[Finally a happy chapter since you guys deserve it. Please vote/comment!]
(Leo's Point Of View)
Driving back to my dorms took longer than I hoped. I had to stop at a motel to rest for a few hours before I headed back to the road. Honestly even before, as much as I loved Derek, I hated driving up to see him, which I had done way more many times than he did driving down to see me. But his situation was more understandable. He still worked when I would come to stay with him for the weekend, that was unavoidable.
I bought my motel room from this really cute Korean guy who worked there with his family. I took my keys and scooted away as fast as I could before I had another guy chasing my booty for no reason except I was so damn handsome - and a magnet for gay boys.
It wasn't my fault though! It wasn't like I asked to be endlessly crushed on by every single homosexual I saw. What did they even see in me? I was literal garbage. It didn't matter anyway. Even when I flirted back with everyone, I only ever had interest for one person only.
Before I dove into the suspicious bed, I sat at the foot of it and contemplated for a while. The neon sign outside my room that displayed the motel's name rained through the blinds and touched my face in many artistic ways.
What was I supposed to do about Derek? There was no way in hell either of us expected all of this to happen, especially in such a short time. Two weeks ago we were supposed to go on the adventure that would change our lives. It was supposed to be healing time for both of us. I had so much planned and so many things (that I already have spoken about to him) that I wanted to tell him.
I tried to believe that everything happened for a reason, but sometimes believing that pain was what you deserved made it difficult to keep that belief. And Derek? What was the reason that he went through so much for so many years? What did he do to deserve it? Because even through our issues, Derek was not a bad person. He was a caring man who was often too afraid to show it.
All I did was roll on the bed when I tried to go to sleep. I managed maybe an hour of sleep before time was up and I had to get back in my car. My thoughts were going to keep me up for a while. I was going to have to invest in sleeping pills.
I had no idea what my emotions were doing about Derek. I didn't want to answer his question because I felt like if I had said yes, that I would be allowing all the bad feelings to come back. I wanted Derek to be okay first. I wanted him to be healthy before I put our relationship first. Because in the end, there would be no relationship if he wasn't alive to be apart of it.
He knew I loved him. He knew I supported him. So I gave him enough reassurance to be able to breathe without worrying.
Yeah, he broke up with me. Yeah, it hurt. But I saw how much he regretted it. And from that point on, I believed that the break up was just a mask and it wasn't real. But it was necessary.
Now that Derek accepted his problems and sought out help, I could focus on the next set of drama I had - Nathan.
This was truthfully too much to handle. I wasn't giving up thinking about Derek constantly, but holy shit did I have so much on my plate. My classes were about to start again and my focus level was rapidly declining.
Maybe Derek was right about not ignoring Nathan, but was I going to listen to him? Ha. He wasn't my mom. And even if he were I'd still wouldn't listen. Nathan deserved to be ignored. He let me down at a time I needed him the most.
But I wasn't a monster. I had to open up to try to understand his side of things even though I didn't want to because it pained me to realize that we weren't going to be the same anymore. Everything between us was going to be different. He was in love with me, but I wasn't in love with him. He was my best friend. Nothing was going to be the same.
I hadn't had much time to think about this and now that I was . . . well, I was crying, again. I had so many memories with him. I still remember meeting him years ago at that stupid LGBT party where everyone had a label on their shirt that said their sexuality and gender expression. Nathan was the only Cis Heterosexual and people scowled at him the entire night but I laughed.
Did he figure out he was bisexual because of me? Has he liked me this entire time? All these years? How did I not notice this? My excuse has always been that I saw him as a brother, an actual brother. I met him when he was straight and he did not come out to me for the longest time so I never imagined he could ever feel something for me. I was comfortable with him. I had someone I could rely on, a fake brother, but a real best friend.
But NOW? Oh no. Leo can't have anything good in his life.
~ Squishy here waving hello as he passes by
It was early in the morning when I arrived to the dorm building. It was quiet and peaceful, in contrast to my chaotic thoughts. I walked through the pavement path, watching the tall lamp posts slowly turn off as the sun began to rise. I jogged faster, pulling my suitcases behind me up the steps and inside the building. My room was on the third floor, so I went to the elevator instead of taking the stairs like I usually did because I was tired. And I only used the stairs when I refused to go to the gym with my friends.
Yeah, I was a hypocrite. I totally did things for my health sometimes. Was it worth it? No.
Last time I checked my emails, I was told I had classes today but that was a week ago. I hadn't had time to even use my new laptop. I had to remove it from the box it came in and shove it in one of the luggages so I wouldn't be carrying it visibly and get it stolen again. But that was as far as I had gone with it.
I stopped in front of my room and paced around, dangling the keys between my fingers, spinning them and tossing them in the air. I knew Nathan was inside and I didn't want to see him or talk to him but I had my things inside.
Breathing in, I relaxed and entered ninja mode. I shoved in the key, turned the door knob and went in quietly.
To my right was both of our closets. To my left was the door to our bathroom. A little further in was the larger room where both of our beds were and our desks with a large window between. My bed was on the right side with the desk in front with the same way on Nathan's side. His bed was occupied with his sleeping body. He laid soundlessly with his back to me. I had left my things outside since I wasn't going to be staying but if someone stole them I was going to jump through that window and end it all once and for all. I could not afford another laptop. If jumping out the window wasn't an option, then I'd have to turn to stripping.
I went to my desk, which was rather messy, and I started picking up my notebooks and anything I could carry that I thought I needed. I dropped a pen I didn't see and froze. Nathan didn't wake up so I took this as my only warning and started walking towards the door, then I remembered something and hopped back to my bed and grabbed my pillow and held it with my teeth. I left the room as soon as possible and almost tripped over my things that I stupidly placed right in front of the door.
I was a mess as I ran down the hall, carrying a bunch of heavy ass books and notebooks, journals, a small box and a pillow all while trying to use a pinky finger to drag my other heavy suitcase and to top it all off, use one of my legs to drag the second suitcase. Not to mention I had more shit in my car.
When I entered the elevator again, I sneezed and dropped everything. I cried dramatically as I picked it back up and the elevator doors closed. I was so tired and I had so many things running through my mind. Classes would probably start in a few hours but I probably had to do a few things on my laptop first before I even thought about taking a nap.
I went to the other side of the large building once I stepped off onto the fourth floor. I knocked on Asha's door with my knee a couple of times and hoped that she would wake up. She did after I eventually cracked open my knee trying to get her attention.
"Leonardo, I'm going to punch you," she said, her voice hoarse and her eyes half shut.
"Oh! Your locks are blue!" I exclaimed as I brushed past her.
"When you said you were coming, I didn't think you meant this early."
"I didn't ask to be born either, but here I am," I said, looking back at her and flashing a smile.
"That was . . . so gay. I'm going back to sleep." She closed the door and zombie-walked back to her bed as her roommate squinted her judgemental eyes at me.
"Go back to bed, Tanika," I told Asha's roommate. She flipped me off and wrapped herself in a burrito blanket and went back to sleep.
Asha's desk was way more organized and had more room. I sat down on her chair, zipped open my suitcase, took out my laptop and plopped it on the desk. Took me a few minutes to set it up and then once I was in I checked my emails to confirm if I had classes, and yes I did. Why on Earth would I think otherwise? When didn't I have classes? And soon my internship was going to start. Was I even going to have time to think? Was this where it all ended?
I started crying as I returned some emails and I heard Tanika laugh in her corner. I looked at her with my ugly cry and she was looking directly at me.
"Kim Kardashian lookin' ass," she muttered and dropped her head back on her comfy looking pillows.
It wasn't shocking to see students crying. If you weren't crying every other day, then people questioned your sanity. I once walked in on Asha and Tanika crying and farting while they discussed their end-of-semester project.
I never returned to their room for at least a month after that.
Literally every hiccup was followed by a high pitch noise that couldn't be explained by sound, only by smell.
Thankfully today their room was spectacularly wonderful. To them, my room smelled like lube sometimes because of how much I cammed with Derek and how much Nathan masturbated. Most of the time not at the same time.
I fell asleep while I was on my laptop. I had been downloading important files and documents that I did have on a USB because it was important to backup your homework or whatever you were working on. The only thing I wasn't going to get back was my meme folder and video games. I didn't care so much about the video games because I only had them when Derek wanted to play with me. I didn't have time outside of that.
But the memes . . .
Tanika woke me up two hours later. She placed a plate of food in front of me; scrambled eggs, bacon, a piece of cuban bakery bread and a bottle of ice cold water. Asha was nowhere to be found and I had drooled on her desk.
"I'm heading out. Lock the door when you leave," she said, patting my shoulders.
"Thanks," I told her as she left.
My laptop was still on and the screen showed my last assignment I was working on. I ate my food as quickly as it would go down my throat and continued to do the work. I was behind but not enough that I wouldn't be able to finish in time. It was due in two weeks, so I had plenty of time.
Unless something tragic happened that would distract me for the next two weeks.
As I finished eating, I remembered eating a similar meal and decided to text Cash and see how he was doing. I had ignored everyone's texts including his and felt bad. I also needed to remember to keep my phone close in case Derek called.
Hey, Bich.
That was good enough. I went back to work.
Another torturous hour passed and I began to wonder why I allowed myself to study something that made my head hurt so much. At first the idea of psychology was interesting to me and I felt like us as a species were definitely heading into an era of mental awareness, so majoring in something that could be extremely useful made me feel like a smart little scientist.
But realistically, every year I wanted to change my mind. Every year I felt like a new version of me with new ideas and dreams. I was starting to feel like Derek in that way. He never could decide on something he wanted to do. He was a wanderer and I wanted to be one too.
For now I was going to finish my studies and might not accept the internship just so I could focus on living my life instead of wasting so much stress on something I wasn't even happy with anymore.
Adult life sucked. Who the hell made me grow up?
Most of the day went by smoothly until I received a call from Derek. It was during one of my classes and it had to be the one with the mean teacher. I had to run out of the class as Rihanna's 'Bich Better Have My Money' ringtone played loudly. I hadn't turned down the sound because I was afraid that I'd miss the call. Everyone now knew I was a bad bich not to be messed with.
Thanks, RiRi.
"Thanks for calling our phone sex service, what can I be for you today?" I said, grinning as I sat on the floor in the empty hall.
Derek chuckled. "If they're listening to our phone call and you embarrass me I'm gonna personally make sure you never twerk again."
"Are you touching yourself?" I said in my seductive voice.
"I will if you keep going."
"Okay, it doesn't work if you play along," I said, defeated. "How is everything? Tell me all of the details."
"It's okay. I'm definitely feeling anxious not being able to just walk out." He paused for a moment before he spoke again. "Talked to the doctor. She seems cool. Told her everything."
"Everything?"
"Everything."
"Like how cool I am?"
"She probably think I have an unhealthy obsession with you and is gonna suggest I cut you out of my life to fix my problems."
I choked at that. "You know I have a hard time with your sarcasm," I told him as I patted my chest like the bich I was.
"I also have a roommate and I'm not sure how to describe him."
"Ooh! Is he cute? Cuter than me?"
"He looks like a model, Leo."
"Of course he does," I muttered.
"He's Russian and wants to be the Cheeto Lord."
"Cheeto Lord?"
"Yeah, he likes Cheetos. Doesn't want Doritos because he says he doesn't want to open his mouth that wide and the chips are too big. Cheetos are just sticks he could shove into his mouth or suck on."
"Didn't realize you were now the phone sex operator," I muttered, again.
"He also likes my butt."
"Okay, Derek. Okay. You might as well just call me ugly."
"I said he looks like a model, not that he's cuter than anybody. You know how I feel about you."
"A reminder would be nice," I said, trying not to giggle, but definitely feeling jittery.
"Are you just trying to get me to compliment you?"
"Yes."
He sighed. "You're the most attractive guy I've ever met in my life and you only keep getting more attractive and making my life harder."
"I think you meant dick."
"What?"
"So, what's his name?" I asked as I let the compliment sink.
"Sasha."
"Cool . . . Cool."
"Leo . . . Pretty sure he's only interested in Cheetos, and I'm only interested in you. And I don't think a mental hospital is a great place to hook up."
"How dare you assume that I would assume anything," I said defensively.
"Did you talk to Nathan?" he changed the subject.
"Wow. We've been talking for four hours? Time sure flies . . . Gotta go!"
"Leo . . ."
"Dude, chill."
"Did . . . Did you just dude me?"
"All I'm saying is . . ."
"If you don't talk to him, I will. I'll lie and say I feel better so I can leave and go to your dorm and I can't promise you I won't punch him but at least I'll do it for you."
"I'm calling the police."
"Leo . . . I can somehow relate to him. I think you should talk to him."
I made the ugliest face. "Are you teaming up with Nathan to go against me? Really, Derek? What could you possibly relate to?"
"We're both in love with Leo. Unfortunately he only loves one of us back that way, right?"
"Is it your turn to fish for compliments?"
"I deserve it, yes."
I sighed super loud, but only to mimick him. "Derek, you are the hottest piece of man I have had the pleasure of touching. Even though you are garbage for breaking up with me through a text message, I forgive you because I love you and I know we're meant to be, even if we don't end up with each other."
"Why'd you have to ruin it with that last thing?" His voice came out high pitch, which is so odd to hear, but made me laugh hard.
"It was a joke that came out badly. I meant to say, if we don't end up with each other, I'm gonna become a stalker and watch you from really far away still believing we're meant for each other forever and ever."
"You're gonna have to give me another compliment for that."
"Oh, come on."
"Waiting."
I rolled my eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me."
"What the f--"
"You think I don't know you?"
I rubbed my temples. "Fine . . . Derek Joseph Morrigan. You are loyal, you are caring, you are wonderful at everything you do and your problems shouldn't define who you are because who you really are is a person I've loved since the beginning and no matter how much we grow, you are still my Derek."
His response was a groan.
"Okay, thank you," I heard him say, but I could tell it wasn't to me from the way his voice changed, as if he had moved the phone away from his mouth.
"Do you have to leave?" I asked sadly.
"They're giving me another ten minutes."
"What do you want to use those ten minutes on?"
"Let's talk about anything not related to my situation. How was your day?"
"Well . . . I'm at my last class for the day. I missed lunch so my tummy is very angry at me."
"Oh, fuck. I forgot you're at school. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Derek."
"Thanks, by the way. For what you said. That took a serious turn I wasn't expecting."
"Leo? Being serious? It must be a dream," I said sarcastically.
"Now what?"
"I was reading things about secrets in relationships and I definitely feel like we've never really had any. But would you say you have tiny secret thoughts that you don't want me to know?"
"I don't think I understand."
"Okay, for example: you once called me daddy during our steamy sessions and I don't think you meant to, but it kind of just slipped out and you went along with it, but you remember how it made me bust instantly?"
"Leo, what the heck."
"My tiny secret is how much I'm into it but I refuse to let you know because it's embarrassing."
"How the hell is that embarrassing? You call me daddy literally every time."
I acted like a shy school girl even though no one was watching. "Yeah . . . Yeah, but it's different when it's me. I'm . . . Leo. You're actually daddy material."
"Are we seriously having a debate on who is more daddy?"
"What about you? What's your tiny secret?"
"Does it have to have this theme?"
"Any."
"Threesome."
My eyes literally bulged. "You want one?"
"I've fantasized . . ."
"I'm not sure if I should be afraid to ask. Is this before or after you had sex with that guy?"
"Hey! Why do you have an accusing tone? You had sex with a random, at least I sort of knew my guy."
"It wasn't an accusing tone! It was a wondering tone. I'm curious because you've never done it with anyone else, and yes I did cry in the bathroom because of it, but you know what? You only live once and I hope my Derek at least enjoyed himself."
"My Derek? Are you taking me back?"
I was about to roll my eyes but then he'd know, so I only mentally rolled my eyes, beating him from knowing that I did.
"I'm not answering that until you're out, but just so we're clear, you're mine, so . . ."
"Alright." The fact that I could hear the smile in his tone pissed me off. How dare him.
"How many more minutes?"
"Like five."
"Okay, let's talk faster. So, did you actually enjoy it?"
"Why are we talking about this?"
"Because it might make me upset later, so it's better to talk about it so we know what each other thinks."
"It was good, I did enjoy it. It was different. But before you try to do what I do and compare, nothing compares to you, so no, I did not like it more than our times."
"I'm offended that you think I would compare myself to anybody else. I know I'm the queen of rocking your world. Nobody knows you more than I do and his hole definitely was not--"
"--He's transgender."
I froze but then unfroze when I realized we were on limited time. "What?"
"Your hole and his hole . . . completely different."
I almost dropped the phone. "Wait . . . Huh? Wait wait wait . . . I'm confused. Are you saying you did it in . . . the front?"
"Y...es?"
"Woah."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm trying not to say anything offensive, but you are telling me that you basically entered a . . . v . . . a . . . v-va-vagina?"
Derek snickered and I raised a finger at him, but he wasn't in front of me so I just looked stupid. But what else was new?
"Yes, Leo."
"Is it wrong that I'm no longer upset that you did it with someone else?"
"If it's because you no longer see the person as a guy, then yeah."
"Oh, no no. I love trans people. I just constantly wondered if he was bigger than me or if his hole was just . . . more magical, but now that I know you didn't use that hole, I am so relieved."
"I'm glad we got that out of the way, but my turn."
"Uh oh."
"That Donovan guy, was he better than me?"
"Um."
"You . . . You didn't bottom did you?"
"Uh."
"Oh boy."
"I didn't even say anything!"
"You don't have to. I know how much you wanna top me, but I don't let you so you took advantage of the opportunity. I respect it, even though I'd probably kill him too if ever saw him."
"I bottomed."
"Well, that just makes me even more angry."
I moved the phone to my other ear and crossed my arms as I used my shoulder to hold the phone. "I'm crossing my arms, just letting you know."
"Are you angry, too?"
"I can't tell if you're really angry at that. You broke up with me and I had a Lana Del Rey moment on the back of this guy's motorcycle. He was cute and didn't seem like a serial killer so I let it happen."
"Leo . . . I'm not angry, okay? What we did is in the past now and it doesn't matter. It was a small adventure for the both of us and we shouldn't regret it. If he didn't hurt you and you liked it, then it's fine. I won't kill him."
"Okay. I'm not mad at you either. I don't think we can be mad since technically we were single, but we can totally be jealous."
"So, are you gonna talk to Nathan?"
"No."
"Well, I gotta go. You should think about talking to him."
"I love you, Derek," I said quickly as I thought he was about to hang up.
"I love you, too."
My heart felt warm and happy inside. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I had such high hopes for the future and I was afraid that something was going to get in the way of it and ruin it for the both of us. I hope I didn't just jinx it.
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[Author's Message]: Did I just write like 8 pages of a phone conversation? Yes. Yes I did. You're welcome. Lmao. I do hope you guys are enjoying the direction this book is going but know THE DRAMA AIN'T OVER AND LEO TOTALLY JUST JINXED HIMSELF. *Muahahaha's in the darkness* Anyway, that's all I have to say. Please join my Discord server and talk to me <3 The link is in my profile description right at the top. :D LOVE YOU BABES <3