I swim to the ledge. Thankfully, the dome has been left open for me and I wonder if Seren did it or if someone else had. When my feet touch the floor, the dome starts to close, but I continue my path to the door. I know I have to wait till the water is completely drained to open it or else water will pour into the stairs. Finally, when everything is settled, I twist the knob but almost fall inside when the door is ripped from my hand.
Scorpius catches me before I hit the floor, my head falling against his pounding chest. His heartbeat is erratic against my ear. Wrapping his arms around me, he lifts me and runs up the stairs with me until we're back in our home. Kicking the door shut with such a loud slam that it makes me flinch, I close my eyes against him waiting for him to start yelling. But the yelling never starts, even when he sits down with me still in his arms on the glittering couch.
We stay like that for a moment, me in his arms and his chest frantically moving up and down against my face. His skin is scorching and I know it's out of fear. How long has he been awake since I left? I hope it wasn't as soon as I walked out of the room because I already couldn't handle the guilt I felt.
"You promised," he finally says, his voice more broken than I was anticipating. Normally it would tug at my heart, but I feel too numb.
"I'm sorry."
He embraces me a little tighter against him, dipping his head to my forehead and brushing his lips along my skin. The feeling doesn't quite stir something inside me and it feels faint. It's like this love is trying to battle with the sorrow buried within me, and sadly it's losing.
Scorpius moves me into a sitting position on his lap. I can't make myself look at him so I keep my eyes on his leg. He places his hand on my waist to support me from falling back, but the way my shoulders are slumped over, I doubt that'd be possible. My body is basically caving in on itself.
With his other hand, he lifts my chin up to look at him. I give in, noticing the intensity burning behind his eyes and the pained expression he's wearing. It feeds the disappointment I already have brewing in myself. Another person to hurt and all without barely lifting a finger. When were things supposed to get easier?
"You've been crying," he observes, running the back of his hand along my swollen eyes. I try to move my face away but he grabs my chin, gently forcing me to look back at him. "Tell me nothing happened to you before I go out there and rip out the spine of whoever made you cry."
"I did it to myself." Which isn't really a lie. If I hadn't gone out to see the tree house's in the first place, I never would've seen Seren and that whole conversation wouldn't have happened. "Can I ask you something?" I sniffle.
"Just ask me. You don't always have to ask if you can ask me a question."
I nod. "What does the protective bond feel like for you?"
He leans deeper into the couch, pulling me closer to him and resting my shoulder against his arms. I sink into him when his thumb rubs circles on my waist, the comfort of it penetrating my sadness a little.
"It's like when you've been warm the entire time and suddenly you're freezing. And you know the only way to light the fire inside you again is to hold them close. Like they're your personal sun. Like a piece of you is out there and you'd give anything to put that missing piece back. I knew the moment you left because I couldn't sit still. I told you before that being around you makes me comfortable. But when you left there was this ringing sound in my ears that just wouldn't shut up. I heard it before when we were back on Ocura. That's why I was searching for you everywhere.
I can't focus with that ringing. And the only thing that quiets it down completely is you. Your scent. Your skin. Even hearing your breath in the same room brings the ringing to a complete halt. I honestly don't know how I'll manage without you around because the sound is insufferable, almost enough to drive someone completely insane."
"So, you just need me to quiet down the sound?" I ask. He chuckles.
"If only it were that simple. It's hard to explain, but it's like my body needs to keep you safe. I can't think about anything else other than having you near and making sure you're okay. Sounds a little insane, I know."
I shake my head. "Everything about this tie is insane. This only adds to the craziness, don't you think?"
He finally looks down at my hand, picking it up to exam the damage. My knuckles have somewhat stopped bleeding, but the contrast of the redness against my blue skin is very noticeable. It almost looks worse than it is.
I'm afraid he's going to question me about it and I won't know what to say. Should I tell him the truth? I was becoming so sick of all the lying, trying to deem what I should and shouldn't tell people or how much they could handle. Even watching him rub his thumb over the wound on my hand made me exhausted.
Instead, he places my hand on his leg, covering my knuckles with his palm and staring into my eyes.
"You're making it difficult for me to protect you. But I guess I should've known that from the moment I saw you covered in blood with a knife in your tail." He shakes his head. "Did you find anything in those houses?"
"Nothing significantly different from the first one. Same mess. Same rushed look. I feel like there's something we're missing," I reply.
"Next time let me come with you."
I glare into his eyes. "I can protect myself."
The corner of his lips turn up. "I don't doubt that for a second, but it'll put my mind at ease to be with you. Plus, it's better that another set of eyes help search the place."
I had to admit, he was right. Though, looking back, I wasn't the only pair of eyes in that place. I just couldn't mention that to him. It was weird how looking in his eyes now, feeling his hands on my body trying to comfort both of us, I wanted to tell him what happened. I wanted to let him know how broken I felt inside and, oddly enough, I wanted him to put me back together.
Was it wrong of me to want to feel love this way? That if Scorpius was the only one left I could count on to fix me, I would let him? The feeling of numbness was too much. I didn't know how I would be able to live here on Xoven knowing Seren and Estella were doing the same.
"You're thinking too much again," Scorpius says, poking my brow muscles so they separate. I relax my face the best I can.
"Can we just go to sleep? I feel exhausted."
"Whatever you want, love."
Love.
Was that what I was to him now? The image of love in the form of flesh and blood? A warm heart beating for him to keep it that way, and him keeping his own alive for my benefit? This was it. The moment I decide that Seren and I will never be. I can't lie to myself anymore. I just had to accept it.
Scorpius lifts us off the couch, cradling me in his arms until we reach the bedroom, and places me down on the sheets. Sliding next to me, he takes his shirt off and throws it on the floor. His skin has always been warm to me, but as I place my hand on his chest, I notice how unbelievably hot he feels. Or maybe I'm comparing Seren's freezing hands to him.
I have to stop. I can't keep thinking of her when she's most likely not even concerned with me anymore. She's probably doing the same thing I'm doing, laying in bed with her mate. The thought sends a shot of electricity firing up my spine. It's rooted with hate.
Seren and I were done. Her hands held another persons heart, no longer mine. This was my life now. This was my mate. Scorpius. Thysus knew what she was doing and I should've never questioned her from the beginning. She didn't make mistakes. We were fated to who our souls needed, who they craved.
"Ready for bed?" Scorpius asks, lifting the sheets over us and wrapping his arm around my middle. I cup his face in my hands, forcing his obsidian eyes to look at me. I want to see the man whose soul is now mine, whose heart belongs to me.
Surveying those dark pools, I give it to him. I let go of the hope I had for any other love other than this. I erase the memories of Seren laughing, of us sliding through the water tail in tail. I let go of the fight I had in me, the suffering and torment I thought I needed to put myself through to feel love. Because, at the end of it all, that love wasn't the one that was meant for me. This one was.
I make myself as present as possible now. I make sure to focus on every lash on his lids. I stare at every groove in his horn. Moving my fingers, I memorize the way his hair feels against my fingertips. I wrap his strands along my golden thread, mixing him in with the tie that claims he's mine. That I'm his.
I run my thumbs back down to his jaw, forcing my brain to remember how hard it is. Remembering the clench of his jaw muscles underneath my touch. I watch him swallow, his throat bobbing up and down while he lets me caress him. I take note of that too. How he parts his lips after swallowing, like he needs some way to get more oxygen into him. Like it's not enough.
I look down at his chest, the hardness of it. Trailing my hands down his pink skin to where my eyes are, I put my palm on top of his heart. I look back up into his eyes and listen. The beats flutter like I knew they would. He's always so nervous, even more so since we've landed. But I listen and count.
One. Two. Three. Four.
These beats are mine. This is the symphony his body plays for me. The love inside him sounds so loud now that I stare at him and count his heartbeats. I place my hand over my chest, counting my own pulse.
One. Two. Three. Four.
I count until our beats match, until we're playing the same love song for each other. I count until his heart feels like it might explode and mine follows through. This love will be enough, it has to be.
"Angelfish?" he questions, and I memorize that as well. I listen to the sound of his deep voice vibrating along every corner of my head. I accept the nickname I begged him to stop calling me in the beginning. Now it was I all I wanted to hear, the only thing that made me know I was real and I wasn't dreaming.
Shifting my body closer to his, our chests pressed against the other, I tangle my hands in his hair and pull his head towards me. I don't question anything anymore. I can't hesitate because, if I do, it'll hurt me. I'll slip back into that hole of sadness and I can't. I won't allow myself to be pulled into the darkness, and I won't drag Scorpius with me.
We'll be each others sun. He will be my salvation.
I kiss him, softly at first, and then more aggressive. I need to feel something other than what I felt back there, back on the surface. He matches my kiss perfectly. His tongue searches my mouth and I open it, welcoming him in. Every piece of me was now his and I wanted him to claim it.
Our tongues caress the other, the hunger between us becoming more obvious the deeper the kiss gets. His body ignites almost immediately but I don't react. It doesn't shock me anymore seeing how badly he wants me. If anything, it gives me a much needed comfort.
He crawls on top of me, his arms on either side of my head as he continues colliding his lips with mine. My hands run over his skin and now I feel like I'm the one that can't get enough. I want more. I need more. His head dips towards my neck as he places kiss after kiss down it. He pulls the collar of my suit like he always does, careful not to expose too much, but this time I need it.
I don't want him to be careful with me anymore. I don't want to be treated like something fragile. I can't be broken any more than I already was. And Scorpius' love would be the thing that put me back together, even if for a moment.
I pull my suit all the way down, my breasts completely exposed. His eyes widen as he takes in what's happening. He looks up at me, confusion painted on his face.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice unsteady. I nod, pulling the rest of my suit off underneath him so it's bunched at my calves. With my tail, I remove the rest of it completely. His breath catches in his chest, his willpower fighting with him to keep his eyes on my face. His arms shake next to my head, with excitement or nervousness, I can't tell. It doesn't matter.
I say the thing he said to me before, the thing I never thought I could admit and mean. But we were together now. My soul and body was bare for him. I wanted the pain to be over, I wanted to feel love and only love. I stare up into those dark glittering eyes of his and push my hips up. The sound that escapes him makes my stomach clench, a throb already starting in between my thighs.
"I'm yours, Scorpius."