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INDIANA JONES
xxxix. WHAT THE HELL IS A TACO?
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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE
INDIANA JONES FURROWED HER eyebrows together with the utmost of confusion as she stared down at the objects on the conveyor belt in the grocery store. As the cashier rung up their items, Indiana glanced back at Emma and Henry.
"I don't understand. What the bloody hell is a...a... what did you call it? Taco?" Indiana questioned as Emma gave the cashier her credit card. "What do you do with it? Is it magic?"
"You sure do ask a lot of questions, you know," Emma commented. "It's Mexican food! How could you have lived in the real world for 28 years and not know what a taco is?"
Indiana folded her arms over her chest. "Says the person who doesn't even know how to read Elvish," Indiana fired back defensively. "It's only the most basic language to learn."
As Henry thanked the cashier and took the bags of the ingredients, the trio walked out of the store and headed toward the direction of the apartment. "The only Elvish anything I'm familiar with are the ones that live in the North Pole," Emma declared.
Raising an eyebrow, Indiana and Henry exchanged glances and stopped in their tracks. "Do you still believe in Santa Claus?" Henry wondered suspiciously.
Emma, who had taken a few steps ahead of them, looked back. "Well, I-I... Ah... Oh-Oh, come on!" Emma exclaimed. "You're Indiana freakin' Jones! You came out of a storybook and you're tellin' me it's crazy to believe in Santa Claus?"
The duo erupted in giggles as they started to walk again. "I'm guessing you believe in the Easter Bunny, too, right?" Indiana teased, clearly entertained. "What about the Tooth Fairy?"
Emma shook her head as they walked together in a line. "Oh, definitely not the Tooth Fairy," Emma declared. "She freaks me out."
Indiana and Henry proceeded to laugh loudly. "Oh, my God! You're afraid of the Tooth Fairy!" Indiana exclaimed in disbelief as they entered the elevator in the apartment complex.
"Stop! It's not funny!" Emma cried out. "She's seriously freaky! Who likes a creepy little fairy with a tooth fetish sneaking around their house at night?"
Rolling his eyes and still laughing, Henry turned the doorknob and entered the apartment. "Hey, guess what? Taco Shells were on sale!" Henry greeted in exclamation.
"Yeah," Emma added while entering the apartment before Indiana. "Apparently, Tacos aren't a big item in the Enchanted—"
She was interrupted by Henry asking, "What are you guys still doing in bed? It's the middle of the afternoon."
Confused for a moment, Indiana walked closer to Henry and Emma. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as they widened in size. Lying in Snow White's bed was Snow and Charming. The only problem was that they were quite obviously naked.
"The trip back was tiring... and I needed to rest," Snow White lied awkwardly, holding the blanket over her entire body. Only her head poked out from under the covers.
"And I needed to... help her rest," Charming sheepishly added.
Indiana blinked a few times, shaking her head. "Uh, let's—let's go make those taki's," Indiana stammered, clearly embarrassed.
"Tacos," Henry corrected, confused as to why the atmosphere had become so awkward.
"Yeah, whatever," Indiana mumbled as she took Henry's hand. Together, they walked toward the kitchen.
"Yeah!" Emma agreed, equally as horrified. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. "We have to make a lot because... um, there's gonna be a ton of people at Granny's welcome back party tonight."
Snow and Charming laughed into the blankets as she whispered, "We thought you were gonna be back later."
"Yeah, well, we weren't, so maybe next time you could put a tie on the door or send a text or—" Emma paused when she realized that she had just walked in on her parents having sex. "You know what? I-I'm... gonna go make some tacos."
With that, Emma walked over to the kitchen. She spotted Indiana unpacking the bags with a horrified facial expression. Normally, she would've laughed, but she couldn't help but make the same face as they made Tacos.
"You know, it's impressive that we can still provide Emma with a few traumatic childhood memories at this stage of the game," David whispered to Snow.
"Bonus points for getting Indiana, too," Snow mentioned.
Prince Charming and Snow White high-fived each other before finally getting out of bed.
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PAST
NEVERLAND
Indiana Jones scrutinized in amazement as the Lost Boys danced around the fire pit in the center of the camp. Their arms flailed around and they spun round and round. Their bodies were like noodles as they swayed without a single care in the world.
"You're not going to join them?"
Indiana shook her head, knowing it was Peter who had asked her such a question. "No... It's just so fascinating to watch them like this," Indiana admitted. "They're so... carefree." She sighed and turned to Peter. "So what are we celebrating tonight, darling?"
"Mm... nothing, really," Peter admitted with a shrug, holding his flute-pipe in his hands. "I'm simply in a good mood."
Indiana rolled her eyes with a small smile. "You're always in a good mood," Indiana pointed out.
"I always am now that I have you," Peter lovingly told her.
Indiana looked away at him, unable to fight back her smile. She looked back at him. You're gross, you know that?" she asked in amusement. "Seriously. You're also a psychopath."
"Only for you, love," he responded.
Rolling her eyes, Indiana smiled and hit his chest playfully. "Yeah, yeah," Indiana brushed off, getting up. "I think I'm going to go for a walk. My head's rattling around after watching the boys dance for so long."
"Be back before curfew," Peter joked as she began to walk away.
He looked back, only to find her throwing him the middle finger as she laughed.
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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE
Cheers and laughter filled the air as Snow White walked into Granny's with Emma Swan and Indiana Jones following behind her. Everyone immediately greeted each other with hugs and smiles. Linking her arm through Indiana's, Red smiled at the brunette.
"I wasn't worried a bit," Red proudly said, obviously lying.
"Hm, sure," Indiana sarcastically replied in a joking manner. The two girls shared a laugh as Granny walked over to them. "Oh! We made, uh, Taco thingies!"
"Tacos!" Emma exclaimed to Granny. "I cannot tell you the relief of cooking something that I didn't have to kill first."
"Don't I know it," Granny responded. "Meat Loaf back home? What a bitch."
Indiana laughed and glanced over to the side. She rolled her eyes at the colorful banner that was hung up in Granny's diner that said, "Welcome home, Mary Margaret." Underneath it in smaller letters was another poster that read, "and Indiana and Emma."
The sound of David clinking a spoon to the side of his glass was heard. Everyone turned to see him as Red placed her head on Indiana's shoulder.
"I just wanted to thank you all for joining us tonight," David said. "Uh, Mary Margaret and I—we have a saying—that we will always find each other, and while I believe that with all my heart, I'd like you all to raise your glasses and join me when I say—"
His statement was interrupted when Indiana exclaimed, "Shots for everyone on David!"
Laughing erupted from all of them, excluding Henry who didn't know what that meant. He cringed at the thought of getting prickled with a needle for a shot, but he had a feeling that wasn't what Indiana meant.
"What I meant to say was, here's to not having to look for a while," David finished, raising his glass.
"But shots sound great, too," Snow added, earning more laughs.
"To Mary Margaret, Indiana, and Emma!"
As everyone took a swig of whatever he or she was drinking, the bell attached to the front door rang. In walked Regina Mills, holding a platter of food. Everyone spun around to see her, each person holding his or her own look of surprise.
"Sorry I'm late," Regina sheepishly said.
Grumpy grabbed a knife from behind the counter. "What is she doing here?" he demanded.
"I invited her," Emma revealed, causing Indiana to raise her eyebrows. She grabbed the brunette and Snow, walking over to David. "We're celebrating today because of Regina. She helped us get home. No matter what she did in the past, we owe her our thanks now."
"Didn't you think to tell us about it?" David wondered.
"For once, I agree with the Prince," Indiana declared, earning a look from David. She shrugged. "I told you we were getting along."
"No you didn't," David commented. Indiana stuck her tongue out at him.
"I did, but you two were a little busy this afternoon," Emma explained, glancing at her parents before looking at Indiana, "And someone was busy making fun of me for believing in Santa Claus."
David and Snow looked between them in surprise. "What?" David asked. "You believe in Santa Claus?"
"She's also afraid of the Tooth Fairy," Indiana added, causing Snow to snort.
"Mary Margaret!" Emma exclaimed.
"Sorry, honey," Snow mumbled through uncontrollable giggles. Regaining her composure, the woman continued. "Emma, she tried to kill us... yesterday."
"No, she didn't. She's trying to change for Henry," Emma argued. "He believes in her, and right now, that's enough for me. I couldn't have changed if I wasn't given a chance, so... she gets one, too."
Snow White, Indiana, and David each exchanged glances, having a quick conversation through facial expression. Eventually, Indiana sighed. "I'm fine with it as long as I don't have to give her another scar," she declared while Snow nodded a few times.
Then, Indiana walked away toward Regina and Henry. She walked in on Leroy asking, "What's the secret ingredient? Poison?"
"Red Pepper Flakes," Regina deadpanned with a plate in her hands. "Gives it some kick."
Not too far away, a man with a hook for a hand looked through a telescope, watching through the window as his baby sister stood alongside Regina Mills and Leroy. He couldn't quite understand what his sister was saying, but he was pretty sure she had said, "Now take the Lasagna before I kick you."
Though he wasn't sure what that meant, he couldn't help but chuckle at Indiana's words. Soon, he was found watching as Regina Mills walked away from Granny's Diner. He lowered the telescope and glanced at Cora, who stood behind him.
"Well, is she broken?" Hook wondered.
Cora smirked. "Not yet."
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PAST
NEVERLAND
It didn't take Indiana very long to get far from the camp, but she was confident that she could find her way back. She'd been living on Neverland long enough. She knew everything there was about the island. She knew about the Mermaids who had a strange obsession with Peter Pan. She knew about the island's ability to stop time from moving. She knew just about everything there was to know.
At least, that was what Indiana believed. Her thought immediately changed when she stumbled upon a small cage that swung gently with the brisk wind. Normally, Indiana would have kept walking, but she couldn't help but stop when she noticed a small figure sitting in the cage.
"Hello?" Indiana called out curiously. "Is there someone in there?"
A gasp was heard. The figure crawled to the front of the cage. "A girl?" a voice wondered with a similar English accent to Indiana's. Indiana squinted as the moonlight slowly began to illuminate the figure's face. It was a little girl. "What's a girl doing on Neverland?"
Indiana tilted her head slightly. "I could say the same to you," Indiana admitted. "Who are you? Why are you in that cage? Wait—let me guess. You're just hanging around." She laughed at her own comment.
"I'm Wendy... Wendy Darling," the little girl introduced. "Pan has held me captive here for... well, I don't know how long."
Raising her eyebrows, Indiana asked, "You don't know? Well, come on. How's that supposed to tell me anything?" She shook her head. "Never mind that. Why is he keeping you here?"
"I followed the Shadow to protect my brothers and to find my friend," Wendy reluctantly explained. Indiana hummed, walking around as she thought about her words. "Maybe you've heard of him. His name is Baelfire."
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PRESENT
STORYBROOKE
"She killed the kindest soul in this town," Snow White sadly said to Emma, Indiana, and David. They were all gathered around in Archie's old office. "He was a man who only cared about helping."
"I promise we'll find whoever really did this," Emma assured her mother.
"Isn't it time you admit we already have?" David questioned, wrapping his arm around his wife's waist. "Regina had a fight with Archie, Ruby saw her outside last night, and now her file is empty. That's... That's a lot of evidence."
"That doesn't mean she did it," Indiana opposed. "Maybe she really is trying to change."
"Are you serious, Indiana?" David asked. "She's killed numerous people. She's done nothing but ruin our lives, including yours!"
"So have I! I can't even think about how many people I've murdered with just my bare hands alone," Indiana fired back. "But you two still think there's some kind of good in me for whatever reason. My point being, I haven't killed for almost 30 years. I'm changing... I think. Maybe Regina is, too."
Emma suddenly perked up. "Look, I don't know how it is in Fairytale Land, but in the real world, it's usually hard to find evidence," Emma started. "But this has been way too easy, unless someone wants us to find evidence."
"So you think she was framed?" Snow White wondered, quite obviously distressed as she sat on the arm of the couch in the office.
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time that happened in this town," Indiana pointed out. "But who would want to frame her?"
"That's a long list, present company included," Snow answered, raising her hand slightly.
"Yeah, but there's only one name on that list that would resort to killing to get what they want," Emma pointed out with an idea boiling in her head.
Indiana raised an eyebrow. "Great. Well, if Rumplestiltskin starts ripping out hearts, I'm gonna be the first one out of there," Indiana honestly mumbled as they all piled out of Archie's office.
When they arrived at Mr. Gold's Pawnbroker, Rumplestiltskin was smiling as he said something to his beau, Belle French. There was a picnic basket on the counter between them, including lots of food.
"Ah," Rumplestiltskin began, walking around the counter as the door shut. "Nothing warms the heart more than a family reunited. You have your mother's chin, Ms. Swan."
Ignoring his comment, Emma decided to get straight to the point. "We know that you killed him," Emma declared confidently.
"And your father's tact," Rumplestiltskin mentioned, glancing at the adults and Indiana who stood behind Emma.
"Someone's dead?" Belle French asked, shocked.
"Dr. Hopper," Emma confirmed.
"Why on Earth would you think I had anything to do with that?" Rumplestiltskin questioned, showing genuine signs of surprise.
"Because all the evidence points to Regina," Emma said.
"And she's not possibly capable of doing something so vile?" Belle sassed in the most polite way Indiana had ever seen. Belle had never liked Regina after the Mayor had kept her in the mental ward of the hospital for 28 years.
"It's a frame job," Snow retorted, glancing over at Rumplestiltskin. "I assume it wouldn't be the first time you used someone to try to hurt her."
"Nice to see your memory's still intact, dearie, but this time, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint you," Rumplestiltskin revealed. "It wasn't me."
"Yes because that's something you hear the Dark One say everyday," Indiana sassed. "Why the hell should we believe you?"
"Because I can prove it," Rumplestiltskin told her. "Ask the witness."
"No one was there," Indiana immediately stated. "I think all those years of being immortal are beginning to catch up to you, Alligator. The only other person that I could think of would be Pongo, and he can't exactly tell us anything." When Rumplestiltskin put on a small, sly smirk, Indiana raised both of her eyebrows. "Of course. Of freaking course."
A few minutes passed and David eventually returned back to the shop with Archie Hopper's dog, Pongo. The Dalmatian sat as Rumplestiltskin pet him. Belle chuckled at this, admitting, "I, uh, I didn't know you were such a dog person."
Indiana snorted. "Well, he's a dog alright," Indiana muttered before glancing between Rumplestiltskin and Belle and childishly giggling. "Hey, it's Lady and the Tramp!"
"Right. Uh, unless you speak dog, how is Pongo gonna tell us anything?" Emma asked, ignoring Indiana's childish comment.
"Through magic, of course," Rumplestiltskin revealed, glancing over at Emma and Indiana over his shoulder. "It won't allow us to communicate, but it will allow us to... extract his memories." When David gave him an unsure look, Rumplestiltskin stood up. "You don't have to worry. He won't feel a thing."
"He better not, or I'll gladly extract—"
"Why should we trust you?" Emma interrupted Indiana, walking forward. "Couldn't you just as easily use magic to fool us?"
"Because I'm not gonna be the one using magic," Rumplestiltskin exposed while pointing at Emma. "You are."
"Me?" she repeated. "How?"
"You have it within you," Rumplestiltskin reminded her, which was news to everyone else in the room. "Told me so yourself." He glanced at Snow and Indiana. "You witnessed it, didn't you?"
"Emma, you don't have to do this," Snow told her daughter.
"If it tells us something about Archie's death, so be it," Emma declared with a sigh. She looked back at Rumplestiltskin, who held a dream catcher. Emma stared at it. "A dream catcher."
"Well..." He chuckled. "It's capable of catching so much more."
"If you don't get to the point, Alligator man, your dream catcher will be catching these hands," Indiana snapped, remembering how much the Dark One annoyed her, especially with his vague answers.
Clicking his tongue, Rumplestiltskin rolled his eyes as he held the object over Pongo. Suddenly, it glowed with magic. "Uh, what is that?" Belle asked.
"Memories," Rumplestiltskin told her. "Now, Ms. Swan—you show us how."
Emma took a step forward. "How? It's just a jumble?" she queried, unsure.
"Will it," he said. "Will it, and we shall all see."
Taking the dream catcher, Emma nodded with a sharp exhale. She shut her eyes and looked down until the circular portion of the object began to show them something. Surely enough, it revealed Regina and Archie arguing late at night in his office until it ended with her murdering him.
Dropping the dream catcher, Emma shakily said, "You were right all along."
"I'm sorry, Emma," David apologized sympathetically, holding his wife close to his chest. Then, Emma burst out of the shop. David, Indiana, and Snow all exchanged glances before running out after her. "Emma, wait! Where are you going?"
"To get Regina," she declared with determination radiating off of her.
"Well, can we talk about this?" Snow asked, adjusting her jacket.
"What's there to talk about? She killed Archie," Emma snapped. "Now, she's gotta pay."
"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" Indiana wondered. "In case you're forgetting, she's the Evil Queen. What makes you think she won't hesitate to kill you, too?"
"Yeah, well, you just saw what happened. So do I," Emma replied.
David grabbed his daughter by the arm, pulling her around. "Yeah, but you didn't even know what the hell to do with your powers," David told her. "And now you're gonna go take on the most powerful woman in town?"
"Excuse me. Weren't you both the ones who've been pushing on the it's Regina kick this whole time?" Emma demanded in annoyance. "You should be happy right now."
"We may be right, but I also know that going after her without a plan is a mistake," Snow fired back.
"So what do we do?" Emma asked.
"Even if the Dwarves construct a cell to hold her, we need a way to contain her magic until then," David pointed out.
Peter Pan's magical cuff immediately popped into Indiana's head. She opened her mouth to offer the idea, but Snow beat her to it by saying, "Fairy Dust. Leroy said they were processing a new batch of it."
"And will that stop her power?" Emma wondered.
"It has before. The problem is, she'll see us coming," David stated.
"Leave that to me," Emma declared. "Trust me, we're locking her up."
➖➖➖
PAST
NEVERLAND
"Baelfire?" Indiana repeated, instantly taken aback by Wendy Darling's words. "I-I... um, I've never heard of a lost boy named Baelfire around here."
Wendy gasped and looked down. "Then... he must have eliminated him..." she shakily whispered. She looked back up at Indiana. "You must find a way to your true home. Pan will do the same to you as he did to my friend." Indiana pressed her lips together, looking down at her feet. "Aren't you going to listen to me? Pan is a monster! You have to go!"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time," Indiana brushed off, pinching the bridge of her nose, for Wendy was rather annoying. "But what exactly has Peter done to you? As far as I'm concerned, all he's done is stick you in a cage. You're safer up there than you are down here."
"He broke my heart."
Indiana glanced up at her with an arched eyebrow. "Oh, did he?" Indiana wondered somewhat deviously.
"He told me he cared for me, yet he left me here," Wendy sadly told her. "I'm telling you, he's psychotic. You must leave before he gets you, too!"
Rolling her eyes, Indiana smirked at her. "I don't know what your deal is, Wendy Darling, but he's the one of the many reasons why I want to stay on this bloody island," Indiana snapped. "For the first time, I've found the place where I'm happiest, where I belong. I might've done some gruesome things in the past, but at least I still have my head on straight."
She took a few steps closer to the cage.
"And by the way, no one calls Peter psychotic, but me."
➖➖➖
PRESENT
STORYBROOKE
"Ms. Swan, I assume you're here to apologize," Regina Mills declared as she opened up her front door. She walked out onto the porch, noticing Indiana, Snow, and David standing behind the Savior.
"I saw you do it," Emma informatively declared with a solemn look on her face.
"What?" Regina wondered in confusion, glancing between each person's face.
"I saw it," Emma repeated. "You choked the life out of Archie."
"What are you talking about? How is that even possible?" Regina wondered.
"Magic," David told her.
Regina looked back at Emma in surprise. "You—?"
"I saw what happened, and it was you," Emma interrupted.
Regina looked up in realization. "Gold," she realized. "He helped you. You're going to trust him of all people when he's probably the one behind this?"
"We didn't trust him," Indiana revealed. "That's why Emma used magic instead, darling."
Regina's jaw dropped slightly in surprise. "You can use magic?" Regina breathed. "The Savior. Of course. Well, I can only assume he warned you, then."
"About what?" Emma wondered.
"That magic always comes with a price," Regina recited.
"Yeah? Well, that's a price we're both gonna pay," Emma hissed.
"How's that?" Regina wondered.
"Henry," Emma immediately answered. "He believed in you. His heart's gonna break. That's both our prices."
With glassy eyes, Regina shook her head and said, "No... I will not let you poison Henry against me."
"It's an interesting word choice... since you already did," Emma declared before turning around to walk away. Regina ran after her, though.
"I want to see him," Regina revealed desperately. "He deserves to hear my side of the story! He's my son!"
Emma turned and ran back to her. "He's not! He's mine!" Emma shouted. "And after this, you're not getting anywhere near him. Do it!"
Suddenly, the Blue Fairy ran out from behind a tree and threw Fairy Dust at Regina. However, the Evil Queen caught it, closing her hands around it. She glanced back at Snow, David, and Indiana. "Did you really think that would work again?" Regina asked maliciously.
"Well, I had my doubts," Indiana mumbled, slightly nervous. Regina threw the dust at the ground, causing it to diminish into the air.
"You..." Regina trailed off as she looked over at Emma. "You will not keep my son from me." She extended her arms and used her magic to throw Emma to the ground. The others immediately ran to her aid. "So much for Fairy Dust. Maybe some of your newfound magic can save you now."
"I don't need it," Emma breathlessly said as she stood up. "I already won. There is no way Henry will swallow your lies about Archie now." Regina turned to walk away. "You can pretend all you want, but we know how you are and who you always will be." Regina froze and looked down before she disappeared in a cloud of purple fog.
➖➖➖
PAST
NEVERLAND
A tall boy with blond hair and a long scar running across his face strode over to Peter Pan, who sat humbly on a log. Without sparing a glance to him, Peter asked, "How did it go, Felix?"
Felix took a seat beside him on the log, removing the club that sat over his shoulders. He smirked. "She passed the test," he revealed. "In fact, I think she gave that Wendy girl quite a fright. You picked a good one, Pan."
Peter Pan smiled at the sound of this. "I know," he happily said. "I know."