Sanders Sides One-Shots

Symphony | Logince

summary: roman was a symphony, logan got so caught up in the music, he didn't realize it had ended

word count: 1118

okay so like you know that song symphony?? it's based on that video so yeah :) i feel like i may as well just upload on sundays from now on dhfkslsk yesterday was really jam packed, i didn't even get to upload my yt video, enjoy this extremely angsty one shot in my absence :)

tw// mentions of death, mention of car crash, crying, sadness, a LOT of grieving

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Logan, a conductor for the local symphony orchestra, never cared for much more than music. He adored composing and conducting new songs for the orchestra to play, the melodies seemed to craft a story right before everyone's eyes, leaving an astonishing show for the audience. There was no feeling that could compare to that.

Except, of course, Roman. Logan met Roman when he first became a conductor about five years ago. Roman mistook the orchestra's theater for the drama theater, he'd gone so far as to sit down and ask if they were doing a classical musical. Logan purposely embarrassed the boy in front of everyone else so he wouldn't come back, it didn't work. Roman thought he was cute so he "accidentally" mixed up the rooms all year, he was late to drama rehearsals every day.

Logan eventually asked Roman out for coffee, intending to reprimand him for interrupting his own rehearsals, but Roman somehow turned the tables on him. He made Logan more flustered and speechless than he'd ever been in his life, Logan didn't like that. He tried to get back at him for the three hours they stayed in the coffee shop. Every time he tried, he was shut down by Roman who had another compliment, another pick-up line, another smooth transition into Logan's heart.

Still determined to not break that easily, Logan invited Roman on more coffee dates throughout the next year. Roman wasn't fazed at all, he could tell Logan was falling for him just as much as he'd fallen for the other. After some time, Logan finally asked Roman out on a proper date to a restaurant at night, instead of their usual coffee shop at 4.

Logan still remembered every detail of that night, the way his heart pounded in his chest through the night, the way Roman's lips curled up to flash his dazzling smile, the way Roman ate in small, calculated bites so he could keep talking to Logan, the way Roman pressed a small kiss to his hand once the night came to an end.

Logan supposed he shouldn't be dwelling on the past. The memories made his chest clench uncomfortably, he gasped for air that didn't seem to exist, sobs wracked his body and tears left scorching red marks down his face.

It had been two weeks since Roman was taken, Logan was grateful he got to tell him he loved him before he went, grateful he didn't leave on bad terms, but it still hurt. Logan had taken a break from his job, knowing he was too emotionally unstable to work right now.

He forced himself off the ground and grabbed his baton, heading to his bathroom mirror. He avoided the reflection of his face, he knew how vulnerable he looked, how sore and puffy his face had gotten after doing nothing but crying for weeks. He got into position and raised the baton, conducting the imaginary orchestra before him.

A sudden memory forced its way into his mind. Just after Roman had moved in with Logan, he began snooping around the house. He found Logan's baton and asked if he could show him how to conduct. Roman held the baton in his right hand, Logan stood behind him and gently gripped Roman's hands, Roman giggled a bit then let Logan lead the way. He moved slowly, as if conducting a slow, sensual song.

Logan broke down in tears once more, he placed his hands on either side of the sink and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to go away. Roman was gone, he was never coming back. There's was no point in mourning him for this long, it just stopped Logan's own life from going on. Logan could hold a grudge against the driver that didn't care about the bike lane, but there was no point. That man would never truly understand just how dull he made the world by taking Roman out of it; if he couldn't understand, Logan couldn't hold it against him.

Logan decided he needed some sleep.

Exhaustion took control of his body the moment his head hit the pillow. Logan knew he could lucid dream, he was always hyper aware of his dreams. That was why he was always jealous of Roman, Roman was never aware he was in a dream, he went on tons of adventures and they were never ruined by his brain telling him that it wasn't real.

Logan walked around and suddenly, he was on stage, ready to conduct. He decided to play the part, if he couldn't do it in real life yet, he could at least try to in a dream. He began conducting a beautiful symphony, the audience applauding as he went. That was usually one of Logan's pet peeves, since he wasn't done with the composition yet, they shouldn't be clapping. But, oddly enough, the applause reminded him of Roman, the applause he'd receive after his performances, how he'd clap when he got excited, how he clapped for Logan any time he did...anything.

The song was finished and the applause abruptly stopped, Logan turned around and the seats were all empty, except one. Roman sat in the center row, lightly applauding with a smile on his face. Logan kept eye contact with him and tried to hold on to the dream. In here, Roman was alive, Roman was real, Roman still existed. Logan didn't want to leave, leaving meant he'd lose Roman all over again.

He was suddenly standing outside of the coffee shop he had invited Roman to so many times. It was night time and the owner was locking up. Roman stood in front of him and cupped his face with one hand, the other holding Logan's hand. "It's okay, Lo. I'm always here, I'll always be with you." Logan didn't understand, Roman was dead, he couldn't always be with him. Was this actually Roman sending a message to Logan? Or was it a cruel image Logan's brain made up to cure his grief? This ghost talked just like Roman would, maybe he was real.

"But you left me, how could you leave me?" Logan whimpered out, like a child. "I did what I was destined to do. My job on earth is done. Just know that I will never stop loving you." Logan could feel his blanket, the pillow, he held onto Roman tighter, he didn't want to leave. Logan felt his arms, his legs, his clothes, his eyes snapped open and he looked around. Roman was gone. Just like a beautiful symphony, he wove himself into the lives of the audience, he told a story and created a show, then he ended all too soon.

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ooookay, i should be doing college work BUT this was really getting to me and it almost made me cry so i had to dhfkslsk sorry. anywho, hope you enjoyed, love you all, stay safe, buh bye!

9/27/20