When I wake up I realize Daniel isn't here anymore. Michael is sitting next to my bed with his hand on my arm.
"Where is Daniel?" I ask and my voice sounds like it's not mine.
"The team needed him to do FP2. He missed the first practice, but they couldn't let him skip the second one as well. He didn't want to go, but we made him." Michael answers and he picks up a cup of water and puts the straw between my lips so I can drink something.
"I'm so sorry for your loss Sky. I wish there was something I could do." I can tell he has been crying.
"You were there for me when I needed somebody. If it wasn't for you I might still be on that floor bleeding out. So thank you for getting me here." I try to console him, but I don't know if my words help much.
"Are you in pain, can I get you anything?" He asks me.
"I'm not in pain right now, it's just a bit sore." I look at the IV bag and besides fluids I see a bag of painkillers on it, so that's covered.
"Had anybody spoken to a doctor yet, do they know what went wrong? Why did I lose our baby?" I start to cry again and Michael sits on the bed besides me.
"All I know is they had to take you to the OR because you were bleeding heavily. They had to remove all the tissue and they've send it to the lab for some tests. So they don't know if there's a reason for what happened or that it was just bad luck. They did say it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, so everything else looked good." He explains while stroking my hair consoling me.
"It's all my fault, my body should have kept our baby safe and I failed. I broke Daniels heart, he was so happy and all I could think of was, what if things go wrong. Well here you have it, it couldn't have ended more wrong than this." The guilt and grief tears me up inside.
"It's nobody's fault. These things happen very often. There's nothing anybody could have done to prevent it. Stop blaming yourself." He tries to make me change my mind, but all I can think of is how badly I have failed Daniel.
The door opens and there a doctor coming in. I vaguely remember him from when I came in.
"Miss Hayes, I'm glad you are awake and I'm very sorry for your loss. How are you feeling?"
"I'm not in any pain right now. Can you tell my why I lost my baby? What did I do wrong?" I ask him, the tears still pouring over my face.
"There's nothing you've done wrong. We haven't gotten the test results back, they should be here in a couple of days. But I promise you, it's not something you've done." He checks the IV bags and then asks me if he can examine me for a second.
I nod and he removes the covers.
"Do you want me to leave?" Michael asks me and I shake my head.
When the doctor puts pressure on my belly I clench my jaw, because that is very sensitive.
"We were able to remove all the tissue and stop the bleeding. You will be bleeding a bit for some time. Could be days or maybe longer, but that's normal. It will be more like a period, but that's because your uterus has to heal." He explains while he checks in between my legs to see how much blood I've lost after surgery.
"You will need to take it easy for a bit. But if it stays like this you can be discharged tomorrow. We just want to monitor you over night." He covers me back up, "so far everything looks normal. You'll need to heal now, physically, but also mentally. If you need to talk to somebody let us know."
I shake my head, "no thanks I just want to go home."
"Tomorrow, if everything stays like this. Just rest for now." He shakes my hand and then leaves the room.
"See he told you the same thing. It's not your fault. Please stop blaming yourself." Michael begs me.
"I can't. I've hurt Daniel and this will effect his weekend. Wait what time is it?" I ask him.
"It's almost 5, he should be getting in the car now. Why? You want to watch?" He asks me
"Yeah I have to see he doesn't do anything reckless. Where's my phone?" I look around to find my phone, but Michael hands it over to me. "I got it for you when I quickly got changed at the hotel. I asked the hotel manager if they could clean the bathroom for you and Daniel. You don't need to see how it looked like in there."
I close my eyes for a second pushing back the tears that try to find their way out.
"Thanks. I'm so sorry you had to see that. Are you ok?" I feel horrible for him, but he has definitely saved me.
"I will be, as long as you are. I thought we were going to lose you. I've never seen so much blood." He swallows hard and it breaks my heart.
"I didn't know who else to call when Daniel couldn't answer the phone." I squeeze his hand.
"I'm glad you called me. It's ok."
When I unlock my phone it has absolutely blown up. There are texts from Kelly, Charlotte, Bri and Jen and my brother, but also Lewis, Max, Lando and Pierre texted me.
I decide to text Kelly and Charlotte to let them know where I am and if they want they can come over.
The boys are probably in their cars now, so I'll text them later. Or maybe Daniel has filled them in already.
I reply to Bri and Jen and my brother that I will call them later. I don't want to tell them over text, but I don't feel like calling them right now.
Instagram has also exploded with notifications. I've been tagged in numerous posts and my inbox is also filled up.
I'm not even going to read those, but I quickly scroll through the posts. Apparently there were some journalists standing outside of the hospital when Daniel and Blake left, they didn't say much, just that I had an emergency.
Now everybody is guessing what it was, but I really don't feel the need to explain anything just yet.
I do see loads of people that have commented that they hope I'm alright, so that's nice.
Practice will start in a couple of minutes, but I really need to get a message to Daniel. So I call Blake and he answers really quick.
"Sky? Are you awake?"
"I am, listen is Daniel in the car yet?" I don't waste any time.
"He is but he doesn't have his helmet on yet." I hear him say and I let out a sigh.
"Can I talk to him real quick?"
"I'll try, hang on." I hear some muffled voices and Blake saying he really needs to get to Daniel.
"Blake? Is Sky ok, what's going on?" I hear Daniels voice.
"Relax Dan, she's on the phone and wants to talk to you quickly." Blake responds with a calm voice.
"Baby?" I hear Daniels voice in my ear.
"Daniel, I'm so glad to hear you. Please be careful out there. Don't do anything stupid. I love you." My eyes are burning with tears, but I don't let them flow now.
"I'm so sorry Sky. I should be there with you." I can hear his voice break.
"No, you have a job to do. I just want you to be careful. I'll be here when you are done, I just want you here in one piece. Keep it on the black stuff. I need to know you'll be safe. Promise me you'll be careful." I practically beg him.
"I will, I promise. I love you so much and I'm so sorry."
"Daniel helmet on, you have to go out." I hear a voice call out to him.
"Go babe, I'll be watching." I tell him and I hear him clear his throat. I know he's trying so hard not to break down right now.
"I'll be there as soon as I can. Love you." He hands the phone back to Blake and I thank Blake before ending the call.
Michael has his phone already on the F1 app so we can watch.
"Well Crofty it has been a crazy afternoon already. Everybody is focused on Daniel after missing FP1 due to some emergency. Do we know more about that yet?" I hear the commentator.
"Not really, all we know is he rushed to the hospital where apparently his girlfriend is right now. We don't know what happened, but when he came back he seemed absolutely gutted." Crofty responds.
"I did read that they told media she had an emergency and is ok at the moment, but what the emergency was is still a mystery. Let's just hope she will be fine and it doesn't affect Daniels driving too much. Ted, you're in the pit lane right now. Did you get a chance to talk to Daniel yet?"
Ted responds, "no he hasn't spoken to anybody except for his team. He looks like he doesn't want to be here at all, but I guess we can't blame him for that. I did see him talking on the phone just before he put his helmet on and I've never seen him look more devastated in his career. So I'm guessing it's pretty bad. But until he or somebody else tells us anything it will be a guessing game."
"Well I guess we'll have to wait and see, but let's hope we can see his girlfriend Skylar back in the paddock real soon. She has been sick lately, but she still came with him to support him. She seems to be well accepted by the other drivers and the teams as well. If she's watching, Skylar get well soon. Now let's see how the drivers get through this practice session."
I see Daniel going out on the track and I feel incredibly proud that he's out there. I know he wants to be here and I want him here as well. I've never needed his embrace more, but I also know this is also his life and his team needs him.
I look for a button to put the bed up a bit more so I can sit up straight.
Michael sees me looking and he takes a remote of the side of the bed so I can put it in the right position.
Halfway during the session a nurse comes in and asks me if I would like something to eat. I'm not even slightly hungry so I shake my head.
"You have to eat Sky, even if it's just a little bit." Michael tells me and I sigh.
"It just feels like there's a massive rock in my stomach. Thinking about eating just makes me feel sick."
"Ok maybe when Daniel is here you can both eat something, because I doubt he will think about that himself." I'm sure he's right.
"Make sure he eats ok, I don't know if I can convince him, but you have to make sure he does." I beg Michael.
"I will. For the both of you."
There's a knock on the door and Michael goes to open it.
Kelly and Charlotte come in looking incredibly worried.
"Oh my god Sky, what happened?" Kelly is at my bedside in two big steps and seeing them and the way they look at me, makes that I can't hold back the tears anymore and I break down.
They both rush over and sit on a side of the bed.
"I'm gonna grab some coffee. Anybody else wants something?" I hear Michael with a cracking voice.
"We're good." Charlotte answers and I feel a hand on my arm and from the other side somebody pulls me against her.
Both of them just hold me and try to comfort me.
"Oh sweetheart, is it the baby?" Kelly asks and I see tears in her eyes.
I nod and she puts one hand in front of her mouth in shock.
"Baby? Oh dear god you are pregnant?" Charlotte didn't know yet.
"I'm not anymore. I lost our baby." Tears keep pouring out of my eyes.
"Oh you poor soul. I'm so sorry." Kelly gets the cup of water and some tissues when I finally am able to calm down a bit she hands them to me and I dry my eyes even though tears keep running over my cheeks so it doesn't really do much.
"This definitely explains why Daniel stormed off suddenly earlier today." Charlotte states.
"Yeah I tried to call him when I felt something was wrong, but he was in the press conference so I called Michael and he took me here." I explain.
"I let Daniel down so badly. I couldn't even protect our baby." I shake my head and the grief burns in my heart.
"Oh no no, don't you dare talk like that. It's not your fault. And Daniel would never blame you. So please get that idea out of your head." Charlotte protests.
They stay with me until the door opens suddenly and I see Daniels face peeking in.
As soon as I see him I fall to pieces again and I don't even notice the girls leave. They leave Daniel and me to grieve our loss together. He joins me on the bed again and holds me while we both cry until we can't anymore.
My entire body aches and I cling to him as if I'm drowning and he's my life line.
I think I must have fallen asleep again, but when I wake up I see Daniel in a chair next to the bed sleeping.
It's dark, but I feel I really have to go to the toilet so I carefully put my legs over the edge of the bed. I'm a bit dizzy, so I take my time. As quiet as I can be I make my way to the bathroom with the IV stand as a bit of support.
There are pads in the bathroom and I feel a sharp pain in my heart. When I'm on the toilet I change the pad and I try not to cry. Afterwards I look in the mirror and see how pale I am, I lift up the shirt they put on me and put my hand on my belly. Just a couple of hours ago our little bean was there and now I just feel empty.
I sigh and go back to bed, Daniel woke up and watches me walk in.
"You should have woken me up, what if you fell or something?" He says with a sleepy voice.
"I'm alright, I have been lying down enough today, why aren't you in the hotel sleeping in a bed. You have a busy day tomorrow." I walk over to him and he carefully pulls me on his lap.
I clench my jaw, feeling cramps, but they go away quite fast.
"I didn't want to leave you again. I thought I lost you when Michael called me and then coming here seeing him covered in your blood. I really thought I would never see you again." I can't imagine how terrified he must have been.
"But you haven't lost me and I'm not going anywhere." I lay my head on his shoulder with my nose in his neck just breathing in his essence.
"And I will be allowed to go home tomorrow. So you should go to the hotel. Sleep and eat a proper breakfast tomorrow and then you can come pick me up before you have to go to the track."
His head turns to me, "you're not coming to the circuit tomorrow when you're discharged. I'll take you to the hotel so you can rest."
I know better than to protest now, also he is right. I should take it easy tomorrow. I won't tell him that I plan to be at the race Sunday. He's going to lock me up somewhere if he knew that.
"We might have to think about what we are going to put out to the media. There's so much speculation, I even read somewhere I'm terminally ill and dying. If we put it out then at least we only have to tell it once. I don't think I can handle it if I have to tell it over and over again." There's a massive lump in my throat again, but I try to swallow to get rid of it.
"I know, it's just when we tell the world, that means it's real. And I don't think I'm ready for it to be real yet." There's a tear rolling down his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb.
"Me neither Daniel, I wish none of this happened. But we can't go back and we can't change the facts that it did happen. And that I wasn't able to keep our baby safe."
"Please don't say that, it breaks my heart hearing you speak like that."
I give him a kiss and then get up off his lap. "Please go to the hotel and sleep. I'll try to get some rest as well, but you have to be rested for tomorrow. Just pick me up after breakfast. I'll make sure I'll be ready then." I pull him on his feet, because he's not moving. "Please, do this for me."
He holds me against his chest and sighs. "Ok fine, but you have to rest as well. I love you."
I nod, "I love you too, now go, I'll see you in the morning."
He leaves dragging his feet and I decide to call Bri and Jenna. I'm sure they won't mind me waking them up.