HAMZA
We all are sitting in our usual spot except Hania.
"Hamza, you shouldn't have defended her,she is strong and can take care of herself." Anvita said,she also little off today.
"I was not defending her,i was standing up for her..."i explained myself.
But in reality I don't even know what happened few hours back.
"By what,announcing the whole class that she has a boyfriend, that she don't even know who he is"Anvita snapped.
"Anvi it's not the time"Arsh warned her.
"You should warn your friend Rishu not me." She is angry
"But we don't know,why she is upset..."i said.
"Hamza,if someone has announced the whole class that I have a girlfriend without my consent,my reaction would be the same." Shazu frowned at me,he is also disappointed by me.
"For fuck's sake guys,i said to shut that Karan's mouth," I can't control my Irritation.
They didn't even uttered a word, after a few minutes of silence.
"I should leave guys, it's getting late"Anvita didn't even glance at me.
I returned home and took a cold shower,i don't feel anything, except the guilt I was the reason for her sadness.
"Hamza?" Shazu's voice bring me back from my thoughts.
"Haan?" We sitting in the park after dinner.
"Don't do that Hamza, you said if you have any problem you'll share with us..." Arsh reminding my words from 3 years back.
"I always did,i didn't hide anything..."
"You did , but not the things you are suffering from,we almost lost you hamza....."Arsh voice is full of emotions.
"We don't like to see you like that again Hamza... talk to us."Shahzain said placing his hand on my shoulder.
After a few minutes of silence I can't control myself from talking.
"Guys me and hania can't be a thing...."i said.
"Why do you think so Hamza?"Arsh asked little shocked,raising his eyebrows.
"I think I'm not enough of her...I can't treat her the way she deserve"i admitted.
"Don't feel insecure about yourself,she cares about you Nijju.."Shahzain tried to assure me.
"She cares about everyone shazu...I fear that even if I leave her for one minute,I feel someone will snatch her from me....I can't bear that..." My throat felt tight with the emotions.
"I can't see her with anyone, that assh*le Rahul also wants her,now this Karan.... i feel like, I'm not enough for her." I was pouring everything I was feeling.
For the first time in my life,I'm feeling insecure,i never felt that not even when everyone in my life, left me alone.
"I know,she and I have lots of similarities,and I know for her trust is a big deal Hamza...she trusts you what else you even want to know...." Shazu said like he is talking to kid.
"You are changing yourself, for the relationship you didn't even start... it's enough hamza to know that how much you care...." Arsh is literally wispering.
"Sometimes we don't need words to express how much we care, our actions are enough..."Arsh added.
I was just looking at my shoes, I don't know what to say.
"We know how much you care about us hamza, you never expressed anything but we feel it."Shahzain informed me.
A comfortable silence,sat between us.
"I should apologise to her.. tomorrow"i stated.
"You should" they both chimed.
"Trust me Hamza,if you feel your chest hurts,when she is upset,be ready to be on your knees..."Arsh smirked at me.
"What do you mean Arsh?"Shazu is confused.
"He is head over heels for her...and can't wait to see him whipped for Hanu.."He explained.
"Shut up Arsh it's not gonna happen" i brushed it off.
"Because it's already happening Nijju" they just teased me.
I felt little better,after taking to both of them.
She literally told me, that talking about her relationships makes her anxious and uncomfortable.
But still I did,and announced the whole class that,she has a boyfriend, thank god I didn't tell that it was me....
I was terrified that she'll leave me, just by thinking that,i lost the control over my tongue.
I've never done something like this, Anvita called me "She is praying, don't tell her that I'm involved in this she'll kill me...." I barely hear her voice.
For the first time I misused my uncle's authorities by entering the Girl's hostel.
Even if I studied in our school's i studied there as a normal student including, failing tests and paying the fees, recieving punishment and all.
But i never took a advantage of my status, but I'm ready to do anything for her including this.
I'm standing in the front desk,the incharge know that I'm here, but I don't want other girls in our batch to see me.
My phone started ringing, it's Arsh.
"What the fuck you want now?" I'm beyond irritated.
"Don't stress out buddy,you are in this situation by using your own sharp tongue." I can imagine his eye roll.
"Don't mess up this time Nijju..."shazu added fire to my nervousness.
"I can't promise that..." I saw Anvi opening the door.
"Guys Anvi is coming, don't drop her till 3'o clock" i informed them walking towards Anvita.
"2 hours??,i think hanu will kick you out in 5 minutes." Arsh mocked.
"No problem Nijju, you can stay there forever"I swear I'm gonna kill shahzain by poisoning his icecream.
I ended the call"Don't mess with her Hamza,I will kill you if you did".she threatened me .
"She barely talked to me yesterday,"
"She didn't talk you in the morning?"I asked.
"I just woke up an hour ago" I rolled my eyes.
I heard a car horn"they are waiting for you, just snatch there phones from them".I informed,she mouted all the best over her shoulder.
My heart beats like a drum, sweat coating my palms,I slowly opened the door of her room.
"What did you forgot now?" Her back facing me ,she is folding her prayer mat,i was fixed to my place.
"Answer me Anvi, don't say that you accidentally wore your slippers with socks..."oh god she thinks I'm Anvita... I'm face palming myself mentally.
She faced me and "Hamza? What are you doing here??" I didn't expect this reaction
I thought she will scream and I'll shut her by placing my hand on her mouth.i think this shit happens in only fictional world ....
Oh god, I'm high on book fever.
By knowing her she won't even flinch
seeing a ghost.
"I came here for you." She is suprised at my words.
"For what? we can meet tomorrow right?" Is she indirectly telling me to get out???
For the first time,i observed my surroundings, it's as clean as a crystal, credits to her OCD.
There are two bed,one is covered with clothes, with out second guess it's Anvi's. Just by seeing a quotes on her side of wall.
On Hania's side there are plants, books ,and more plants and books.
She offered me some water and some cookies,i ate them nervously.
She sat on her bed and i sat on a chair.
"I'm sorry Hania,I shouldn't have done that." I was ashamed to meet her eyes.
She didn't say anything,so i continued "It wasn't my place to tell that, but I did,and I'm ashamed of it." i was expecting her to argue
"You already said it,Hamza we can't take our words back, stop blaming yourself."she was still staring at her hands.
"I just said to distract Karan, I know you feel uncomfortable with such questions....."she just looked at me blankly.
Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
"Hmm". What?
"Hania you should share, what is bothering you,it feels good sharing our burden." She still looked upset.
She just smiled at me,but it looked forced
"Are you still upset with me?" Just by thinking, it's hurts.
"What?..No Hamza" she is taken back by my words.
After a few beats of silence.
"I'm not upset with you Hamza, rather I'm with myself.." she admitted, fidgeting with her hands .
"Yes, I was little furious when you said that without, even thinking of anything, like my own opinion doesn't matter in my life...." What the hell???
I opened mouth and closed it,no words came out,"But I appreciate it for defending me, but don't need to Hamza."she added.
"Something is worng, talk to me Hania... we'll figure it out" she is little off today.
She didn't said anything.and i asked the question,I was dying to know.
"Hania?"
"Hmm"
"Do you trust me?."