Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

I'll Do Whatever It Takes

Tyler's P.O.V:

The exam table was uncomfortable, hard, and I couldn't seem to sit still. I glanced around the  room, my leg bouncing up and down, my whole body jittery, more nervous than I anticipated I would be. I had never been a big fan of doctors offices, I didn't even like coming for a routine check up, but today, why I was here, my uneasy feelings were only amplified. It was my first appointment with an OB/GYN, to make sure this baby was really there, that everything was progressing as it should, to find out how far along I was.

The doctor seemed nice enough, listening intently as I explained what had brought me here, my symptoms, the positive home tests, the missed period. She informed me that I would have to take another test, it was common protocol, just to be sure, and after I peed in the cup she left to have it analyzed, leaving me alone in the tiny room, alone with my thoughts, thoughts of the baby, of how scared I was.

I had come to terms with it, the fact that I was pregnant, it hadn't taken long, not at all. I knew I needed to accept it, I had always wanted to have kids, and though this situation wasn't necessarily ideal there was nothing I could do to change it. Acceptance was my only option, and it had come rather easily the more I though about it. The motherly instinct that was in there kicked in, and I was getting used to the thought of being pregnant, of having a baby, a child to love, to love me in return. And now that I knew I wanted this baby all I could think about was how so many things could go wrong, that this could be taken from me, and that couldn't happen, it was my worst nightmare.

Everything that had happened in New York, I had put it behind me. It wasn't easy, not even a little bit; I was still hurt, my heart still ached to think about what had been taken from me without my consent, but the longer that I focused on it, the longer I allowed my mind to dwell on the memories of that day, the worse off I was, the more I hated myself, and I needed to nip it in the bud before it got any worse. So I did just that, I put my thoughts to rest, put it in the past with the rest of the memories I no longer needed, and I made a promise to myself to move on, for me, for this baby, and for my family. For Austin.

It had been four days since I came home to L.A., and I hadn't spoken to Austin, not once. He had called several times, texted every few hours, but I wasn't ready to talk to him, I still didn't know what to say. I wasn't mad at him, not anymore, I was just - I was lost, I had lost myself, and I couldn't talk to him, not yet. I missed him, though, more than I imagined I would. I needed him, now more than ever, and it wasn't easy to be here without him, to go through all of these emotions alone, but it was what I needed to do, I knew that, and I hoped he understood that. But being here, in his house, in our house, without him, seeing the pictures of us sitting around, I realized how much I needed him home, how much I wanted to hug him, to tell him I loved him.

I only hoped that he was coming to terms with this too, like I was, that he wasn't putting too much thought into the fact that there was a slight chance this baby might not be his. It was, I just had a feeling; or maybe it was just me hoping that it was, praying with everything in me that we had created this baby together, that it had stemmed from our love for each other, not from a situation where I was taken advantage of, humiliated, broken into a million pieces. But no matter what, no matter how this baby was conceived, it was my baby, it was growing inside of me, and I was falling in love with it already. I couldn't help but wonder if Austin would be able to do the same. 

A knock on the door startled me, and I drew my gaze upwards just in time to see the source of the noise enter the room. "Austin?" I questioned in total shock, my face etched with confusion. "What are you - how did you-"

Austin closed the space between us quickly, grasping my face in his hands, his lips finding mine; I kissed back eagerly, practically melting at the guesture. I had missed him so much, the feeling of his lips, his scent, his touch. "Aaron told me about your appointment, and I - I had to be here, I wouldn't miss it for anything," he said as he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, answering my poorly formed question. My lips upturned slightly, a small smile taking residence on my face. Of course Aaron told him; he had promised me he would talk some sense into Austin, make him understand the situation; he was always looking out for me.

"Austin, I-" I tried to speak, there were so many things I wanted to tell him, but he cut me off, pulling a chair up next to the table, grabbing my hand tightly in his.

"Please, babe, I need to get this out. I am so sorry, Ty, for everything. The things I said to you - I was scared and unprepared, I didn't know what to think, but that is no excuse, there is no excuse for how I reacted." He was looking into my eyes as he spoke; I could tell he was sincere. "I don't know what else to say, Ty, but - I love you, more than you will ever know; you are mine forever, and nothing will change that. What I'm trying to say is - no matter what, this baby is mine, whether it really is or not, it's my baby. I'm not going anywhere."

A tear slid from my eye as he spoke the words that I had been dying to hear, the words that put my fears to rest. "I love you," I whispered. He leaned in once again, his lips grazing mine. Heat coursed through my body, my heart swelling, but not because of the kiss, not this time, but because of the sensation of his hand resting on my stomach, cradling the tiny little being that wasn't even visible yet.

"Alright, Ms. Rhodes - Oh, sorry to interrupt," the doctor exclaimed as she stepped through the door, shutting it behind her. Austin stood up and stuck his hand out to her.

"Sorry I'm late. I'm Austin, I'm - the father." She shook his hand and I watched them with a smile. Hearing him say it outloud to someone else, it was indescribable. That small guesture, those 3 measly words, they meant more to me than any other words that had ever fallen from his lips.

"It's great to meet you, Austin, I'm glad you were able to make it." Austin flashed her a smile and sat back down, his hand finding mine once again, squeezing it tightly, reassuringly. "Well, first thing's first, Tyler, you are definitely pregnant. And based on the results it seems you are almost 10 weeks along, which would put the conception date in.....about early-December." My body immediately relaxed; all of the worrying, it was for nothing. 10 weeks, 2 and a half months, early-December. The time frame didn't match up with when I had been raped, but it did match up with when Austin came to New York, the night that we got back together. I could see him beaming out of the corner of my eye, his smile so bright it practically lit up the entire room. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on my temple. "And before I let you guys go I'd like to take a quick peek at what we have going on in there, to make sure everything is going swimmingly." I nodded and she leaned me back on the table, lifting my shirt, exposing my stomach.

Austin interlaced his fingers with mine as he watched her every move, as she squirted the warm gel on my belly, placing the transducer probe down near my uterus, spreading the gel around. It felt weird, the pressure on my abdomen, as she pressed down with enough force to generate the image. Both Austin and I directed our attention to the screen, watching the black and white images change as she moved the probe around, neither one of us really sure what exactly we were looking for. She pointed out certain things to us, my ovaries, my cervix, the placenta, and finally, before we saw anything, a quick, pounding rhythm rang out from the machine, catching my attention, and I looked over at the doctor.. "That right there is your baby's heartbeat. It's strong, it has a good beat. It sounds fantastic," Dr. Taylor commented. She stopped moving the probe and pointed at something on the screen, something so small it was almost invisible; it was a little black dot, out of place amongst the rest of the images. "And that little tiny dot, that's your baby." I stared at the screen, mesmerized. Austin stroked my hair and I looked over at him, his eyes welling with tears as he gazed in awe at the screen. He looked down, looking right into my eyes, and flashed me a smile as a tear fell down his cheek.

"That's our baby, Ty," he muttered, and I smiled through my tears.

This was really happening, Austin and I were going to be parents, and right now, in this doctors office, on this uncomfortable table,  was the happiest moment of my entire life.