Chapter Forty-Seven
October 2016, Ivy House
Ivy House was a quiet, lonely place. Charlie had spent four years mostly alone in the home he had built with Sonia without her. He still expected to turn over in bed to see her, find her sitting on the porch watching the rain.
In June their son had graduated from Hogwarts, top of his class – something that would have made Sonia sob with pride. He wished she could have been there when he welcomed Max home, hugged him tightly when he got off the train. They were both quiet people and needed a loud personality to make life more exciting.
Max had been living at home for three months. At first it had been temporary; he needed a place to stay while he did some work with a Herbology unit not far off, in the bogs. It was convenient. Hired right out of school, Charlie was so proud. When Max wasn't in the bogs, up to his waist in possibly dangerous plants, he was with his cousins.
He and Teddy had not spoken since graduation.
"I need to take a little time by myself." Teddy had said on the train, hands in fists. "I just...I'm ready to be okay with myself, Max."
"But..."
"I am okay with myself." He stood straighter. "And I don't feel okay when I'm sneaking around with you. I want to be open."
Max swallowed painfully. "I don't know what to do."
"I'm going to give you a chance, Max." Teddy shoved the words out. He didn't want to say them, he wanted to just kiss Max and keep on hiding. But he was done hiding. "Please. Let's be open together, tell our family – I want to start a life that isn't made of lies. I'm tired, Max."
"I don't understand Teddy."
"For fucks sake Max, I lo –" Teddy sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't do this anymore. I'm done." He walked out. They had not spoken in over three months.
"Max?"
Max stared at his ceiling, waiting for Charlie to call again. He did one better, entering the room with a soft nock.
"Can you come to the kitchen please?" asked Charlie. "I want – um – I need to speak with you."
Max stared a while longer, then went to the kitchen. He sat across from Charlie at the kitchen table oriented for three. Sonia's empty seat between them created a crater of everything left unsaid.
"I wanted to talk to you seriously before you left," Charlie said, referencing Max's hunt for a flat in London. "I just...I know that it has been hard between us since your mother left –"
"Can you say her name?" Max interrupted, staring the wood grain.
"What?"
"You never say Mamma's name. Just 'your mother', it makes her feel less real."
"Oh. I never...I didn't realize, I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "I know that I have not been the best father since Sonia left, and I can't explain to you why. I'm also not going to lie and say I can fix it either." Charlie glanced into the next room, over Max's shoulder; he wanted so desperately to see Sonia walk through the front door, wipe her boots on the matt.
"Okay, Dad."
"I'm sorry that this is what your last few years of childhood have been like, this isn't what we wanted for you." Charlie sighed again. A weight was on his shoulders, a weight of loneliness and of regret. Guilt and sorrow had spun webs between his heart and lungs, fear of losing his son creating dust in the nooks of his body. "Sonia wanted you to have choices and freedom, to know a love without war. She struggled with that a lot."
"I know."
"We were young, Max."
"I know."
"Your mother – um, Sonia, never got the chance to live life the way she wanted and it really...well, it fucked her up."
Max breathed out heavily, eyes flickering from the table to his father and back. Sonia's picture still hung on the fridge, faded.
"I know there's been other things going on with you in the past few years, and I just wanted to say – you can talk to me, Max." Charlie smiled wearily, desperate to connect with the son he felt he was losing much too quickly. "I haven't made that clear or easy, but it is true. Sonia and I wanted to communicate with you like our parents never really did, but I think we just didn't know how, or lost it somewhere along the way."
Max looked at his father, the man he resembled very clearly in many ways but looks. Sure, he had red hair, freckles – but his face was Sonia's. Lean, sallow, a little sickly looking; he was a foot taller than both his parents. His mannerism though, that was Charlie; and like Charlie, he had never talked much.
"I haven't really tried much, either Dad."
"It wasn't your job."
"No, no – I should have attempted to talk to you. Maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now."
"I'm worried about you, Max." admitted Charlie. "You can talk to me, son."
Max clenched his hands, digging his nails into his skin. "Dad..."
"Trust me, Max, please."
A beat of silence. Rain against window pain, the dripping of water from the tap. Max swallowed, licked his lips; he wanted to feel safe in his home again.
"I'm gay."
"Is that all?" asked Charlie, sighing.
"What do you mean?" Max was defensive.
"Oh, your mother and I know that." Charlie was laughing. "This is what's causing you grief?"
"Yes!" he cried. "Don't laugh at me, Dad!"
"I'm sorry," Charlie was gasping for breath. "I was just scared you were – I don't know – not this!"
Max was suspicious. "You seriously knew?"
Charlie got up and hugged Max, still sitting in his chair; it was the only way Max could lean his head on his chest. "We've known for a while. You're in love with Teddy."
"Dad!"
"You are, aren't you?"
"I wouldn't say love –"
"Oh c'mon, Max!" Charlie was laughing again. "I swear our entire family knows."
Max gawked at him. "You're not serious."
"Neither of you are very subtle."
"You – you suck."
"Why don't you tell me about it? I'll make tea."
So Max told Charlie everything. From being fourteen and kissing Teddy in the library, years of snogging in closets and pretending that it didn't hurt when Teddy flirted with girls. Going out with June Massey, his now very good friend. What Teddy had said on the train, what Max had wanted to say. It was then that he decided.
Jumping up, he grabbed his coat. "I gotta go, Dad."
"Where?" Charlie was trying his best not to smile.
"To see Teddy." He marched out the door, but ran back in, already wet from the rain. He hugged Charlie hard. "I love you, Dad."
Charlie swallowed his tears. "I love you, too Maxxie."
"What are you going to say to Teddy?" he called as Max ran past the disapparation point.
Max just smiled. "I think we both know."
A/N: This chapter was a bit rushed, but oh well.
Question: WHATS MAX GONNA SAY?! AHHHHH
Oh my fav Weasley boys...sweeties...
Rose
P.S I am in the middle of culminating and dance show rehearsals. My life is a disaster. So what do I do? I write even though I don't have time.