Title: The Girl Everyone Judged
Author: catherineezzz
What is 'The Girl Everyone Judged'?
It is a short, completed and 'heavy' story that details along the lines of slut shaming, bullying, relationships and tonnes more, telling a side that isn't usually told
Rating:
6.5/10
EBI:
- Read and respond to all of your feedback (comments already on your story)
- Fix your title (Capitalise 'one' or make 'every one' one word as you do throughout the story when putting 'tgej' in each chapter title)
- Change in tense (she took to she doesn't think it's long enough)
- Repetitive word use (long eyelashes and placed it onto her eyelashes, wasn't perfectly perfect - try and use other words or use metaphors. For example, she placed the long eyelashes carefully along the line of her eye lid above two raging blue eyes etc. with more imagery and detail)
- Careful in your use of were and was
- Careful of tenses with have and had
- Provide more than just the repeated 'it's my job' etc, change it up a little each time to keep the reader aware that the story is going to go somewhere and they'll find out why soon enough
- Make the chapters longer
- You don't have to keep repeating her name in each sentence, you can use 'she' a lot more - especially as in some scenes, she's the only one in the setting
- Serious work needed on some grammar.
Review:
The Girl Everyone Judged is a great story with a really interesting main character whose thoughts are complex and confusing for the reader, begging them to continue and find out all of the truths hidden beneath Kim's thick layers upon layers of makeup and secrecy. This story can sometimes be frustrating to read because of the suspense and the hidden agendas and reasons behind things, but if you have patience... The story is complete and just waiting for you to open it right up and enjoy it! The approach is so original and never seen before (by me anyway) because it not only tells the story from a different perspective, but in an entirely different way with a whole new corrupted plot line filled with interesting turns and dramas.
Blurb:
'Kim was unable to move.
Neither could she breathe.
It was out.
The secret she was dying to hide, was out.
And there was nothing that could salvage herself from drowning in the cruel decision she'd made.
Not even him.
***
Kimberly Marie Hearts.
A really pretty name for a beautiful curvy blonde with blue, round eyes.
And also a really typical name for a typical high school slut.
But what really is the definition of slut?
Showing their body off by wearing revealing clothes?
Having one-night stands with different guys almost every night?
Caking their face with make-up, only to resemble a Barbie?
Acting like a bitch who owns the fucking universe?
That is exactly the definition of, a typical high school slut.
The 'definition' of a "Barbie-Wannabe"; Kimberly Maria Hearts.
Yet, there's another side to the story, as to why, and how, this high school slut, became who she was.
The ugly truth of humans living on planet earth : most judge you based on their knowledge.
And this is the story of how and why Kimberly Marie Hearts was sculpted into the woman she was, and also what slut-shaming plus bullying encouraged her to do.'
Happy reading!