if people weren't staring at me right now, my jaw would've dropped right then and there.
anthony walked over to me and shook my hand. it was just so awkward.
i haven't texted him AND i flirted with him a couple of days ago. my parents guide the familes to the dinning table.
kat and i went to sit down, the sitting arrangement was weird around the table. we didn't put seats at the head of the table because we thought it wouldn't be even.
kat sat to my right, and mattia was sitting across of me, anthony was sitting next to mattia. there was so much tension between me and them.
but i tried to stay as calm as i could. i thought i was going to pass out, the room felt so small and so hot.
the problem with me and mattia was that he acted like he cared about me when i had my anxiety, and then he would go back to his girlfriend like nothing happened.
i don't understand him at all, but i try not to think about it too much.
anthony is different, we aren't much of a thing but there's something there. i have no idea what it is but it's so awkward.
the fact that he's in my house right now, eating our food is just weird. i haven't texted him in days and it makes me feel like an asshole.
"let's eat!" my dad said.
breaking my train of thought, i looked over to were the food was being past and then i looked at kat.
i think she realized that i was overthinking and i was beginning to panic a bit. she put her hand on my arm, trying to comfort me.
it helped a little but, my thoughts were all over the place.
we began serving ourselves, once we all had our food everyone began to eat. i kept picking my food, my nerves were going everywhere.
i glanced at my mom and she gave me that spanish scary look, like 'ya vas a ver', once i saw that i was like okay i need to eat a little.
i started to eat and there was silence between all four of us. we just were hearing the conversation between the parents, even though we didn't understand what they were talking about.
i even think kat felt so awkward because she knew about anthony, also how weird mattia has been acting around me, and he's been commenting on my instagram posts.
and things like we were never a thing. mattia and i had a calm and cute relationship, we never had sex, we just never talked about it.
but we did do other stuff, i think he was just scared since i was a virgin back then and he wasn't.
my train of thought was interrupted by kat clearing her throat. she looked at me and then looked at the boys. she was telling me that i should talk to them.
i shook my head softy and she did not take no for an answer. she raised both of her eyebrows and moved her eyes and her head slightly towards the boys.
i shook my head a bit harder.
"no." i whispered.
"yes." she whispered back.
she tapped my hand lightly, i knew she wasn't going to stop until i said something. my anxiety started going from my stomach to my throat.
i felt like i was going to be sick again, but i couldn't just leave the table. i felt a lump in my throat as i was about to speak.
my mouth felt dry and i took my cup and drank a sip of my water, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"um so anthony, how do our parents know each other?" i said, as loud as my anxiety would let me.
that was a dumb question, how is he supposed to know if i don't even know, once those words came out of my mouth i immediately regretted it.
i saw all three of their eyes just staring at me, making me even more nervous than i was. i grab my thigh and pinched my skin to help me not panic out loud.
"uh i really don't know they said that, they meet during their last business trip." anthony said.
"oh." i said.
i didn't know what else to say, this was literally a nightmare, it was so awkward. i wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
I'm usually not this awkward, I'm known to be outgoing. but since i happen to know both of these boys it was hard to not be awkward.
i felt bad for kat, if i were her i would've left already. my anxiety was still growing, it was causing panic throughout my whole body.
i was so overwhelmed, i just didn't know what to say or talk about with these two. i looked down at my food, and realized that i barely touched it.
it was definitely the nerves getting to me. my mom was going to be mad, after this. i stayed silent just looking at my food.
i tried to take some deep breathes, but i also didn't want to cause attention. my hands started to tremble, and i began to get chills over my body.
kat noticed, she noticed that i was beginning to get an attack.
"um, mrs. guerra diana is feeling a bit...under the weather. can i take her to her room?" kat asks my mother.
i saw that all the attention was on me now, one of the worst things that you can do when someone was starting to have a full anxiety attack.
"yes kat, I'll be up there in a couple of minutes." my mother sighed as she said that.
as i was getting up to leave the table, i glanced over at mattia and anthony.
anthony had confusion written all over his face, and mattia had concern on his face.
"diana are you okay?" mattia asks.
anthony looked at him and furrowed his eyebrows. i gave mattia a weak smile, i was hoping kat would answer for me and she did.
"she'll be fine." she said.
i thought this whole thing was a bit dramatic, but it was better if i left than if i stayed there. it would've probably have gotten worse.
kat and i turned around and went up the stairs. the parents picked off in their conversation. this was embarrassing i hated that.
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AUTHORS NOTES
bit dramatic wasn't it.
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xoxo
