Miranda walks into the kitchen with the kids, finding Sam asleep at the table. She frowns, knowing he slept plenty last night, not sure why he would be asleep already.
Carly goes to tap her dad, but Miranda quickly grabs her arm.
"No, let him sleep." Miranda quietly says.
"Why is he sleeping?" Carly asks.
"I don't know. Guess he's just really tired." Miranda says. "You can have his cereal."
"It's probably all soggy." Carly grimaces.
"Okay, fine, I'll give it to your brother. Boys eat anything." Miranda mutters, grabbing the bowl of soggy cereal and putting it in front of Wyatt who grins.
Carly and Serena both sit at the table and Miranda grabs some cereal bowls to pour them the food and fill Wyatt's bowl a bit up. She goes over to the counter, eating her own breakfast there.
Carly's eyes light up when she spots a sharpie at the end of the table. She reaches over her sister to grab it and quietly pulls the cap off.
Dean walks in and gets some coffee before grabbing a bowl.
Carly, with a grin on her face, gets the marker a few inches from Sam's face, her eyes twinkling with mischief and joy.
Dean drops the bowl on the table making Sam jump awake. Carly straightens up, quickly placing the marker in her lap, hurriedly putting the cap back on it.
"Dean." Miranda glares at him, the man just shrugging and giving her a clueless look.
"Hey." Dean says.
"Hey." Sam says.
"You okay?" Dean asks.
"Yeah. Uh... yeah. Just, uh... resting my head for a second." Sam says. "Um, how's Kevin? He, uh-- he find anything?"
"Uh, jack." Dean answers. "On about four days no sleep. He looks worse than you."
"Huh. What about Crowley? Um, do you think he might be lying about the whole, uh, "Metatron's spell being irreversible" thing?" Sam asks.
"Oh, Crowley lie?" Dean remarks while getting himself some cereal. "I do know one thing. Next time that junkie's jonesing for a hit of blood, we got leverage." Sam loudly yawns. "Seriously, you want a pillow?"
"No, I'm fine." Sam says.
"You're sick." Dean says. Miranda grabs a bowl and fills it with cereal and milk before grabbing a spoon.
"No, I'm not sick. I'm just, um... I feel like my battery can't recharge." Sam says. Miranda puts the new bowl of cereal in front of him and kisses him on the forehead. "Thanks." He mumbles.
"Mm-hmm." She hums, gently squeezing his arm.
Dean's phone rings and he takes it out and answers it.
"Hello?" He asks. "Sheriff Mills. Hang on. Sam and Miranda are here, too." He puts the phone on speaker.
"Hey, Jody." Sam greets.
"Hey." Miranda calls out.
"Hey, guys." Jody greets. "Uh... I got a bit of an oddball to pitch your direction."
"Shoot." Dean says.
"A small town I cover outside of Sioux Falls -- only crime to speak of being the occasional cow tipping. Then last week... four people go missing." Jody says.
"All right, so, what makes you think this is our kind of weird?" Dean asks.
"I've got a witness who says he saw someone lift an SUV to nab a girl last night." Jody says.
After hanging up with Jody, they all start getting ready to go while the kids finish eating. Sam gets up, frowning when he sees the sharpie by her leg.
"What is this?" He picks the marker.
"Huh. Don't know how that got there." Carly shrugs, focusing on her cereal. Sam's eyebrows furrow, thinking back to when he woke up and remembering that Carly jumped.
"You're evil." He tells her, kissing her cheek. Carly innocently smiles.
+++
"Sheriff. Laying off the blind dates, I hope." Dean says.
"Yeah. You bite your tongue, boy." Jody says.
"So?" Sam asks.
"So. Car was right over there, ass over teakettle. Now, normally, if somebody would tell me that one guy lifted an S.U.V., I'd tell him to take a flying leap, but after what I've seen..."
"Nothing's impossible." Sam says.
"Uh-huh." Jody nods.
"And this matches up with the other missing people how?" Dean asks.
"Well, four abductions, strong evidence left at every scene -- literally." Jody says.
"So, first vic was a pastor?" Sam asks.
"Yeah. Door of his study was punched in. And then, the next two -- an engaged couple." Jody says.
"Locked bedroom window was ripped open." Dean says.
"Mm-hmm. And then we have our waitress here with the topsy turvy ride." Jody says.
"Any other connection among them?" Sam asks.
"Yeah. They were all members of Good Faith church here. My, uh, my church group back in Sioux Falls was in a tizzy over it." Jody says. Dean hums. "What?"
"I didn't beg you for churchy." Dean says.
"Yeah. You know, choking on the ladies' room floor cause of witchcraft kind of makes a higher power seem relevant." Jody says.
"Jody, are you sure you're, uh, ready to jump back in the fray?" Dean asks.
"This wackadoo stuff keeps coming. More I know, better armed I'll be." Jody says.
"Okay, so, we have, uh, missing church folk and super strength. Maybe angels harvesting vessels? Could be a Buddy Boyle type thing." Sam says.
"Wh-- angels? You're joking."
"Don't get your pants on fire. They suck." Dean tells Jody.
"You said there was a witness." Sam says.
"Yeah, well... more or less." Jody says.
+++
They're in an office at the church and sitting across from Bonnie.
"We hope you enjoyed the tour. Any questions before we get you three registered?" Bonnie asks.
"Uh, yeah, uh, look, um, Ms. Futchko..." Sam says.
"Oh, plese. Bonnie will do just fine." She says.
"Bonnie. Okay, um, we... love the church. We do. But... well, we've heard that a few members have gone missing and to be honest... that kind of scares us." Sam says.
"Let me assure you, with our increased security, Good Faith has never been safer. And those people who have gone missing, well, they are front and center in our prayers." Bonnie says.
"What a relief. Now, you must have been, uh, close to them." Dean says.
"Well, we do share the A.P.U bond." Bonnie says.
"The A.P.U.?" Dean asks.
"Our chastity group. Abstinence Purifies Us." Bonne says.
"Oh. W-wow. You mind if we sit in on that, maybe see if it's for us?" Sam asks.
"I'm afraid it's members only. I'm sorry, but it can get pretty personal." Bonnie says.
"Then count us in." Sam says, his brother and wife looking at him.
"Well. I'll be a squirrel in a skirt." Bonnie smiles. Miranda frowns in confusion before faking a smile when Bonnie looks at her. "I'll be back in a jiff with the papers." She leaves.
"What the hell did she just say?" Miranda questions. "Or, so-sorry. Not-- not the "H" word. Sorry." She apologizes, looking upwards.
"A chastity group?" Dean asks.
"Dean, listen, if all the members were in A.P.U., then maybe whatever took them is stalking virgins." Sam says.
"And that Slim guy said he thought he saw fire. So, what are you thinking, dragons?" Dean asks. Sam shushes him as Bonnie walks back in.
"All righty. You can just sign there, and your purification can begin." Bonnie says, handing each of them a clipboard.
"Purity pledge?" Sam asks.
"It's a commitment to your virginity." Bonnie says.
"I don't think we can really un-ring that bell. I especially know they can't." Dean motions to the couple. "You know what I mean?"
"Oh. I see." Bonnie quietly says. "Well... if you just ask for God's forgiveness for your sins and make a new vow of chastity, well, then, you'll be born again as a virgin in his eyes."
"So, you just hit the "virginity do over" button, and all is good with the man upstairs?" Dean asks.
"It's not a button. And... this isn't just a piece of paper. I mean, this is your clean slate, your chance to be a virgin until marriage." Bonnie says.
"Well, you had me at clean slate. Let's do this." Dean says.
Miranda looks at Sam who nods a little. She sighs, but signs the paper, putting her maiden name. They each give their clipboards to Bonnie. Sam looks at Miranda and taps his wedding ring, the two both discreetly taking them off.
"Congratulations, Sam and Dean Winchester and Miranda Carpenter. You are all virgins." Bonnie says.
"Lifelong dream." Miranda smiles.
Dean smiles at the couple.
+++
The group is sitting in a circle and aside from the three of them, there's six women, one being Bonnie.
"Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Suzy. I thought we'd begin with a silent prayer for our missing friends." A blonde woman says. Everyone closes their eyes and bows their heads. "Amen." They all look back up. "Now, does anyone have anything that they would like to share?"
"I wrote a new piece of verse. It's called "Sex is a racket, and God's ball is in your court."" Tammy says.
"And we would love to hear that, Tammy... later." Suzy says. "Why don't we hear from our new friends? Sam, what brought you here to reclaim your virginity?" Miranda looks at her husband, biting the inside of her cheek so she doesn't laugh.
"Well, I guess, uh... I-I just, um... I was with one woman for a while and-- and I've done some things that fu-- uh... messed up the relationship. Just... can't really seem to get over her. Need a clean slate." Sam says.
"Thank you for being here, Sam. Stay strong. Stay pure." Suzy says.
"Stay strong. Stay pure." The other women repeat.
"What about you, Miranda? Why have you come to purify yourself?" Suzy asks.
"Um... it just... it's... dirty if-- if you're not married. And-- and, you know... yeah. Plus, my-- my ex just... didn't satisfy me enough anyway, you know?" She awkwardly laughs.
"Thank you for being here, Miranda. Stay strong. Stay pure." Suzy says, the other women repeating the last two things. Miranda looks at Sam who is giving her an annoyed look and she innocently smiles. "And you, Dean? What set you on the path away from sin?"
"Uh, hard to say, exactly. Yeah. Sex has always felt... I don't know, good, you know? I mean, really, really good." Dean says. He remembers where he is. "Uh... but, uh... sometimes, it just makes you feel bad, you know? You're drunk. You shack up."
"Then, it's the whole morning thing. You know, "Hey, that was fun." And then, "adios," you know? Always the "adios." But, you know, when you get down to it, what's the big deal, right? I mean, sure, there's the touching and the feeling all of each other, my hands everywhere, tracing every inch of her body, the two of us moving together, pressing and pulling... grinding."
"Then you hit that sweet spot, and everything just builds and builds and builds until it all just..." Dean makes an exploding noise.
Sam notices Miranda staring at Dean, her eyes a little darker than usual. Sam quietly clears his throat, Miranda snapping out of her trance.
"Wh-what?" She mutters. Sam rolls his eyes.
"Yeah. Uh... but the whole thing was just a little too, uh... sticky. So, uh, I got my V-card back." Dean slaps his knee. "The end."
~ ~ ~
"So, um... wee bit of an overshare, Dean?" Sam asks after the meeting ends. The women are all cleaning up.
"I was purifying." Dean says.
"Yeah, and effecting every women in the freakin' room." Sam hisses.
"Every women, huh?" Dean asks, smirking at Miranda.
"Okay, well, it's not like I was picturing you, all right?" Miranda rolls her eyes. "You were talking about sex, it-- it's equivalent to reading a smutty novel. You get turned on by it. But I was picturing my husband. Or... not husband, I guess. My virgin husband who I share three children with."
"You mean the, uh, the ex who didn't satisfy you enough." Sam remarks.
"I-- that was-- just me having some fun. I'm sorry. Just... slipped out, I guess." Miranda says.
"You're evil." Sam tells her. Miranda innocently smiles.
"Hey, she look familiar to you?" Dean asks.
"Suzy?" Sam asks.
"Yeah. Swear I know her from somewhere." Dean says.
"Oh, good, Dean. Cause that line never fails." Sam rolls his eyes.
"Well, let's find out." Dean walks away.
"You know, you shouldn't lie in a church." Sam says.
"Well, you also shouldn't say bad words in a church. Looks like I'm 2 for 2." Miranda remarks.
"I-I do, like..." Sam tries to ask. "Uh... you know, like..."
"You do what?" Miranda asks.
"I--"
Before he can try to talk more, somebody taps them both on the shoulders and they turn to find Bonnie.
"Hey." Sam greets.
"So?" Bonnie asks.
"So?" Sam copies.
"How did you two like the meeting?" Bonnie asks.
"Oh, I-I-I loved it. Yeah. Um, you know, I-I couldn't help but think of those who weren't here." Sam says.
"Yeah, no, totally resonated." Miranda says.
"Oh. Honor. She's my favorite." Bonnie says. "Would you excuse me?" She walks away.
"Her favorite?" Tammy walks over to the couple. "She has no idea what kind of girl Honor is."
"You don't say. Uh, Tammy, right? The poet?" Sam asks.
"Mm-hmm." She nods.
"Tammy, why-- why don't, um, why don't you tell us what kind of girl Honor is?" Sam asks.
~ ~ ~
"...And I bake real cookies for the bake sale. Honor just brings Oreos." Tammy complains.
"Oh. You know what? Excuse us." Sam grabs Miranda's wrist, dragging her to meet up with Dean who is walking towards them.
"Guess who's taking the teacher home." Dean grins. Sam gives him a look. "Research." He says.
"You really think you're gonna hit that? Dean, she's the chastity counselor." Sam says.
"Yeah, I know. What about you guys? Any luck?" Dean asks.
"You mean are we actually working? As a matter of fact, yes, we are." Sam says.
"All right, well, good luck with that." Dean walks over to Suzy. "Okay, lead the way."
Sam and Miranda turn back to Tammy.
"Hey. Sorry. So, where were we?" Sam asks.
"Honor is going to Hell." Tammy states.
~ ~ ~
Sam and Miranda get in the car and Sam immediately puts his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her into a deep kiss.
"Mm." Miranda makes noises until they pull away. "That's new."
"Mm-hmm. Better than Dean described?"
"Well, not particularly that short moment, but within the time I've been having sex with you -- which is over a decade -- then, yeah, you've been better than what Dean described -- on, like, every occasion." Miranda nods, letting him bite and suck on her neck.
"So, uh... I do satisfy you?" Sam asks.
"Is that what you were nervous trying to ask me about?" Miranda asks. Sam blushes. "Trust me, that was the biggest lie I've ever told. Sam, you got me three kids. I get the ultimate amount of satisfaction from you." She promises.
"You ever had sex in a church parking lot?" Sam asks, kissing along her jawline.
"I, uh... I'm not sure that's, like... correct. Or allowed or whatever." Miranda says.
"Well, then, looks like you'll be 3 for 3." Sam lets out a breathy laugh, one hand tangling in her hair and the other gently squeezing her throat.
+++
"Hey." Sam greets as the two get to the motel where Jody and the kids are.
"How was church?" Jody asks.
"Well, it turned into confessional. Apparently, two of our vics, Honor and Pastor Fred, did the dirty." Sam says.
"Oh, well. They're not the only ones. Barb Blanton, our missing bride to be." Jody says.
"Yeah?" Sam asks.
"Her mom said she heard Barb and her fiance in Barb's bedroom." Jody says.
"Going at it?" Sam asks.
"Well, she said she heard sex noises, then Barb crying, then Neil telling Barb it didn't count because it was under 30 seconds." Jody says making Sam and Miranda chuckle. "And then, two hours later, she heard a smash and saw a flash of light under the door."
"Blue light?" Sam asks and Jody nods.
"You know, I'm thinking whatever this thing is, it's not going after virgins, even born again virgins." Jody says.
"It's taking virgins who break their chastity vow. So dragons are off the list." Sam says.
"So, it's... going after people who break it?" Miranda asks.
Jody nods, eyebrows furrowing when she gets a glimpse of the woman's neck.
"Are those hickeys?" Jody asks.
Miranda's eyes widen and she looks at Sam, the two avoiding any awkward eye contact with Jody.
"You two didn't." Jody says.
"Um... well, we-- we're married. That-- that's gotta mean something." Miranda says. "Right?" She nervously asks.
"Probably." Sam nods. "Hopefully."
"You guys couldn't even make it, like, five hours?" Jody asks.
"We couldn't make it out of the parking lot. We're going to Hell." Miranda states.
Jody quietly groans, rubbing a hand over her face.
~ ~ ~
"Dean, come on, call me." Sam hangs up.
"You know, for being born again and getting some today, you sure look like shit." Jody says.
"Wait a second. Did you... get--"
"Born again?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, Sam. I don't make promises I can't keep. It's just... I enjoy church. I mean, after... after Bobby, Crowley... I needed something that made sense to me. You know, comfort, I guess."
"Yeah, I guess we're all looking for that."
"Except those that got it." Sam looks at her confused. "Come on. You, Miranda, and those three little darlings? Something special. Nothing better than that."
"Yeah." Sam softly smiles, looking at his three sleeping kids and Miranda who is stroking Serena's hair since she was having trouble falling asleep.
~ ~ ~
"What's up?" Jody asks Sam.
"This thing is taking people that break their vows, right?" Sam asks.
"Yeah." Jody nods.
""Dean and Suzy -- been over an hour." Sam says.
"Right." Jody says.
+++
"Hey. Virgins, fire -- sound familiar?" Jody asks. Sam looks at the laptop over her shoulder.
""Vesta, Roman Goddess of the Hearth."" Sam reads.
"In Ancient Rome, six virgins were dedicated to this chick every year. Their main duty was to tend Vesta's hearth." Jody says.
"Wait, so, fire is connected to virginity?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, the girls had to be pure because fire is the symbol of purity." Jody says.
"Huh. Okay, as long as Vesta's fire was kept lit, Rome received a good harvet." Sam says.
"The virgins had to stay celibate for 30 years. If they broke their vows, they were buried alive." Jody says.
"Vesta was often enveloped in a blue halo of light, which she could control at will to disorient, to maim, ooh... or to kill." Jody says.
"Okay, what about some way to kill her? A-A weapon or-- or something." Sam says. Jody types while Sam's phone rings and he answers it.
"Dean?" He asks. "Dean. Hey." He says. "Dean, wh-- say it again. I can't hear you. Dean!" He sighs. "I lost him."
"What?" Jody asks.
"Listen, is there some kind of train station around here or something? I-I could have sworn I heard a whistle." Sam says.
"Here we go. 8:00 PM, train out of Sioux Falls. What's five miles east of Hartford? Anything?" Sam asks.
"Uh... pasture mostly. No-- the old Wimmer farm." Jody says.
"Wait, anything about a weapon?" Sam asks before they leave.
"Oak stained in virgin blood. Where are we gonna get a virgin?" Jody asks.
"Went to a meeting full of them earlier." Sam says.
+++
"Heading out?" Sam asks Jody as she puts her stuff in her car, her one arm in a sling.
"Yeah. I'd tell you bunch to stay out of trouble, but what's the point?" Jody asks. Sam hugs her.
"Thanks for bailing me out." Dean says, hugging her.
"Oh, what can I say? I'm getting the hang of this." Jody says as she hugs Miranda.
"Drive safe." Sam tells her.
"Thanks." Jody says. "Don't get the door for me or anything." She says, leaving the room.
Sam sighs heavily and sits on one of the beds.
"What's up?" Dean asks.
"What if there is something wrong with me? Something... really wrong?" Sam asks.
"You're just crapped out, man. You need some rest." Dean says.
"Oh, it's more than that. I mean, Vesta said I was practically dead inside." Sam says.
"What?" Miranda asks.
"Oh, and she's in the circle of trust now?" Dean asks.
"Why would she lie?" Sam asks.
"It's probably the trials, okay? Probably some sort of a, you know, after effect. It's not like you're bouncing back from the flu here. I mean, you were glowing with freaking trial juice." Dean says.
"I don't know." Sam says. Miranda frowns, combing her fingers through his hair.
"Well, what else would it be?"
"Why does it have to be something else? It's always something else. We're always scraping to find some other explanation when maybe it is... just me."
"Oh, come on, Sam."
"I'm a mess, Dean. You know it. And sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm never gonna actually be all right."
"You will. All right, cause whatever it is, we'll figure it out."
"Mommy, can we go to the vending machine?" Carly asks.
"Uh... yeah. Yeah, sure." She nods. "Want anything?" She asks Sam who shakes his head. "Okay. Come on." She grabs all three kids, knowing they'll need to get some energy before getting stuck in the car.
"Or this is... just the way I am." Sam says after his family walk out.
"I can't. I can't let you put this on yourself. Listen to me. It's not you, Sam." Dean says as Sam's eyes flash blue.
"I wouldn't do that, Dean." Ezekiel says.
"He deserves to know." Dean says.
"Your brother is not ready. If he ejects me, he will not make it." Ezekiel says.
"Damn it, Zeke! How much longer we got to keep playing this?"
"Not much longer. I promise you that." His eyes flash blue.
"What?" Sam asks.
"What?" Dean asks.
"What? What-- what's not me?" Sam asks.
"Nothing. I just-- I-I meant that... if there is something wrong... it's not your fault. We'll deal with it. But you got to have a little faith, Sammy." Dean says, starting to pack his stuff.
After getting stuff in the car, the kids are buckled up and in the backseat, watching stuff on the iPad. Miranda sits in the middle of the front seat, her and Sam waiting on Dean.
"So, uh... we never talked about what you said when you were asked your reason for purity." Miranda comments.
"What are you talking about?" Sam frowns.
"With one woman for a while... messed some stuff up... can't get over her." Miranda recalls.
"I was talking about you." Sam says.
"Yeah, I figured that much." Miranda nods. "I just... was curious if there's something you wanna talk about. I mean, you don't have to get over me, obviously, I'm still yours. But the... second part."
"Where do I start?" Sam scoffs. "Hiding stuff from you, Ruby, disregarding all feelings during certain times in our lives, beating you up, ditching you and Carly when she was just a baby. The countless amount of times I've technically cheated on you."
"It was never you. Especially the cheating or beating me up. Not-- not this you." Miranda says.
"Yeah, but... it-it was still me. My body, my..." Sam lets out a heavy sigh.
"Okay, well, I've forgiven you for everything. So, therefore, you should forgive yourself." Miranda says.
"You're the most important person to me, Randi." Sam quietly says. "One of the four, at least." He glances back at his kids. "I don't think I'm ever forgiving myself."
"You should." Miranda says. "It's not healthy. And like I said, a lot of it was out of your control. You were possessed or-- or manipulated, under a spell."
"Look, if you wanna forgive me, fine." Sam says. "But I'm still not gonna think I deserve it and I'm definitely not magically getting past it just because you told me to."
Miranda sighs and kisses him on the cheek.
"I love you." She tells him. "More than anything. You're the best person I know and I know that you would never hurt me. Especially not after everything we've been through. I trust you and our children with our lives and nothing in the past, present, or future is gonna change that. You deserve to be happy, too."
Sam can only weakly smile before looking away from her again. Miranda sadly sighs, resting her head on his shoulder and hugging his arm.