Bobby and the three hunters break into the Campbell family's old compound. Sam leads them to the trapdoor he knows about and they go down the ladder.
"Welcome to the Campbell family library." Sam says.
"So, Samuel collected all this stuff, huh?" Dean asks.
"Apparently." Sam says.
"Wow. All right, well, what are we looking for?" Dean asks.
"Well, anything that'll put a run in the Octomom's stockings. Pick a row." Bobby says.
~ ~ ~
"Bingo." Bobby says. "Any of you jokers ever heard of anything about a Phoenix?"
"River, Joaquin, or the giant flaming bird?" Dean asks.
"It says here that the ashes of a Phoenix can burn the mother." Bobby says.
"The mother?" Sam asks.
"Great. Where do we get one?" Dean asks.
"You got me. I thought it was a myth." Bobby says.
"All right, great. Well, let's see if we can find something out about a Phoenix." Sam says.
~ ~ ~
"Guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys, check it out." Dean walks over to the table with a book. ""March 5, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. Gun killed a Phoenix today. Left a pile of smoldering ash."" He reads.
"Really? Whose gun?" Sam asks.
"Colt's." Dean informs.
"Colt? Colt like--"
"Like the Colt. From..." Dean holds the book up with a grin. "Samuel Colt's journal."
"What?" Sam grins. "That's his?"
"Yeah." Dean nods.
"Dude, no."
"Dude, yes."
"Well, let me see it." Sam reaches for the book.
"Get your own." Dean says.
"Well, what else did he say about the Phoenix? What does it look like? Has it got feathers?" Bobby asks.
"It just says Phoenix." Dean says.
"Did he say where he tracked it?" Bobby asks.
"No." Dean shakes his head.
"All right, so I guess we got to find one of our own, whatever it is." Sam says.
"I know where we can find one. March 5, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. We'll Star Trek IV this bitch." Dean says.
"I only watched Deep Space Nine." Bobby says.
"It's like I don't even know you guys anymore." Dean says. "Star Trek IV. Save the whales." The other three still give him confused looks. "We hop back in time, we join up with Samuel Colt, we hunt the Phoenix, and then we haul the ashes back home with us."
"Time travel?" Bobby asks.
"Yeah." Dean nods.
"That's a reasonable plan?" Bobby asks.
"We got a guy who can swing it." Dean says. "Castiel. The, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here. Come on, Cas, I Dream of Jeannie your ass down here pronto. Please."
A blonde female angel appears.
"Jeannie?" Dean asks.
"Rachel." She corrects. "I understand you need some assistance? How can I help you?"
"Well, uh, we kind of need to talk to the Big Kahuna." Dean says.
"I'm here on Castiel's behalf." Rachel says.
"Where is he?" Miranda asks.
"Busy." Rachel says.
"Busy?" Dean asks.
"Yes." Rachel nods.
"Well, we've got a line on the mother of fucking everything, so--"
"I'm sure your issue's very important. But Castiel is currently commanding an army, so--"
"So, we get stuck with Miss Moneypenny."
"So, you need to learn your place."
"Look, I don't know who you think you are--"
"I'm his friend."
"What, you think we're not?" Sam asks.
"I think you call him when you need something. We're fighting a war." Rachel says.
"We get that." Sam says.
"Clearly, you don't, or you wouldn't call him every time you stub your toe, you petty, entitled little pie--"
"Rachel." Cas appears. "That's enough."
"I told you I'd take care of this." Rachel says.
"It's all right. You can go." Cas tells her.
"You're staying?" She asks.
"Go. I'll come when I can." Cas says.
Rachel disappears.
"Wow. Friend of yours?" Dean asks.
"Yes. She's, uh, my lieutenant. She's... committed to the cause." Cas says. "What do you need?"
+++
"Where the hell's Dean?" Bobby asks.
"Supply run, he said. I don't know." Sam shrugs.
"Um, about your plan. You'll only have 24 hours." Cas says.
"Wait, what? Why?" Sam asks.
"Well, the answer to your question can best be expressed as a series of partial differential equations." Cas says.
"Yeah, aim lower." Bobby says.
"The further back I send you, the harder it becomes to retrieve you. 24 hours is all I can risk. If I don't pull you home within that time, you'll be lost without me." Cas explains.
"Well, then we better get you a watch." Dean states, walking in with some shopping bags.
"What the hell's all that?" Bobby asks.
"We are going native. Got to blend in." Dean hands Sam one bag and Miranda another.
"Not happening." She states.
"Uh, no, thanks. I'm fine." Sam says.
"Guys." Dean says.
"Dean, I can-- I can wear this." Sam gestures to the clothes he has on.
"And look like a spaceman?" Dean asks.
"Look, just because you're obsessed with all that wild west stuff--"
"No, I'm not."
"You have a fetish."
"Shut up. I like old movies."
"You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line for line." Sam says.
"Even the monkey movies?" Bobby asks.
"Especially the monkey movies." Sam says.
"His name is Clyde." Dean says. "At least wear the damn shirt." He tells Sam. "And you just need to change it all." He tells Miranda.
~ ~ ~
Sam and Dean walk down the stairs. Sam is wearing a white button up shirt that has yellow roses embroidered on the shoulders. Dean has a whole western outfit on, including a cowboy hat and a sarape.
"Dean, this is stupid. I look stupid." Sam says.
"Cute, daddy." Carly says, patting his hand. Wyatt giggles at his dad.
"You going to a hoedown?" Bobby asks Dean.
"Now, is it-- is it customary to wear a blanket?" Cas asks.
"It's a sarape. And, yes. It's, uh... never mind." Dean says. "Miranda, get a move on!"
"I'm gonna kill you!" Miranda screams, stomping down the stairs. Sam's eyebrows raise at the saloon girl outfit, his gaze lingering on her chest for a little too long.
"You are dead." Miranda grips Dean's sarape in her hand, yanking him closer.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey." Sam pulls her away from him. "Hey, kill him later. We got a situation right now."
"I'm in a corset." Miranda shoves him back. "I can't breathe. Whoever the fuck invented these things hated women."
"But they loved men." Dean smirks, staring at her chest.
Sam hits his brother over the head as Miranda kicks him in the crotch.
"Oh!" Dean doubles over.
"Let's all kill each other later, all right?" Bobby intervenes.
"What's that?" Sam asks, looking at the bag that's full of gold watches and chains.
"Where you're going, they don't take plastic." Bobby says.
"I'll send you back to March 4th. That should give you time to find the colt... and this Phoenix creature." Cas says.
"All right, well, see ya at high noon tomorrow." Dean clicks his tongue.
Sam grabs Miranda's hand and Cas touches the brothers' forehead, the three appearing in a western town.
"Oh, now we're talking." Dean says. "All right. Let's go find Samuel Colt." Sam sets the timer on his watch for 24 hours. "Hey, we should try the saloon first, uh, see what we get from the locals."
"Sure." Sam chuckles. "Whatever, Sundance."
"Think we'll have time to hit on saloon girls?" Dean asks. Sam gives him a look while Miranda glares at him.
"I was kidding. Besides, you already got your saloon girl." Dean says. Miranda takes a step towards him. "Come on." He walks off.
Sam takes a step, but stops when he hears a squish. Miranda grimaces when she sees him standing in horse poop.
"Oh, damn it. Come on." Sam groans in disgust, putting his hand on Miranda's shoulder as support.
"You know what that is?" Dean asks.
"Yeah, it's horse sh--"
"Authenticity!"
Dean walks ahead and Sam quietly groans, wiping his foot on the dirt. The couple follow Dean and they walk to the center of town where a crowd is as they are getting ready to hang a man.
"We stand here today -- March 4th, 1861 -- to execute justice upon Elias Finch for the murder of his own wife." The judge announces.
"Wow. Talk about authenticity." Sam says.
"Sentence handed down by myself, Ty Mortimer, duly appointed judge of the Wyoming circuit. You will be hung by your neck until you die." The judge says.
"You got anything to say?" The sheriff asks.
"You're gonna burn for this. Every one of you." Elias says. They pull the lever, the floor beneath Elias opening, and he's hung, the crowd able to hear the crack of his bones.
"Good times. So, where do we find Sammy Colt?" Dean asks.
"No idea." Sam says. "I think I know who to ask, though." He says, pointing out the sheriff and judge walking down the steps from the hanging platform.
"Nice blanket." A man tells Dean sarcastically.
Dean frowns as he takes the sarape off.
~ ~ ~
"Sheriff? Can we have a word?" Dean asks, the three walking into the jail.
"Depends. Who's askin'?" The sheriff asks.
"Marshal Eastwood. Clint Eastwood." Dean says. "This here is, uh, Walker. He's a Texas Ranger. She's his wife."
"We don't talk about stuff in front of non-government folks. Especially the woman folk." The sheriff says.
Miranda rolls her eyes.
"Stupid misogyny." Miranda grumbles under her breath as she walks out.
The brothers eventually walk out and the three make their way to the saloon.
They walk in and find the bartender behind the counter and two saloon girls by a piano.
"This is not awesome." Dean says.
"Hi." Sam greets the bartender.
"What'll you have?" Elkins asks.
"Oh, uh, okay. Great. I'll have your top shelf whiskey." Dean says.
"Only have the one shelf." Elkins says.
"That'll do just fine. And they'll have some sarsaparillas." Dean points to the couple.
"You Elkins?" Sam asks.
"One and only." Elkins says.
"You know a man named Samuel Colt?" Dean asks.
"He passed through here about four years ago." Elkins says.
"He still around?" Sam asks.
"Rumor is he's building a railroad stop 20 miles out of town, just by the postal road. Middle of nowhere." Elkins says.
"The devil's gate?" Sam whispers.
"Location fits." Dean whispers back.
"Howdy, boys." A saloon girl walks up to them.
"Darla's my best girl." Elkins says.
"Try me. You want a kiss?" Darla asks, leaning towards Dean who leans away from her. Sam and Miranda both try to keep their laughter contained.
"S-so much germier than I pictured." Dean says with a disgusted look.
"Darla!" A man calls.
"Judge." She turns to him. "Nice to see you." Darla says.
"I thought we had a date." The judge says. Darla slowly walks up the stairs, winking at Dean, as the judge follows her.
"Wow. That was a close one." Dean says.
"I guess it's good to be judge." Sam says.
"Yeah." Dean takes a drink of whiskey, but immediately spits it out, groaning in disgust. "It's like gasoline."
"Sarsaparilla ain't half bad." Sam smirks at his brother.
They hear a scream from upstairs and rush upstairs. They race into the room Darla and the judge were in, finding Darla in the corner and a skeleton that's half ash on the bed.
~ ~ ~
"You okay, sheriff?" Dean asks.
"Of course I'm okay." He says.
"It was a ghost." Darla insists.
"It wasn't a ghost. Unless ghosts leave footprints." The sheriff motions to the footprints on the floor, leading out of the room.
"I am telling you, Elias Finch was here. He did... that, and then he walked out that door." Darla says.
"Rope didn't kill him. Seen it before." The sheriff says.
"Well, you got an idea where he could be?" Sam asks.
"Could be a thousand places." The sheriff says.
"Well, you got a way to flush him out?" Dean asks.
"Course. We're gonna form a posse. Then we're gonna string Finch up right. Put a bullet in his head for good measure." The sheriff says.
"That actually sounds like a good plan." Dean says.
"You two should come along. Meet downstairs at dawn." The sheriff tells the brothers.
"Yeah, we'll be there." Dean says.
"Get yourselves some real gear first, huh?" The sheriff suggests.
"Well, I think we ought to pay our respects to Finch." Dean says.
"I was thinking the same thing." Sam says.
+++
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam asks as the three walk in the cemetery.
"Rose from the ashes, burned up its victims? You know, maybe we're not looking for a flaming bird. Maybe the Phoenix is actually walking around in cowboy boots." Dean says.
"That makes sense, right? Could be Finch. So, question is, how do we put this thing out?" Sam asks.
"Well, we do know one thing that'll kill fucking anything, right?" Dean says.
"Yeah, the colt."
"So, you go get the gun."
"But isn't the gun coming here? I mean, according to Samuel Colt's journal?"
"Yeah, but people here barely even know who Colt is. Maybe you got to go find him and make history."
"I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Cause you know me... I'm a posse magnet." Dean grins, the couple both rolling their eyes. "I mean, I love posse. Make that into a T-shirt."
"You done?" Sam asks. Dean's smile drops. "Look, the problem is, Colt's 20 miles outside of town. How are we supposed to get there and back before noon?"
They turn when they hear a horse neigh a few yards away.
"Ride 'em, cowboy." Dean says.
~ ~ ~
They bought the horse, the guy who sold it walking away.
"Here, I'll help ya out." Dean tells Miranda.
"Uh, no. No, I'll help her up." Sam says.
"What's wrong with me?" Dean asks.
"You're just gonna try to look up her skirt, Dean." Sam states.
"What?" Dean scoffs. "I would nev--" Sam gives him a look. "Yeah, I would." Miranda and Sam both roll their eyes.
Sam helps Miranda get on the horse before he goes to get on.
"Uh, try the other side." Dean says. Sam nods and goes to the other side while Dean pets the horse's face. "Yeah, good boy."
Sam gets on the horse and he grabs the reigns. Miranda wraps her arms around his waist.
"Hey. This actually feels all right." Sam says.
"All right, take it-- just take it easy." Dean says.
"Yeah, you bet. I'm good." Sam says. "All right, 11:00 AM, right?"
"Don't be late." Dean warns.
"Okay." Sam nods.
"All right. Go on. Go. Hyah!" Dean watches the horse trot off. Sam struggles to balance.
"Shit!" Miranda hisses, her grip on Sam tightening when they both almost fall off. "Dude!"
"I'm okay!" Sam calls out to Dean. "Sorry." He tells Miranda.
+++
Sam and Miranda get to Samuel's house and go in, looking around inside.
"Hello?" Sam asks. They both get splashed with water. "Okay, not a demon! Not demons! Just-- just hunters."
"You're what?" Samuel asks.
"You Samuel Colt?" Sam asks. "My name is Sam Winchester. This is my girlfriend, Miranda Carpenter. We're-- we're hunters from the year 2011."
"Prove it." Samuel says.
"Uh... phone." Sam mumbles.
"Does it look like I have anywhere to put a damn phone?" Miranda questions.
Sam takes his phone out and shows it to Samuel who grabs it.
"All right." Samuel puts the phone on a bookshelf behind the desk.
"A-all right? That's, uh... that's it?" Sam asks.
"Well, when you've done this job as long as I have... a giant and his girl from the future with some magic brick doesn't exactly give you vapors." Samuel says.
"We need your help killing a phoenix." Sam says.
"A Phoenix? They exist?" Samuel asks.
"Well, you shoot one in about three hours." Sam says.
"If you say so." Samuel says.
"I don't. You do." Sam gives him his journal.
"That's..." Samuel looks at his journal he already had. "I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough. So, what is it I'm about to exactly do?"
"Well, the Phoenix is in Sunrise, so, uh, if we leave now, you can--"
"I appreciate your situation, but I'm not gonna be of any help to you. I'm booked."
"Right, but-but you say right here--"
"Don't believe everything that you read."
"But you're a hunter."
"Retired."
"There's no such thing."
"I'm out."
"There is no getting out. Look, for what it's worth, in my time, you're a hero."
"Me?"
"Yes, sir." Sam nods and Samuel laughs. "Now, look, we-we need to kill this Phoenix. Its ashes are the only thing that can kill the monster I'm hunting. So stow your shit for a few hours, and let's go. We got to go now. So, either you're coming with us, or we need the gun."
"What gun?"
"The gun."
"Oh, that gun. I lost it in a game of Stud."
"You're lying."
"Am I? Now, that doesn't sound like me."
"You shot a couple of demons with it less than an hour ago." Miranda says.
"How do you figure?" Samuel asks.
"Two pairs of bootprints. Cabin reeks of sulfur." Miranda says.
"Not bad." Samuel muses. "You don't want it. It's a curse. Believe me."
"Great. Then let me take it off your hands." Sam says.
"You go put on a few more miles and come back, and we'll talk." Samuel says.
"Trust me, I've got plenty of mileage."
"I'm doing you a favor. Believe me."
"So, what? You can really just sit there?"
"I've given my whole life to this. I'm done."
"So, it doesn't matter what happens."
"No, it doesn't."
"So, everything you did, it all means nothing? Give me the gun."
+++
"Dean!" Sam calls.
"Sam, come on, come on!" Dean calls, the two rushing over to him. "Hey, where's Colt?"
"He's not coming." Sam says.
"What?" Dean asks.
"But he sent this." Sam takes the Colt out, giving it to Dean.
"Oh, hello, beautiful." Dean greets. "Come on."
Sam and Miranda stay hidden while Dean walks out to the main road.
"Get out here, Finch!" Dean shouts.
"What are you doing?" Sam calls.
"Come on! Let's do this!" Dean shouts.
"So, this is how you want to die. Fine." Elias says.
Dean and Elias stand opposite of each other, a few yards in between them. When the clock strikes twelve, they pull their guns out and shoot. Dean gets the shot in before Elias, killing him as he bursts into flames, leaving a pile of ashes behind.
"Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker."
"Dean! The ashes!" Sam shouts. The three run towards the ashes. Dean crashes to the ground, but they realize they stopped in Bobby's house.
Miranda sees Bobby and Cas. She looks over, seeing the bottle that Dean had empty -- zero Phoenix ashes.
~ ~ ~
"You gotta send us back." Dean tells Cas.
"Dean, look at him. He's fried." Sam says.
Miranda is sitting on the couch and has Wyatt on her lap and Carly is sitting near her, playing with her dolls.
"Bobby, you--" Dean starts.
"I'm still kicking, Annie Oakley. Be back good as new in... a decade or two." Bobby says.
"And we screwed the pooch. Bobby, I'm sorry." Dean tells him.
There's a knock on the door and Sam goes to answer it. He soon returns with a package and puts it on the desk, opening it. He takes his phone out before taking a note out.
""Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamjig, and I thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt."" Sam reads.
Sam pulls out a bottle that's full of Phoenix ashes.
"Is that what I think it is?" Bobby asks.
"Ashes of a Phoenix." Dean says. "Know what this means?"
"Yeah, I didn't get a soulonoscopy for nothing." Bobby says.
"Yes. And... it means we take the fight to her." Dean says.
+++
They got the kids to bed and Sam cleans up the toys that are around the room so that they don't step on them when they get up. He sticks the stuffed octopus into the corner of Wyatt's crib.
"You know what? I'm never taking breathing for granted again." Miranda says making Sam laugh.
"Feel better?" He asks.
"Much." She states.
"We're, like... we're okay, right?" Sam asks.
"Yeah." Miranda nods. "Unless you did something else."
"No. No, no, I haven't done anything." Sam says.
"Okay. Then, yeah, we're good." Miranda nods. She turns to the dresser, putting some clothes up. When she turns around, she freezes at Sam on one knee and holding a silver ring.
"What are you doing?" She quietly giggles.
"I love you." Sam tells her. "And-- and we've both been through a lot and... I just-- I want to be with you... forever. I never want to lose you again. And-- and not that being married is gonna, like, suddenly keep us completely safe or anything, but I-- I just... I really wanna stay with you forever. So... Miranda, will you marry me?"
Miranda quietly giggles, pulling him to his feet.
"Yes." She says, leaning up to kiss him. Sam smiles into the kiss, his arms wrapping around her waist.
"Mm. How about tomorrow?" Sam asks. "Before this whole hunting the mother thing goes down."
"Okay." Miranda grins. "Don't we, like, need witnesses or something?"
"Uh... think a four year old and one year old work?" Sam asks, glancing back at the kids.
"Mm... not so sure. They'll have no recollection in, like, a year." Miranda says.
"Well, those places usually have somebody there anyway. That'll work." Sam says.
"So no... no Dean or Bobby?" Miranda asks.
"Well, if we had Dean, that'd just raise your blood pressure. And I wanna be the only one raising your blood pressure." Sam smirks, Miranda quietly giggling. "Besides, it'll be nice for it to just be us. Plus if we wanna bring the kids."
Miranda grins and kisses him again.
+++
"And you may now kiss the bride." The officiator says.
Miranda smiles and Sam leans down, cupping her face and kissing her. They both laugh into the kiss when they hear Carly yelling and telling Wyatt to clap.