Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Not Much Here Outweighs the Pain

"He-he called me into his office, and he was acting all weird, too friendly. He told me I had a good voice and that I was special and had a place in the music business, but then - he told me that he thought I was good looking, and I got really uncomfortable and when I tried to leave he wouldn't let me go. He trapped me, and then - and then....." I couldn't finish the sentence; I had barely heard myself as I spoke, I didn't really know what all I had just said, but I knew I couldn't say anymore.

"That fucking bastard, I swear to God-" he paused, standing up, pacing the lounge back and forth, his fists clenched tightly at his side, his body tense. "How could this happen...." He was thinking out loud to himself. He stopped and turned to look at me. "Tyler you have to tell him."

"No!" I responded, shouting loudly, pulling my face from my hands to look at him. "No, Aaron, please. He can't know. He'll hate me."

"No he-"

"Aaron please! I can't lose him, I can't. Just please, don't tell anyone, okay? Please?" I begged with him, pleaded; Austin couldn't know, not yet. I wasn't ready for that. He rubbed at his face with his hands, seemingly wrestling with the option. I looked at him, right into his eyes, asking him not to say anything. He nodded his head hestitantly.

"Okay." That was all he said. "Tyler I'm- I'm so sorry. I can't-" he stopped, not knowing what else to say. "I have to get back to the signing. We'll be back soon, okay, just please- take care of yourself." He flashed me a small smile, and exited the bus just as quick as he had came.

I walked off to the bathroom, eyeing my swollen, puffy face in the mirror. The tears were falling slower now. I had hoped that by telling someone, that by getting it off my chest, I would feel better, I would begin to heal.

But I felt worse than ever now that Aaron knew. I felt disgusting and worthless, and the pain - it was amplified. I rested my hands on the edge of the counter in the small bathroom. My eyes, they spotted something, something that seemed to quiet my mind.

I wasn't really thinking, all I knew was it needed to stop. I grabbed Austin's razor and broke it apart, ripping the plastic until there was only an exposed blade. I held it in my hands, the shiny metal glistening as the overhead light refracted off of it.

I held it to my arm, taking a deep breath, contemplating whether or not to open those old wounds again.

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Austin's P.O.V:

"Aww, I love you too. Of course you can have a picture," I said with a smile, leaning down so I was in the frame as the young girl's friend snapped a picture of the two of us on her phone. "Thank you." I hugged her and she walked off. I looked up to see Aaron making his way towards me; he looked like he was on a mission. His body was tense, his face pale and blank. It worried me. He had disappeared shortly before the signing, and now - he was acting awfully strange. He walked over to me and stopped.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? It's important?" His voice was stern, his eyes full of anger and hate. I furrowed my brow in confusion and apologized to the waiting fan, following him a few feet away where we could speak in private.

"Dude, what's going on? You disappeared and now you're acting really strange," I questioned, staring at him intensely. "Dude?"

"Okay, listen. You know that I don't break trust and I don't go around telling people what someone else told me. But, Austin, this is serious." His face matched his tense words.

"Okayyyy. Aaron, what's wrong?" I was pressing him to finish what he had started.

"It's Tyler." Those two words I wasn't expecting. "I went to the bus to check on her. She's not okay." I crossed my arms over my chest, my heart began to race, my mind wandering to the millions of things that could be wrong with her.