Chapter Fifty-Seven
Diagon Alley, February 2019
Sonia stood nervously in Diagon Alley, bouncing on her toes. A lacy frost covered the ground and every once and a while, a snowflake drifted from the woolly sky. Chin tilted to the clouds, Sonia looked up at the windows of a flat above Flourish and Blots. A soft glow came from within, and sporadically a shadow moved past. This was the home of her son and his boyfriend.
Before she lost her courage, Sonia rung the bell. There was a clattering of steps, the door opened – and it wasn't Max.
"Sonia?" Teddy gawked. He hadn't seen his aunt – of sorts – in five years.
"Hi." Sonia said, looking nervously past him. "Is – um – is Max home?"
"Uh, hi. He's at work, but he'll be home soon." Stepping back, he offered her a kind smile. "Want to wait for him?"
Sonia backed away from the door. "I don't know, this is his home –"
"It's our home," he opened the door wider. "And I'm inviting you in."
Petrified, Sonia nodded. "Okay. Thank you."
Teddy led her up stairs, into the cozy living room. It was surreal, to see a home her son had crafted for himself. After offering her a seat on a saffron yellow couch, Teddy went to make a pot of tea. Sitting alone, Sonia wondered why she had refused Charlie's company. Max had always listened to his father's reason.
Returning, Teddy sat in a deep turquoise armchair. "Have you see Charlie, or Andrew?"
"Both of them. I'm back at Ivy House."
He looked shocked. "When did that happen?"
"Two nights ago." She held the mug for warmth, not drinking it. "Charlie and I've had a lot to talk about."
Teddy stared at his hands. "He's still hurting you know, still angry."
"I know." She hung her head. "I never wanted to hurt him, Teddy."
"Well you did." He snapped. "He was struggling already and you left him when he needed you most."
"I know –"
"You don't." he looked at the picture on the mantel, Max holding a small potted plant, covered in dirt and beaming. "You weren't there Sonia, so no, you don't know."
"Teddy, I'm not saying didn't do anything wrong. What I did was...was horrible." She hung her head. "I was sick, and I think part of me has always been sick. I went to a therapist, you know."
"Seriously?"
"A year ago last month, yeah. She confirmed what I thought. I've always been sick, and it has ruined my relationship with my son – and I don't want my depression to rule my life." Sonia finished with purpose, with only a slight tremble in her voice.
"They diagnosed you?"
"Almost immediately."
"Sonia, he's not going to forgive you just because –"
"I'm going to work on it." She said. "I need to have him in my life again, and I'm ready to try. He won't give me the chance if you don't support it, Ted." Reaching over, Sonia grabbed his hand. "Please. Please."
"Okay." Teddy nodded and squeezed her hand.
Just then, the door opened and Max walked in, babbling. "You won't believe what I had to deal with today Ted, and did you get the milk? I know I was supposed to yesterday but I –"
"Max." They both stood, Teddy giving him a nervous smile.
Max turned from the closet, where he was kicking his shoes. He froze, coat half off, eyes transfixed on Sonia. "Mamma?"
"Hullo, Max." Sonia choked.
Max's gaze slid to his partner. "You let her in?"
"I did."
"Get out." Max finished taking off his coat.
"Max!" Teddy cried as Sonia let out a crushing sound.
"Don't, Ted." Warned Max. "I said get out!" he shouted at Sonia, still standing by the couch.
"Please Max, just give me a moment." Begged Sonia, going over. She reached out, but Max shook her off.
"I don't want to listen to her excuses anymore." Max went over to their bar cart, face stormy.
"Max, she's living with your dad." Teddy blurted.
Turning sharply, Max stared at Sonia, startled by this news. "What?"
"It's true." Sonia sniffed. "I came home Max, and he let me stay."
"That doesn't mean –"
"I went to a doctor." She continued, the words falling from her lips faster than she could form them. "I had – I have depression, Max. She helped me, made sense of all the aspects of my life that I never understood. I've been this way for a long time, before you and your dad. And before me –" taking a deep breath, Sonia ploughed on. "Before me was my mother. It runs in the family Max, and I realized that I had grown up with a sick mother, but at least she was present. I thought you were better off without me."
"Ma..." Max wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I couldn't breathe when you left."
"Neither could I." she moved forward, grabbing his hands. "Max, I will not let the same thing that ruined my relationship with my mother ruin us. I refuse to."
Max stared at his mothers hands, older and smaller than his. "And Dad, he's okay with this?"
"I am."
They all turned, seeing Charlie in the doorway. Snow dusted his hair and shoulders, and he wore an expression of shameless hope.
"You came." Sonia was not surprised.
"I know you said not to, but I thought he might wan to see it for himself." Charlie took off his gloves, quiet and patient as ever. "Max, please. She came home."
"You don't have to forgive me," Sonia turned back to her son. "I want to heal our family. Your Dad, you and me – Teddy."
Max looked between his parents, then Teddy. "It's not ever going to be perfect, is it?"
"It can come pretty close," Charlie said. "I promise, it really, truly can."
Looking down at Sonia, Max began to shake, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Ma, I needed you."
"I know, Max. I can never make up for abandoning you at such a delicate time." Sonia's lower lip trembled.
"You weren't okay either," he looked over at Teddy. "I'm so glad you're home."
Wrapping his tiny mother in his arms, Max sobbed. They sat on the couch, his large head on her shoulder. She soothed him, tears plopping onto his red curls. "I'm so glad you're home."
The apartment was dark when Max rolled over to kiss Teddy gently on the lips. "Thank you." He whispered.
"Hm." Teddy mumbled against his mouth.
Max brushed Teddy's hair back, pressing kissed down his neck. "You are my solid ground."
"My pleasure." Pulling his face back up, Teddy kissed him slowly. "I love you."
"I love you." Max beamed into the kiss.
When Teddy fell asleep, curled up in his arms, Max thought about his parents. There must have been a time, before he was born or they knew he was coming, that they loved one another like this. Simply, with no demands or expectations – before the war really weighed them down, before Hazel died.
Max imagined that in that time, his Mother must have felt truly weightless.
A/N: FINALLY! The family is back together again.
Question: Thoughts on Sonia's news? Did anyone suspect that there was a mental illness in the family? I know there was a discussion once about what kind of mental illness Hazel had, or a few.
I wonder if some of you see yourself in Sonia or Max. Depression is so common these days, or simply more recognized. I know Sonia is a fictional character, but I am so proud of her. She has decided not to let her depression rule her life any more, after years and years of succumbing to what she inherited from Hazel. I hope you see the strength in her.
Hope this was what you were hoping for! I felt like the misery had been going on long enough.
Rose