summary: logan is pressured to be the best, to be stacked with things to do. his friends find out that the pressure is a bit too much for him.
word count: 1276
okay so i think luisa's song on encanto is very fitting for this, not the exact same situation but similar :)) (also, I SAW SPIDERMAN TODAY AHHHH, highly recommend 😌)
tw/cw// sad logan, crying, panic attack, unsympathetic mom, anxious thoughts, yelling
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Straight A's. 'You need to get high honor roll again.' Attendance. 'You need to have perfect attendance again.' Clubs. 'You need to be more involved, you easily have space in your schedule that needs to be filled.'
Logan straightened his tie in the mirror, appearing unfazed as his mind shouted at him, sounding suspiciously similar to his mother.
Once he arrived at school, he immediately dived into his homework, idly listening to his friends talk in the background. "Gosh, Logan, don't you ever relax?" Roman complained. "I can't, Roman. This work is due tomorrow, I've put it off for far too long." There was silence from the group, causing him to look up in confusion. "It was literally assigned yesterday, dude. You didn't put anything off." Virgil stated.
With a sigh, the nerd shrugged and went back to his work.
~~~~
For the next few months, Logan had been hanging out with his friends after school more often, realizing they provided a nice distraction from his hectic thoughts and duties. As he entered his house, a screechy voice calling his name caused him to tense up.
He turned around reluctantly, staring into his mother's eyes in fear. "You have a lot of explaining to do. You have an 87 in physics, one unexcused absence, and apparently you dropped out of three clubs. What's going on with you?" Disappointment dripped from her words, forcing the tears to build in Logan's eyes.
"I just noticed those clubs take up unnecessary time and I don't enjoy being there-" His mother scoffed. "It's not about being happy, Logan. It's about building your resume. I want you to understand how important this is."
The nervous boy squeezed his backpack straps, eyebrows knitted together with anxiety. 'It's now or never.' "I do understand. I-It's just that I've been really...unmotivated these past few years. It's hard to even get out of bed in the morning sometimes. I get emotional over the tiniest things and I've even contemplated doing things to get away from everything." He worded his confession carefully so she wouldn't think he was crazy or broken.
With a tired sigh, his mother placed a hand on his shoulder. "Logan, you're describing sadness and laziness. Trust me, I have plenty of mood swings every now and then but that's no reason to start slipping up. Especially now that you're almost at the finish line."
A surge of confidence burst through Logan as he shoved her hand off his shoulder. "What then? After I graduate high school, you want me to get a doctorates, right? That's another maybe six years. Once that's done, I'll just be searching for a stable job, working my way through to retirement. My teenage years and half of my twenties will be over by then, when is it enough? When do I ever have time to act my age?"
"You can act your age at school, which you've also decided to do outside of school. Don't think I haven't noticed you spending too much time with your friends. This is serious, Logan. I can't believe you'd be this irresponsible and impulsive to favor these meaningless activities over a successful future."
Tears freely ran down Logan's cheeks. He went to retaliate before he scoffed humorlessly at a realization. "I'll never be good enough for you, will I? I have an unexcused absence because I had a panic attack before I had to present in class, I had to go to the nurse. My grades have always been B's but my teachers usually offer enough extra credit to raise it up to an A; extra credit that I've lost sleep over.
"I can never focus in class because I'm constantly worrying about which club I need to go to next, which teacher's homework is due next, what I have to do as soon as I get home. I only get four hours of sleep every day because I'm wondering if I'm making you proud, if I'm doing enough for everyone. But you don't even care. You want me to cover it up like I always do, pretend I'm fine when I'm not."
Pressure built up in Logan's chest as he backed away from his mother, leaving through the front door, his breathing becoming more shallow. "I-I can't do this anymore. I'm done with e-everything." He let out a small sob before running away as fast as he could. His friends, who conveniently lived in his neighborhood, called after him once they noticed his concerning panicked expression. He barely acknowledged their calls as his heart pounded in his ears.
As soon as he arrived at a nearby park, he climbed up the tallest tree, ignoring how his vision faded in and out, how his senses didn't seem to be working. His glasses slipped off his face and hit the ground as he sat on a branch, he didn't care enough to notice. He ran a stressed hand through his hair, pulling at the strands a bit as he sobbed harder.
"Logan, breathe in and out. Can you do that for me?" A soft voice asked from beside him. He gripped the tree bark tightly, trying desperately to control his breathing. "Can I touch you?" Logan nodded, despite not even registering what the person asked. He flinched slightly at the soft hand that rested on his shoulder, relaxing a bit when the hand gently rubbed his back in a soothing circular pattern.
Once his breathing was a bit more within his control, Logan opened his eyes to see his hands, red and slightly bruised from gripping the tree so tightly. He looked over, shocked to realize Remus was the one comforting him. "Do you want to get down now? I can't imagine it's very comfortable having a panic attack in a tree." 'Panic attack? That's not what it was. Just another tantrum thrown by the drama king himself.' Wincing at his thoughts, Logan nodded, gratefully accepting Remus's help in getting down.
He was slightly embarrassed to not only realize he freaked out in front of Remus, but all of his friends too. Virgil handed him his glasses with a concerned smile. "We found these on the floor." Logan nodded, grabbing the glasses and wiping his eyes before sliding them back on.
"Logan? I know you might not want to talk about it. But we need to talk about what just happened, we've never seen you that upset before, kiddo." Patton said softly. "I-I apologize for the inconvenience. I seemed to have lost control of my emotions for a moment there, just being a bit dramatic. Thank you for your assistance, I'll be on my way now." Logan replied quickly before attempting to leave.
Roman gently grabbed Logan's wrist, causing him to turn around and see the sad expression on the normally happy boy's face. "Logan, please. I can't keep pretending we don't see how stressed out you are. There's more to life than success. You don't always need good grades, you don't need to be the best, you just need to be yourself."
As he looked down with more tears forming in his eyes, he whispered, "And what if I don't know who I am?" His friends shared a heartbroken look. "Then we'll help you out."
~~~~
Years later, as Virgil watched Logan laugh at something on a TV show, he realized just how much progress he'd made. They'd discovered Logan's favorite foods, color, shows, movies. They even found his passions, interests, hobbies, everything that made Logan the lovable nerd they got to slowly open up. 'You don't need to prove anything, Lo. You're enough, just as you are.' Virgil thought to himself happily.
~~~~
okayokayokay i took a lot out of this and it's still kinda long sfdjdsk anywho, hope you all enjoyed, can you tell i enjoy logan angst?? 🤠🤠 love you all, stay safe, buh bye!!
12/18/21
YOU ARE READING
Sanders Sides One-Shots
Fanfiction~ every ship except remrom, thomas x sides, and no x reader :) (a lot of poly ships aren't in here but that's just bc there's so many variations that it'd be hard to get all of them djfhksk) ~ NO smut here, just angst and fluff :)) ~ posting on satu...
