Sam and Miranda are sitting at the map table.
"Wow." Dean remarks, walking in.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Kevin. Just poured some buffalo milk down his gob twice." Dean says.
"Buffalo milk?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, the hangover cure all. It's got everything in it. Except buffalo milk." Dean says.
"How is that kid still recovering from Branson?" Sam asks.
"What can I say? He's an amateur. The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede nearly killed the guy." Dean says.
"All right. Well, uh, I got something that's gonna get us back on the road." Sam says.
"A case?" Dean asks, sitting next to his brother.
"Yeah."
"You sure you're ready for that?"
"Why would I not be ready for that?"
"Aren't you kind of running on empty?"
"Yeah, but the last three nights straight, I had eight hours of shut eye. For a hunter, that's like 20. Trust me, Dean. I feel good."
"Well, that's great and all, James Brown, but you're still recovering from the trials. I think you ought to pace yourself, you know? And the sooner you heal..."
"Yeah?" Sam asks, sharing a weird look with his wife.
"I just want you back to your old self." Dean says.
"I am, Dean." Sam says. "Look, Kevin's back on the Heaven spell. Crowley's locked up. We should be out there doing what we do best."
"Yeah."
"You want to listen, at least? Okay, great." Sam doesn't wait for an answer. "Taxidermist named Max Alexander mysteriously crushed to death. Nearly every joint in his body dislocated, every bone broken. Poor guy is a human pretzel. You tell me what's got that kind of strength."
"A demonic luchador?"
"Shop's a couple hours away to Enid, Oklahoma. We should at least check it out. Unless there's some reason you think we shouldn't." Sam says.
+++
"Okay, uh, that... symbol in the graffiti, it's not wiccan. It's copywritten. Local animal rights group, Enid's answer to PETA." Sam says while sitting at the table on his laptop.
"S.N.A.R.T.? You got to be kidding me." Dean says.
"Well, it makes sense that an animal rights group would have an axe to grind with a taxidermist." Sam says.
"Why? The animal's already dead." Dean says.
"Yeah, but hunters are what keep them in business. Now the question is, are those bleeding hearts actually witches or just hippies?" Sam asks.
"What's the difference?"
+++
"Necrosis?" Dean asks.
"Premature death of tissues -- that's why their eyes were all messed up." Sam says. "And it's not caused by mace."
"All right. What caused it?" Dean asks.
"Right here. "Blunt force, radiation, venom."" Sam reads.
"As in snake?" Dean asks.
"The taxidermist was constricted. Olivia and Dylan heard hissing, and they were sprayed in the eyes."
"By venom."
"By venom."
"Okay, so... what are we talking here, some sort of a freaky ass snake monster?" Dean asks, sitting across from Sam.
"Maybe. The weird thing is snakes either envenomate or constrict. No snake does both." Sam says.
"Correction -- freaky ass mega snake monster." Dean says.
"It could be a Vetala." Sam says.
"Yeah, but they're not afraid to sink their fangs in. Taxidermist was bite free. It doesn't really fit the profile."
"Right. So...?"
"So, call Kevin. Have him look some stuff up."
+++
"An Inuit spell?" Dean asks. They're at the motel and the Colonel is lying on the floor by the table. Wyatt and Carly are sitting by him and petting him. Dean and Sam are sitting across from each other while Miranda is sitting between them. Serena is sitting on Sam's lap, the large dog freaking her out slightly.
"Yeah. Who knew the, uh, Men of Letters had its own Eskimo section?" Sam shrugs.
"And it's supposed to let us communicate with The Colonel?" Dean asks.
"Yeah, well... that's the plan." Sam says, mixing the ingredients. "Kevin said it's like a sort of human/animal mind meld."
"Meaning?" Dean asks.
"If it works, we should be able to read The Colonel's thoughts." Sam says.
"All right, I'll do it." Dean takes the glass. "You-- you got enough on your plate."
"Like what?" Sam asks.
"Uh, like... you're tired. You're on the mend, okay? You, uh... you've got kids. You know, can't really parent if you're talking to dogs. Plus, you-- you've got a sensitive stomach. Last thing we need is you chucking this stuff up. Doesn't look so bad."
Dean downs the potion.
"I was wrong." He says. "Come on." He holds a hand out to Sam while coughing a bit.
Sam gives Dean a book and he recites the spell.
"All right. Let's get this party started. Tell me everything you know." Dean tells The Colonel. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Dean laughs. Carly gives him an unimpressed look. He looks at the couple who also aren't laughing. "Tough crowd." He remarks.
The Colonel barks. Dean shakes his head at the couple.
~ ~ ~
"So, call Kevin. Spell tasted like ass and was a bust." Dean says as he finishes eating.
"At least it didn't affect your appetite. Geez." Sam says.
"Yeah." Dean says. He looks down at the dog who is sitting by the table. "What?" He asks after a moment.
"What?" The couple ask.
"You-- shut up. It's working." Dean says.
"It-- go." Sam says.
"Say that again." Dean tells the dog. "Dennis DeYoung's not a punk. He's Mr. Roboto, bitch."
"Who?" Carly's eyebrows furrow.
"Why are you arguing with the dog about Styx?" Sam asks.
"Wh-- uh, yeah. Also educate your kid." He tells the couple. "Um, hey, boy. What were you trying to tell us about Cowboy Hat?" Dean asks the dog. "And the pothead, too?"
"Ask about the cats." Sam says, tossing his napkin into the garbage can that's behind Dean.
"Yeah, uh--" Dean gets the napkin out of the trash, giving it back to Sam. Miranda frowns. "And what about the cats?" The couple share a confused look.
"I don't want this?" Sam says, holding up the napkin.
"Huh?" Dean looks at him.
"So, what's he saying?" Sam asks after a moment, tossing the napkin back into the trash.
"Uh, that the-- the guy he smelled like ground chuck and soap suds and old lady cream." Dean says while retrieving Sam's dirty napkin and giving it back to him. Miranda purses her lips, giving Dean a weird look.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asks.
"I don't know." Dean says, scratching behind his ear. Miranda raises an eyebrow, studying his dog-like attributes. "Oh, what are you laughing at?" He asks the dog.
The Colonel starts barking and Dean stands up, going to the window with him. The Colonel barks at the mailman who is across the parking lot.
"Hey! Hey, hey! You! You! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, you! You! You! You!" Dean lets out a small growl.
Serena whines at both of them, leaning back into her dad's chest, Sam wrapping his arm around her stomach.
"You're okay." He quietly assures.
"This is... beautiful." Miranda remarks, giving her husband an amused look. A small laugh escapes Sam.
"Uh, Dean?" Sam calls.
"Hmm?" Dean hums.
"I think the spell worked. In fact, I think it worked a little too well." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks, sitting back down.
"I think you might be a dog." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks, scratching behind his ear.
"You're scratching your head. You're... barking at the mailman. You're playing fetch." Sam says, throwing the napkin back into the trash can.
"I--" Dean goes to get the napkin, but stops himself. He looks between the napkin and Sam with sad puppy dog eyes eyes. He lets out a quiet whine. "Ruh roh."
Carly laughs.
~ ~ ~
"Yeah. No, that-- okay. All right, thanks." Sam hangs his phone up. He looks up at Carly as she throws a napkin. Dean's leg shakes for a few moments before he grabs it and gives it back to her, the girl giggling.
Carly throws the balled up napkin again, Dean retrieving and returning it again. Sam watches them repeat the process a few more times, letting his daughter have her fun.
"Okay, so, apparently, the Inuit spell has more side effects." Sam finally speaks up.
"Oh, well, that would have been nice to know before I downed it! What kind of side effects?" Dean asks, giving the napkin back to Carly.
"When you mind meld with an animal, it's... possible to start exhibiting some of its behavior." Sam says. Dean turns to The Colonel.
"Well, how long am I gonna have the urge to--" Dean says. "Oh, whoa. Hey." He chuckles. "I don't have the urge to sniff butts."
"Ew." Carly grimaces.
"Do you really h-have the--" Sam starts.
"No! Come on!" Dean exclaims.
"Well, Kevin doesn't know how long it'll last. It's not like it's an exact science, you know? But hopefully, when the spell wears off, so will the side effects." Sam says.
Dean bites into a chocolate bar. Dean lets the piece of chocolate fall from his lips and he stares at the candy sadly.
"Yay!" Carly grabs the chocolate bar from him, biting into it. "Can we keep him like this?" She hopefully looks at her parents who share amused looks.
+++
"Back to the shelter." Dean says as they walk to the Impala. "All right, one more doggy pun out of you, and I'm gonna have your nuts clipped." They get to the Impala as a bird poops on the windshield. "Aw, are you kidding me? Hey, dick move, pigeon!"
"Did--" Dean pulls on his brother's arm.
"What?" Sam asks.
"Wait a minute. Can I hear all animals?" Dean asks the dog.
"What's he saying?" Sam asks, seeing Dean's angry look aimed at the pigeon.
"You-- he's being a douchebag!" Dean says. "Oh, shut it, you winged rat!" Sam looks around, finding people watching them.
"And that's our cue." Miranda grabs her kids, quickly getting them in the backseat of the car.
"Dean crazy?" Wyatt asks.
"Always." Miranda nods, Wyatt giggling.
"Just get in the car." Sam tells Dean.
"Oh, that's it, you son of a bitch!" Dean takes his gun out.
Miranda quickly gets in the backseat, shutting the door. She stays as low as she can while buckling her younger two kids up.
"Dean!" Sam lowers Dean's weapon. "Get in the car." Sam awkwardly waves to all the onlookers before getting in the car.
"Really, Randi?" Sam asks.
"Hey, somebody's gotta deal with the actual children." Miranda remarks.
+++
Sam pulls up outside the animal shelter and Miranda gets out, helping Wyatt unbuckle while Sam gets Serena out and Carly climbs out on her own.
"I think it's probably best to just leave The Colonel in the car." Sam says.
"Excuse me?" Dean asks.
"Well, all the windows are down." Sam defends.
"You think we like that?" Dean asks.
""We?"" Sam asks.
"You think because the windows are open that that's some sort of a treat, huh? No, the dog's coming in." Dean opens the back door and lets The Colonel out. They start to go inside, but Dean and The Colonel get distracted by a poodle across the street.
"This just got kinda disturbing." Miranda comments, Sam nodding.
"Dean." Sam calls.
"Yep." Dean follows them into the animal shelter.
~ ~ ~
Sam, Miranda, and the kids are standing at the end of the room while Dean listens to the dogs.
"Any luck?" Sam asks as Dean walks back over.
"Hardly. And I'm not getting any clues, just a bunch of complaints." Dean says. "Yeah, uh, sorry, pal. I'm done for the day." He tells the Yorkie in the closest cage. "What?" He walks over, the others following him. "Are you kidding me? I'm being extorted by a dog. Well, what do you want, uh? What? Beggin' strips? Snausages?"
"You-- all right." Dean shrugs. Dean looks at Sam.
~ ~ ~
Sam is holding the Yorkie how you hold a baby and he's scratching the dog's belly. Miranda has Wyatt and Serena's hands in hers, Carly sticking by The Colonel and petting him.
"Okay, what else can you tell me about the guy other than his outfit?" Dean asks the dog in Sam's arms. "What does he want with the cats? Ew."
"What?" Sam asks.
"Apparently, our guy has a sweet tooth for kitty cats." Dean says.
"Ugh." Miranda grimaces.
"Rude." Carly pouts.
"Huh." Sam hums. He stops rubbing and shakes his hand out.
"Okay, what did it say?" Dean asks. "Hey, come on. We had a deal." He says. "Sam." Dean motions for him to continue.
"Hand cramps." Sam defends.
"He's not talking." Dean says. Sam sighs, resuming the belly rub.
"Well, no wonder he smelled like hamburgers and dish soap. We got to go downtown. Apparently our guy works at a restaurant." Dean says. Sam puts the Yorkie in his kennel. "No, thanks. Uh, we'll pass." Dean shuts the door.
"All right." Dean grabs The Colonel's leash from Carly and they start to leave. "Hey, hold up."
"What's the matter?" Sam asks.
Dean gives The Colonel's leash back to Carly and he walks over to one of the kennels. He opens the door, the dog running out. Dean continues to open other kennels, more dogs running out.
Serena frowns at the creatures that are mostly her height or bigger running past her. She whines, tugging on Sam's jeans.
Sam quickly swoops her up, holding her.
"You're okay. They're friendly, they're just excited." Sam assures, scratching her back for a couple moments.
+++
Sam is waiting outside the vegan bakery for Dean to come back out after dropping The Colonel off to Olivia and Dylan. It's nighttime and the kids are in the backseat, all asleep. Miranda is in the middle of the front seat.
"How did it go?" Sam asks as Dean gets out.
"Well, bad news is I'm gonna miss the flea bag. Good news is it looks like the spell is finally wearing off." Dean says. "You okay? The Stetson man got you pretty good."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I-I just, uh... I can't stop thinking about what he said." Sam says.
"Oh, come on, Sammy. Guy was out of his fucking gourd." Dean says.
"Yeah, but, I mean, why-- why would he ask that? Why-- why did he want to know what I was?" Sam asks.
"Who the hell knows? He was all jacked up on juice, you know? He was possessed by-- by something he couldn't control. It was... it was a-a matter of time before it completely took over. You can't reason with crazy, right?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I do. Trust me, Sam. You got nothing to worry about."