(I apologize for the delay, but here is why. This is the longest chapter I have ever written. 40 PAGES. It took me a long time and it ends with one of the best sex scenes this book will ever have. So you guys better freaking SPAM me with votes and comments and love or I am leaving this planet and never returning. THAT'S A THREAT)
[Leo's Point Of View]
"Xiomara is going to be so disappointed if I don't show up," I stressed loudly as I paced back and forth, shirtless and gay.
Derek sighed from my bed. "It's just a party."
"Just a party," I mocked him in his voice as I stopped and threw myself on top of his body. He made some weird noise but I didn't care as I planked on my boyfriend, wondering where on Earth Nathan was. "Nathan was the one that invited me. I can't go without him and nobody seems to know where the hell he is."
"You can still go . . ." Derek said. "Xiomara literally texted you inviting you."
"Yeah, but he invited me first."
"It's her party, not his."
"Are you sure you didn't kill him?" I asked as I squinted my eyes. "Promise me."
"I promise. Can you get off me?"
"Why would I do that?" I scoffed and wiggled my shoulders, trying to get more comfortable on his stiff body. "Have you been working out?"
"I've been going to the gym with Sasha."
"Tsk. Too bad. I prefer when you're squishy."
As I heard his mouth open, to probably complain, the door opened and Tanika walked in, her eyes glued to her phone. She asked us if we were ready and then looked up. Her phone, purse and wig flew in the air. She ran out of my dorm room screaming at the top of her lungs.
"THEY'RE HAVING GAY SEX!" she screamed down the hall.
A few random strangers popped their curious heads in and I gave them a peace sign.
"Okay, I'm pushing you off," Derek said, struggling to toss me to the side as if I weighed ten thousand pounds.
I wasn't even offended at this point in my life. Anything to make me feel was greatly appreciated. Hurt me, love me, call me a cow, tell me my eyebrows are uneven . . . tell me I was adopted.
As I laid on my bed, wondering where Nathan was, Derek touched me and patted me gently, letting me know it was time to go. I sniffed sadly and rolled back to my man. He helped me up and picked up my shirt from Nathan's bed and handed it to me.
"Ready?" he asked.
"I guess," I muttered.
Once I truly finished dressing myself up and doing some last minute touches, I met up with everyone else outside by the parking lot. I spotted Tanika by herself, away from the other crowd who were excited about the party. Asha was in the hospital incredibly sick and they were best-friends. Tanika never really felt at home unless Asha was there with her.
"Hey," I said as I walked up to her. "Want to come with us instead?" The others were waiting for the Uber driver to get here with the van for everyone, but since Derek wasn't going to drink, he was going to drive. I didn't mind bringing her with us.
"Sure."
We walked behind Derek as he guided us to his car. While that was happening and the chattering grew quieter in the background, I focused on how Derek looked tonight. He was wearing a red flannel shirt, black jeans that made his ass look divine, beard dark and clean, hair straight and shooting forward, sides shaved like an asshole–he looked like a gay country boy ready for cousin Erwin's BBQ party and I was sweet Bertha ready to steal his heart and take his virginity.
I just looked homeless.
"So, I want to tell you something important," Derek said as we entered the car.
"Um." I looked around suspiciously. "Yes? What is it?"
He started the car and let it sit for a minute as he looked at me and Tanika in the back seat.
"Remember my uncle?"
"The rich one? I do."
"He visited me at work. He came to deliver a letter from . . . my grandma."
This sounded like some juicy drama and he kept it a secret until now?
"Who sends letters anymore?" Tanika said. She was at the edge of her seat like me, waiting to know what was in the letter.
"Long story short," he said slowly as he eyed Tanika's face getting closer, "they're going to be paying for my rent, hospital bills, doctor visits, everything and anything. They've already sent the first amount and it's a lot more than I expected."
"Aww!" I rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm so happy for you. That's really great. Can I stop acting sweet now?"
"Yeah."
"Fuck them! But take their money, babe."
"Can I have some?" Tanika said, her face already so close to Derek's that they might as well kiss and have children.
I cleared my throat. "Tanika, uh . . . that's my man, and, uh, he's really gay, like . . . he sucks my–"
"OKAY! OKAY! OKAY!" she shouted, covering her ears and sitting back.
Xiomara's house was up on the hills where other rich people lived. It was quite the drive to get there, since the party had started already, the streets were busy and so was the road to get up the hills. I swore I could hear the music a mile away.
Normally, I avoided specific types of parties, but I never missed Xiomara's, no matter how expensive and extravagant they were.
First of all, she was a cool Latina with extremely rich parents and she wasn't an asshole. She was also secretly a lesbian but didn't feel safe coming out, so only a few special people knew. I met her on my first year of college, but she dropped out so fast after she realized how much she hated school.
Most people had to walk up because there was no parking, but for she allowed her friends to enter the front gates to use her massive garages. Plural. The rest of the people had to take a cute path to the back of the house where the party awaited. I texted her that we were here and we (by we I mean Tanika and I) felt super bouji with the windows rolled down watching the other peasants walking.
God bless Derek's car. It would be a different story if we came in my garbage truck of a car.
Xiomara exited through the front doors of our mansion, holding a drink in her hand and clumsily trying to run over the beautiful grass and stone path that lead straight to the gates. She pressed some clicker they opened, letting us in. Derek drove in carefully and took a left turn towards the garage.
"HEY!" Xiomara yelled at some people trying to sneak in through the gates. She threw her drink at them and they ran out as the gates closed.
"XIOMARA!" I exclaimed as I shot out of the car and into her arms. She almost lost her balance and would've pulled me with her. She never wore heels, only when she wanted to make herself seem more feminine, especially to please her parents. She had on the tightest black cocktail dress, the shape of a perfect hourglass, shoulders exposed, length below her knees and her heels were a nude color. She looked like what I thought God looked like.
"It's been too long, Leo," she said as she planted a kiss on my cheek. The song that was playing came to a hype part and she dropped down and started grinding on me while she waved her empty drink in the air. She only played reggaeton so the music was exploding with adrenaline.
"Still gay," I said.
"That makes two of us," she said when she stood back up, laughing.
"You remember Derek?" I said, waving at him as he walked towards us, eyes judgy after witnessing her ass on my crotch.
"Ooh! Cute!"
"And I'm Tanika, the cuter one," she said, extending her hand out like Xiomara was meant to kiss it. "Wait, that was lesbianic! I didn't mean to do that! I don't like girls! Oh no. I can't be around you two. You're infecting me with the gay virus!" She began to scream for no reason and ran away from us, disappearing into some large bushes.
"Honestly, don't ask. I don't know even know how she got into college," I said.
"I'm too drunk to remember what just happened," Xiomara said, bringing up the empty glass to her lips and trying to sip the air. "You guys can go in through the front door, I'll be inside in a minute." She left us and went after a group of guys who were peeing on her grass.
I hated large parties because it often felt like the host had no control and it was worse if it was in their home. Parties this big attracted more outsiders and eventually strangers would start showing up as if they were invited, ruin everything and destroy property. I saw it happen a lot and they would just end up being shitty parties. I liked my local parties more.
We entered the mansion. The inside was all marble and gold. It was like stepping into a fantasy world about rich Gods. Since Xiomara never had her parties inside, it was mostly empty. There were a few people just chilling quietly, talking amongst each other, but they were close friends of Xiomara and the only ones allowed inside.
"Imagine living in a place like this," Derek said as he looked at the ceiling. It was his first time.
"Let's go outside," I said as we walked through the mansion to the back, where the party waited. The music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts.
My favorite part about the house was not how big it was, the location on the beautiful hills, the amount of rooms, the colors and expenses, no, my favorite part was the pool. It was the biggest pool I had ever seen in my entire existence. The water was so blue and so clean with multiple floaties. It had a waterfall, two hot tubs, even stools installed in the water. There were also lights in the water that flashed in colors to the beat of the music. There were mostly girls in the water, but there were a few hot guys swimming. It didn't even stop there, the pool had the best view you could ever get. It overlooked the city and at night it was an incredible sight. It was so beautiful that some of Xiomara's friends were on the second floor of the house, sitting outside on the balcony just relaxing and watching the view. It reminded me of the hill Derek used to take me when we were younger.
I headed directly to the bar and grabbed us some drinks. I was ready to fucking party.
Xiomara came back a few minutes later and everyone shouted in excitement when she made the DJ change the music to techno and raise the volume so that it exploded through the hills. The music went from making you feel like you were having fun dancing to being in a hypnotic trance. At first it gave me chills when the lights began to flicker to the dark beat. I wouldn't be surprised if she planned every single song.
It was also kinda nice having Derek here. Normally this was rare for us. I was so used to going to parties with my friends since he lived so far away and we only ever went to clubs when we were together.
I spotted my friends in a corner by a tree and from where I stood it looked like they were talking to a tree. That was such a mood I had to run over to them, leaving Derek behind in the mess of dancing bodies.
"BITCH!" Lyle said when he spotted me.
"Leo, you missed it," Harper said as she hugged me. "There was a bug on the tree, it was so cool."
"How much has she had to drink?" I asked.
Lyle pursed his lips at her. "She's been drinking since this morning."
"Yeah, well, living with you does that to me," she retorted as she swayed side to side.
"I saw no bug," June said.
"Yeah, well, at least I wasn't named after a fuckin' month," Harper said drunkenly.
"This music makes me horny," Lyle announced to the group.
"Thanks," June muttered, taking a big step away from him.
He squinted his eyes at her in disbelief. "Bitch, I'm gay. I don't want your pussy."
June flipped her long fiery-red hair back. Everyone was drunk and sassy tonight. Unfortunately I had work today so I couldn't start being a sassy gay drunk earlier. I would have loved to join them.
"Guys! Guys!" Harper said, smacking everyone on the shoulder to grab our attention. She was intensely staring at the tree next to us. "I think it's talking to me."
"Where's everyone else?" I asked them, ignoring Harper.
"Around. The three of us couldn't keep up so we're just hiding next to this big tree," Lyle said.
"Where's Nathan?" June asked, looking behind me.
"I don't know."
"But didn't he come with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"We saw him earlier. You guys didn't arrive together?"
Before I could respond angrily, Lyle gasped with extra gay. "H-hey daddy."
I looked behind me to see who the hell he was talking about, but it was just Derek. I only met Lyle a few weeks ago so he didn't know much about Derek, just that he existed. He had no idea what my boyfriend looked like since we never really exchanged social media accounts. He followed my instagram but the last time Derek allowed me to post a picture of him on it was like a year ago. The only pictures I had of him on it were of us but his face was always hidden. Snapchat was the only exception because everything disappeared after a day.
I took out my phone as I remembered and began to film the party to post on everything so I could look cool.
"Oh," June said all knowingly when she saw Derek. I didn't like the tone of her voice, but I was too busy taking pictures of myself to respond or care.
"I know we just met but can you be my top?"Lyle asked Derek.
"That's Derek," Harper told him, patting his shoulder sadly. "Leo's boyfriend."
"WHAT?"
I noticed Derek scratching his head awkwardly from the corner of my eyes.
"Lyle, this is Derek. Derek, Lyle," I said.
"Leo, I hate you," Lyle said.
"Hate you back, bitch," I said as I puckered my lips at my phone. I looked so good. I thought my outfit choice of the night was questionable when I first put it on, but now I was loving it.
"I've heard so much about you, it's nice to finally meet you," Lyle said kindly, giving Derek his hand to shake.
"Nice to meet you," Derek said in his famous bored tone.
When their hands touched, Lyle yelped and we all just looked at him. He very visibly felt judged and opened his mouth to show how offended he was.
"Remember what I said a minute ago? Connect the dots, sweeties," he told us.
"I don't wanna," June said.
"The bug is gone."
Lyle turned to Harper and screamed, "FUCK the bug, Harper."
"That's disgusting of you," she said seriously.
The music changed and it was now more electronic and dubstep. The face of horror in all of our faces should be the official mood for the gays. Xiomara was really trying her hardest to seem heterosexual.
"What the hell is this music?" Lyle said.
Some straight bro who was close to us overheard our conversation and had the audacity to chime in and say, "Better than that gay shit we just had to listen to."
"Oh . . . Oh sweetie, you're so brave," Lyle told him. "Look at you with your strong muscles and impeccable masculinity. I'm honestly so straight right now I can't even."
The guy gave him a dirty look and walked away.
While Lyle went off about annoying guys at parties, I pulled Derek away.
"What is it?" he said.
"Nathan is here," I told him.
"Okay? And?"
I blinked at him. "What do you mean and? He's obviously avoiding me and I don't know why. What did you guys talk about?"
"I already told you."
"Well it seems like you left something out because there's no reason he would act like this."
Derek shrugged and chugged down the rest of his drink. "I'm gonna get more, I'll be back." The son of a bitch left me and went back to the bar. I didn't follow him because I was here to have a good time.
"Why didn't you tell me your boyfriend was so hot?" Lyle asked me when I returned.
"I did tell you."
"I mean, everyone says that about their partner, but when are they actually hot? Like, I'm so jealous right now it hurts."
"He's okay."
"If you guys ever switch it up to polygamy you better call me."
I tried to tune out the music and the voices around me while I scanned the many faces around me. None were familiar to me. This was so frustrating to deal with because I genuinely just wanted to have a good time with my friends and boyfriend. Why was Nathan avoiding me?
An hour passed and I was slightly drunk, but not enough to make me feel loopy. I spent the hour on this beautiful chaise lounge chair by the pool all by myself because my boyfriend was suddenly being moody and my friends were being weird. It kind of made me look like a loner, but I honestly didn't care. I was having a great time just laying comfortably, watching the beautiful city from a heavenly height and watching the cute boys swimming in the pool.
"Hey, is this seat taken?" one of the cute boys asked me, pointing at the twin chair next to me.
"Nope."
He and his friends brought over this pretty girl who was incredibly wasted and laid her down to rest. She was your typical sun-kissed barbie blonde. She tried to fight them but gave up when she felt how comfortable the chair was.
"Who are you?" she asked when she turned her wobbly head and saw me.
"Who are you?"
"I'm me, what about you?"
"I'm Leo."
"Why are you here by yourself?"
"Staying away from drama for as long as I can."
"Nice. I'm drunk. I threw up already but I think I have a little more."
"That's really great, Me."
"Tell me about your drama. I love drama."
"I don't even know what the drama is. My best friend is avoiding me and I don't know why and my boyfriend knows something and won't tell me what it is."
"Ugh." She turned her head away from me and threw up on the grass. Luckily we were a bit farther away from the pool. "Sorry, had to throw up when you said boyfriend."
"Oh."
"I'm homophobic," she said, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "But I also have some boyfriend drama so at least we can relate on something."
"Wow, you're so . . . honest."
"Fuck you, Leo. I bet my boyfriend can beat up your boyfriend."
"Fuck you, Me. I bet your boyfriend doesn't even have a job."
"Fuck you, Leo. My boyfriend is six foot four."
"Fuck you, Me. My boyfriend has a nine inch dick."
"At least I can go to sleep knowing my hole won't bleed every night."
"It will when you're on your period, you dumb hooker!"
"Hmpf!" She turned her head and looked up at the night sky. "I wish I could see the stars."
"I wish people would stop being homophobic." I sighed.
"You know what? You're not that bad, Leo," she said without taking her eyes off the sky. "I won't be homophobic anymore."
"Really?" I said, my brows raising in utter shock.
"No, get away from me," she said seriously.
I sat up and turned my back to her. I could tell our conversation was over so I looked at the large group of people dancing in front of me. I spotted Derek moving through the opposite side of the pool. He was heading inside the mansion.
As I got up, I noticed a person on the roof dancing. It was Tanika and she had no pants on.
"WAKANDA FOREVER YOU WHITE BITCHES!" she screamed as she launched herself off the roof and landed safely on the pool.
There was no moment of hesitation, I kept walking even after witnessing whatever I just witnessed. I rushed through bodies and darted inside the mansion after Derek.
"Hey, are you okay?" Xiomara asked, a look of worry in her eyes. She must have been watching me and the pure look of terror on my face.
"Have you seen Nathan?" I asked her, dodging her question with my own.
"He's either up the hill or upstairs."
Up the hill meant he was next door. For some reason the party split between Xiomara's house and her friends house. Not because people didn't like the party, but because it had too many people. More people had invited themselves and Xiomara had spent most of her time kicking people out. It also just proved he was avoiding me if he wasn't here. He must have seen me and left.
"I'm–" I started getting emotional and it was hard trying to seem like everything was okay.
"Leo?"
"Yeah," I quickly turned away so she wouldn't see my glistening eyes. "I just need some space. I'll be okay, thank you, Xio."
Before Xiomara had stopped me, I saw Derek head into a hall that lead to the cozy living room. One of three, actually. The hall was long and quiet despite the loud music outside. Derek was at the end of the hall, standing straight as he watched the fireplace in front of him.
I specifically said the living room was cozy because it was designed to be the most peaceful room in the entire mansion. Xiomara had bad anxiety and her parents wanted a place where she could go to be away from everything. Hence why it was so quiet even though you could see half naked people dancing outside through the dark windows.
Quietly, I made my way to a comfy couch next to the fireplace where Derek could see me, but not exactly pay attention to me, if he were to ignore me as well. I gave him options, that was more than most people would give.
I looked up at Derek as he watched the flames. In the light, he looked as though he were an angel who was sadly looking down at humanity. And in those sparkling blues, I could see an unavoidable destruction waiting to cleanse the world. The fire was humanity. The world was me.
"You aren't telling me something," Derek said as he walked forward, leaning closer to the fire while he held onto the wall with one hand. "I keep telling myself I don't know what it is, but that's a lie. I know what it is, I just don't want to think about it."
"I don't und–"
"Are you in love with Nathan?"
I swallowed before I opened my mouth to simply say, "No."
"I just . . . I don't believe you."
That line sent a cold shiver through my body like I had been forced to eat coleslaw. The way Derek said it was as if he pondered on it for a lot longer than I assumed. He was so sure of himself and simply stating that I wasn't in love with Nathan wasn't going to be enough.
"Why are you asking me this?" I said.
"Because of the small conversation I had with Nathan." Derek was still looking at the fire. He refused to look at me. This was hurting me.
"What did he say?"
"Why is it that every time you ask me that question, you sound nervous? What are you so nervous about? What could Nathan say to make you react that way?"
"Okay, now you're stepping out of line," I said, standing up and grabbing his shoulder, forcing him to look at me. I saw nothing but anger behind his blue eyes.
"Am I?
"Yes," I said through gritted teeth.
"Then explain to me. I'm waiting."
"I act nervous because I don't want either of you to fight."
"Why would we fight?" he said with a sarcastic tone.
"Because of what happened?" I replied. It took every ounce of self control not to start screaming. He was being irritating and was purposely acting this way. "What the fuck do you mean why? Have you met yourself? There's no way you would have let Nathan off with just a warning."
"Why not? I did tell you to be his friend. I did tell you to stop avoiding him. I defended him. Of course, that's all past tense now. Ever since my conversation with him, I just don't know what to think."
I took a deep breath. "Derek, if you don't fucking tell me what you're talking about, I can't tell you anything."
"He spoke like he truly believes he has a chance to be with you. He told me he is better for you than I am. He was so confident without a single drop of doubt that you and him belong together. Why is that? What the fuck have you been saying, or not saying, to make him believe that he has even a one percent chance to be with you?"
"He's in love with me!" I almost screamed. "Of course he thinks he has a chance. We all have false hope telling us that we can have our biggest desires if we worked hard enough. We've been best-friends for years, he's been close to me for a very long time and all while in love with me. I could tell him he's the ugliest white guy in the world and he'd still think he has a chance with me. HE FUCKING DOESN'T!"
"I just–"
"NO!" I pointed a finger at him. "Don't you dare fucking talk while I'm talking until I say you can talk. I am not finished. I am so upset right now." He looked pissed off but I didn't care because no one could be at my level of pissed off right now. "I am so tired of this, Derek. Our fights always come down to you thinking I'm going to leave you for someone else or that I don't love you anymore. I have done nothing but stay by your side all these years. Have I left? Did I break up with you? Did I confess my love for thirteen different guys? Have I decided to just run away with some complete stranger because I think he's gonna give me a better life? NO. BECAUSE I FUCKING CHOSE YOU FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!"
"Well–"
"Derek Joseph, you speak one more time I will unleash hell like you've never seen before," I warned him one last time. When I was sure he wasn't going to interrupt me again, I continued, this time more softly. "I have never doubted my love for you, not once. I have been loyal to you until the incident with Nathan. We were drugged out of our minds, I was upset and horny and all I could think about was you while all he thought about was how much he loved me. Yes, it's fucking unfortunate that it happened. It wasn't exactly your steamy porn session, but I understand that what happened is upsetting and can cause trust issues in a relationship, but I have always been honest with you."
But just because I was honest, didn't mean I was telling the truth.
"There is something that I dealt with for a little while that I didn't tell anyone about," I continued as he listened, a pissed off look still on his face. "For the past few months, my mind has been repeating certain conversations we've had. Good and bad ones. And I've taken everything you've said into consideration because I trust you. Because there is no one in this world that knows me better than you. I thought about whether or not I loved Nathan. I thought about the possibility of loving two people at once and I came to the conclusion that I was not in love with Nathan. My heart is incapable of loving two people when my heart has only belonged to you. And I don't care how cheesy that sounds. Nathan to me has always been more than a brother, more than a friend, more than a best-friend, but less than a boyfriend. There is no word for that feeling. I'm not in love with him, but he's important to me. I am sorry for hurting you so much, for making you think that he was more important than us. I was selfish and I thought irrationally, but it's only because I don't want to lose either of you. That I won't apologize. I never want to lose anybody I love, ever. What happened shouldn't have happened in the first place. Everything would have been okay if it never did and that was my thought process. Derek, I love you and nobody else. I will never love Nathan that way and we will never be together."
Derek looked over my shoulder and in his famous monotone voice said, "I hope you heard all of it."
My jaw dropped and I turned my entire body around like the main actress in the best novela on Telemundo. Nathan was standing in the middle of the hall, just watching, listening, then his head dropped and my eyes began to blur. He turned around to leave and I full on ran at him, screaming and tackling him to the ground.
"NO! YOU! FUCKING! WON'T!" I screamed at him.
"GET OFF ME!" he screamed back.
I rolled off but only to grab his legs. I used all my homosexual strength and dragged him into the living room as he tried to kick and claw his way out of my grip. When he was in the living room, I tossed his legs to the side and blocked the hall so no one could escape my wrath.
"YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING STAY AND LISTEN!" At this point I couldn't tell who was who because my tears were completely masking my vision. "I'm SORRY that you had to hear that, but it's the fucking truth. I've done nothing but support and love both of you and all you've both done is hurt me and try to break my relationship with the other. IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU WILL STOP!"
"Stop crying," Derek said softly, finally letting go of his pissed off look. So now he wanted to act like he cared? What about before when he was accusing me of things?
"Can I go?" Nathan asked.
"I don't know, can you?"
He tried it. He really fucking tried it. I raised a finger at him and he stepped back, rolling his eyes and looking like a little bitch.
"I'm not sorry that I didn't tell you he was behind you," Derek muttered.
"Shut up. Shut. Up." I was losing it.
"Okay."
"Nathan . . . I've tried really hard not to hurt you and I know that I can't stop it, but you need to accept that we can't be together. I can't love you like I love Derek. This isn't a love triangle. There is no choice. I've been with Derek longer than I've known you. And yeah, my relationship with him can be too much sometimes, and I'm sorry that you get dragged into our bullshit sometimes, but I love him and I want to be with him."
"Great," he said.
I could just feel the hurt in his voice. I dropped to my knees and wept like the drama queen I proudly was. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, they were never going to understand how much they meant to me. I wanted to make them both happy, but that was impossible without breaking one. I had to deal with so much bullshit from both of them and I never treated them like they treated me. I was a fucking human being and mistakes were a part of the journey, but I did not deserve this.
Derek sighed, speaking out of turn. But I was too tired to yell.
"I'm sorry, Nathan," Derek said.
"Why are you apologizing?"
Derek looked up as if saying the next words were full of agony. "Because . . . Leo is right."
"But you're apologizing for . . . ?"
"Because I've been an asshole," he said, sighing some more. This was really killing him, apologizing. "And we have similar personalities, which is why we got along just fine before all this shit happened. And I'm trying hard to understand how Leo sees you, but he's right about everything. There's no reason I should doubt him. If he wanted to leave me, he would have. If he didn't love me anymore, then he would've said it."
Tears were still coming out of my eyes, but they were gentle tears now. I wasn't a hose anymore. Just a hoe. Not a hose.
Nathan shut his eyes tightly. "I'm sorry, too." Apologizing was really killing their egos.
"Are you both starting to understand what I'm saying?" I spoke quietly, trying not to let my voice break and give away that I was still going through puberty.
Nathan groaned, his ego shredding to pieces as he tried to accept the defeat.
"Yeah," Derek said as he leaned back against the wall.
"Nathan, I'm sorry if what I said hurt you. I thought I had your word that everything was going to be okay between us, but I understand that it takes time."
"Nah, it's okay. I just got upset, that's all. It's all cool. It's always been cool. I know you and Derek love each other."
"Still think you're better for Leo than I am?" Derek said, raising a single brow.
"Hey, come on! You were being a dick to me, I had to say it!"
"I'm just glad I didn't have to go to my last resort," Derek said, a hint of a devious smile.
"What? What are you talking about?" I said as I picked myself up from the ground.
"Well, I don't want us to ever break up, so if I had to let Nathan join, then I would've done it."
"What?" Nathan said.
"What?" I said.
"I never said I'd like it, but I rather let it happen than lose you completely."
Nathan made a thoughtful facial expression. "I mean . . ."
"Leave," I told Nathan before he could finish. "Get out of my house."
He scoffed. "This isn't your house."
I opened my arms and beckoned for the both of them to march their stupid asses forward to gracefully accept my hug before either of them get any ideas. They looked at each other before pathetically walking forward and wrapping their arms around me. It was an okay hug, they could have done better. I knew things weren't completely solved between them, but instead of arguing back at me, they chose to listen to me and that meant the world.
"Okay, now hug each other," I told them. I had complete control over them both right now and if they didn't do what I asked, I'd just crumble and cry again. Crying worked every time. Derek hated when I cried because it made him sad.
I laughed in my head and accepted I was an evil bitch.
"What? Why?" Derek said.
"You can't say you're sorry to each other and not hug it out. Are we all going to get over this shit or not? We're gonna go back to normal, right? As you said it yourself, you guys were cool before everything, so hug it out and prove it."
Nathan muttered something to himself and awkwardly extended his arms out. They came together and hugged, but it was so manly and boring that it made me gag.
"Stop giving me that stupid bro hug! We're queer boys who like other boys! HUG LIKE YOU FUCKING MEAN IT!"
"Your boyfriend is losing it," Nathan told Derek as they hugged once again, this time less masculinity, more femininity. "I feel like he's recording this and he's gonna put it on pornhub."
"I really hated that your dick was inside him, but I don't mind my dick inside you if you want to give him a show," Derek said with the most serious tone I had ever heard.
"Uh, I've seen it, so I'm going to kindly reject. But if you want my dick inside you, then I'd gladly give Leo the show he wants."
"Okay, you can both literally leave," I said, giving up on them and throwing myself back on the couch.
"I'll talk to you both later," Nathan said, grinning back at Derek as they pulled away from the longest hug ever. "Gonna be at my mom's house this weekend. But we can keep talking when I come back, hopefully clear everything so we don't have any more problems. I was never the bad guy."
"Text me when you're home safe," I told him like the mom I was.
"Sure," he said, laughing as he left.
Derek joined me a second after Nathan left and plopped next to me, skin to skin. We sat like two middle schoolers on a date, awkwardly trying not to be too close and let the teachers know we were sinners.
"That really hurt me, Derek," I whispered as I looked down at my hands.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"There's a lot of sorrys being thrown around lately."
"I mean it. I promised you I was going to stop doing that and I did it again. It's just . . . my anxiety really fucks up the way I think sometimes."
I watched as he buried his face in his hands. "I wish you'd stop doubting me."
"I know," he said, groaning. "I fucked up."
For a moment I said nothing, but then I brought my hand up and massaged circles on his back.
Derek didn't always have anxiety, but he believed it started after his mom died. Everything started after his mom died. I never saw signs of the anxiety he had now back when we used to be step-brothers. That was a different time. Sometimes a lot of people unfortunately have to grow up with anxiety and other things, but Derek was good at hiding most of his feelings, minus being horny. In my honest opinion, his anxiety started happening after we separated. It made me feel guilty like it was all my fault that he had all these insecurities in our relationship. I could have done better. He wasn't the only one that had to be better. I could do better. I could do so much fucking better. I could care less what people's opinions on the matter were. Derek deserved extra care and attention and if you couldn't handle doing a simple thing like loving and embracing what you had, then you shouldn't be dating in the first place. People with anxiety couldn't control what they felt. They just needed a little more reassurance.
"It's okay," I told him.
"I got so hostile towards you," he said into his hands.
"It's okay. What Nathan said scared you, but now it's all cleared up, okay?"
He finally dropped his hands and sat back on the coach, slouching his shoulders.
I snuggled up against his arm and looked up at him. He quickly eyed and tried not to smile, but he was a fake man.
"I love you," I told him. "I'm never going to leave you, ever."
"Eh, you should keep your word." He stared back at the fire like a magnet or maybe it was easier looking at the flames than my eyes. "You don't know what I'm gonna look like when I'm old. I could look like an uncooked chicken nugget."
"It's okay, I'll be the expired sweet and sour sauce. Cause' I'm sweet and sour."
He grabbed my hand and kissed it. I hope somewhere, somehow, Me was watching with jealousy.
~ Squishy is rapidly soaring through the pages to get you moving to the next scene
"Don't turn on the light. I don't want people knocking thinking I'm available to party till the next day," I said as we walked inside my room. The windows were open and the moon was lighting up the room enough to see.
Nathan's bed was empty so he wasn't lying when he said he was going to be at his mom's house. It would have been awkward as hell if he stayed, but I assumed he wouldn't. I wouldn't.
"Go ahead and use the bathroom first, I have a call to make," Derek said as he sat on my bed.
I was gonna ask who the hell had calls to make at this hour, but everything had been so good after our talk that I shrugged it off and entered the bathroom. I left the door open in case he needed to use the bathroom. I peed for ten minutes, brushed my teeth and took another shower. I was so cold when I left the shower that I thought I was going to die. My towel was too thin and I hadn't bought better ones so I was crying inside. I shuddered and whipped my hair like a dog. As I left the bathroom with the towel around my waist, Derek popped out of the darkness, since the moon was currently hiding behind clouds, and kissed me deeply just once. But that one kissed said it all. It was so rough and delicious that I was left dazed out of my mind.
When I snapped out of it, Derek was in the bathroom, with the door closed. I sadly walked to my bed and laid down to check my phone. I looked at tag pictures on Instagram and checked a few stories while I waited for Derek. The party was great and everyone seemed to have a fun time. There was even a video floating around of Tanika kissing a girl. She didn't want to come back with us when we were leaving so she was probably still there.
After thirty long minutes, Derek came out of the bathroom. His hair was slightly wet and crazy from trying to dry it. He was wearing nothing but grey boxer briefs. He raised his brows when he saw me laying on my bed with part of the towel covering my junk and the rest of me naked.
He chuckled when he climbed over me and pressed his large bulge against mine. He wasn't even hard, it wasn't fair honestly.
"What did you do while I was gone?" he asked, still mounted over me.
"Watched a bunch of videos from the party on instagram. What took you so long?"
He rolled over to the right side of the bed, which was my side. With no answer, he grabbed my hand and kissed it again. I found that a bit odd since he rarely did that, I wasn't sure what to think of it. But then he took one of my fingers into his mouth and sucked.
I watched, shocked and confused, as he basically gave my finger a blowjob. But yes, it worked, because I began to harden, a little too fast.
Then the towel slowly fell off and I was exposed. Derek watched, his eyes glued on it the entire time it was happening.
I grabbed his chin and pulled his attention up to my eyes.
"What did you ask again?" he said.
"What took you so long?" I repeated.
Again, he didn't respond. He inched closer until our chests touched when we breathed. He slid his left arm through my right arm and rested it on my waist. Slowly and tenderly, he rubbed his hands up and down my figure as his mouth went to kiss my shoulders.
"I love being inside you," he said, his voice dark and raspy. "I love how it feels. It feels so good that I find it hard to be able to speak. You make it so good that I can't even speak."
"Y-yeah. Yes," I said like a dumb bitch.
"But I also like it when it's you . . ."
"Oh, wait, what?" The entire fantasy just shattered as I blinked and took it in.
"Inside of me."
Now I knew why he was in the bathroom for so long. He was cleaning everything just for me. Aw. That was the ritual of the bottom gay, definitely could take some time, I was a pro at it at this point, though. It also made sense why he took his backpack in with him.
"You want this?" I asked him, not in a kinky way, just seriously asking.
He moved his face closer to mine until our lips were close to each other, but no kissing, just breathing.
"I love you, Leo. I want to fuck you. I want you to fuck me. But tonight, fuck me."
I swallowed the saliva in my mouth. I was going to start drooling soon.
We both took deep breaths and then I whispered back, "I'd love to fuck you."
He turned around and laid on his back as my turn came to climb his lap, but before I did I pulled off his briefs and tossed it to the floor with the towel. I kissed his lips in the same way he did to me in the darkness. I inhaled his skin as I swallowed the taste of his lips. My heart was pounding in excitement at what he wanted me to do. It wasn't the first time I've fucked Derek, but Derek preferred to fuck me instead and I did too, but sometimes being in love with your boyfriend, you wanted to fuck him or be fucked by him. Being gay was great. I was always open to switching, but Derek had his comfort levels and I always respected what he wanted over my own needs or desires.
"And don't go easy on me," he said, smirking up at me with his stupidly attractive face.
"I can do anything I want?"
"Anything, babe," he said, smiling at me as he stretched. He looked so hot stretching that my dick grew a little extra. Seeing his muscles move and his pale skin with the dark hair made me want to melt right over him in this moment.
"Stop being so hot," I complained.
Since I wasn't the one riding the dick tonight, I rolled to the left and reached into the nightstand for the special items. I accidentally made some cheering sound out loud when it was meant for my thoughts.
"You're that excited?"
"Oh, I just did that cause' I'm gonna eat my boyfriend's ass like it's Grandpa's famous pumpkin pie."
"Well, I'm glad I'm not the one fucking. I would've lost my boner to that."
I glared at him and then at his soft dick dangling between his legs. "You're not even hard."
He shrugged. "You've got a weird way of describing things."
I shut him up by flipping him so his gorgeous ass was staring back at me. Derek definitely had body hair, but it wasn't a lot. His hair was dark so it looked like there was more. I was shaved completely because I liked being smooth, but I liked my man hairy, unfortunately he'd rather grow hair on his face than on his body so he sometimes waxed and ruined my fantasies, but tonight the fantasy was mine.
His butt was nice, so nice. Nicer than mine? Maybe. Perhaps. Some people liked small cute butts, some liked big Minaj butts, some liked smooth and shaved, some liked hairy butts, some liked to eat the booty, some didn't, it was all preference. I thanked the Gods above and below that my Derek was all perfect for me. Literally we were made for each other.
I spread his booty and bit a cheek instead of going in for the hole, which he was expecting. Ha. First things first I'm the r- never expect anything with me. I liked to tease and have fun and make my partner feel like they were going to die.
Wow. I really was an evil bitch.
His hole was smooth and shaved as hell. He truly came prepared. He really wanted this, didn't he? I was not about to cry while I had his ass open in front of me oh hell no.
I dove down and licked from the bottom all the way to the top. Derek shuddered and I smirked at myself. His hole was super tight, like extremely. The only toy he used was a vibrator but it was rather small. I went back in and teased around with the tip of my wet tongue. I could tell he was trying not to moan but if he was holding it back, I was going to make him miserable. He was not going to hold anything back. If I made him feel good, then I wanted to hear it. I moaned for him and he loved it, I wanted the same feeling back.
Once again, I teased and teased until I let my tongue slip in through the tight ring. Derek grew fully hard which no one on Earth had expected. He was enjoying it. And then finally, he moaned. It was low and deep but I heard it. It was needy and desperate and hot.
I made his hole extra wet from all the saliva coming from my mouth and I used it to go deeper into his hole. My tongue was not super long, so I couldn't go in that far, but it was a good depth. I was able to literally fuck his hole with my tongue and that was good enough. His dick was long between his legs and when I pulled back from licking his hole, I grabbed his dick from under him (because it was just that ridiculously long) and dragged my tongue over the delicious head. The taste of his salty skin almost made me moan like crazy. Derek should just become a dish.
"Goddamn it, Leo," Derek groaned into the pillows.
"Watch your profanity."
He was feeling what he made me feel every time, except I did it ten times better, so he was feeling it at the maximum level.
I sucked his dick and took it deep into my mouth until it almost hit the back of my throat. Derek tried to fuck my mouth from that position, but I easily stopped him. I pulled it out of my mouth and a long string of wetness from both my saliva and his pre-cum stretched from my lips and his slit.
Not once did I think about wiping my face. I used that same wetness as lubricant when I went back to pleasuring my boyfriend's hole with that gay magic. He moaned louder and gripped the pillows with both hands. This was such a great experience and I felt drunk on my boyfriends ass hole, but it was a work-out and my mouth hurt. I didn't get to do it enough.
I moved back and stayed on my knees, looking down at Derek spread with his ass in the air. I was going to cum just from that sight alone. It felt like someone punching me in the gut, it was too hot. Was it my birthday? Hello?
I slapped his right cheek with a strong hand that made him jump. He did say anything. And it was an experimental spank. I loved the feeling it gave me, though, so I spanked the other cheek. This was turning me on so much, having control and the dominant power that I could slightly hump the air and be done.
"That hurts," Derek said, but he wasn't complaining, just stating. I hit him again.
"I feel so fucking manly right now," I said under my breath, still unable to keep thoughts in my mind where they belonged.
"Okay, but I'm not calling you daddy," Derek said, who clearly heard me.
I pouted. "Once?"
"No. I'm letting you spank me, isn't that enough punishment?"
I spanked him hard again, so hard my hand hurt. He hissed but didn't move a muscle.
"Do you want me to keep spanking you?" I asked him.
"Honestly, it hurts more than it does feel good. Maybe if you keep doing it I'll like it but right now it stings."
"I didn't need an entire explanation," I told him dead serious, then spanked him again. "I can keep going or I can eat your hole while I finger it. Which one do you want?"
"Uh, second, probably, yeah, definitely the second."
"What's the magic word?" I said as I thrust hard against his ass, letting my dick poke his hole accidentally.
He sighed. "Please . . . Daddy."
Adrenaline rushed through my veins like a drug called Daddy. My heart beat too fast at this. I bent down and gave him what he wanted. As I let my tongue make his hole feel like a tingle fest, I used a finger to start circling. My index slipped in nicely and went in all the way with ease. Derek was already so blissed out of his mind that I could shove my dick in and he wouldn't even notice.
"Ahh." Derek groaned when I pulled out my finger and pushed it back in, wiggling it and moving it around. I knew he liked when I did that, so I did it a few more times. I bet he wasn't expecting all of this when he thought he just wanted me to fuck him. But he knew me well, I didn't just fuck. I fucked.
While my finger worked him up, my free hand scratched his back. I squeezed his shoulders and clawed harder until red marks appeared. I smeared a bit of lube on my fingers to use another finger, since one was all I could fit without lube. The second finger went in and I massaged his insides and watched him lose it completely.
"You like it?" I said.
"Fuck. Yes."
I kissed his back as I hooked the two fingers inside him and pushed upwards. At this point he was scream-moaning. The sound was music to my ears. It was so fresh and new to me. And I was doing a few new things to him that I hadn't done before because there were limits, but there were none tonight. Derek was going to beg me to bottom again, mark my words.
"Are you ready for my dick?" I asked him as I pulled out my fingers. I had to grab my towel from the floor again to wipe my face and anything else. Lube was great but I hated how it felt after a while if I didn't keep reapplying it.
"Yeah, I'm ready, but can I turn around so I can see you?" he asked.
"Sure." That sent warm fuzzy feelings through me. I smiled all cutely as he turned around and his face just showed pure joy. His eyes were hooded and could barely stay open from how good he was feeling. All because of me.
I had not lost my boner once and it felt like I ate his ass for half an hour. He looked down at my dick and instead of laying back down completely, he reached with his hand and jerked me off. Not even five seconds went by when he decided he was bored and laid down on his chest and took me into his mouth. I was happy he was busy blowing me because the faces I made should be illegal. I caressed his face, brushing my tongue over his cheeks, dragging my fingers up until they reached hair. I pulled him down on my length harder, making him gag. I wasn't close to being as big as he was, but that totally boosted my confidence and made me believe I was bigger, even though that was complete utter fucking batshit crazy stupid. But hey, I liked dreaming.
"I love your fucking cock," he said after he swallowed what dripped from my tip.
Nice.
He wanted to keep going, I knew he did. Even though I rarely topped, he would sometimes just suck me off randomly just because he loved the taste of my cock. Derek was a cock-whore. But my cock-whore. My cock.
Demonetized.
I poured lube all over my lovely size and Derek used his own hand to smear it around. He went back to lay on his back and used some of the lube to prepare his hole. He spread his legs apart, which again, oh my god, and held them up while I positioned myself. I used the head of my cock to rub more lube around his tight little hole. I wasn't even paying attention to his face, was too busy looking at what was happening down there since it RARELY HAPPENED, but I looked up for a mere second and had to look up again when Derek was biting his lips, waiting.
I was no longer interested in wanting to watch it go in, I just wanted to watch him as it did. I began to slowly push in while I looked at him. The warm feeling around the head was overwhelmingly sensitive. I ended up having to bite my own lips just to stop myself from screaming.
"Leo, fuck," Derek said, squinting his eyes with no sign of pleasure.
It was hurting him, but he didn't tell me to stop. He tilted his head back and shut his eyes as I kept pushing in. When the final push came and my entire length was fully in deep, he gasped and trembled underneath me. I grabbed his legs and held them up for him as I leaned over him and kissed his mouth. I was too afraid to move and cause him pain, so I just made sure I kept the pressure ongoing while his hole stretched around me and got used to me being there.
"You okay?" I asked while I kissed his jaw as he made a pained expression.
"Yeah, I'm good."
I let go of his legs and moved us so I was leaning even closer, but his ass was still high as if I were holding his legs up. I pulled back, but not completely out. He made some noises full of agonizing pain and I stopped, but he shook his head so I kept going till I pulled out and quickly pushed back in. He seemed more relaxed, but he could be lying.
"Babe?"
"You're gonna have to fuck me," he said as he breathed heavily. "Like now."
This time I watched as I slid halfway out and fucked right back in. The thrusting began and holding back the orgasm was already incredibly difficult. How did he ever do this for so long with that large ass monster? I did not want to be seven inches of disappointment.
Oh, but he felt so incredibly tight. Every bit of my cock was being squeezed and it was warm and wet and so good. Just . . . good.
Somehow I was able to last the first ten thrusts, then it became a challenge. Watching Derek biting his bottom lip and moaning into my thrusts was hell. Seeing my boyfriend in this light wasn't the same as watching him towering over me, railing me nice and hard in all the rhythmic ways that he was so perfect at.
"Derek, you . . . Why are you so tight? Holy fuck." I was proud I could say that entire sentence.
"Do you feel good?" he said.
"So much," I said in my own deep and raspy voice. My body was floating in heaven right now and I only had energy to keep my dick inside Derek, not talking.
Derek grabbed my neck and pulled my lips to his. We shared a wet and sloppy kiss.
"You're so hot like this," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Mmm, can you go harder?"
I wasn't sure how I could go harder, but I tried the best I could. Feeling my cock sliding in and out of him roughly was starting to destroy me. I thought of things I shouldn't just to not cum.
But I was strong and I made it a few more rounds of thrusting. At one point I had to move us because my thighs were starting to burn from the workout. We changed position and this one was just as hot and I didn't even have to pull out for it. Derek laid on his side while I was right behind him with a leg over him as I drowned him in my kiss. I had one hand rubbing his chest, playing with his nipples, and sometimes his dick but if I touched it too much, I would not last. I was finding things that helped me keep my cool and things that could send me off the edge.
I fucked Derek in every way I could and he screamed, begged and moaned my name into my mouth.
Then came the last position. I was on my back with Derek on top of me, riding my dick. If some magical psychic unicorn told me this morning that this would be happening, I would first ask why the bacon, but then I'd laugh because never.
Derek rode my dick as he cried out in either pain or pleasure or both. His body was glistening and sexy and I was holding on to his legs as he bounced his ass up and down, taking back some of the control. I spread my legs and his ass to fight back for the full control. Derek gave into me and came down to lay over me as I did most of the work. When he licked and bit my nipples, I felt the first spark.
"I'm not gonna last longer," I warned him.
"Fuck, babe, let me feel you cum in me."
Since this was still RARE and foreign to me, it felt like being touched for the first time. The first wave was the most powerful I had ever felt in my life. My body stopped functioning completely as the tingly sensation ran through my body and paralyzed me momentarily. The head of my cock bursted with electricity and ejected the first shot of cum deep inside Derek. Then again and again until I filled him completely. When the long orgasm was done, Derek and I made out lazily with our tongues.
"I can still feel it tingling through my body," I told him as I leaned back to take a minute to breathe. Derek tried to climb off but I stopped him before he could. "Hey, I know you can feel that I'm still rock hard."
He laughed. "Yeah, I can . . ."
"Fuck yourself on my dick until you cum. Let me watch you."
He raised a brow seductively. He really liked that I suggested that idea. I had no idea how I was still madly hard, but I wasn't going to question it as Derek started to fuck himself on my dick. His dick was dripping on my stomach and was practically begging for me to make it cum. I used both hands to squeeze and tightly jerk him off while my thumb brushed over the head and foreskin. It drove Derek crazy. Even more when I did it with my tongue. I had no strength to get up, but I did it for Derek. I moved us back so I could stay up and be able to put his hot and wet dick in my starving mouth.
Without hands, I was now blowing Derek while my hard dick was still inside him. All the cum I shot into him was starting to drip down and I could feel every bit. I really did fill him up. I would never be able to cum that much in my life, but game on, bitch.
"I'm not gonna hold back, Leo," Derek said as he rolled his hips.
"Please don't."
Derek really wanted to cum with my dick in him, because he was doing some moves he didn't do before, moves that brought back a familiar spark. Not again oh my Lorde. As his dick bobbed, I fucked up into him and began to feel a second orgasm. I shot first, surprisingly, but it was only two small jets. Derek shot as the first ended and I captured every single drop of cum that poured out and I swallowed, but not before savoring it around my tongue. Derek groaned so hard that he might have alerted the entire campus of our doings.
He was on another dimension and so was I. My entire body decided to astral project to fuck knows where.
I helped him gently pull my still hard dick out and he completely crumbled next to me. I watched him and his lazy eyes as I rubbed his slightly red face. And since he's so pale, it was obvious as fuck.
"You look so cute," I told him.
He chuckled as he dropped his face. He was acting kind of shy. I knew this was not the normal for us but I liked it when it happened. It was special and always made us both cum extremely hard, but Derek had a lot of trouble adjusting to being fucked. Some people were not meant for it and that was okay, but he usually found a way to love it, it just took more time and preparation. I was more used to it and I could get myself feeling really good on his dick quickly, after that it depended on how he fucked me and it was always impeccable. It wasn't always the case, especially not at first. Even the first two years. But we've had a lot of time to learn each other. We clearly had a lot more to learn about each other and the fun would never end with each other.
"That was . . . that was sex."
I laughed. "Yeah, it was."
He nudged me with his elbow. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I know."
"You really do something to me and my body when you top. Should be illegal."
"We're both guys," I said. "I want to fuck you as much as you want to fuck me. I just prefer to be on the bottom and you prefer to be on top. Doesn't mean I can't beat you at your own game."
"Are you fucking challenging me?"
As an unavoidable smirk smeared across my face, I moved closer to his body so I could kiss him. "As long as it means I could fuck you more."
"You wish."
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[Author's Message]: I was literally screaming to get out of this scene for hours. I FEEL SO SINFUL AND DIRTY OH MY LORDE. I was originally going to write THAT scene in Derek's point of view, but I realized early, thank gawd, that it demands to be in Leo's POV. If it happens again, I'll write it in Derek's pov, but honestly I don't know how many more of these scenes I can do. If I don't make it fresh and interesting and new, it's boring. I can't just write sex scenes if it's just Derek doin Leo. It gets boring to me and any boring content slows down chapter releases. If I make more of these scenes, it might only be two more. One that is extremely weird and kinky . . . and maybe a threesome :)
I hope you guys enjoyed the entire chapter. I worked so hard on it. You have NO idea. I might have missed some errors so I hope you guys help me out. I'm only one person and I miss a lot of grammar issues and even bigger errors like missing paragraphs, so help me out whenever you can. Please leave me comments ;-; I need them <3