For a Good Cause
07.01.19
Binasa ko ang nakapaskil sa bulletin board na qualified sumali sa school paper club.
Tatlo ang galing sa section namin. Ako, si si Ailene . . . at si Harvin. Plus Kiel.
"Congrats."
Napalingon ako sa nagsalita. Si Ailene.
Bumalik ang mga mata ko sa papel.
"Kung pumasa ka, pag-isipan mo ulit kung talagang ayaw mo," naalala kong sinabi ni Kiel.
Ayaw ko pa rin talaga!
I couldn't even believe I passed and several people were qualified. Hindi mataas ang standards nila.
"We will be having your seating arrangement," anunsyo ng adviser namin pagpasok niya matapos ang recess.
I glanced at Kiel who just sat beside me. Galing siya sa likuran.
I watched him, probing. Matagal bago niya ako nabalingan ng tingin, nagtatanong ang mga mata.
I waited for him to ask me about the application result but he just averted his gaze from me and didn't say anything.
"Evangelista," turo sa akin ni Ma'am sa bagong pwesto ko.
Tumayo ako at lumipat doon. Mula sa pwesto ay pumangalumbaba ako. When I caught myself looking at Kiel, I gazed away immediately.
Bumaling na lang ako sa whiteboard. My lips protruded as I wondered what was wrong.
It had been days since I felt his sudden shift of energy. Hindi na niya ako dinadaldal, ni magtanong ng question, wala.
Umayos ako ng upo. And so!? That's better! Hindi na niya ako ginugulo! Makakapagfocus na ako!
"Nakapasa ka?" Bumalik ako sa wisyo nang may magsalita sa tabi ko.
Paglingon ko ay nakita ko si Harvin. Siya pala ulit ang seatmate ko.
Nawala ako sa iniisip. Hindi ako nakapagsalita, hindi agad nagregister na kinakausap niya ako.
"Nakapasa ka sa club?"
I nodded slowly, confused.
Oh, right. Isa rin siya sa mga sumali.
I completely faced him. Ngayon lang nagsisink in sa akin na sumali nga siya. Si Harvin na halos hindi maramdaman sa klase, sumali sa club.
And he is talking to me!
I didn't know how to react. I was surprised, confused and curious.
"Umakto ka na parang dati lang. Walang pansinan," I remembered him saying.
So, I tried to act normal.
Hindi na siya ulit nagsalita. I analyzed his reaction and it seemed like he was hesitant about something.
I shifted from my seat. Is he trying to reach out?
I don't know what to say!
"Sasali ka?" nagtanong ulit siya.
"Hindi," I replied calmly.
"Bakit?" Based on his tone, he wasn't expecting my answer.
I was sure earlier that I won't because it's a waste of time! But saying that to him felt wrong. I wanted to be cautious and I knew reasoning that out would be discouraging for him.
"Ah . . . Hindi ako pinayagan ni mommy," I said instead.
"Bakit? Hindi ba maganda sumali?"
"It would be fun!" agap ko. "You get to interact with different people." I pursed my lips. Hypocrite.
"Bakit hindi ka sasali? Hindi na lang din ako sasali."
My lips parted. "Bakit?"
He shrugged. "Baka pangit."
"It will be good for you."
Hindi siya nagsalita.
"I mean . . . Uh, it's good for everyone."
"Sasali ako kapag sumali ka."
I looked at him, ridiculed, which I immediately covered up.
My head tilted as I thought I saw a subtle smirk on his lips.
"Wala akong makakasama roon. Ikaw lang ang kilala ko kung sakali."
"Nandoon din si Kiel at Ailene."
Umiling siya.
My eyes surveyed him and lingered for a while on his sleeve.
Okay. He changed his look, gained weight, and is trying out something different. It seemed to me that he was trying to live a better life.
And I wanted to help him. Mula pa noong nakita ko ang mga sugat niya. At ngayon, nakipag-usap na siya.
It wasn't the Harvin I knew. I didn't know what it took just for him to reach out like this. This might not have been as easy as he made it look so I couldn't take just pushing him aside.
So, if this would help him . . .
"Okay. I'll join you," I decided.
* * *
August 4, 2023