"so what's wrong?" mattia asks me and he moves closer to me. "I don't really know it just feels weird but, im going to go out anyways." I reply.
"you'll be okay diana, if you feel anxious just come to me, I'll try to help." he says. I nod and then he gets up and walks towards the door. he stops his tracts and looks back at me "did you read the note?" he says.
I looked at him a little bit confused, "uhh, how did you know about that?" I say. I saw blood go up to his cheeks causing them to look red. "hmm, nevermind I'll meet you downstairs." he says rushing out my room.
well that was awkward. maybe I should read that note, maybe mattia wrote it or maybe someone else did.
I look around my room trying to remember where I left it and, then I remember the last time I was in the room I was here with kat and she asked about the note.
I go to the nightstand and i look for the note, I eventually find it and I hold the note in my hand as I lock the door, I lock it just in case anyone unknown wants to come in.
I sit on my bed and lay down, then I open the note and begin reading it. at first I was a bit confused but then I understood what I was reading.
it made me a bit upset, mattia was very loving and soft and I did miss him being in my life, but he just got out of a relationship.
I think that it would hurt him even more if he keeps what he's feeling bottled up. I tried not to cry because I had makeup on but I still felt like crying.
I knew what he was feeing, because I felt the same. somehow I just felt like being curled up in ball on my bed. all the feelings that I pushed aside and ignore came flooding back.
it was all coming like a river and I didn't prepare for it. I didn't know what to do but I did what I knew would comfort me. I curled up into a ball and began to think.
I was thinking on what I should do or what I should say to him. I honestly didn't know what to do and it was bothering me.
my mind kept wondering and wondering; I began to overthink this whole situation, from all the nerves I began playing with my hands and started picking at my nails.
I didn't even want to go out downstairs anymore, I needed to think of a solution in my head before I went downstairs.
I guess I was in my room for a while because I heard someone knock on my door. "diana? its me, alavro." I hear behind my door.
I slowly get up from my bed; not wanting to get up but I somehow found myself opening the door.
I open the door and walk back to my bed and sit down on it. "why aren't you coming downstairs?" he asks me.
"n..nothing I'll be down there in a bit, I just need a little bit of space." I say. I just didn't want to give him the real reason why I wasn't going down yet.
"okay come down soon, I'll be worried if you don't." he says before walking out if my room and closing the door behind him.
I get up from my bed and put the note into the drawer inside my nightstand, I close it shut and I walk by my full length mirror.
I put on my shoes and I look at myself in the mirror for a couple of seconds, to make sure I was looking presentable at least.
I had a doorknob that has a lock and key to it. so I take the key from my room and while leaving my room I lock my door behind me.
I walk downstairs and saw more people in my house more than there was before. I immediately regretted getting out of my room, I felt my anxiety fill up body.
don't panic. don't panic.
I should get out more... I say to myself.
I tried to stay calm, I was hoping that nobody saw me go down the stairs. I looked down at the floor and I tried not to do something that would attract attention to me.
I started to play nervously with my hands and I started to pick at my nail polish again...I literally just got my nails done but this is what happens when i'm put into a situation that I don't want to be in.
my living room was filled with unknown people and so was my kitchen. I was planning on going into my kitchen to grab a drink; but I soon backed out once I realized that there was too many people in there.
they were all drinking and I felt even more uncomfortable; when a guy was basically thrown at me. he seemed like he was blacked out drunk. he reeked of alcohol almost like he bathed in it.
I wanted to vomit and I didn't even take a drink. "hey babe, what's you're name?" he said, he began to get touchy with me.
I felt more anxiety build up in my heart and throat. But I had this urge to just slap it, I told myself that I can't keep being weak I have to learn to defend myself from these things.
I slapped him as hard as I could and I pushed him off me. "don't ever touch me again." I say in a confident tone. it felt good.
but suddenly my anxiety rises again because he got up from where he was sitting and then attention was drawn onto us. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of chest.
I saw the guy come closer to me looking angry. he looked like he was going to commit murder. I prepared myself as much as I could for what was about to happen.
-
-
AUTHORS NOTES
thanks for reading!!
if you guys want to be a part of this book, pls send me a b&w photo of mattia, and I'll put it as the picture of this weeks part. you'll get credit but pls dm me on Instagram: nypolibio.
photo creds: lanisvibin
make sure you follow me and ex boyfriend for updates!!
xoxo
