(A/N) hey, how do you think AJR will die?
*Cries*
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Jack: So here's the plan. I go in, I start stabbing people with my knife, and then we see where that takes us.
Ryan: That's your plan for our concert?!
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Jack: And if I have kids, what's gonna happen then?
Adam: I think things will just be normal??? I mean, I can babysit if you want.
Jack: Wait, you'd do that for me?
Adam: Did you.... Think I wouldn't?
Jack:
Adam:
Adam, offended: We need to have a talk after this.
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Person: You should be addicted to shutting up.
Ryan: You wanna f*ck me so bad it makes you look stupid.
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(Waiting at an interview)
Ryan, out of nowhere: I love you, Adam.
Adam: I love you too.
*Silence*
Ryan: We also love you, too, Jack.
Jack, sitting in between them: Oh, good. I was feeling left out.
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Ryan: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us?
Adam: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Adam: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."
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Adam: Here's my dossier on all of Jack and Ryan's moves, weaknesses, and strengths. And this also includes strategies on how to efficiently beat them up.
Austin: Why are some pages written in crayon?
Adam: I started compiling this when we were kids.
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Ryan: *Sees a ghost* oh my god, are you dead?
Jack, wearing a white sheet: Of corpse.
Adam: I'm gonna beat your guys' ass, I swear to god-
Ryan and Jack: What a grave mistake that will be.
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Adam: So obviously we all want to die.
Jack and Ryan: *mutters of agreement*
Adam: But we're gonna have to get through this.
Jack and Ryan: *groans of disagreement*
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(AJR trapped out of a concert venue)
Adam: Guys, how are we gonna get in there?
Adam: *points at Jack* And don't suggest a giant slide.
Adam: Or a trampoline.
Adam:
Adam:
Adam: Because we already tried those.
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Adam: So we're getting someone new in our crew.
Ryan: On purpose?
Jack: Are we stealing them?
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Jack: We're here to kidnap you for a night out.
Ryan: We're just joking about the kidnapping part. We're not gonna literally kidnap you.
Adam: I figured.
Ryan: Good, now put this pillowcase over your head.
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Ryan: I guess you could say I'm a chicken magnet.
Jack: Don't you mean chick magnet?
*Sounds of distant clucking*
Ryan: We need to go, NOW.
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Jack, making a sandwich:
Ryan: *Walks in and knocks on the fridge*
Jack: Why did you knock on the fridge door?
Ryan: There could be a salad dressing.
Jack, stuffing his sandwich in his pocket: I'm moving out.
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Adam, at a sleepover with his brothers: Lets tell each other our secrets.
Jack and Ryan:
Adam: I'll go first,
Adam: I
Adam: Hate you.
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(When Adam leaves for college)
Jack: You're moving out??
Adam: What? Are you gonna miss me or something?
Jack: Hell no! It's just that... What if I have a snide or sarcastic b*tchy remark I want to make?
Adam: Whisper it in the wind. I'll hear it.
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Alba: Why in the world do you have your own SpongeBob costume?
Jack: It was a gift.
Jack: *In his head* A gift from me to me, haha.
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Ryan: Why do you watch so many shows about murder?
Adam: Just in case you two slip up.
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Jack: My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look.
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(In the future)
Jack, about Winter: He's six, he can take the subway.
Ryan: What?! That's crazy, he's only a baby! I'll call an Uber for him.
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Jack: What the f*ck? What pride flag is that?
Jack: They're just making up stuff by now.
Adam: That's the British flag, Jack. Think before you speak.
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