Sanders Sides One-Shots

Goner | Prinxiety (Human Roommates AU)

summary: virgil is gone, roman can't handle the loss

word count: 1198

tw// mentions of death, car crash, attempted suicide, panic/anxiety attack, depressive thoughts

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It's true. Virgil is gone. He's never coming back. I just got back from the funeral. I guess between the time I got the call, saw the body, and went to the funeral, it didn't feel real. I expected him to walk out of his room, grab the unfinished poptart in the kitchen and give me that beautiful smirk of his, "Why are you crying, Princey? Did you watch Monster's Inc. again?" I wanted him to tell me to eat something, stop crying. I wanted him to give me a hug, his soft sweater comforting me while he whispers, 'It will be okay.' , and offer to have a hot chocolate Disney night like we used to.

I walk into the kitchen, I'm just now remembering why I haven't gone in here since he left. This kitchen is where we first got to know each other, where we would spend hours talking and making food together, where I realized I loved him...where I got the call from Patton, the day we fought in here. Of course, we had fought before, but that was years ago. We had gotten into small arguments or sometimes bigger ones, but they were never something we couldn't fix. But this time wasn't fixable.

I came home from work and I was really tired, so naturally I was grumpy. I got a glass of water but as I turned around, Virgil bumped into me, shattering the glass on the tile floor. It wasn't until just now that I noticed his hair was messy, his makeup was smudged, and his eyes were red and puffy. I began yelling at him, telling him he's clumsy, unhelpful, unimportant, worthless.

He stared at me, shocked. I knew it was wrong then but I was too angry to take it back. He stormed up to his room then came back down after a couple of minutes and left me alone in the house. He left me alone forever.

I can't control my body, it's moving by instinct, and now I'm in Virgil's room. I go to his bed and notice a leather journal slightly covered by the bed sheets. Almost as if he covered it in a rush. I pick it up and open it, noticing storm cloud doodles on the edges. I smile as tears prick my eyes immediately.

I go to the entry when we first met each other.

Dear journal diary thing,

Today Patton introduced me to his boyfriend's friend, Roman. Why did he introduce us? I recently told him I was looking for a place to stay and he said Roman was looking for a roommate. Of course I'm not gonna move in with a complete stranger, so I asked him to introduce me to him. When I first saw him, he was hot. Seriously. I immediately knew why everyone called him Prince Charming. But then he opened his mouth. And now I want to punch his stupid mouth shut. He's cool and all I guess but he doesn't know when to shut up and he is kinda...extra. I honestly don't know how him and Logan are friends but no one understands how Patton and I are even related so I kinda get it, I guess. I just really hope it all works out because I don't want to keep looking at apartments.

I guess bye?,
Virgil

I smile at his description of me. Always calling me Princey. I flip to another page and another, reminiscing the times we spent together. My smile drops as I reach the dreaded end, the last entry.

Dear journal,

I officially hate today and want it to end already. First I get an anxiety attack and when I come downstairs to talk to Roman and get some water, he insults me, hitting me where it all hurts most. I just need to clear my head right now so I'm going to Pat's after this. I just wanted to write in this first because it usually helps me feel better.

Goodbye,
Virgil

I gulp but the lump in my throat was stuck, never going down. He got in a car crash because of me. It's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been on the streets that day. He wouldn't have been in the way of that truck driver. He would've been at home, calming down and resting in bed. I drop the book on the floor, I can't feel anything. I crumble into a ball in the corner as I violently sob. I can't breathe, I can't see, everything's moving too fast.

It's all your fault.

You're useless and pathetic.

He would still be alive if you didn't exist.

You ruin everything.

He hated you.

You'll never be a hero.

Face it, everyone hates you.

You are a mistake.

No one will ever care about you.

You care about so many people but they never bother to care about you.

They would all be better off without you.

I bet you can't go through with it.

Prove your self wrong.

You're a wimp.

I subconsciously walk to the bathroom and reach for my depression meds. I'm not even thinking at this point. I'm numb.

There you go, do something right for once.

Accomplish something for once in your pathetic life.

I pour out the remaining ten tablets. I stare at them and slowly bring them to my lips.

Good, now swallow them.

You won't regret this.

This'll help take the pain away.

As I am about to swallow them, I feel someone grab me and force me to spit them out. I'm suddenly aware of the world around me. I can hear the person's voice, not ringing anymore. My vision's still blurry from my previous attack but it looks like...Virgil?

"-were you thinking?! I know you're sad Roman but this isn't the way! We can get through this together but you have to let me help you! Please, I'll do whatever it takes. Just stay with me, please." His voice lowered to a whisper as he hugged me tightly. "I already lost my brother, don't let me lose my best friend too." He nuzzled his head into my chest as he was too short to reach any higher. 'It's Patton.' I wrap my arms around him and we both cry for a moment, just relishing each other's company.

"Roman, please promise me you'll let me help you." I nod into his shoulder. He steps back a little and looks at me as I look to the ground, "Do you want to stay at my house for a little while? This place might remind you too much." I sigh and nod. "Okay, and Roman?" I look up at him. "I care about you so much. You are my friend and I will always love you no matter what. And I know you blame yourself for what happened but I can honestly tell you that Virgil wasn't mad at you. He knew you were under a lot of stress and he was too. Virgil loved you, he was in love with you. He could never hate you." I hugged him tight once again and whispered, "Thank you."

~~~~

fun fact: when the thought says 'Prove your self wrong' that space is very much intended. it is supposed to be personifying his self. saying to prove the other thought wrong. that's how much power roman has given to his depressive thoughts. just thought that was a little fun thing to know. hope you enjoyed the chapter though! buh bye!

1/7/19