(I'm back! Can I get some love and encouragement in the form of votes and comments? LOL. Hope you enjoy this chapter!)
[Leo's Point Of View]
I was falling into a deep depression.
When Nathan was out, I stayed in my room and cried away my frustration until I felt numb. Once the numbness wore off, I started from the beginning. I went through my classes and school work while juggling my job in between.
But no matter how hard I worked I was never satisfied. I wasn't happy with what I was doing and it was finally getting to be too much.
Before the job I had now, I used to do a lot of internships. It lasted three years. What killed me was that it might have been for nothing. My dreams since I was little were never clear. I wanted to do everything and be everything. But how do you accomplish that? How do you even think that without tearing yourself apart?
For a while I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I gave up that dream when I realized how much it took. I started off doing that and even did some internships at a clinic, but ultimately I chickened out. I settled on becoming a guidance counselor. I wanted to work with teenagers like me, especially LGBT students who needed the extra care and attention. Then I started doubting it, feeling like I'd be unhappy. Now here I was, crying on my bed, struggling to find myself and where I belonged in the world. If only he stopped referring to himself in third person and started doing something with his life.
And I wasn't even finished. The last time I saw Derek was a month ago. Life passed by fast when you were busy stressing over every single thing. I missed him so much that a few of my tears were because of him.
Ever since we stopped seeing each other every weekend, my life just got worse. First I have my unresolved feelings with Nathan and I couldn't put too much thought into why I felt the way I did because school was overwhelmingly taking over my life. I didn't have a single moment where I could just sit and think about things.
Except now, but I wanted to use that time to cry.
It was risky crying so openly when Nathan could walk in any moment. No one even suspected I was having a miserable time. I hid my feelings really well when I needed to. Maybe I should become an actor.
Oh, great, here came the tears.
Why was it so hard to know what you wanted in your life? I had a huge privilege that not many people had. I was crying because there were too many options and I couldn't decide? But should I make myself feel even worse because I felt like my own struggles were lesser than most people and I didn't deserve the right to complain?
That was a good thought. It also made me cry. But crying made me feel the pain and I realized that my pain was valid.
It was okay not to be okay. It was okay . . .
I heard my phone ring but I was too busy hiding in the corner of my bed, covered in so many blankets and pillows that I was surprised how I even got any oxygen. The phone didn't stop ringing so it must be someone important.
With a single hand, I reached out through my fortress and picked my phone from the nightstand Nathan and I shared. It was Derek calling.
I accepted the call and said nothing.
"Hey, beautiful."
I started crying again.
"I miss you," I sobbed.
"Uh oh. What's wrong?"
"I'm just so tired. I'm so happy you can't see my ugly Kim Kardashian crying face."
"What? It's not ugly. You look cute when you cry–wait that sounds kinda wrong. You look cute no matter what, shut up."
"I miss you."
"I miss you a lot more."
"That's impossible. You're so ugly for even saying that oh my god."
His laugh made me drop my phone. I could picture his smile so perfectly like he was right in front of me. I wanted to kiss him so much and I couldn't. Even if he had a beard, I'd kiss him and do all kinds of stuff.
But I only thought that because he stopped letting the beard grow and trimmed it every week. He looked really fucking hot now and thinking about it not only gave me a painful boner but also made me want to cry more.
Wow, I was annoying. All I did was cry. I was practically a baby.
"Seriously, are you okay? Talk to me."
"I'm just stressed with school. I hate it so much, Derek. Hating it stresses me, doing it stresses me, there's nothing I can do or say that will not make me stressed. I feel like I'm running around in circles and I'm so unhappy."
"Summer is soon..."
"Summer isn't as it used to be. Sure, the first few summers were amazing and fun and incredible memories, but fun is over. I might have to spend all summer either doing my job full time or another internship. I need so much experience and I feel like I'm not gonna ever get enough."
"Or you can stay with me."
"You know I'd love nothing more, but I don't know if I can. There's so much I have to do. Like, I understand why you dropped out. If I didn't have help from my mom and her husband, I wouldn't have even survived one year."
"Yeah." He was upset, I could easily tell by his tone. He couldn't fool me like I could fool everybody including Michelle Obama. I see you girl, you ain't making me eat healthy.
"Baby, stop. You're gonna make me start crying again." But by the time I finished the sentence, it was too late. How . . . didn't . . . I . . . run . . . out . . . of . . . tears?
He sighed over the phone. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."
"ME?! I made you upset. Don't defend me. I am a fucking monster."
"It's okay. Don't worry about me."
I rolled my eyes. "Shut your mouth Joseph."
He started choking. "Please."
"Now I'm thinking about how much time we've lost. Imagine if we were together all this time. Like, just imagine it. Doesn't it make you sad? We could have been living together from the moment we moved out and went to college. Imagine how different our lives would be if we didn't stupidly decide to go to different schools. We could have been there to love and support each other. But no, fuck easy happiness."
"I try not to think about it."
"Derek, I love you. I love you so damn much. I'm sorry for constantly disappointing you." I had to pull the phone away from my face because that got too real and I had to hold back the urge to break down.
"Stop that. You don't disappoint me. You make me extremely happy and you know that. Life can't be simple, but I know eventually we'll be happily together and everything would have been worth it."
But it wasn't worth it. We were wasting our lives away. I wanted to experience my early adult years with my boyfriend. I wanted that college life with my boyfriend so badly, but we missed out on it. It was okay to admit it.
"Are you gonna be up later?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Can I call you later?"
"Sure. I love you."
"I love you." I hung up immediately and threw my phone away and just let Kim Kardashian's face take over mine. I couldn't make anyone happy, especially myself. I was hurting Derek. I was hurting Nathan. I was hurting myself. What was I supposed to do at this point?
All the crying eventually made me sleepy and I took a nap and woke up later in the night. I ordered some food and yelled at the delivery boy when he complimented my shirt. He wanted me and I was tired of being so attractive.
When Nathan finally came back, I didn't even care that I was half naked, spread out on the bed with a bag of food next to me. I was positive my eyes were red, so trying to hide that I was losing it was hopeless at this point.
"Heee–Oh, no."
"Go ahead, say it," I muttered as I stared at the ceiling.
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
"I'm so glad we're back to our old selves," I said sarcastically.
"So . . ." he started, sitting down on my bed. "A delivery guy complained to the front desk about you."
"I sure hope so. If I'm not kicked out of my dorm by tomorrow then I did a terrible job yelling at him."
"Wanna talk about it?"
I rolled on my stomach and he took it as a sign to lay next to me, which was not what I was going for at all. I did not want Nathan laying in my bed while I was half naked. Didn't help any of my poor confused thoughts. But I wasn't going to tell him off. Honestly, I just wanted to roll away and hide my face in embarrassment.
"School is stressing me out, nothing new," I said as I hugged my pillows closer to me. While Nathan wasn't looking, I took a bite of my cold food.
"Remember Xiomara's house?" he asked.
"Her parent's house?"
"She's having a party tomorrow night. You wanna go?"
That was the house we first met and spent all night talking. He still argued that it wasn't the first time we met but I had no memory of ever meeting him prior to that party. If he was right and we actually met before, I must have been drunk off my ass. And if the only thing he said to me was hi, then I wasn't going to take that as our first meeting. A lot of guys said hi to me all the time and I remembered none.
I turned on my side to face him with my hands planted between my head and pillows.
"Sounds like a good distraction."
"You work in the morning?" he asked as he left my bed and hopped to his.
"Yeah. I'll be free later. Maybe we can get something to eat before we go to the party."
I checked my phone for the tenth time after waking up from my nap to see no reply from Derek. I called him as soon as I woke up but he never answered. I wasn't worried about it. He was either playing video games or fell asleep. But it did leave me a bit upset since I was looking forward to talking to him. I was just in such a bad state of mind that sometimes I needed a break to breathe . . . or sleep.
"Night, Leo," Nathan said as he turned the lights off, knowing that I couldn't stay up all night today because I had work the next day. Sometimes it was really nice having someone that didn't want to party all day and night in their dorm room. Nathan loved staying up, but he also respected and understood me.
"Night bitch."
He laughed quietly and went to bed.
~ Squishy is here and he waves hi as you go to the next scene
When I woke up the next morning, Nathan was getting ready to leave. His hair was wet from a recent shower and he was looking down at two different shirts. Neither of the shirts were his style. His style was honestly stupid to me. He only wore tank tops that basically showed his entire body because he wanted his tattoos to always be seen.
My tattoos for the most part were hidden. This was done on purpose in case I wouldn't get hired because of them. As long as I was wearing decent clothes, they wouldn't be seen. Derek and Nathan on the other hand, good luck.
"Right one," I muttered.
He looked back with the cutest most appreciative smile.
"Morning, princess."
"I'll kill you," I threatened.
"Love you, too."
I stretched my body and released unholy sounds. I rolled over to the nightstand and picked up my phone. I had a couple of messages but none were from Derek. If he was working today, I didn't see why he couldn't reply. I knew he was a bad texter, but he wasn't that bad where he'd forget to check his messages. He always checked no matter what, even if it took a few hours.
"Where are you going?" I asked as I scrolled through the messages to make sure I hadn't said something to upset him, also cause I needed a distraction before I went crazy-boyfriend-mode.
"Library."
"Since when do you dress nice just to go to the library?"
"Meeting up with Dakota."
"I see."
"Just a friend," he sang.
Was Dakota trying to steal my boyfriend and my best-friend, who I may or may not be in love with? Did I have to kill him instead? What if . . . What if Dakota was also trying to steal me from me? He bought me that food Derek asked him to get me, but he didn't have to. Oh my god . . . was he trying to replace me?
"I don't care."
That was a lie.
"We might just come back here after, is that okay with you?" he asked as he put on the shirt I told him to pick. He turned to face me to look at my face for reactions.
"Sure," I said dryly.
All jokes aside, I was getting a Raven Baxter moment. Nathan and Dakota were getting close really fast. Nathan hadn't said anything to me about them dating or anything like that, so I honestly wasn't sure what was going on between them, but if there was no romantic interest, then I was totally being replaced, and that made Leo sad.
As the queen used to say . . . Oh SNAP!
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe this was the universe answering my problems. How could I be in love with Nathan if he was too busy with another person? I wouldn't be confused anymore and Nathan would be happy for once. But this was different for sure. Nathan never really had a relationship in the time we've known each other. He tried dating a few people but it never worked out in the end.
No matter what my brain came up with, even if it was positive, I felt such hate. Nathan was my best-friend and I didn't want that to change. Dakota already fucked my boyfriend and now he was trying to take my best-friend?
Even Sasha liked him better than me . . .
Oh hell no. NOBODY. I mean . . . nobody. Takes my Sasha.
Time to fight.
"Are you guys going to be here when I come back?" I asked, trying to sound innocent.
"Don't know, why?"
"Is he coming to the party?"
"Haven't told him about it."
Nathan didn't tell his new Leo about the party but he asked me to come? Was I being extra then? Was I being Team Insecure? If Nathan changed his mind and invites Dakota, then I was one-hundred percent going to fight them both, but if he doesn't then I guessed he was safe . . . for now.
"Are you leaving now?" I asked.
"Yeah, sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Go study. Be a smart man. Have fun with your school work," I said.
He gave me a strange look.
"Okay . . ." He was frowning at me. He knew something was up. Leave it up to my one and only best-friend in the world to know I had some malicious plan in the making. "See you after work."
As he went to the door, probably thinking suspicious of me, I went back to my phone to reply back to everyone before I had to get ready for work. Nathan let out a loud girlish shriek and fell back on the floor. My phone almost jumped out of my hand from how frightened I became from his scream.
Derek was standing in front of our door and I almost started throwing up last night's food. Now I understood Nathan's reaction perfectly. They hadn't seen each other since everything happened. But I couldn't really focus on that right now. My heart was beating so fast watching him outside on the hall, holding a backpack. I felt like I had just discovered Earth's most precious gem and that was Derek. I couldn't find any words. I was so surprised. Why was he here?
Since neither I nor Nathan said anything, Derek walked and let himself in. I hated this moment so much because it wasn't the first time Derek had come visit me. He did it plenty of times in the past few years, but obviously there was now a large, two headed, five-tailed, mystical orange elephant in the room.
This explained why he wasn't answering any of my calls or text messages. He wanted it to be a surprise. I almost started worrying. I almost called the FBI to look for him. I made sure to be careful and listen to my overthinking ever since Derek got out of the hospital. All of my thoughts were relevant no matter how outrageous they were. My instincts could be the thing that might help Derek if anything happened.
Nathan was still on the floor staring up at Derek. Derek could be scary looking sometimes. Like I always said, all of my friends found him painfully attractive, but he was so quiet, annoyed and intimidating that everyone thought he was going to murder me one day.
They didn't know it was this pussy that he was murdering.
Derek's beard was clean and dark, but it aged him more, creating a false sense of danger, especially for Nathan. Nathan was this skinny skater boy who broke his bones constantly, he was in no position to fight anyone.
Please don't fight, I thought.
Mainly cause' I wanted to be the one to start a fight.
"You can get up, I'm not gonna hit you," Derek said, his deep voice probably sending chills down both of our backs.
My heart was still racing and I still couldn't find any words.
"Yeah, okay." Nathan got up and picked up the school supplies he dropped. Derek was still in front of the door, so they had a moment to stare at each other, face to face. I was literally shaking at this point. I didn't want them to fight, I really didn't. I was so scared because I knew Derek, and I wouldn't be able to stop him. "If–If you want to talk, or do whatever, I'll be back in a few hours."
"Okay," Derek said. He didn't say no, he didn't say that it was okay, he didn't reassure anyone that something wasn't going to go down. I wasn't going to be here and now I was really getting worried.
Nathan walked around Derek and left in a hurry, then it was just the two of us.
I left my bed and ran to him, jumping into his arms as he opened them. Hugging him made me temporarily forget about my fears and worries. Hugging him made everything seem worth it. Hugging him was what I needed right now.
One month. One fucking month.
Derek didn't need to say a word. I knew he heard and felt the pain in my voice when he spoke to me. He dropped everything just to be here for me. I started thinking of all the good things about him and how I didn't deserve him and cried. I could be strong sometimes, but right now I wasn't, and it was okay to let go, especially when it seemed like life was against you.
"I missed you," I said.
"I know. I missed you as well."
I never wanted this hug to end. It was the best hug ever. His arms around me, squeezing me, it was a good way to suffocate and die. But then my work alarm rang and made me jump.
Clearly something was going to happen with Derek and Nathan, so I contemplated skipping work today. But as much as I wanted to do that, it wasn't going to happen. I skipped so many weekends because my boss understood that I had to be there for Derek. My boss and I had a sentimental moment and I learned that her brother passed away due to drugs. And as much as she understood, I wasn't going to get more free passes. She would fire me in a heartbeat.
"I need to get ready for work," I said sadly, breaking the hug apart.
Derek threw himself back on my bed and laid back with his hands behind his head. It took the only strength I had left to not jump his bones.
I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, went back to my bed to plant a kiss on those beautiful lips, then went back to the bathroom to shower. I should have been skeptical when Derek was in my bed. He came into the bathroom as I was undressing and was holding a bottle that he got from the dresser.
My heart beat fast again. At this rate I was going to have a heart attack.
The shower was running and waiting for me, but Derek pressed me back against the counter and kissed me. It wasn't a kiss that you did in public either. There was a lot of desperate moaning and it was getting heated really fast.
I wasn't late or anything, but I didn't have time to just fool around.
Yet, I didn't stop him.
I struggled to unbutton his pants and he was wearing a belt. He kicked his shoes off but because our lips refused to pull apart, nothing else came off. Derek lifted me up and carried me inside the shower, soaking us both. He was still wearing clothes, but he gave no fucks.
That turned me on more and made any thoughts of stopping this perrish.
As hot as it was seeing Derek fully clothed and wet, the fabric was starting to feel clingy and annoying against my naked skin, so I reached down and pulled the shirt over his shoulders. He looked at me when we stopped kissing and the shirt was on the floor. The water cascaded down his face and it was breathtaking how beautiful he was.
My thumb brushed over his bottom lip as we breathed together. His eyes were dark and mysterious in ways I couldn't explain with words. When he looked at me like this, it was as if our souls were recognizing each other as more than just boyfriends, we were celestial beings caught in an array of human emotions.
How could I love anyone else? I couldn't. That was the answer. It was that simple. Derek was my one and only and nothing could ever come between us. Through the pain and troubles of life, we were one forever.
I dropped down on my knees and moved us so he was standing in front of the shower head, staring down at me. My hands reached up and unbuckled the belt, giving me an easier access to unbutton and drop his pants. With both hands, I pulled down his boxer-briefs and his dick sprung out half hard. I gave it a teasing lick that fully woke it up. It was long and straight and resting on my shoulder. I grabbed it and left hot kisses down the length until I stopped at his balls. I grabbed those with my free hand and sucked them into my watery mouth.
"Leo," he moaned, shutting his eyes and letting his head fall back into the water.
His hands went up to rub his chest, brushing his fingers over his nipples. As he did that, I went back to the tip of his dick and used my tongue to slide it inside my mouth. My lips closed around it as I sucked hard. It didn't hit my throat because my tongue was too busy tasting the slit.
The tip was nice and wet from my saliva and his pre-cum. I didn't want to let it free otherwise the water from the shower would clean it up and that was my job. I knew he wanted to fuck me, but that would take so long. I wanted him to fuck me hard and long against the walls. I'd give anything. But I couldn't just do a quickie right now before work. So I pulled out my best blowjob skills to give him the best orgasm I could.
If I were him I would have passed out. He came hard and loud. My mouth captured it all and I swallowed, but not before playing with it and taking my time tasting what I had missed for so long.
He stayed hard for a long while. He dropped on his knees and worked me up while I multi-tasked and washed my hair. It wasn't easy doing that, I could barely keep my balance with Derek's mouth all over my dick, but it worked out in the end and we happily left the shower.
"Derek, I'm gonna be working, so please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," I told him as I did my hair in the bathroom mirror and he watched behind me.
He scoffed at me. "You have nothing to worry about."
"I don't like your tone," I muttered.
"And I like you," he said, kissing my shoulders. He was still horny.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious. If I get any calls I'm coming after you."
"I think you meant to say on."
I legit felt his dick get hard against my ass.
"Listen, just go to my bed, lube it up, jerk off for hours until I'm back and don't do anything else okay?"
"Sounds boring."
"Then use my fleshlight, I don't know." I made a face as he wouldn't let me prepare for work in peace. I missed him so much that I felt pain, but I didn't want to get fired and I needed to be out of my dorm in like . . . five minutes ago.
"I can do that. Nothing's hotter than fucking something you've put your dick in."
"If you send me any pictures while I'm at work I'm not opening your messages," I warned as I put on my fancy jacket.
He finally left the bathroom and went to sit down on my bed, opening up my laptop. I ran out of the bathroom and stumbled trying to put on my shoes and tie at the same time.
"I think you already have enough of those to make an album," he said.
"Derek," I said when I was finally done. "I'm really happy you're here. I really am. It was a good surprise. I fucking love you, but if you and Nathan are going to talk, please don't punch him. I'm actually scared and I don't want to have to leave work because both of you decided to break each other's noses. Don't forget who Nathan is. You know him."
He groaned and fell back on my bed with my laptop blocking his face.
"Nothings gonna happen," he assured.
"Are you going to kiss me before I leave?"
He tossed the laptop to the side like it didn't cost me everything and jumped up, running forward like I had done when we first hugged, and attacked my lips, sliding his tongue in my mouth. He tasted like heaven and it was so tempting to stay and kiss and fuck all day long.
"I love you," I told him as I moved back. He tried to reach for me again but I flipped him off and left before he could drag me back and make me lose my job.
As I walked down the hall, I texted some friends that Derek was here. I trusted Derek with my life, but I wasn't sure if I trusted Derek with not killing Nathan in our room. He was here really early, like super early, he knew my schedules, he knew where I went and who my friends were. This was extremely planned.
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[Author's Message]: Hi guys! Sorry for taking so long to update. If you read my broadcasts, you know why. Hope you understand that sometimes I need to take breaks. But anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Hope you gave it a vote. Hope you commented your thoughts and reactions. Thank you again for supporting me <3
What do you think is gonna happen next chapter? O.O