Sanders Sides One-Shots

Bittersweet Memory | Past Analogical

summary: logan is spending his winter alone, reminded of the bittersweet memories of a relationship that didn't last

word count: 854

soo this one is kinda weird, idk, it's basically the aftermath of a breakup, logan is a jehovah's witness so he doesn't celebrate christmas, and yeah :) lmk if there's anything i can fix here

tw/cw// unsympathetic virgil, slight self deprecation, broken glass, empty feeling, some cussing

~~~~

Logan sat alone in his dorm room, snowflakes slowly drifting through the cold, winter air outside. Logan watched through his window as flakes collected at the bottom of his window.

Patton's name appeared across Logan's phone screen. He answered somewhat reluctantly. "Lo! Uh, glad I finally caught you." His voice sounded shocked, Logan deduced it had something to do with the other five unanswered calls that he'd been ignoring.

"Look, I know you said you couldn't make it this year but can you make it tomorrow? Virgil seems really down without you." Logan's eyes drifted over to the now destroyed picture frame lying face down on his floor. "Patton, you know I don't celebrate Christmas."

"R-Right, but I just figured since you celebrated last year you might-"

"I'm sorry, Patton, but I'll have to decline. Last year was an...an experiment, and it didn't work out. Thank you for the offer but I'm content remaining in my dorm this year. I'll see you after the break, good night." Logan ended the call, putting his phone on 'Do Not Disturb' and placing it face down on his bed.

He stood onto the cool, wooden floor, the temperature was amplified on his bare feet but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He cautiously stepped around the broken glass and carefully picked up the picture frame. As he stared at the picture, he expected to cry, scream, feel anger, sadness, anything. He felt nothing. The picture was nothing.

"I don't know, Virgil. My family has never celebrated and it isn't all that appealing anyways. When I was little, I thought they were holding me back but after seeing the movies and the way other people celebrated, it just doesn't seem like I'm missing out on anything."

"Come on, please? I promise, I will make this the best holiday ever. Especially considering you have nothing else to compare it to so I can't screw it up."

"Fine, just this year though. Because I can't say no to you."

"Aw, you two are so cute, please let me take your picture!"

That Christmas, while fun, still didn't change Logan's mind. He enjoyed spending time with his friends and his boyfriend but he was still a Jehovah's Witness and he was proud of it, he didn't feel the need to conform to his boyfriend's religion for something as simple as a holiday. The picture eternalized the moment, Logan sitting on Virgil's lap with his arms around his neck, bright smiles on their faces. Still full of love and hope, oblivious to the future.

The future where Virgil made an irreversible mistake, where Logan learned the hard way that you can't always trust those you care about the most, where Logan ended things before anyone could get hurt anymore, where he had been ignoring his friends' calls for a week because he couldn't find it in himself to explain the situation to them. Based on what Patton said, Virgil couldn't either.

Logan placed the frame on the side of his desk, staring at the picture for a few seconds more. He wanted to feel something, anything. Virgil called him a freak, amongst other unsavory things. The argument turned from Logan wanting new bedsheets to a competition of who could hurt the other the most.

"Guess you're gonna be here, alone, while I'm with everyone else at Patton's then. Because I am not gonna stay here with you."

"Well you know what? That's just fine, because I never liked Christmas anyways, it sucked last year."

"It sucked because of your negative attitude, and that's saying something coming from me of all people! "Oh, this doesn't make sense. I'm Logan and I don't know what Christmas is!""

"Maybe it sucked because you're an asshole that keeps trying to shove your beliefs down my throat!"

"I wouldn't have to do that if you weren't such a freak! Just celebrate Christmas like a normal person, no one said you had to actually believe in it, just pretend it's a random day to exchange presents!"

"Maybe I like being a so-called 'freak', Virgil. I like being my usual boring self."

"Well maybe if you weren't your usual boring self, I wouldn't have had to cheat on you."

Logan found out Virgil had cheated on him with some guy in Logan's psychology class after they'd had an argument sometime in November. It wasn't one time either, it happened on three occasions before Virgil finally told him. Logan knew he should've felt angry, but he was just hurt. He couldn't blame Virgil for doing it, after all Logan wasn't the easiest person to deal with.

All his life his family, friends, teachers, they'd all complain about how hard it was to connect with him. They'd say Logan wasn't nice to be around, they didn't enjoy his company, he was shocked when Virgil even asked him out. Logan knew it must've been a long time coming, it didn't make it hurt any less.

Logan looked away from the picture and sat back down on his bed, staring out the window. Snowflakes fell slowly, building up at the windowsill.

~~~~

idk if i'll even post this but if i do, i hope you enjoyed! i tried to portray logan's religion correctly, i've had some friends over the years who didn't celebrate holidays and ik it always sucked for them when people would try to "make them normal" like fhfhdk i don't really celebrate but it's less of a religious thing as it is a choice so i wouldn't say i could perfectly convey what it's like :)) anywho, i love you all, stay safe, buh bye!!

12/15/20