DIANAS POV
i woke up as soon as i felt someone's hand holding onto mine. i wasn't fully awake, i was still a little loopy as tired from all the medication the nurse gave me.
then i heard them say something, "Im sorry, why do i always let you down." they said, and by the sound of their voice i knew it was mattia. his voice was deep and raspy, i heard him sniffling.
he was upset and i didn't really understand why, he never let me down and me being in the hospital isn't his fault either.
after he said what he said he squeezed my hand a little tighter. as an instinct i squeezed his hand twice. he looked at me a with couple of tears in his eyes.
instantly i felt bad. i immediately sat up pretty quickly, making me feel a little lightheaded and dizzy. i grabbed my head from the pain.
i felt mattias hand tense up and i felt his body get up from where he was sitting. "I'm okay" i said. he didn't let go of my hand, he just held it tighter.
he sat back down and i finally felt stable again. i let go of my head and look over to where mattia was sitting. i saw a tear or two on his face.
i immediately leaned towards his face. i used my free hand to wipe the tears from his face, although this was a little bit strange it was an instinct for me to wipe someone's tears.
He seemed very confused by my actions but he didn't move and prevented me from doing it. "why are you crying?" I asked him. He seemed embarrassed, his blood rose to his cheeks and now they were a little more red.
he looked away from me and didn't make eye contact with me. he sniffled and didn't answer my question. I searched for his eyes and I couldn't seem to get a hold of them. "I hate the fact that you are here, you are here in pain and I wasnt there to help you." he says bluntly.
I thought about what he said for a long minute and he looked backed at me. he saw my face and how I was thinking about what he said.
he gave me a soft smile, I was not expecting a soft smile but I gave him one back.
"me being here is not your fault, its mine. You can expect me to need you every time something happens to me, yes in the past terrible things happened to me and I needed you. But mattia you can be there all the time to protect me. thank you for everything but I did this to myself, even though I didn't mean to." I say.
I sat back into my bed and mattia looked defeated, both of our soft smiles faded.
I didn't mean to make him feel bad in any kind of way I just needed to say that because he blames himself every time I have something bad happen to me. he can be blaming himself because i do things to myself.
"im sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I said, I should've made it sound better but also not really I shouldn't sugar coat things.
"no its okay, you're right about it." he said. after he said that his phone started ringing from his pocket, he took out his phone from his pocket and I read the id that was on his screen.
tati was calling him. he looked at me and then looked at the phone. "i'll be right back." he said in a firm tone. I gave a very soft nod, for some reason it angered me that he was going to take the call.
I shook it off because I shouldn't be mad about the fact that he has a girlfriend.
its not like he didn't kiss me and is here leading me on still. nah I have no reason to be upset about him taking his girlfriends call, right?
I kept repeating in my head that I shouldn't be mad about this, I started to overthink which I shouldn't have, I heard the heartbeat machine going faster and faster making me panic about the fact that the nurse could arrive and put me to sleep again.
I wanted to avoid that so I laid on the bed and curled myself up into a ball and hugged myself. I tried to calm myself down hoping it would help, I saw a pink teddy bear next to the chair that mattia was sitting in. I grabbed the big teddy bear and hugged it.
soon I started breathing in a box formation, my eyes became more heavy every time I took a deep breath in. I soon drifted off asleep again and dreamed of black. again very sad about the dreams I was having recently.
MATTIAS POV
once I finished my sentence with diana, I got a phone call from my girlfriend tati who has been calling me all day today, I was honestly getting annoyed by it. It was getting to be too much, and I was not having it anymore.
"I'll be right back" I said to diana. I was honestly pretty upset with what she said to me but she was right about everything I am pretty protected over her. I go outside if the hospital room, I was close enough to keep and eye on her and far enough so she can't hear me talking on the phone.
"hello?" I said in a firm tone, I was honestly upset with her but I didn't want to lash out my anger, that's the last thing I would do to a girl. "where are you, I've been calling you all day!?! why haven't you answered my calls?!?" she said yelling through the phone.
I stayed calm and made sure my voice was calm. "I am at the hospital. diana is sick." I said, short and firmly.
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AUTHORS NOTES
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