A/N: I love this song so damn much you have no idea. The lyrics, composing, Michael's fucking voice, everything. This preference could also be called "He's Depressed" or "He Gets A Depression" I'm not sure if this is triggering or not but I'm just gonna warn you anyways.
Luke:
But now that I'm broken
Now that you know it
Caught up in a moment
Can you see inside?
Everything had happened so innocent. Almost like everything was taking out from a scene in a movie or like a nightmare that you couldn't get away from or wake up. You had entered the bathroom like you always did at night and did your usual routine with brushing your hair, cleaning your skin and brushing your teeth. Period cramps had been irritating you all day so to be smart you thought it would be great to take just one pill to make sure that it wouldn't turn violent over the night. When you opened the cupboards with medicine that was when it all happened and everything changed. When you grabbed the normal pack with painkillers your eyes spotted the small oval formed glass standing hiding next to yours and other medicine. Your eyebrows furrowed and you dropped your own medicine to the floor and reached out to see the it. Turning it around your hands ghosted over the name "Luke Robert Hemmings" inked black on the sticker that was placed from a doctor's order on it and that was when it hit you. A gasp escaped but it wasn't coming from you so you turned around to see Luke leaning his body against the doorframe to the bathroom with a devastated expression. His eyes were red and cheeks all fluffy as he tried his best to hold the emotions in. "Luke.." You said softly but it was a breaking point for him and a heartbreaking exhale came from his lips before he hurried out from the bathroom with eyes full of tears. You dropped the pills instantly and hurried out of the bathroom to see him cuddled up in the bed, horrific sobs coming from his mouth while he was clutching onto his pillow. The scene in front of you was almost enough for you to tear up yourself but you managed to get a hold of yourself and softly sat on the bed. You crawled over to Luke's side and wrapped your arm carefully around him which made him react instantly and turned around to rest his head against your chest while he sobbed. "It's not because of you I swear." He kept on repeating between sobs and exhales and you only shushed him to calm down. There was no need for speaking now. You knew that this wasn't because of you and it was totally okay for Luke to point that out. And even though there was a million questions running through your mind you stayed quiet and only held him closer to your heart. There was only one thing to do now and that was for him to calm down and admit things to you by himself instead of forcing him and it seemed to help him as he started to calm more down and when he stopped sobbing for once, he mumbled out, "I love you so damn much." It was a big relief for him. Not to have any more secrets behind your back and just let you fully inside of how he was actually feeling.
Calum:
Cause I've got a jet black heart
And there's a hurricane underneath it
Trying to keep us apart
Calum's eyes were focused on the horizon in front of him, his chin resting on his folded arms that was wrapped around his knees. Silence was clouding over him but inside his mind everything was like a wild rollercoaster where you couldn't get off. He was trapped in his own thoughts and even though he stared at a specific tree in the garden outside, his mind was in a whole different place. His eyes were teary and he sniffled every third second to prevent his snotty nose from floating out. It was like a tsunami of emotions had hit him all at once and there wasn't a way to get out of it. At first he used to express his emotions through anger but now it changed. He was tired of anything and he was tired of the constant pain inside. Being an audience to that wasn't better. You had observed that Calum had been acting distant and strangely but you had shrugged it off at first. But when you finally realized what was going on in his mind you were lost for words and felt some kind of guilt on you. Calum had tried his best to explain that he didn't know what was going on, and he didn't want you to feel guilty at all as it was him who was having a problem with himself. And with everything so messy it wasn't helping on Calum's mood. He felt like everything was falling apart and swimming away from him. He didn't want you to be a part of his miserable state, but by putting you away, the relationship was sinking. "You want anything?" Your soft voice asked while you leaned your body against the doorframe to your bedroom and Calum slowly moved his head behind to see you with a sad expression. He shook his head and looked back at the window in front of him and usually you would nod your head silently and disappear but this time it was different. Calum kept his eyes ahead of him but he was still observing you when you took a seat next to him and with a shaky hand grabbed his. He created a grimace to try to prevent the falling tears that was ready to slip from his eye and you copied his face and stared out in the air. None of you wanted to say anything. The only thing aloud was Calum's exhales that he once in a while would express rather loudly in order to not let him cry. But it was like just as soon as you were there he opened up like a book. And to him, crying was a weakness but he couldn't stop doing it when you were around. It was actually a good thing because that meant that he could get some of the emotions out that the depression kept on preventing him from doing. And it proved to him how lucky he was to have a girlfriend like you that stayed put and wasn't effected enough to get dragged down with them. He looked down at your hands and gave your palm a small peck and for a very long time, a warm smile appeared on his lips while he stared down at you adoring.
Michael:
Everybody's got their demons
Even wide awake or dreaming
I'm the one who ends up leaving
Make it okay
Michael's eyes were staring out in the air and not on anything special while you silently sat in front of him on the floor with his fist in your hand, all covered in blood. No words were spoken between the two of you, just silence. Michael didn't want to say anything, and you didn't even know what to say at this point. It was like the point of no return of Michael's broken state. His eyes landed back on the mirror in front of him, cracks all over it but still showing a bit of his reflection. Everything had clicked in front of him. He had grown tired of anything around him. No matter what he did, repeated sentences and words followed his every move. He couldn't handle the voices in his head anymore, he couldn't even hear himself. In his sleep or awake, there was no difference. It was hunting him like a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. When he stood up from the bed from another sleepless slumber you woke up as well to hear the mirror getting scattered. Michael couldn't control himself anymore and by his own reflection his fist hammered against it fast and cracked everything, pieces of glass all over the floor and sink. You had hurried out fast by the action and saw Michael standing in front of the mirror emotionless with his hand covered up in scratches and blood. You could have yelled at him, you could have called him a psychopath but you didn't. You stayed quiet and guided him over to the toilet so you could fix him up and he was so grateful of your choice of reaction. He knew that even though you couldn't really point what was wrong with him, you were still backing him up 100 percent and not judging. And what was to judge? Michael had been acting shady for a certain amount of time in a way that was more emotionally than normal. Michael looked down at you with a tired look while he watched you clean his hand up. It was like by the action all of his energy was drained out. "I've used so much energy fighting and being afraid... I'm worried I'm not gonna have anything left to just live." He whispered and you stopped your action and looked up at him with an understanding expression. "You're not going to suffer anymore." You said just as quiet as him and he nodded his head. You wrapped his hand in a bandage and threw the leftover papers in the toilet bag next to you. "You need some professional help." You whispered and he nodded his head agreeing. There was only one road ahead of him now. "By that we'll get you back on track." You added and helped him up from the toilet before you wrapped his arms around his waist. "Thank you.." He sighed and placed a warm kiss to your forehead, and just by the sound of his voice, you almost teared up yourself as you stared up at him and removed some of his sticky hair away from his forehead.
Ashton:
See a war I wanna fight it
See a match I wanna strike it
Every fire I've ignited
Faded to grey
Ashton's way of handling situations had escalated big time recently making him hurry out of the door just as soon as everything seemed to be too much for him. Even the smallest things he could find something difficult that he couldn't master. Brushing his teeth could even be too much for him and you barely saw him all day and at night, he was always out. It was starting to grow shady and it left you more and more puzzled by each time he did it. Shocking him wasn't your intent in the first place but when he had snuck out in the night and came back at 2am you were sitting in your nightgown with a curious look. You wanted to accuse him of anything but the look on his face told different than what you thought he had done. He was ready to burst into tears by any moment and you could see the clear red marks in his eyes that he had already done that action earlier. You imagined him running away as fast as he could to get away from you and the dilemma that was right in front of him but instead he took off his coat and positioned himself in front of you. He placed his cold hand against your cheek and caressed it for a bit before he tried to compose himself. "It's hard to see the enemy if you're looking at yourself, right?" He blurted and it startled you and left you even more confused than before. Ashton started to pace back and forth in front of you before he took off his beanie. "No matter what I do, I feel like I don't success at all." He announced and stood back in front of you. Even without saying it directly you could feel in his way of handling everything that this was more than just the normal tired of life phase. "Have you tried seeing a therapist?" You asked softly and Ashton shook his head with a sarcastic laugh while he sat on the chair in front of you. "So they can give me pills? I don't want pills to make me fake happy Y/N. I want myself to produce that." You nodded your head silently while looking at him with a sympathetic look. What could you say in this position? "I try to do so many things to make myself happy but all the colors just fade away. It's like my emotions are trapped and I have no idea how to express and get them out of the system." His hands ran through his hair frustrated and the before red eyes had now turned dark. "I just want to be happy. With you, with the band and with life." He sighed and looked over at you with a sad expression. You nodded your head once again and watched him as he approached you, placed his big hands on your cheeks and pressed his lips against yours with so much passion you were almost knocked off with breath. That was the only way he could express anything. And the only thing that made him feel okay for just a bit.