"okay." I said. he looked at me and I think he thought that I had a sad face but I was justing thinking. he used his hand closest to me and placed it on my cheek.
I jumped a little, it was surprising. he felt my little jump and pulled his hand back a bit and then placed it back on my cheek.
I looked at him, very confused. "you look tired." he says. my eyes widen a bit. It was unexpected, but I was tired.
"are you tired?" he asks a second later. I nodded, his hand drops from my cheek and lands on his lap. he got up and starting picking up the food that was left on the table.
while he's throwing things out and putting the chairs aways he says, "you should lay down and sleep on the bed, when you wake up your parents are going to be here and i'll be home."
for some reason that sentence that he said bummed me out, I don't really know why, my emotions were a little all over the place.
"okay, make sure you say hi to your parents for me." i said. "only if you'll come and visit, once you start to feel better." he says.
"I'll come visit just tell me when its a good time to." I said. I walk over to the side of the bed and climb into it.
I grab the teddy bear that was given to me, and began to warp my legs and arms around it. and within a couple of minutes I fall asleep.
MATTIAS POV.
I clean up while diana is sleeping. I smile to myself and I hear her breathing peacefully. I move the chairs back to where they were before. and I sat in my chair. I looked at diana, and she looked like a baby.
she swaddled her self, she would do that all the time im guessing it would help her feel safe. when I would get home from games or helping at my parents restaurant, I would tell her to come over to my house for a bit.
when she was at my house she would lay on my bed like a swaddle baby, I never really gave it a thought, but I realize now that it would help her cope.
the teddy bear seemed to help too, she held it tight, like how a child would hold their favorite teddy bear so that they won't loose it. A guilty feeling was starting to come in my chest again.
I was feeling guilty because after we broke up I wonder how she coped with it. I knew really knew how she felt, I know that I was angry and heart broken but I knew stopped myself and thought I wonder how diana is feeling.
but at the same time I thought she was fine since she's the one who ended things. but I also know that she wasn't at her best at the time, she was dealing with so much stress and I believe that my selfish acts could've made her feel more stressed.
I regret trying to cope with the heart break by talking to tati, she was toxic and I never really noticed until today. I realized that my mind was going all over the place, I was looking back into the past and I felt sad.
I remember how happy we both were, I regret not trying hard enough to keep her, to keep her safe from any harm. she's been hurt many times from boys and I wasn't there to help her through it.
am I still in love with her?
no you aren't mattia, she doesn't even love you back. I say to myself. I dont know what was going on through my brain. while I was having this thought in my brain, diana moves her self and now she has her back away from me.
I sigh, and look for a napkin and a pen. my brain has too many thoughts and I decided to write them down and give it to diana when she wakes up.
I write dear diana, and immediately cross it out. I thought it was so stupid and corny, so I did many different headings and none of them seemed to be right so I just left it as diana, she's going to see so many mistakes but I didn't care I just wanted her to read it.
diana,
right now im in the hospital room that you are sleeping in, somehow I can't stop my brain. from wondering. I keep thinking about our past and how happy we were. I noticed that you still swaddle yourself when you sleep, just like a baby. you used to do that when you would sleep at my house, or wait for me come home. I am sad, about the fact that we ended, not only the way we did but why we did. I understand that you were having trouble with your mental help but I just wished you didn't push me away or I wished that I tried harder. so many things happened to you while I was gone, and I regret not being there for you. you were the best thing that happened to me and I let you go.
a couple of tears begin to fall on my cheek and I let them fall where ever they want to.
I miss everything that we did together. I miss how you would scrunch you nose or pull your eyebrows together when you were mad, it would always make me laugh. I miss being able to have you in my arms, I miss you smile. all im trying to say is that I miss YOU. and I noticed that my feelings for you never disappeared the were just pushed aside. I love you and I will always love you.
mattia.
it took me a while to write the note but once I was finished I went to the sleeping diana and placed the written napkin in her palm. I check the clock and her parents were going to come in, in any minute.
once they came in, I talked to them a bit and I left.
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AUTHORS NOTES
i hope you enjoyed this part!!
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