Daniels pov:
I really don't want to leave Sky in the hospital again, but she has a point. I have to be in the car tomorrow for practice but more importantly quali. There's no way I can get anything out of myself and the car if I don't sleep or eat.
But it tears me up inside to leave her. Yet again my work is more important.
There's no way I can ever come close to making this up to her. I failed her so badly today, I should have been the one taking her to hospital, not Michael. Even though I'll be forever grateful that he was able to go to her and he pretty much saved her.
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for not being there myself. And I don't think she should either.
When I get into the room it smells like cleaning product. Michael mentioned he had the room cleaned. I'm almost afraid to get into the bathroom, but when I turn on the light everything is spotless. I let out a shaky breath, I guess I should be grateful I don't get to see the way it looked here before.
I get to bed and when I see the time I decide to call my parents. It's morning in Perth now so they should be awake.
"Daniel? What is going on? What happened to Skylar. We've been seeing all these posts online and you missed the first practice. What the hell happened?"
My mom has tried to contact me all morning. Well for them it's morning, she is frantic to find out what's going on.
"Mom." I start crying again.
"Daniel please what's wrong. Why are you crying?"
"It's the baby, Skylar had a miscarriage today." She can hear me sobbing from the other side of the world and there's nothing she can do to comfort me right now.
"Oh no sweetheart, I'm so sorry. That's horrible." We are both sobbing on the phone and I hear my dads voice in the background.
"Grace? What's going on?"
"They lost the baby Joe. Skylar had a miscarriage." My mom blows her nose and I try to calm down myself.
"No way! Really? Oh shit. How is she doing?" I hear my dad ask.
"She's hanging in there. But she's devastated and heart broken. She tried to call me when she felt something was wrong, but I was in the press conference so then she called Michael and he found her in the bathroom bleeding and almost passed out."
I swallow to prevent myself from breaking apart again. "He picked her up and took her to the hospital where they rushed her to the OR, she was losing too much blood. I saw Michaels clothes when I got there and it was like a horror movie. He was covered in her blood." I feel like I'm going to be sick.
"Jesus Christ, poor thing. But she is physically ok now?"
"As good as it can be expected I guess. She should be discharged tomorrow morning. So I'll pick her up and take her to the hotel. She pretty much forced me to go to the hotel just now, so I could get some sleep. But I don't know if I'll be able to sleep without her. I mean ever since she came with me to Monaco we haven't slept apart." I look at the empty space besides me and I already miss her like crazy.
"It's just one night son, she is right though. You need to sleep. Because when she gets out of hospital she will need you." My mom sounds so sure of herself, but I'm not.
"I let her down today mom, I wasn't there for her."
"What are you talking about, you were doing your job. She knows that and she understands, she's a smart girl and I don't think she feels that way at all. Don't be so hard on yourself."
"Yeah well I should try to sleep I guess. I'll talk to you guys later." We end the call and I lie down on the pillow. It takes a while before I finally fall into a restless sleep filled with nightmares.
I wake up way too early, but I get out off bed
anyways. I take a shower and then go downstairs for some breakfast. I'm not really hungry, my stomach feels like it's turned upside down, but I still manage to eat some porridge.
I check my phone, there are plenty of messages, but I don't feel like replying to any of them. I do see that Max texted me how sorry he is about what happened. I guess Kelly told him yesterday and also Charles has sent me something similar.
I want to text Skylar to see if she is awake yet, but if she's not I don't want to wake her up either. I decide to just head to the hospital to see for myself and hopefully I can take her with me.
In the hospital I carefully open the door and peek inside. She is sitting up and when she sees me she smiles, but her eyes aren't joining in.
"Hi handsome, did you manage to get some sleep?" I nod walking in and I see a tray of food besides on the nightstand. She hardly ate any of it.
"I slept, sort of. And you?" I sit down on the chair besides the bed.
"I slept a bit, after you left I called Bri and Jen, so they heard it from me and not over social media. Your mom also tried to call me, but I wasn't sure what time it is there now, so I will call her later." She combs her fingers through her hair to untangle it a bit, I totally forgot her brush.
I did bring some clean clothes she can wear. Just some sweatpants of mine, because I couldn't find hers and a nice warm hoodie as it's a chilly and wet day today.
"I'm sorry baby I forgot your brush. I did bring clothes, but I couldn't find your sweatpants."
She shivers, "I was wearing them yesterday when I came here. So they might have thrown it away or something."
"I brought a pair of mine, they might be too big, but maybe that's a bit more comfortable now. How are you feeling?" She has a bit more color on her cheeks and I suddenly notice her IV is no longer attached. "Hey they took out your IV?"
She nods, "yeah about an hour ago, they should bring the discharge papers soon so I can go. I'll put some clothes on now and I'll brush my hair in the hotelroom later. It doesn't matter."
I hand her over the bag I brought and she gets up out of bed. I want to help her, but she seems to be able to do it herself. She doesn't really need me I guess. I don't think I've ever felt more useless in my life.
She gets changed and when she comes out she looks so fragile in my clothes, but also so strong at the same time.
I think she's a lot stronger than me right now.
We hear a knock on the door and then the doctor comes in. "Good morning both of you, ready to go Miss Hayes?"
"I am, very ready." She responds, I can tell she can't wait to get out of here. "So are any test results back yet?" She looks at the doctor with her beautiful eyes and he nods.
"We know a bit more. First of all and most importantly, the foetus showed some abnormalities and there were lots of signs that tell us that it would have never survived the pregnancy or birth."
Skylar sits down on the bed, she looks like someone punched her in the guts.
"But how? Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with me that caused this?"
The doctor shakes his head," No definitely not, we don't think it's anything genetic, just terrible bad luck. But we need to wait for the other results, I expect them today or tomorrow. As soon as I know anything I will call you."
He offers her the papers so she can sign them and I can take her with me.
"Take it easy for now, if you start to bleed more or you experience a lot of pain, don't hesitate and come back. Once the bleeding has stopped completely you should be able to do anything also being intimate.
You might not be thinking about it now, but I expect that this shouldn't be an extra concern for a possible next pregnancy."
We look at each other and I know we are both not thinking about that at all right now.
"Take care of each other and you'll hear from me soon." We both shake the doctors hand and we are free to go.
"Let's get you to the hotel, you haven't eaten anything yet have you?" I ask her and she shakes her head.
"No, my body still thinks I'm pregnant, so I still have the morning sickness. Maybe Michael can make one of those smoothies for me again."
I didn't realize that she would still have the pregnancy symptoms, but now I think about it of course the hormones are still in her blood.
"Oh god I'm sorry. I didn't realize that. I'm sure Michael will be happy to make that for you."
Once we get outside there are quite some people standing at the parking lot. I see some journalists, who try to come over to us, but I parked the car almost in front of the hospital door so I rush to open the car door for her and help her get in. I jump in on the other side and quickly drive away.
"They won't leave us alone, I really think we should either talk to one or post something online ourselves. I'd rather not talk to anybody, because I really don't want to answer any questions. But I don't know about you."
She looks at me and I nod.
"Sure, whatever you want to do."
"Really? I mean if you have a different idea, just tell me."
"No it's ok, I think it's the best option." I still don't really want it to be out there, but I also know I have to accept the fact that yesterday wasn't a nightmare, but real life.
"Ok, I'll do that when I'm back at the hotel. Is there anything you want to be in there?"
I nod, "yeah, how blessed we were the last weeks. And how welcome he or she was." Shit I start to tear up again. Why can't I just be strong for her.
She puts her hand on my arm, "I'll make sure everyone will know that."
We get to the hotel and make our way inside. In the lobby most of the drivers have come together to welcome Skylar back. She is so loved by all of them it's really heart warming.
I haven't told anybody about it yet, but I know Max and Charles heard from Kelly and Charlotte.
When I approach them I ask them if they told anybody, but they shake their heads. "Nobody knows, we haven't told anyone."
I walk back to Skylar, "they are all here to support you, but only Max and Charles know. What do you want to do, tell them?"
She lets out a shaky breath, "yeah let's tell them. They have always been so nice and supportive. I would feel bad to let them read it online."
"Ehm guys, first of all, I want to thank you for showing so much support to Skylar and me as well. We do have something to tell you and I know everyone has been very concerned about her. Skylar do you want to tell or should I?"
She stands besides me, "it's ok I'll do it. So ehm we haven't told many people this, but a few weeks ago we found out I was pregnant. It was a shock, but also a miracle. Unfortunately our miracle ended yesterday, I had a miscarriage and ehm that's why I was in hospital." I can't believe how brave she is, I wipe away a tear that escaped her eye.
Lewis comes up to her and wraps his arms around her. He was the only one of the drivers she actually told the news. "I'm so sorry Sky, I know how much you struggled with the fear of something like this happened and I was praying that you would be proven wrong."
She clings on to him for dear life as she breaks into dozens of small pieces.
They share a special bond as friends, but I feel he would never have failed her as I did.
I walk over to Michael who is also here and ask him if he could make her one of his smoothies.
"Absolutely I'll get to that right away, I'll bring it to your room when it's done."
Lewis and Skylar are still talking, but I go to them anyways.
"Do you want to stay here or should I bring you up to our room? Michael is making you his smoothie by the way."
"I think I should go to the room. Will you thank everyone for being here for us later?" I nod and she hugs Lewis before we head upstairs.
"I was thinking, do you want to change rooms? I don't know if this one might feel right anymore." I ask her before opening the door.
She shakes her head, "no it's fine, it's just a room. Besides it's only for one or two nights right?"
I let us in and before I can close the door I see Michael in the hallway with the smoothie he made for Skylar.
"Thank you so much Michael. Let's hope this works just as well as before." She smiles sadly and makes her way inside.
"I'll pick you up in an hour ok Dan?"
I nod and he leaves to get ready.
Inside I see Skylar standing in front of the window taking sips of her drink and she seems miles away.
"I want to go home after the race, do you think we can?" She asks me and I don't really know what she means.
"To the UK?"
She turns around to look at me. "Monaco is our home. I know we were supposed to go to the UK right away, but I really want to go home first. I don't want people looking at me like I must be handled like I'm broken. And in the UK they will do just that. But if you have work to do then we can go."
I shake my head, "I'll take care of it. We can go home if you want. We'll go to the UK later it's fine. Do you want to leave tomorrow or Monday?"
"Tomorrow if we can. But you know Monday is also fine." I can see she has one hand on her belly as if she is protecting something that isn't there anymore and I can hardly look at her.
"Even though I felt so sick and it ended in this heartbreak. I wouldn't change it for anything. I really loved being pregnant, knowing a part of you and me was inside me growing. I'm so sorry that I let you down Daniel."
I swallow the lump that is forming in my throat.
"You didn't let me down. It's not your fault."
She nods, "deep down I know that. And hearing the doctor tell us that our bean would have never made it, gives me some comfort. I'm still heart broken and I'm sure we both will be for some time. But we are going to make it through right?"
I clear my throat and nod. "I should be getting ready. You take it easy ok. I'll see you when I get back."
I give her a light kiss, grab my stuff and make my way out.
She's probably wondering why I took of in a hurry, but the guilt is eating me up inside and especially seeing her being so strong it just makes me feel more like a failure and a disappointment.
I go to Michaels room to pick him up and he is surprised to see me. "I thought you would want to stay with Skylar until we had to go, what are you doing here?"
I shrug, "she's handling this a lot better than I am. I'm no use for her."
"Mate, then let her be there for you. You need each other. There will be days she is stronger than you and the other way around. It's no shame to lean on her as well. You both suffered a loss."
"I've already failed her once yesterday. I'm not going to be weak and feeling sorry for myself while she is the one who suffered." I snap at him.
"Fuck Daniel, you have to let that go. You didn't fail her, she won't see it like that. You're the only one who does and that's just stupid." He looks like he wants to punch me in the face to get my head straight again. But instead he just gets his things and we head out to the track.