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(Many months ago . . . )
Derek was yelling at me through the phone and all I did in return was just stare at my walls with a blank expression. I never really interrupted him when he wanted to vent out at me, about me, so I let him finish before I let my own anger take control of me.
"You're ridiculous," I said, rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see me. "You always complain that we don't talk enough, or that I don't care about talking to you, but when I do have time to talk you're too busy playing some stupid video game with your friends. If you're gonna blame something on me, at least be logical about it."
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" he yelled, again. "You're NEVER there. You're always out with your friends, drinking, partying or at the beach and refuse to even have ONE day off to spend with your BOYFRIEND."
"WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?" I screamed, feeling my blood boil. "I ALWAYS talk to you. I ALWAYS make time for you. Do you know what you do when we talk? NOTHING. YOU DO FUCKING NOTHING. You stay quiet for hours and barely say anything to me. Is that what you want? Is that what you think a relationship is? I am TIRED, Derek."
"Tired? Pft, yeah, sure."
"YES, TIRED," I said sternly. "I have loved you since day one, I've supported you through everything that has happened as much as I can, but I cannot keep taking the blame for the things YOU do."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"When you get depressed, who do you take it out on? ME. And I let you because I know how much it hurts you to feel those things, but I can't let you keep doing it to me. You're trying to drag me down with you and I won't allow it."
"Oh, so now it's MY fault?"
"No, you fucking imbecile. It's both of ours, the only difference is I admit when I'm wrong, you just hide it because it's easier than accepting you made a mistake."
Derek breathed in and out and remained quiet after that. I was truly tired of taking the blame for everything. Anytime his anger problems surfaced or if his depression got worse, I was there to take the beating. I wasn't stupid. And it wasn't because I studied psychology, it was a human thing. He felt comfortable enough with me because we've been together for so long that he also forgot I was human.
I used to believe that he was the one for me, that he was my soulmate, that we were meant to be together. But life taught me lessons and made me realize there there is no "meant-to-be". Things just are. They happen, and sometimes they're gone. My relationship with Derek was crumbling, it had been for so long, and my heart was waiting for the inevitable truth.
Anytime Derek got depressed, he would stalk my social media and see that I was out with my friends and he would become so unreasonably angry that he would start spewing bullshit at me and it would cause unnecessary drama between us. And that was how most of our fights started.
YOU ARE READING
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