LUNGI.
I thought i would be woken up with wet small kisses, little hands with all over my face but no. The bed is empty and I’m the only one in the bedroom. I wonder when did my little humans left the bed because we were all napping. I sit up and my body feels so heavy, like I should sleep for a long time and wake up after a week or so. I am physically and emotionally tired. I need a reset button from the moment thembi confessed the whole truth.
I get off the bed and go the bathroom. I splash my face with cold water to wake me up, I look at myself in the mirror and i look like hell. I have dark circles under my eyes even though my skin looks flushed. I don't know what time it is and i also don't know where my phone is.
I can hear voices as I step out of the bedroom. It sounds like the adults are here and I don’t know where the brothers are and if they are here then who's with my husband or my brother and mbuso's brothers are with him?. The closer I walk in, the more their voices get clearer and it's none other than uncle fanele who's leading the conversation. Gosh i was hoping I will not see or even talk to this man. They are sitting in the dining room table and it looks like they just had dinner. My family is here too and so that means my dad and uncle fanele are okay now, Well I hope they are.
" Oh you're awake sisi. How are you feeling?." mbuso"s birth mom asks.
" I am okay ma." I look around and i don't see bonga's mom. I sigh.
Maybe is should stop forcing them to be all in one room cause by the looks of things it's not going to happen. I quickly go to the kitchen cause I really don't want to talk about what happened earlier.
To my surprise when i get in the kitchen i find sims and her mother in-law. It's just the two of them and i am shocked cause I never expected it and that makes me think that even though everything seems dark, there is a little light coming in and maybe it's going to start with these two talking.
" I haven't seen you smiling since i got here but here you are. I s mbuso awake?."
" bathong sims I was napping. You're the one who should be telling me if my husband is awake." she looks down sadly. " I know he's not sis but soon he's going to wake up."
" I hope so luh. I want my son...I mean I want mbuso back home to you."
" ma, he's still your son too regardless of what happened." I take her hand in mine.
She's always going to be mbuso's mother in my eyes and my mother in-law because that's how i first knew here and to say she's now not is very hard. She has always been good to me and have been a mother in many ways. I wish we could all get along and look past what happened but i know it's not as easy as i think and want.
" what made me smile is seeing the two of you here together and drinking tea." they bot smile again.
" i was apologizing to uThandekile for how i have treating her all this time. I realised that i was taking out my fears out on her. I could see myself in her and that scared me. she's fierce and she goes after what she wants and she reminds me of who i was. I treated her that way cause I felt like she can see right through me, like she can see what i was hiding and that terrified me cause i knew if she finds out she was going to tell everyone but still the truth came out and i must say A huge load that has been weighing heavily in my shoulders has been lifted. I know everyone hates me and I am okay with it because I deserve it. I know I should be sleeping better because all the secrets are out but I don't.
I lie awake at night and think about all the years i spent lying to everyone I love. I ruined all your lives every day i spent with you not telling all of you the truth. I regret what i did and i wish I could go back and did what my brother asked me to do. Go home with them. Feel the love they grew around in. I was young, stupid and i didn't know what love is. The first time I experienced what love is was when qwabe told me he loved me. I know he thought he was telling my sister but to me each and everyday he said that those words felt like they were directed to me and i started believing that. I have said very hurtful things to you and accused you of many things and you never deserved that. I am so sorry baby. I really am."
She wipes her tears. Sim's holds her hand. I sit next to her too and she's in the middle. I put my hand on top of theirs.
" I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and this here right now with my two beautiful daughters in-laws. I don't deserve this compassion you are feeling for me and showing me. It brings shame and I feel like I should leave all of you alone and go away and never see you again...." she cries when she says the last part. "...but I don’t know how I will do that when the last two and half years away from all of you was the worst time of my life. I don't think I can do it again but if that will bring peace in this family and that is what I will do. It's going to hurt me cause i wont be here to help you when the baby comes." she wipes sims tears.
" I want to be here for you like how i was when luh was pregnant even though I didn’t get to hold my grandkids and help her with them and I want to do that with you but I know that's not possible and I have accepted that. Sims you are a great mother and you have raised wonderful kids. I have seen how you are with them and you doing a great job. My son is blessed ton have you and be given this second chance again but if he messes up again leave him. He's not worth your tears and stress."
" Thank you ma. All i ever wanted was for you to love me and accept me. That’s all I ever wanted."
" I was very wrong about you simphiwe and I hope you will truly forgive me and if I am still alive you will allow me to be part of all my grandchildren's lives. Both of you and maybe zipho one day." gosh his girlfriend. I had to tally forgotten about that.
" Ma, I have learned many things from you. I have watched how your kids love and respect you and they still do even thought they are still hurt and disappointed but to them ma. You are this wonderful mother and that is never going to change. You raised three amazing men who love hard and are very protective of those they love. What you did doesn't suddenly replace all those kisses, hugs and laughter you showered them with. If you were this wicked and evil person that was going to show on how you raised your children. Yes you did hurt us very much but you were young and made a mistake. You didn’t think that the past will come and haunt you. Had you maybe been raised with love and affection, maybe we all wouldn't be here."
I take a deep breath and realise the whole house has gone silent. I don’t know if they are listening to us or they have left.
" You know ma if my dad, me and my brother can forgive uncle victor for everything then we also can forgive you. I believe everything happens for a reason in our lives. Look at how we found everyone. Someone wanted me dead, mbuso and his brothers go there and they rescue children, girls and women not knowing that one of those girls was his niece. What I'm trying to say and I could be wrong and I'm not saying what you did was right but maybe had you not did what you had done then maybe we all wouldn't be here who knows?."
" I don't know luh."
" It's okay ma but what you must know is you can't leave. You are still needed here."
" what did you want to talk about?." she asks.
" All of you have to in one room when i tell you all of this."
" I think everyone is here, maybe you can tell them now?."
" Where is lesego and the kids? Your husband too and the others?."
" they are at the next door house."
" ok." I wince.
" are you okay?. sims asks.
" yeah I am just a headache that’s all."
" Luh?..."
" I'm fine ma. Sims can you please call bonga and tell them to come here so i can tell everyone what's going on." she nods.
Mbuso mom comes in an and sits down. They both look exactly alike. They are identical twins. The kitchen instantly get filled with tension. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
" are you okay sisi?." what I have noticed about busani and his mom is that they both have an accent when they speak english.
" I'm okay ma." she looks at me like she doesn't believe me.
" I heard you all talking, well we all did." she looks at her sister.
" You have amazing children, grandchildren and two beautiful daughters. The bond all of you have is beautiful." ohk I didn’t expect that. Sebenzile looks at her shocked.
" wami...."
" sebe right now we need to focus on getting mbuso back then we will talk about everything else but not now." sebe nods getting teary. Sims and I look at each other and smile. If my mother in-law forgives his sister then I think the whole family can forgive her.
" can i make you some tea ma?." I ask mbuso's birth mom.
" I'll make it luh sit down." sebe stands up and makes tea.
" I have met bonga and zipho. They are amazing children sebe and you should be proud. I wonder what mbuso is like though?." she smiles. I don't know how my father in-law is going to choose between them and if he will because both these woman are the same. They smile the same and they way they talk if you ignore the accent form mbuso's mom.
" he's going to be happy to finally see you and busani. Mbuso is all about luh. That's who he is." they laugh and i smile. She pours the for all of us and I take the teaspoon and pour the sugar. I feel eyes on me and I look up. They are watching me.
" ok what's wrong?."
" Luh your hand is shaking? What's going on?." sims quietly asks me and I ignore her and stir my tear. " Luh talk to me?."
" I'm stressed sims that's all. No need to get worried." fuck this pain again. I have to go but I have to talk to everyone first.
" luh..."
" hello family, we are here." that's bonga and he sounds like he is tipsy. Lesego shakes his head. They leave us and go to the living room.
" They were drinking while i was bathing the kids. Hey sis. I left your food in the microwave." I smile.
" I'll eat later I'm not really hungry. You should have woken me up to help you with the kids."
" I needed the distraction. My sister keeps calling wanting to come even though I have told her that this is a bad time God!." she frustrated. Her family likes upsetting her and i hate it. Scelo must do something cause he can't let them keep upsetting her.
I get up and i feel a little dizzy and lucky for me no one notices. I walk to her and embrace her from the back. She heaves a deep sigh
" they are missing out on knowing this wonderful person in front of us. I'm blessed to have a sister like you, sisters and my brother chose the best. Ever and i love and appreciate you sis."
" you are going to make me cry luh. I'm blessed to be a part of this family that i love." we hug each other.
" this is beautiful." mbuso's mom says and there's yearning in her voice.
" we love you too ma." i tell her looking at her face. She smiles. " lets go to the living room." they follow me.
They are all sitting down waiting to hear what I have to say.
" I hope you are all willing to her what i have to say because it is important to all of us here especially my husband." I look at uncle fanele who has a bruise on his eye.
" khuluma mfazi kaMfowethu." he likes saying that. I sit down on the chair.
" I had a dream...."
" oh nkos! that one day you're going to be a president?." This man bathong!.
" Malume maybe you should be excuse if you are not willing to hear what luh has to say." mabutho says.
" ok fine I'll listen. go ahead." Ii really hate how this man talks to me. dismissively like I'm nothing.
" if you weren't my uncle I swear I would have punched you in the face. Never ever talk to luh like that again malume." bonga says.
" or what?."
" mbuso will kill you baba. Can you not be your normal self for once. We know this side of yours and we are used to it but they don’t so please don’t." mbuyiselo tells him.
" luh please continue." says their silent brother mthunzi.
" I dreamt about this old woman who has a mole on top of her left side nose nostril." they get silent, malume has a surprised look on his face and opens his mouth to speak geez this man.
" Malume please let me talk. She said she's gogo nobelungu and she was with umkhulu. Her husband. Baba...." I look at my father in-law.
" yebo ndodakazi."
" ugogo told that for everything to be okay you must fix all the mistakes that happen."
" what mistakes?."
" she said...." I relay every detail of the dream word for word but again I don't say anything about someone dying cause it could be anyone of us here. When I’m done the whole house is completely silent, if a pin had to drop you would literally hear it.
" wow, are you sure she said that?." malume asks.
" that's what she told me. If all of this doesn't happen then what happened to my mother's and mbuso and his twin brother will happen to our kids, busani's kids and their kids. UBaba must take all my mother's busani and our twins to the river so it can end where it began and then a cleansing ceremony will be done before ubaba goes to pay for damages."
" I will do it. Sebe, wami i would like to talk to you both alone." the sisters look at each other.
" she also said someone will come and help us with everything."
" who is going to come?." bonga asks.
" I don't know."
" I think i know." sbu says and looks at my father in-law.
" it's gogo Xulu. She's the one who's going to come."
" she's still alive?." malume and mbuso's mom are shocked.
" she is. She's the one who helped us a lot."
" My God I can't believe it." wami says.
" so..." malume clears his throat."... who are you going to pay amalobolo for?." he looks at my father in-law,
" that's none of your business fanele. Wena nje you have to tell umalume to get ready and expect visitors."
" he is going to pay damages for all his kids and traditionally they are one person so he must pay amalobola for both of them and....take them both if either of them want." my dad explains. ok.
" will our brother wake up before or after?."
" I don't know busani. I think before cause he has to be there when you go to the river."
" so where is this whole thing going to take place?." mabutho asks me.
" malume they want you to buy the land back and i think everything must take place there but we will here from gogo xulu if that is her who's going to help us.
" thank you makoti. " malume says and I politely nod. my dizziness is getting worse. I need to lay down.
" uhm that's all I had to say and now you know. thank you for listening to me." They nod. I turn and hold on to the chair and take a deep breath. I feel someone holding my hand. It's busani.
" are you okay?." he asks concerned.
" yeah I am. I just need to lay down that's all."
" let me help you."
" I’m fine busani. I can walk."
He doesn't listen to me cause he takes me to the bedroom.
" Thank you. I'll take it from here and please tell everyone i would like to get some sleep and i would appreciate it if you all can let me get some sleep."
" ok but call me if you need anything."
" I will, thank you busani." he looks at me hesitantly. " I will call you." he nods. I close the door and lock it. I take off my clothes and get in bed and sleep instantly. I dream about the rain falling down silently. The kind of rain that doesn’t have thunder or lightning. It just pours and I fall into a deep slumber.