A few days later..
"Ugh! That was nasty!" I coughed pushing Zak's potion he called a smoothie back to him.
"No? I don't know. I thought it was pretty good." He answered grimacing at the glass.
"Oh bull crap."
I was on the mend, after a few days of solid sleeping, coughing, blowing my nose and some cold and flu tablets I was feeling better. All I had was a stuffy nose and a sore chest.
"How's your chest today?" He asked as I put the glass in the sink.
"Little sore. Not as bad as what it was, but I'm getting there. So I'm thinking..." I turned slowly.
I knew the answer to my question before I asked it, hell I could see the eyebrow slowly raise as even he knew what I was going to ask.
"Can I go to the museum?"
"No." He deadpanned making me huff over to the stool and sit down.
"I swear, this is some form of kidnap right now." I grumbled.
"Clearly.. I mean, hell I'm only looking after you all day and having to get up throughout the night as you're having a coughing fit." He bit back making me look over at him.
"I can't help being sick.." I muttered feeling guilty. Maybe I should have slept on the couch or maybe in another bedroom so he could get some sleep?
He paused holding his hands out before sighing, "I didn't mean to be abrupt..."
"It's okay.. I deserve it. I'm not ungrateful. I appreciate everything you have done. But being in here is driving me crazy."
He came over and leant on the side looking at me carefully.
"Pretty please? I can help with orders?" I suggested.
He sighed hard and yet again the eyebrow rose. "You're not gonna let this lie. Are you?"
I gave him a cheeky smile, hoping to win him around.
"Get your ass in the car then-"
"YES!" I fistpumped jumping off the stall and grabbing my bag.
"First sign of trouble with your chest and we are outta here. Got it?" He asked.
I gave him a salute and followed him out.
******
It felt like a reward, being back outside, almost as if I have been grounded these past few days like a teenager. Whilst Zak drove along, I took in Vegas all over again and bobbed my head to the music in the car.
"You're excited to be out the house.."
"I am." I replied looking over at him,
He gave me a worried look before turning back to the road, it was a look he didn't think I saw in his eyes.
"Out with it." I demanded.
His hand reached over and held mine as he drove, "I just want you safe." He admitted.
"I am.. I'm with you."
"Call that safe...." He mumbled shaking his head. I took my hand away and folded my arms.
"What are you hiding that this museum that you don't want me seeing? Be honest? Cause this all can't be me and this so called 'sensitive' thing I have going. Which I still don't believe by the way." I added.
He scoffed "Okay. First we are taking a detour."
Zak slipped off the road and down into the streets of Vegas, I sat quietly trying to work out what he was doing but the car stopped.
"Here?" I asked looking around at the street.
"Yeah. Just look."
I looked around the car slightly confused until I began to see how bad the area was, rubbish littered the walk ways, cigarette butts were almost decoration from how dirty and dusty this place was. My eyes continued around as I noticed a man sat on the floor in a sleeping bag, He was sat up against the wall with a bottle of beer beside him smoking a cigarette looking happy. But he was filthy.
I frowned, and went to look away when he moved the rest of the sleeping bag revealing his dog. I couldn't stop my little gasp as his faithful companion sat beside him looking at him for love and attention.
"I-"
"Okay?" Zak asked me.
"What are you trying to achieve?" I asked him.
"Ready to go?" He asked me.
"N-No. What about the man? His dog?" I asked.
"What about them?" Zak asked.
"W-what do you mean? What about them? Where do they live? Do they live there?" I asked.
"Probably not, a lot of people here act homeless to get money. You know that."
"But he has a dog."
"A well fed dog." He pointed out. "He is also smoking and drinking. I say he's doing well for himself. Let's go.. A few more detours."
I sighed as he pulled away leaving me thinking about that man and his dog as we got to a cross junction. "What do you want for lunch ?" Zak asked.
"Um.." I pushed my mouth to the side thinking when he asked again.
"Come on Robyn. What do you want? Tell me what you want for lunch. "
"I don't know!"
"Yes you do! What do you want for lunch?!"
"I don't know! Stop pressu-"
"Hurry up!" He called making me panic.
"I don'-"
"Too late." He butted in leaving me seething.
"What the hell is wrong with you having a go at me like that?! I don't know what I want because I'm thinking of you! Screw you and your stinking lunch. I'm not hungry." I answered looking away from him.
We fell silent when I began to get irritated with his air con, I turned it off making him look at me. "Open a damn window if it's that hot. The fan is doing my head in."
We pulled up outside IKEA. "Let's go." He spoke getting out.
I threw him a look and got out, purposely slamming the car door to annoy him. "You know I hate this shop."
"I know..." He smiled getting a trolley.
I narrowed my eyes at him and followed him around sniffing and coughing occasionally. I left my bottle of water at home...
As we made our way around, I began to feel my chest tighten and it was only seconds but Zak disappeared and I went into full panic.
I couldn't catch my breath as floods of people surrounded me, I looked for him but I never found my Autumn eyes until I backed up hitting into something. I spun around to see it was a display.
This is a panic attack.. I can deal with this.
But I failed spectaculary as a mother past with a screaming child, a group of teenagers were staring and the amount of trolleys left me unable to escape.
I closed my eyes tightly wishing that when I opened them they would all disappear but they didn't go.
If anything, there was more!
Then I caught the tattoo on the neck, with my chest tight and heart racing. I rushed to his side grabbing his wrist hard.
"Breathe.." He whispered looking at me.
"Where did you go?" I asked looking at him.
"I could see you at all times." He noted before picking up a blanket and placing it back down.
My hand went out and before I realised it, I had wandered away from him enough to touch every single blanket until I found one I liked. All the time he had watched with a pair of narrowed eyes.
"What?"
"Nothing.. Let's go." He spoke.
We left IKEA where I stopped and took a large intake of breath and released it slowly.
"You okay?" Zak asked placing his hand on my back, I gave him a little nod and went to speak when the mother appeared with her baby.
My eyes took it in, the little balled up fists, the little red face, the pink baby gro, the cries.
"Robyn." Zak pulled me away as I looked at the tired mother and baby. The mom got a bottle out and began feeding but I was glued until Zak stopped us and stepped into my view.
"Look at me. Look." He demanded making my eyes move up to his.
"Just breathe."
Tears came to my eyes as emotions balled me over. I stepped away from his hands holding up my chin and made my way to the car quickly. Once inside, I found myself panting to control myself.
"Robyn.. You touched every blanket in that row.. You got overwhelmed with crowds. You got upset at that baby, and the man. You couldn't make a decision over lunch. Sweetie, it's all the signs of being a sens-"
As he was talking my mind had took over, blurring out what he had to say as I made my own discovery.
"Roo?" He asked touching my hand.
"I can never have a baby." I answered.
The frown came back along with a confused look "W-Have you been to the doct- Have they said something?" He asked.
I shook my head and looked at the mother as she sat in the car facing us cradling her baby.
"If I'm... If I'm one of those. A Sensitive. Then I can't have a baby. I'd be an unfit parent.."
"That's not what I meant and please don't think that's why I have done this." Zak pleaded.
"You..." I whispered looking at him with watery eyes. "If you want a family then you need to bin me. I'll understand."
"What?" He asked.
"A family. A baby. If that's what you want in the future, then you need to let me go. I'm sorry... But I can't do this, that." I nodded to the woman.
"Sweetie."
"I'm never going to be able to cope. I can't control this, I know it already. How could you not tell me sooner?" I asked.
"I wasn-"
"It's not even your fault.. Oh Zak." I whispered as a tear fell off my cheek.
"Over emotional." He noted.
"It's not over emotional when I think the man I love is going to ditch me!" I snapped before pushing his hand off mine. We sat in silence in the car park before I sniffled up my tears and pulled myself together.
"I'll make this easy.. It's over." I answered going to grab the door handle when he locked the car with us inside.
"Open the door."
"No."
"Zak. Open the door."
"I said no." He repeated.
"I'm doing this for you! I wanted that. I want us but I can't give you everything can I? You've shown me that. How the hell would I cope in a bloody hospital? A maternity unit? Mother and baby meetings? Antenatal classes? It's simple. I can't. I can't do it can I? That babies crying went through me, it's little red face and the sadness.." I shook my head.
"You can control it.."
"I want rid of it! I don't want to be like this! How did I not see all this?" I asked myself.
"Because you've always seen it as your personality, I did at first but it's little things. Like touching, lights, colours. I thought maybe it's just you. But it's gotten more frequent... Baby I lose you when we watch a documentary on TV. And I know. I know we are watching it, but you can be absorbed by the colors. I paused the TV and you didn't even realise." He answered.
"Am- Am I a freak then?" I asked him.
"No.. Not at all. You're just a little more in tune than what I am, and maybe it has something to do with that crash all those years ago. Maybe that's what's triggered all this?" He suggested.
"How?"
"You knew your dad's fear, you saw it in his eyes. Your moms too? Remember you told me." He reminded me.
I nodded and looked away from him. "Oh god.. Even my job."
"Even that.. Photographers like to work alone, don't they?" He asked.
"Yep." I squeaked. "Zak.. What do I do?" I asked him.
"Well you stay with me for one. Break up.. " He scoffed. "Then, we start getting you to meditate with me using crystals, like I use. You're not a freak, in fact, it's a positive thing and I'm sure if the time came, you'd be a fantastic mother." He answered.
I wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffled "Mr Know it all."
He chuckled beside me "I don't know it all. But I'll help where I can. Let's get to this museum."
Now we were going? I didn't want to go. But I would because Zak had orders to do and without my help or Cece's they would pile up fast. I looked at him as he drove and wondered what else went on in that mind of his. He had been watching me for months and never said a word. How long would he kept something from me that didn't concern me?
Would he rely on me, like I relied on him?
Or was this just the start to the complexity of Zak that I had never noticed before...