“Whoa, it's so beautiful!”
There wasn’t a single spot Yoon Min didn’t miss to visit. She was exploring every part and place of the beautiful white Moon. Ignoring human's satellites, flags and equipments, she ran around like a little child, the sound of her giggle floated in the air like music.
Meanwhile, Seokjin was just sitting on his regular spot, looking at the Earth far-away. He was smiling ear to ear. For the first time, he brought someone here when he vowed to himself that the Moon will be his only. Chuckling how low he was at keeping his promises, he also kept an eye on her who seemed to forget the act she committed earlier. She looked so happy.
Yoon Min always got excited whenever she found something new. She never knew guardians could travel to the Moon. It was a wonder why they didn't come here. She observed the modern equipments scientists placed long ago to keep tracks of things in Moon. How intelligent they are. Though the machines couldn’t detect them.
After wandering here and there for a long time, she finally became exhausted and sat beside Seokjin; more like fell down on her butt.
“Oh, I'm so tired.”
He looked at her panting face and chuckled light-heartedly, “I didn’t think you'll like here so much.”
She smiled at him and moved her gaze to their front when she gasped again,
“Is that Earth?” she pointed at the planet, half-covered in darkness at a distance.
He nodded. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Not replying to him, she rather thought deeply. Was Earth really beautiful? Why couldn't she feel it? Was it because she had no memories from there?
“Less than Love Universe, of course.” he added later with another chuckle.
Yoon Min changed her position; she pulled her knees closer to her chest and rested her chin on them. Her eyes were locked with Earth. Was she being drawn to it? Or she was merely lost in its mysteries? Sighing, she remained quiet. She was watching a planet where she used to live long ago. With parents, siblings, maybe a lover. The Earth might recognise her if it met her. But why couldn't she? She won't be able to remember any of the places she went or spent a happy time. Will the Earth be disappointed in her too?
“What did you wish for to Princess Aereum?” Seokjin asked suddenly, making her thoughts go in drain.
She looked at him and turned away again. “Nothing.”
Unexpectedly, he smiled as if he knew it beforehand.
“I actually asked if I could know about my past. But you know the rest.” she slightly chuckled.
Before, there used to be an awkward atmosphere between both of them time to time whenever they were together. But gradually, the awkwardness faded away and changed into understanding between them. Earlier, silence used to mean discomfort to them. But now, they knew what silence meant when they were together. Trying to feel the other's emotions and thinking about everything deeply.
He heaved a loud sigh, “Don't ask for it again.”
Not understanding what he meant, she glanced at his face to know more.
“Remembering your past is a torture, disguised as a craving to fill your stomach with memories. You think it would be so good to know how wonderful your life was and what did you do to come to this decision. Once you know everything, your world crumbles into pieces and you regret for choosing to recall your past.”
“The fact we, guardians often forget is...we all committed suicide. Which means our lives, pasts weren't filled with joyful moments or memories we can be proud of. It's just full of sadness, grief and agony. You yourself will be shocked that events like this actually happened with you when you were alive. It's nothing but torment, Yoon Min.”
She didn’t want to argue with him, in fact, she found no reason to. He was saying those words out of misery and experience. He exactly knew how it felt to recall his past. He knew what he was saying. And if he was saying it's torture, then she should avoid it like Beomgyu does.
Fidgeting with her thumbs, she took the courage to ask,
“Why didn’t you save the human back then? Was there any specific reason?”
Seokjin was glad she asked this. Since that day till this day, no one asked him this question. Everyone rebuked him instead. They thought he was careless and ignorant. While the truth was buried within himself.
“You know there was this different feeling. I can't describe it in words. I-I...I knew she was sad, depressed for a long time. The thought of suicide crossed her mind several times but she refrained from doing it. I at first pursed her not to do it. But when she finally decided to do it...”
Yoon Min became more curious when he was repeatedly stuck in words.
“I just couldn’t stop her. I don't know the reason but I felt if she died, she would be more happy. The Earth wasn’t a place where she could continue to be happy. She went through hell so I-I just let her die...just like that.”
Seokjin uttered those words so truthfully. There was a rule that clarified if a guardian decided not to save the soul considering his/her condition, it was acceptable. He only thought that. He didn’t deserve the punishment, did he?
His eyes shook a little and his lips were dried. He also hung his gaze low; maybe because he was feeling sad due to the sudden recollection. Yoon Min huffed in shame slightly before speaking, “You know what I was thinking when I was in front of the human?”
Accepting his silence as a sign to continue, she expressed her true feelings, “I thought if I could save her, I would be a Senior Guardian. The question is why I thought of something so useless that time. Her life was in my hands. I was the only one who could stop her from dying. I-I...am so greedy and selfish, Jin Seonbae.” she ran her fingers through her hair in regret.
Seokjin found her unexpectedly funny because he chuckled instead of comforting her. Among his laughs, he managed to say, “Coincidentally, I also thought the same when I was in front of my first V.I.P soul.”
Yoon Min thought deeply; if he had the same perceptive as her, did he also fail?
“But I saved him unlike you.” he cleared her guess so she nodded, feeling embarrassed. Aish...
“Let me tell you something, Yoon Min.”
He moved his position so that he was facing her directly; sitting on his knees. The seriousness and pale expression he wore made her gulp down in nervousness. Seokjin sighed and faced down, instead of looking at her. Yoon Min became more curious as more seconds passed in silence without both of them doing nothing but taking deep breaths.
Finally, his lips began moving as he started to explain, “If I tell you I know exactly how you're feeling right now, you'll find it hard to believe. But believe me, I can even tell what is going on inside your mind as well. Because I was in your shoes long time ago. It hurts you..no, it makes you feel guilty over and over. You will not be able to sleep for some days. You will be scared to go down on Earth. You will be embarrassed to face the other guardians. Most importantly, the weird feeling inside you won't subside at all. Hell, a person died because of you. What can hurt more?”
Yoon Min was quiet. More like, she was stunned. Was it because he was in her position or could he actually read minds? How could he know her so well?
“But I think my condition was worse than you. Given by the choices I made; I intentionally didn’t save a human. Which was my fault. I failed to make the right judgment. And you couldn’t save a human. Because you were not that skilled yet. Yoon Min, everyone says the fault isn't ours. But it actually is. We know it, right?” he looked at her heavy eyes with a soft gaze.
“We could've saved them. They would've lived if we acted wisely. So no matter how much you argue or think, we are the ones to be blamed at the end.”
She was getting his main point slowly. He was right. Very right. Biting down her lip, she lowered her head and felt the need to cry again. This time, she didn’t hold back. Tears did their roles and rolled down; each of them holding painful guilts. Yoon Min cried for the first time in front of Seokjin; adding the fact her heart was still aching and she didn’t need to hide her tears today. Soft whimpers came out of her mouth as she tried her best not to cry in front of him.
Seokjin had no intention to make her sob but he did know she might feel bad again. He gently took her hands in his; not trying to look like a pervert, he rubbed his thumb on her skin softly to console her the way he wanted.
“You are a responsible, understanding girl. I want you to know that despite you being at fault, you must not back away in fear. I don’t want you to lose hope. When I realized the fault was entirely mine, damn I swore I will not go to humans again. But you shouldn’t think that, okay? This is life. We make mistakes and we have to learn from them. Otherwise, we'll end up committing them again. It's okay to feel sad at first. But make sure you ask for forgiveness to Almighty while being sad. Try to be stronger and make sure not another human dies in your hands. Alright?”
“The bigger the failure, the bigger the lesson. Don't escape your act by thinking it’s not your fault. Accept it bravely and make sure you never ever commit the same mistake again.”
Yoon Min nodded wholeheartedly as an epiphany took birth inside her. Guilt didn’t feel pain to her anymore. His words inspired her powerfully. She raised her head to meet his eyes and nodded again to show him she really understood what he meant. Seokjin smiled widely at her response and wiped the last line of tear from her face.
“Don't cry anymore~”
“You said I look pretty when I cry.”
He burst into a chuckle, hearing her cute answer.
“So does that mean you want to look pretty for me?”
Yoon Min's cheeks reddened at his comment and her lips fluttered openly; she quickly tried to hide the wide smile of her face by denying him, “N-no..”
Seokjin surely knew she lied hence he sat beside her again, the bright smile on his face shone merrily as he focused his sight back at staring at Earth.
And the remaining time passed in comforting silence. Sometimes they shared a few glances and smiles; but nevertheless they could admit that beautiful serene moment was the best time they ever spent together. Stars enhanced their lights to build the scenery even more fascinating as the galaxy rays reflected on the indigo sky, writting their paths of hope and encouragement.