"Psst...I heard from Garam that she's sick. She has a different heart!"
"My brother said the other day that she is haunted. Ghosts want her heart, that's why it grows weaker day by day."
"Is she listening to us? Can she even speak?"
"I don't wanna play with her. She scares me."
"Don't hold her hand! Your heart will stop if you do."
Ever since Yoon Min was a kid, she's been hearing all these stuff. The day she came to the orphanage, she felt like the only kid who didn't belong. As the others were rude and ignorant towards her. They considered her a disease, a monster, a plague. The fact she had a weak heart seemed funny and they made fun of her, mocked her, didn't let her play with them. Not even once did they think that this little girl could feel sad and alone and scared.
Abandoned...she was abandoned from the beginning of her life. Her parents left her, her friends left her. She was left alone by everyone in the world, unsafe and unprotected. That's when she realized, even though no one was by her side, she was. She was there for herself, she could be friends with herself and make a world of her own. So she started being kind, sweet towards herself and made friends with books, grasses, trees, stars, moon, everything that gave her a shelter.
As she grew up and became more mature than before, she taught herself to be away from people who didn't want her around. She taught herself to be good and kind to others, have courage and forgive. But even after learning to be a good person, she didn't encounter with good people at all.
Their male caretaker had created an unfamiliar fear inside her chest. That men are bad, they are evil and selfish. An elderly woman abused her for a long time, hitting and cussing uglily whenever she wanted. She spent 18 years bearing these nightmares and surviving for a better future.
After everything happened to her, she finally met a good person and it was a man. He wasn't bad or evil or selfish. He was sweet, nice, protective and caring. He was the first person who didn't hesitate to save her and took care of her. And for the first time of her life, she fell in love so deeply, so hard, so madly with him. She knew she shouldn't crave for someone she couldn't have. But how was it possible not to want him?
Seokjin was her guardian who won her heart by doing the simplest things and became the reason behind the rapid poundings of her heart. He was the light of her eyes. Because he selflessly loved her the same way she did.
So it was extremely difficult and hard for her to walk away from him that day. The day she discovered he broke the bridge of their happy marriage. Since that day, she didn't know pain could be this painful. She was so confused and lost and she felt like she was drowning in helplessness in this complicated world. She didn't want to live with the fact her husband touched another woman in a way he shouldn't. She hid from him, took sleeping pills and slept for days. She didn't want to wake up.
She knew when she opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital, it was Seokjin who brought her. She knew he's been trying to open her door and talk to her. But she couldn't let him meet her. She was afraid she might say something horrible to him.
She knew he's been following her like a dog's tail wherever she went. She knew he assigned people to check on her every hour and make sure she was fine. She knew he watched her from faraway and satisfied his mind. The texts, the calls were endless, as if he wanted nothing but her to come back home. He wanted to take care of her, explain and ask for forgiveness.
Was it easy to forgive him? Wasn't it one of the main reasons a marriage breaks apart?
Yoon Min was confident he was guilty as heck, he was dancing in the storm alone. She could feel his heart destroyed when she left him in the rain like a selfish person. But what was she supposed to do? Be kind and forgive him, like she taught herself to do all her life?
Would that fix everything? Would that change the fact he forgot his wife, shattered their mutual trust and chose his desires? Would that take the uncontrollable pain away from their hearts?
Waking up with a headache wasn't exactly pleasing. And the need to vomit was another thing.
Squeezing her eyes and letting out a long, exhaustive exhale, Yoon Min fluttered her eyes open. It was familiar. The morning, the bedroom, the bedsheets, the ceiling, almost everything. Especially the feeling of being cuddled in the most warming embrace.
She realized Seokjin was peacefully sleeping on his side, resting his head against her chest and wrapping an arm around waist loosely. It wasn't anything new, he used to fall asleep faster if he slept closer to her body and she caressed his hair. Those memories were still fresh and beautiful.
Remaining stiff as she assessed everything around her, she tried to remember what happened last night. After a minute or two, she remembered she drunk bottles of soju all night and made her way in the storm just to get to this house. She had no idea why she did that. She didn't remember what happened after, but if she was here, then he would definitely not let her go anymore.
But she had to go. She knew she had to leave right now. She couldn't stay here, not on this bed; the same bed he had sex with someone else. It disgusted her and gave her whole body chills.
However, taking a soft glance at his face, her heart melted the way his cheeks were stained and lips wearing a tiny pout. He was in heavy sleep, she could feel his breaths on her skin. And somehow, her fingers craved to play with his hair, to wrap around him tightly and kiss him. She wanted to do that, for a little while, just one minute. Just one minute she wanted to be his wife again.
Then she remembered what he did and immediately flinched. The pain in her head began to worsen every minute. What was she thinking?
She took several minutes to slide out from under him. She didn't want to wake him up and let him stop her. She wanted to run away from him as fast as she could. She didn't move too much in case the bed creaked and made noise. She slowly rolled away and landed her feet on the floor. She turned behind and saw him still sleeping.
Sighing in relief, she tried to think what she should do now. Leave him? Or wait till he woke up and talk? While finding the answer, she noticed her clothes were changed and it for a slight second made her feel guilty. God, she was punishing him too much.
An unexpected tear rolled down her eye as she wiped that quickly and stood on her feet. Her head was dizzy, her eyes were blurry, her stomach acted funny. She shouldn't stay here long.
Yoon Min didn't waste another minute before slowing making her way towards the door to run away from here. Her eyes stopped on a certain portrait and her heart stopped for a moment. The photo of their wedding. How happy and excited they looked for their new beginning! Did they know a tragedy will be fallen on them?
She pulled herself together and forced herself to open the door. No, she couldn't him a chance. He didn't deserve it. He ruined their relationship and didn't think of her. It can't be so easy to be forgiven after committing that serious sin. No matter how he emotionally attacked her, she should block him strongly.
As she touched the door knob, twisted it and opened the door slightly, she took a soft breath and opened it fully. She was about to take another step forward, that's when her back froze along with her feet.
"Yoon Min?"
She closed her eyes in regret. He must've woke up.
Seokjin couldn't sleep the entire night away from her. He thought he should give her space, privacy but he just couldn't pull himself away from her. So he crawled onto the bed beside her and laid still several times. He felt at so ease when he stared at her face. He didn't know when he dozed off and moved closer to her body.
When he woke up to the feeling of a great fear and emptiness, he saw her leaving quietly like a mouse. So he called her name to stop her.
Yoon Min didn't know what she should do. If she turned back, she might melt down seeing his innocent, sad face. If she walked away, she might cry for the rest of the day.
She heard him tell her,
"Please...don't go."
When he begged her, she didn't feel like she shouldn't go. She felt like she really should go.
Sometimes walking away is for your own good, for you to understand and acknowledge your self worth.
So she didn't give an answer or even look at him. She just walked out of their bedroom, not knowing where this fight will go.