Imagine you trying to convince your husband, Charlie Mortdecai, to shave off his mustache.
It was around the evening as you were on your way to your manor in London after traveling to Paris to attend a fashion show for the whole week since you're a fashion designer. You couldn't wait to get home and see your husband, Charlie Mortdecai, since the whole trip wasn't the same without him being there with you. Since he's an 'art dealer', you knew he couldn't come along because he had some business to take care of in Hong Kong.
As you pulled in front the manor, you were greeted by Jock, Charlie's manservant. "Welcome back, Mrs. Mortdecai." He greeted you, as he went to the back of the car, opened the trunk, and took out your suitcases. "It's good to see you again, Jock, and thank you for helping me with my luggage and I told you before, call me '(y/n)'. Now, where is Charlie? I can't wait to see him again. I've missed him so much." You said, as you were getting out of the car. "He's in the study and don't be surprised when you see him." Jock said, which confused you. "What do you mean by that?" You asked. "Well, he went through a bit of a change while you were gone that's all." Jock explained. "Huh. Very well, then. Thank you for letting me know, Jock." You said, and, then, you walked up the steps to the front door.
When you walked inside, you set down your purse and took off your heavy coat and placed it on the coat rack. "Charlie, I've arrived home." You called out to him, before you walked towards the study, where you saw him standing in the center of the room, with his back facing you. "Oh, darling, I've missed you terribly. I felt like the whole trip lasted for months, but thank goodness it didn't. It would've been better if you were there with me. Well, it doesn't matter now that I'm home with you again." You said, as you were getting closer to him.
He set something in his coat pocket and he straightened his coat before he made a dramatic turnaround to face you. "I'm glad that you're back home, darling." He said. You stopped in your tracks when you were surprised to see a fully grown mustache on your husband's upper lip. "Whoa, Charlie. What is that?" You asked, feeling disgusted and trying to hold back your laugh at the same time. "Just a little something I cooked up whilst you were away on your little trip, my darling. I do believe it was Margaret Thatcher who said that kissing a man without a moustache is rather like eating an egg without salt." He said, and, then, he stepped closer towards you and was about to kiss you.
But, then, you leaned back before his lips got closer to you. "Don't point that thing at me." You said. "Told ya." Jock said, walking by, while carrying your suitcases. Charlie looked at Jock, weird, and, then, he turned back to you. "I have put no inconsiderable thought and effort into this endeavor. You see, the domain of a man's upper lip is his sovereign ground..." He was about to continue on, but you interrupted him. "You have five minutes to shave it off." You said, crossing your arms. "Every Mortdecai man before me had the same. Why can't I? Oh, I happen to be terribly fond of it, and I have had every intention of seeing it through." Charlie explained, which confused you.
"So, what you're saying is, it's gonna get bigger?" You asked, curiously. "It will come to fruition, yes." Charlie answered, which bummed you out because you didn't like the idea of kissing your husband with that thing on him that keeps distracting you. "Now you come over here and give the great Lord Charles Mortdecai a little smooch, my little turtle dove." He said, with a smirk, as he stepped up to you and placed his hands on both sides of your waist and started leaning down towards you. But you made a quick move by twirling out of his arms and stand next to the table with a flower vase on it. "I don't think so, darling." You said, while putting the biggest smile on your face.
Charlie chortled as he looked at you, with a grin on his face, and said, "Oh. You want to roleplay instead, darling?" He asked, trying to sound seductive. You faked a yawn and pretended to stretch before you said, "Not really, Charlie. I'm actually quite tired after that very long trip from Paris. I think I need some proper rest." You let out another fake yawn and, surprisingly, Charlie was falling for it. "Ah. I completely understand. That long trip from Paris has definitely tuckered you out, my love. You most definitely need some proper rest." He said.
Then, he eyed you, seductively. "You want me to come join you, my dear (y/n)?" He asked. "No, no. I would like to rest alone." You said. "Hm. Alright, then. I shall see you when you wake up from your proper rest." Charlie said. "Yes. Well, I shall see you very soon, darling." You said. After that, you walked out of the study room and went upstairs to you and Charlie's bedroom. You walked inside the bedroom, where Jock had placed your suitcases on the floor, and, then, you walked over to the bed and sat down. You sighed as you took your boots off and said to yourself, "That thing on Charlie reminds me of a gerbil. I can't help but think what that thing would feel if I kissed Charlie. I'll try to convince him to get rid of that thing...somehow."
Then, you got up and walked over to your dresser and started taking some of off your expensive jewelry off. As you were taking your last earring off, you looked at yourself in the mirror, with a smirk on your face, when an idea popped into your head. "And I think I know a way to do it." You said to yourself to the mirror.
***
An hour later, you put your plan into action. You went into the bathroom and turned on the hot and cold water to fill up the bathtub. While the water was filling up, you put some lavender bath oil, bath salts, and bubble bath in the bathtub. After that, you lit a few candles all around the bathroom. Before you left the bathroom, you looked all around the bathroom to make sure that everything was set up. "Everything looks perfect. I'll finally convince him to get rid of that thing off his lip once he settles into our little romantic evening together...and after I beg him to get rid of it, no matter how many times it will take. Well, time to start the romantic evening." You said, and, then, you changed out of your clothes and you out on your (f/c) robe.
You walked out of the bathroom and walked over to the manservant intercom buzzer and pushed down the button. "Yes, (y/n)?" You heard Jock's voice over the intercom. You pressed down the button and held it down before you spoke to him. "Send Charlie to our bedroom, Jock. It's rather important." You instructed him, and released the button. "As you wish, (y/n)." Jock said. You pressed the button down one more time and said, "Thank you, Jock." After that, you headed to the bathroom, took off your robe, got inside at the end of the bathtub, and waited for your husband to arrive.
Moments later, you heard the bedroom door opening and, then, you placed your arms on the sides of the bathtub and tried to look sexy for your husband. "(y/n)? (y/n), my dear, where are you? Is it 'Hide-N-Seek' time?" You heard Charlie's adorable voice from the other room. "I'm in the bathroom, darling." You said. Then, the bathroom door opened and Charlie appeared, with a surprised expression on his face. "(y/n), sweetheart, you did all of this?" He asked. "I wanted to make it up for earlier, Charlie. I felt like coming home to you wasn't the best, so I wanted to make it special for us by spending a romantic evening together. Now get into the tub. I'm getting very impatient." You said, sounding flirty and seductive.
Charlie did a tiger growl before he started to remove his clothes. When he removed his shirt, you blushed when you saw his slightly muscular bare chest. 'Gosh, he's so attractive.' You thought to yourself. As he was removing the rest of his clothes, you turned around and looked on the floor to make sure you had the razor and the shaving cream ready when the time comes to convince and shave off his mustache.
After Charlie removed all of his clothes, he stepped inside the other end of the bathtub and rested his arms on sides of the tub. He took a deep inhale to the scent of lavender and sighed, happily. "The sweet smell of lavender. My absolute favorite." He said, sounding satisfied. "I know what you like, darling, and I would make sure that you are satisfied." You said, grinning at him. He looked straight at you, with a smirk on his face, and said, "I must say, my dear (y/n), this was a brilliant idea for you to do for the both of us. I cannot even think of the last time we had something like this together." "It was before I left for Paris the next day, Charlie." You reminded him. "Oh. I seem to have lost track of time. I must've been too busy fixing and prepping my mustache before I left for Hong Kong." Charlie said, and, then, he curled the tip of his mustache.
It was time to put your plan into action. "You know what will make the evening much better, darling?" You asked, while smirking. "I would guess massaging your feet?" Charlie guessed. "Good guess. But I was thinking of something better." You said, and, then, you picked up the razor and opened the blade. Charlie looked at the blade and said, "My love, surely you recall I have already been circumcised." Then, you put away the blade and put the razor back down on the floor and grabbed the shaving brush that had shaving cream on it. Charlie looked at you, confused. "What's with the shaving cream, (y/n)?" He asked, curiously. "I'm just making the evening much better, Charlie." You answered, while you leaned towards him.
"Shaving off my mustache? Why?" "Because, Charlie, I have to be honest. I can't kiss you with that...that thing in the way. It distracts me. I can't even stand the thought of you being so overly obsessed with it 24/7." You said, convincingly. Charlie leaned forward so that he was close to your face by a few inches. "Mrs. Mortdecai, as you well know, I am a man of few words. I deeply, deeply love...my moustache." He said. You were starting to feel sad that your husband loved his mustache more than you. "But...I have discovered...that I love you...more." Charlie added, which made you smile and your heart flutter.
"Proceed." He simply said, as he closed his eyes. "Would you really do that for me?" You asked. "For you, there is nothing I would not do." Charlie said, with his eyes still closed. You hesitated to put the shaving cream on his mustache. But for some reason, you felt like you couldn't do it. That's when you said, "Well, in that case, Mr. Mortdecai, I should be very pleased if you would keep it." Then, you placed the shaving brush back in the shaving cream cup on the floor. Charlie opened his eyes and looked at you, happily. "Really?" He questioned. You nodded and he smiled even more like he was glad that the mustache wasn't going.
"Now you come and kiss me. I can't wait another minute." You said, as you started leaning towards him. "Are you sure you're fine with kissing me with my mustache in the way, (y/n), darling?" Charlie asked, while he caressed your cheek with his hand. "I've never kissed you with a mustache before, but it's worth knowing what it feels like." You said. Charlie chortled before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours and you kissed him back, immediately and desperately. You placed your hand on his cheek as the kiss was becoming deeply and passionately. It felt great kissing him again after being gone for so long. The mustache made it feel so much different than all the other times you and Charlie had kissed, but you were trying to not let that bother you.
Moments later, you both pulled away from kiss to breath in air. You both stared into each other's eyes before the two of you smiled and chuckled. "Well, that wasn't so bad, darling." You said. "Not at all, Pookie." Charlie said, as he bopped the tip of your nose with his other hand. "Oh, you have no idea how long I've waited to kiss you aga—" You were about to finish what you were saying, but, then, you leaned over the side of the bathtub and gagged.