "I don't need Fever Pitch, I have the real Jimmy in my bed." I said.
Jimmy sat up in bed "Moi? Yes, ma'am you certainly do. Now take me to bed or lose me forever!" He said as he laid on the bed with his leg propped up on his side like some short of playboy bunny pose. I sat beside him. "Actually, I was thinking earlier.." I started.
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." he sat up and crossed his legs under him. His muscles tightened. Good god, he was ripped. He ran his fingers through his hair. It stood straight up. Adorable.
"I was just wondering what you meant by there was only one notch in your bedpost?" I asked as I sat across from him. He put his head down and kept his hand in his hair and scratched his scalp. He looked up at me sideways with one eye open. "You caught that huh? I uh... well. I've only slept with Nancy." he said quietly.
"What?! No way!" I said chuckling. "Come on, be serious." I said. "I am... I've only slept with her. I waited, you know." he said shyly, scratching his head. "Really? Well, that's good. Not a lot of guys do that. I'm impressed."
"Yeah, but you know, I'm damaged goods now. So, I'm all yours." he smiled and clapped his hands. "Unless you think that's lame. Please don't think that's lame." he said.
"No, I don't think that's lame. I wish I had done the same thing, actually. Mike was my first actually. A long time ago." I said, "I really wish I couldn't say that now." I said, subconsciously rubbing my scars.
Jimmy looked up at me. "Can I see them? Please?" he asked. I stood up and paced the room. "I don't know, Jimmy. You flipped out last time. I don't like showing them either." I said. "I wont flip out, Breck. Trust me. Let me in." he grabbed my hand. "Please, honey." He pleaded.
I sighed and turned around. I lifted my shirt. I heard Jimmy take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I looked back at him. He was just looking. "Will you tell me how...." his voice broke "how it happened?"
"Jimmy...." I started.
"Breckyn.... Trust me." Jimmy leaned back on the bed against the headboard.
"I had come home from work, a little late because a table came in right when we closed. Anyways, I had spilled some food on me right before I got off so as soon as I got home, I jumped in the shower, you know to get the food off me. Anyways, Mike was asleep when I got home. He was actually passed out, drunk. I got out of the shower and walked into the bedroom and Mike woke up. He looked at the clock and sat up in bed. "Why the hell are you home so fuckin late, again?" he asked me. He was trashed. Couldn't even speak clearly. I told him about the table that stayed way past close. He refused to believe me. "Are you fuckin around on me, bitch?" "Did you take your co worker home again?" "I bet you did. I bet if I called into your job tomorrow, there would be no table that you had to wait on?" I denied all of these, of course. I really had been waiting on a table. He stood up and got in my face, of course, he always did. He started yelling at me asking me why I had to take a shower first thing when I got home. He said "I bet you just had to clean his fuckin scent off you, right? You don't appreciate the real man you have here at home? You got to go whoring around. Just like all your friends." He grabbed me by my arm and threw me down to the ground. I tried to explain that I had spilled food on me. He told me to shut up and back handed me. That's how I got this scar."
I let down my hair and showed Jimmy the large gash that was taken out of my skull. "His watch hit my hair, ripped out a chunk." I pointed. "10 staples there." I begged him to call my boss and ask him what had happened. I was bleeding by this point. Had blood running down my face." Jimmy shut his eyes and took a deep breath.
I stopped talking. "Please, keep going, Breck." Jimmy said quietly.
"Anyways.. Mike said something about me sleeping with my boss too. He said, "I bet youd sleep with anyone to make a little more money. That's probably why you make such good tips, isn't, it bitch?" I tried to explain the situation to him again as I stood up to go to the bathroom to clean my head up. That's when he pushed me into the bathroom, the floor was wet so I slipped and fell. I hit my lip on the bathroom sink, and busted that open. 3 stitches on my lip." I pointed to a small scar on the bottom of my lip.
"Mike told me to get up and get the fuck out of his house and he walked into the kitchen. I walked out after him. I told him I owned this place, not him, so he was welcome to get the fuck out if he wanted to leave so god damn bad. I was in the living room. Well, that was the wrong thing to say. He slapped me across the face." I mimicked the slap. "Then I pushed him against the fridge. He fell and knocked some glass on top of him, breaking it. He cut his face and hand really bad. I had got up and ran into the bedroom and locked myself in. I grabbed my cellphone and dialed 911. Mike was at the door within seconds, screaming at me and the top of his lungs, telling me he is going to kill me, calling me a cheating whore, everything else. He broke down the door, and dragged me into the living room. I had dropped my phone and he saw that I had called 911 and he lost it. He punched me, knocking me into the living room. He pushed me one more time, and I fell over his foot, and crashed into the glass coffee table, shattering it." I lifted my shirt again. "A 12 inch piece of glass entered me right here." I traced the scar from my right rib to the center of my back. "It severed my kidney and my lung." and a 10 inch piece of glass entered me here, I pointed from my chest right under my left breast to my pelvic bone, also wrapping around my back. "Collapsed both my lungs and shredded my left ovary and cut into my uterus. I also had minor cuts on my hands and arms from trying to catch myself. The last thing I remember is Mike running out of the house, covered in my blood and his."
"I woke up in the hospital 7 days later with tubes in both my lungs, and blood bags hanging everywhere. I lost my right kidney, my left ovary, and my lung capacity isn't what it used to be. I lost 30 percent of my blood volume, and actually when 911 showed up for the domestic dispute call, they called the coroner as well as EMTs. When the coroner went to look at my body, he heard my shallow breathing and sent me to the hospital. If it wasn't for me calling 911 when I had, I'd be dead. Actually, technically, I was dead for about 3 minutes on the operating table. They had to leave my body open for a day to see if I would survive the first 24 hours. And I did."
Jimmy looked up at me finally after a minute of two of silence. He had tears rolling down his face. "You are so strong. So amazing. I cant begin to even express how I wish I could take your pain from you. I wish you never had to go through that. I wish I could have been there. To protect you." he started crying.
"He took something from me. Little pieces of me, little pieces over time, at first so small, that I didn't even notice. He wanted me to be something I wasn't. Be his slave. I wanted to make him and myself into something we weren't. I wanted to save him. I lost myself for a long time. I lost myself. But, now I have myself back. I have you. So listen to me, now that Im finally me again, I will never let that happen again. That will never happen again." I laid down on the bed.
I felt hands tracing my scars soon. I was self conscious. I tried to pull away. "Don't. Don't run away, Breck. Let me in." Jimmy whispered as he traced all my scars, touching softly and gently. He kissed all my scars. He took my face in his hands. Wiped tears from my eyes. "You're beautiful."
He looked in my eyes. "You're truly beautiful, just the way you are. I swear to you, one of these days. You'll see that. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you are sad, or unsure of yourself, or if you lose complete faith in yourself, you will look at these scars and yourself, and that you'll see yourself how I see you. Cause, you, just you, like this, you take my breath away."
Jimmy kissed my lips and laid down with me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "If you let me in, I will not let you down. If you fall, I will catch you and I swear to you, nothing will ever happen to you. Not on my watch."
For the first time in my life, I believed what he told me. I fell asleep in Jimmy's arms and when I awoke the next day, I was surrounded by rose petals and no Jimmy in sight. I rolled over and found a letter.
I didn't want to wake you, but when you do get up, I have a surprise for you.
You'll find me at your favorite place when you were younger.
Hope you slept well beautiful, but hurry and come find me!
I miss you,
Jimmy.
P.S- Wear what I put on your dresser.
I got up and looked at the dresser. He had washed the clothes I was wearing the night he surprised me. I got dressed and headed out my bedroom.
Well this is weird. I thought as I follow a trail of rose petals down the stairs and to my truck.
"Hope you like the songs I put on your ipod. Push play. Don't forget to rock out.- Jimmy"
Fix You- by Coldplay came on. I drove to the lake gazebo that I always went to whenever I needed to think. I came her often. I loved it here. It was peaceful and beautiful. It was simple yet amazing. It took me twenty minutes to get there. When I parked, I was shocked. There was rose petals everywhere and candles leading into the gazebo.
Inside the gazebo, Jimmy was standing. He had on a black dress shirt, and black slacks. He had a guitar wrapped around him and he was smiling as big as I had ever seen him smile. He motioned with his finger for me to walk towards him. I got out of the car, and he started playing a song on his guitar. I had only heard live once before.
"All I want from you is to see you tomorrow and every tomorrow, maybe you'll let me borrow your heart.
Is it too much to ask for every Sunday, and while we're at it, throw in every other day to start? I know people make promises, all the time then they turn right around and break them, and someone cuts your heart open with a knife and you bleed yeah. But I can be that guy to heal it over time and I wont stop until you believe it, cause baby your worth it. So, don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, cause you might look around and find your dreams come true with me."
What the hell was happening?