Road Trip - Chapter Eight

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[Leo's Point Of View]

   It felt like being in the movies. I imagined a camera behind me suddenly pulling back and revealing me on a cliff, ready to jump into the cold, unforgiving waves of the ocean. But there was no camera, no cliff, and no inviting sounds of the crashing waves. I stood in front of a tree with my phone in my hand, reading the text over and over.

He broke up with me.

There was a ringing in my ears. I always wondered what that meant. When I was little I heard that it meant someone was thinking about you. It made some sense. He was thinking of me, but not in a good way.

His words were printed into my mind even after I shut off my phone. Normally by now I would have been on the floor hysterically crying. But my eyes were dry. Maybe because I had already cried too much for this boy. My tears were wasted. My emotions were tired. I was tired.

Did I think this was going to happen? Yes, I did. But not since we started this trip. I truly believed that we were going to be okay. The trip was going to save us. We were supposed to spend time with each other and talk and get our feelings out. It wasn't supposed to be a redemption for me because what I did was unforgivable, but it was a step in the right direction.

That didn't matter anymore. I wanted to say he had overreacted, but what would I do in that situation? I would be angry too. It was unfortunate that he couldn't trust me, even with what had happened. I had always been a trustworthy person. He should have believed me.

I put the phone back in my pockets and walked back to Nicole's RV. She was inside, probably taking a nap with Jack. So I sat on one of the picnic tables outside and waited for one of them to come out.

Was it wrong that the one person I wanted to go to right now was my best friend? Instead of being upset at Derek, I was angry. I was trying so hard to please everyone, but that left me out. I deserved to be happy, too, right?

Me being angry was the reason I wasn't crying. The feelings were overwhelming any sadness. They were bullying the tears to not come out of hiding. Being angry did nothing good, it only turned you into a different person.

Nathan understood me. And yeah, I did see things from their perspective, but they did not see it through mine. Nathan has never liked me that way and I have never liked him that way. Why was it so hard to believe that? What we did was a mistake. Why couldn't Derek just see that? Why did he rather believe I wanted to fuck someone else? Did it calm his anxiety? Did it make him feel like he was right all along about whatever he was thinking? I could see that. But it was wrong.

I kept looking at my phone expecting a new text from Derek taking it all back, but no matter how much I hungered for it, it was not going to come. Instead I looked through my messages to find the text that Derek had seen from Nathan.

Hey, are you still coming?

From Derek's point of view I could see how that upset him. But I tried to explain that it was because his sister wanted to meet me. We had been best friends for years but never got a chance to meet his sister because she lived in India with her husband. But everyone found it easier seeing me as a villain. Everyone needs someone to blame for everything. And me cheating was all he needed. No matter what I did in the past, present and future, it would always come back. I'd always be reminded of what I did. So maybe . . . maybe it was for the best.

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