HANIA
I like spending time with Hamza,I can't remember the last time I felt free, myself with anyone else.
And I fear it the most, I can't let my self get attached to him.I can't face feel the betrayal again. i don't want to.
But with him I think I can't let that happen, because i truly enjoy our time,his smiles,his grumpiness everything makes me feel happy.
Having someone who thinks you are interesting enough to talk to you everyday, and listen everything you tell them, knowing that they are giving you time is the best feeling.
I entered our room "Anvi, why didn't you turned on the lights??"it's dark inside.
I turned them on, and saw Anvita is sitting on the floor with messy hair blood shot eyes and tissues laying around.
I crossed the room and sat beside her , I don't know how comfort someone while crying. I just stayed there placing my hand on her shoulder and she hugged me tightly "it's okay everything will be fine, please don't cry Anvi" tears filled in my eyes because i can't see her like this.
"I c-can't hania...,I don't know w-what to do..." I hugged her back and rubbed her back in a calming motion"it's ok I'm here Anvi don't cry we'll figure out"
"He called me.... And asked me to meet him..." She said wiping her tears.i didn't say anything I wanted her to open up.
"He asked me to meet him tomorrow"Anvi said in a low voice.
"Are you okay with that? If you are not okay with it you don't need to go"
"That's the thing Hania...I loved him, he was my first at everything....I can't say no to him"she started crying again.
"Look Anvita I don't know it's my place to tell you this, but sometimes the people we trust hurt us the most.
"For a friendship or a relationship,if don't you receive the same efforts you give just cut them off."
I looked at her she was staring at wall and I continued.
"If you had the courage to trust them.That means you have the strength to let them go when they break the trust.....
"Yes it hurts in the beginning but It will be ok eventually. You can't enjoy the beauty of rose while getting hurt by it's thrones. It's stupidity to do that,the pleasure will last few minutes but the scars will last life long.People will say it's worth the pain but at what extent?"
Look at you comforting others , with the words you wished to hear.....
She looked at me deep in the eyes and said " i don't want him Hania... and I don't know.. how to move on..." I never saw this chatterbox Stutter.
"You will figure it out and you will start loving yourself, it's easy to love the nice things about ourselves but true self love is embracing all the difficult parts within us and trust me it's the best thing you can do ,than loving a psychopath."
She laughed at the last part and I'm relieved that she is not crying.
To distract her I said"Well I'm hungry let's order a pizza".
She stared me with wide eyes "I should note the date, well something is special today. Hania eating junk food no way" she said dramatically
I rolled my eyes and ordered a pizza which arrived in 35 minutes.
"Well don't mind me, but no one really tried to ask you out??"she asked eating her pizza with ketchup.Well she likes to have alot of toppings.
I wanted to answer her honestly "some guys asked me but my answer is always no"Eating my own slice,I didn't add any ketchup my inner Italian would freak out. I like my pizza to be simple and authentic.
"Why??Due to your religion?". "No as I said I was not even religious before,I started practicing from last 3years "I answered.
"Then you are intelligent, beautiful and cute too surely there loss" she said.
"But you have to believe in such things too and I don't believe in them
Forever is just a myth Anvi".
"You don't even believe in marriage?? But how are you going to convince your parents??" She questioned.
"Well,yes I do believe in marriage but the thing is that it should be mutual and I'm seeing that people made marriage a joke, my parents are not opposed of love marriages, but they too know that it's difficult for me to trust someone with rest of my life. So you can say I really don't date anyone and maybe I'll go for the arrange marriage stuff".she was thinking just what I said I know it's difficult to understand.
"And if you ask me if have a choice then I would say,I have no plans of marriage at all, but I don't have it." I added.
"Oh my God hania, you have so many things going on, but you stay quiet "she hugged me again "you can talk to about it if you are okay with it " she added. I have to get used to her hugs
"No it's fine, I'm good" I replied. "So what did you decide for tomorrow?"
"I am going to meet him and end everything between us on a good note, I don't want to regret it."she answered.
"Good,because a person who values you would never disrespect you and never put themselves in a position to lose you" I stated.
After finishing my namaz i prayed for her guidance, I looked at her she was asleep, from past few days she was just crying the whole night.
And I was thinking about the things I have to do tomorrow,iron clothes for next week,clean the room, wash my hair, complete the book I was reading and the assignment.
I think I'm the only one who plans Sunday's not the rest of the week. I just go spontaneous rest of the week, but Sunday I need to know what to do.
I don't go out ,so Sunday is most productive day.
Every Sunday I wake up at 5'o clock and do clean the room till 7 in the morning and I read till 11 and watch couple of episodes of whatever series I'm watching. And I take a bath. After lunch I take a nap, iron my clothes and study for a bit and scroll my phone that's how my Sunday goes.
I think I need time to myself after a week long of socializing, I rarely go out,If I need things I order online or Anvita brings them .
And my friends ask me to join them on weekends,but it's not my kind of thing. I only showed up at Zain's birthday because i can't disappoint him on his birthday.
I checked her before sleeping, she was sleeping and I took my pills and went to bed.
I was so worried "If anything goes wrong please call me".
"Yes I will to tell you that I cut all my ties with that assh*le" she replied.
"I am serious Anvita" I told her.
"I know I'll promise, why don't you join Hamza and shahzain today you will get bored " she suggested
We spend our Sunday together,she doing skin care and watching Netflix and sleeping all day. And going out in the evenings.
"It's fine,I need to complete my work " I said.
And she left to Meet Siddharth her walking red flag ex-boyfriend.
I hate people who treat their partner badly and try to control them.
And I took a bath and had lunch but I didn't feel like taking a nap ,so I worked on the assignment and I remember I need to send the list of diagrams he as to make.
I quickly opened his contact and realised we never texted eachother.
Me: Hamza,it's Hania .
Here are the list of tissues that you need to make diagrams of .
It's 2'o clock in the noon don't know what he is doing, but he didn't replied me.
Instead of waiting for his reply, I picked up a random book and started re-reading a book called Right Move by Liz Tomforde.
Well I like to read books every sort of books, thriller, fiction,non fiction.
And I like fiction more because, when reading,we don't fall in love with the characters apperance. We fall in love with their words, their thoughts and their hearts ,we fall in love with their souls.
I wish the real world as that kind off thing.
I am too emotionally attached to fictional characters.
Cause in real life I can't deal or date with anyone
Yes I'm a romance reader , who is unromantic in her real life.